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MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 2:02:47 AM

SheffieldPair

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/14/2007
Status: offline

Is it just us or have others found that a lot of male submissives are married and playing away from home. On other sites we are amazed at the number of subs applying to us who add "can not have marks" "must be discreet" "can only meet during daytime" etc etc. Is this just a UK problem or is it found elsewhere.

We think we know the answer to this but we think it will be nice to get an international opinion

Post #: 1

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 2:34:05 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Married men cheat? I'm shocked.

It's not just subs, btw - I've had Doms who told me, with such charm, that they wanted me to be a bit on the side.

(in reply to SheffieldPair)

Post #: 2

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 2:43:10 AM

SheffieldPair

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/14/2007
Status: offline

LOL, we can well believe that its both that do this, just be nice to find a sub that doesnt have to hide their needs from loved ones etc

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 3

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 3:13:41 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greeting to all

i find that when a married man come to us and wish to have the experience. but no marks it makes me laugh. the one thing i will not do is go to a married man. i have enough sins and i will not go to hell for anyone trust me i believe this yes i am a Christian. plus can anyone of us woman want to hurt another woman? the feeling of hurt i just could not do this to a family. the shock would certainly make her run and hide the shame . this is from my view of a friend who know i am a domme i see her looks at times. she is my Friend but the shock is on her face at times. so i just can not see hurt another in a emotional way

take care

mons

(in reply to SheffieldPair)

Post #: 4

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 3:45:09 AM

MrsWallis

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

To me this lifestyle is about honesty and trust

Someone who cheats on thier partner defiles the whole meaning of D/s for me, if he can lie to his chose partner in life... you know the one who he has exchanged married vows with probably has children too he will lie to you too.... basically he is a Liar of the worse kind and certainly not trustworthy.

I feel the same about women too before someone comments.

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 5

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 4:07:00 AM

MissIsis

Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

It is not just in the UK. It is here in the good old "moral" US, even among men who call themselves moral Christians, & right wing politicians. It is extremely common with dominants as well as submissives.

They justify it because their SO, in their eyes, won't meet or even try to meet the D/s needs. I honestly believe many don't see it as cheating. Also, many dominants will suck in new submissives by convincing them of their dominance. Quite frankly, if someone is married & sneaking around to get their needs met, they are for whatever reason, not able to be true to themselves, & are submissive to whatever or whoever keeps them from being honest.

Anyway, the point is, married men are cheating everywhere & in every title we could come up with.

(in reply to MrsWallis)

Post #: 6

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 4:29:18 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Why are the men being picked on. What about all the married women on here also. Is this lifestyle just for single people? What does leaving marks on someone mean?

(in reply to MissIsis)

Post #: 7

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 4:43:28 AM

MamaDomme

Posts: 283
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline

>>fast reply<<

I don't care for cheating at all, whether it be from male or female, Dominant or submissive. It just speaks volumns about the character of the person doing the cheating. The total dishonesty and lack of respect is a huge turn-off for me.

If the person is married, or involved in a relationship, and are honest with the other partner's permission (I check), then it is different and I will scene with them.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 8

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 5:46:53 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Why are the men being picked on. What about all the married women on here also. Is this lifestyle just for single people? What does leaving marks on someone mean?

i'm married, but my husband knows.

marks= bruising, hickeys, welts, red marks, scratches

kitten, who always has bruises fading over the next week after Sir visits...

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 9

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 6:03:12 AM

MasterLordguru

Posts: 73
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline

Being a single Man, And I leave the labels of Master or Dominant to those who are most qualified to answer it for me, I am a person who believes Depth of character and intergrity make the person we are reflective to who we present to others.
Honesty is a beuatiful thing. But one person's honesty may be another person's deceit. Married, Single, Attached.. they are labels that sometimes causes us to be in pain and does harm to others.

If I was to ever be married, it would be a an open mindset. Polyamarous in mindset and even in play, but never to create any harm to the structure of the relationship. I agree that many Married MEN are looking for something on the side. For them.. this is not a lifestyle choice. It is a KINK choice. and this is where they can live those pent up aggressions that they so desperately need. It is the same with woman who must play "discreetly"

Let me tell you something as a man who has had his fair share of married woman. WE only desire them becuase it is the complete abandonment of true control. The risk of getting caught, the chance of being discovered and exposed, create an atmosphere of constrained and explosive release. That is why People cheat. It is why I have done it in the past. I have even taken them in their own bed to emphasize the point that I have taken their most sacred of things. IN hindsight.. I find that distrubing now. Becuase I was used as much as I used them. And that is something I dont enjoy feeling.

In this lifestyle, one must be honest becuase it is the foundation that we build our relationships on. But to all those married men and woman who have to be discreet. this is not the foundation they want. They desire the intense, shallow, live for the moment experience. For some, this is the only way. And for that I respect you. And for those who can't accept it or desire it.. Just remember that you dont have to let it happen in your own relationship. Be who you are.. and let the world pass you by.

Passing judgement is another thing, that we need to let go off. Not all of us will agree. Just let those who disagree with you know your opinion and then move on.. dont give it a second thought.

_____________________________

IDIC: Infinate Diversity in Infinate Combinations

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” ~~Tao Te Ching

(in reply to adoracat)

Post #: 10

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 6:06:06 AM

kshearsecouple

Posts: 171
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

Well I have about the same view. Cheaters suck in my opinion for what it's worth anyway. My husband and I are both in this together so to speak. No hiding no sneaking.

(in reply to adoracat)

Post #: 11

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 6:18:47 AM

Jayxkes

Posts: 138
Joined: 7/8/2004
Status: offline

There are those, as highlighted above, who are cheating. There are also those who have discussed the whole thing with their partner and come to an agreement that they can play but must not return home marked, be discovered by friends and family, etc., etc.

Both groups exist in pretty well every type of dating community. Probably in every country as well.

(in reply to SheffieldPair)

Post #: 12

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 6:21:49 AM

YourShyPet

Posts: 185
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline

Finds Doms who are married, and sneaking around behind their wives backs .... OH SO VERY DOMINANT... (rolls eyes, and snorts... giggles).

_____________________________

kittin

http://www.myspace.com/daddys_kittin

(in reply to Jayxkes)

Post #: 13

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 6:25:37 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I don't judge what someone does, my problem is when so many married Doms approach me when I specificially say NO MARRIED MEN in my profile. And those are usually the ones who have no profile or neglect to mention they are married in it. It irritates me to engage in a conversation only to find out they are married or worse, they lie.

(in reply to YourShyPet)

Post #: 14

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 6:38:42 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

It isn't a UK phenonmenon. It's very common for a "sub male seeking" a Domme on the side of his primary relationship - if he's not married, you also need to make sure he doesn't have a girlfriend if you were looking for a more exclusive relationship. While certainly some have open agreements with their spouse/partner, most do not.

It used to really irritate me, but I've gotten a little more philosophical over time - rather, I look at it as there being a lot of people you have to sort through that are not going to be a good match before you find one that will.

There are really only two things that piss me off about it - when the married/involved folks aren't up front with me about their status, although it often becomes apparent through conversation, and when they don't take a "no thank you" for an answer.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 8/15/2007 6:40:36 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to YourShyPet)

Post #: 15

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 7:26:03 AM

fungasm

Posts: 321
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline

Another way to look at things: two people in the late 1970s/Early 1980s get married- either in college or just after. They are in love, and they think that their partner will fit into the life they imagine at 22.   They begin a family and they begin careers. They have rough times and good times. Twenty-five years pass. The house is almost paid for. They are closing in on retirement.   The UMs are out of the house or old enough so the parents are simply the wallets on the periphery.

Then one partner "suddenly decides" they want something more. Now everyone here knows it's not sudden, it was years of thoughts/desires/cravings.   Perhap they were 30 when the cravings started... so it's been 17-20 years that they have imagined submission or domination as a part of their life.   One partner wants an experience (and one which is inheirently sexual) that is considered inappropriate by most societal standards.   (Bondage? Sodomy? Play that has the word torture in it? CBT/NT...)   So this person hints at it with their partner, possibly mentioning the most gentle of acts: "how about a blindfold during sex this week honey?" Then they are chastized, and possibly not get any that week. Or the next. Their partner is emotionally invested in their status quo, and feel genuinely hurt by the need for something more. Why aren't they enough anymore? Is it because they are growing older? You can see the partner's point of view. They married someone under a certain scenarion. They held up their end of the bargain. For 25 years they lived the life they agreed to. They think it's not fair that things change now. And our egos as we approach 50 can be fragile things.

So now one partner has things they want, things they didn't even know they wanted before they got married, things which aren't possible with their partner. Now they don't want to leave their partner. They really don't want to hurt their partner. They love this person. They want to stay married and preserve those years, those memories. They don't want to upset the applecart, hurt their children, lose their job, or anything else. They just want to explore those cravings of bdsm. They don't want to die and feel like there is something they haven't done.

It doesn't matter what gender the explorer is.   How do you do it without hurting your partnership? (Unless you have been in a really long marriage, don't tell me that exploring doesn't hurt the relationship. There comes a time when buying the wrong shampoo hurts the relationship- or at least causes unpleasant friction... because nothing is as fun as spending an evening defending yourself that you still love this person, even though you don't care enough to pay atttention enough to what their needs are- even when it comes to shampoo. Sound trivial- it is, except when one's self esteem is bound to another in that fashion.)

Just put yourself, for a moment, in their shoes- and tell me what you think a solution is.

It's not the dynamic I want in my personal life- but I have toys in my professional life who are married. Since I don't see them in person, I don't feel I'm going to hell for it.

Alison

_____________________________

"Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it, but that's not the reason we're doing it." (Richard Feynman)

Blog: http://antidomme.sensualwriter.com

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 16

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 8:06:48 AM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

Im sorry. I may have this wrong. The original poster sounds like someone in a professional service. "we are amazed at the number of subs applying to us". If thats the case, what does it matter if a paying individual is married?

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 17

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 8:25:45 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

kinksters or not, i get a flood of IM messages every spring from married men from my area looking for a woman to play as the weather gets warm. it gives them an "excuse" in why they're coming home late from the office.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to SheffieldPair)

Post #: 18

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 8:35:12 AM

needs2beused

Posts: 22
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline

Thank you! I was begininng to think I was insane for thinking this. When I say this (and it is in my profile also) they never seem to get it. If she/he can't trust why can i? Seemed easy enough to me!
And if you aren't happily married for whatever reason and it can not be fixed, leave!

(in reply to MrsWallis)

Post #: 19

RE: MARRIED MEN AND THE SCENE - 8/15/2007 8:46:36 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrsWallis

.. you know the one who he has exchanged married vows with probably has children too he will lie to you too.... basically he is a Liar of the worse kind and certainly not trustworthy.

OMG, here come the platitudes........

(in reply to MrsWallis)

Post #: 20

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