RE: Why are most women subs?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Why are most women subs?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Why are most women subs?

Page: << < prev 2 3 4 5 [6]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Why are most women subs? - 10/24/2007 10:33:10 AM

AEslaveM

Posts: 126
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

i agree with Celeste in that in my own life, i am expected to be dominant for 12 hours while i work..........coming home and being submissive enables me to relax and get regrounded, and it is total bliss to have NO decisions to be made for the next 12 hours or so until i go back to work.......... :)

_____________________________

M

(in reply to xoxi)

Profile

Post #: 101

RE: Why are most women subs? - 10/24/2007 10:33:26 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

I already see pages of answers, (haven't read them yet)but will tell you im my experience most men are subs here too.......don't think its a gender thing necessarily.

KC,
Didn't read them either, but want to comment and expand on you point; especially the "most men" and "here" aspect.

If this were a "goal oriented" poll using your "most men here" my best guess about the #1 answer in the survey would be - Getting Laid. I'd also "best guess" that having a sub and dom profile is more common with the males.

I've been party to men's "locker room talk" and when the subject of "submitting" comes up they all view it as a "means to an ends" activity. It comes under the elementary and basic fundamental male principle - Do & Say whatever you have to if it gets you laid. They think that the idea of being tied naked spread eagle to a bed and saying "do me mistress!"; is submitting, and envision some hot looking babe ride them shouting "yippie-ki yay!". Of course that is also the expectation of some "submissive" woman, but again my "best guess" would say its more prevalent in the male of the species.

I think your experience here reflects what you represent. As a "Weal Twue Mistwess" you can't help but attract "weal twue" submissives. On CM all it takes to set up a 'submissive' or 'dominant' identity is a couple of key strokes. Once complete it takes even fewer strokes to send a messages to all the doms and subs. One response implying the potential of sex often generate a whole bunch of a different type of stroking.

Remember this is a poll not reality - just like CM and the internet in general.

(in reply to kc692)

Profile

Post #: 102

RE: Why are most women subs? - 10/24/2007 11:47:21 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat

i'm not sure of what your generation is (i was born in the early 60's), but i can assure you that in my case, i was conditioned.

i was born in '62 by a womans liberalist (mother) and a late blooming hippy (father)
i was not "conditioned" for submission...i fought it all my life. When i finally acknowledged the submissive aspect in myself, i thought i was home free...wrong. Very little of what i have learned from this lifestyle (which has been quite a bit) has been from positive experience. Anyway, that's all i want to say about that~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to adoracat)

Profile

Post #: 103

RE: Why are most women subs? - 10/24/2007 2:36:50 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat

i'm not sure of what your generation is (i was born in the early 60's), but i can assure you that in my case, i was conditioned.

i was born in '62 by a womans liberalist (mother) and a late blooming hippy (father)
i was not "conditioned" for submission...i fought it all my life. When i finally acknowledged the submissive aspect in myself, i thought i was home free...wrong. Very little of what i have learned from this lifestyle (which has been quite a bit) has been from positive experience. Anyway, that's all i want to say about that~

*hugs* i wasnt trying to snark, honestly. just saying that obviously our situations were different.

i was brought up in the south by a southern mama who grew up in a home with an alcoholic father and a domineering mother. so *her* experience was "do everything right and nothing bad happens" which bled over onto me. submission has been just how i am...not a choice exactly.

for the most part in the last 7 or so years, being submissive has been a very positive thing. right now its one of the best parts of my life.

kitten

(in reply to dawntreader)

Profile

Post #: 104

RE: Why are most women subs? - 10/24/2007 2:42:54 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

Because we like to be penetrated.

Serious answer.

Exactly. The more intense, the better.

And bordering rape-but in a safe enviornment-seems a very common fantasy.

It seems that my past partners expressed it to me this way-this was just my favorite.

"I loved it when you had me tied so tight, on my belly.......no way I could move. You were lying on me,pinning me even more, with your weight. Your cock was buried in my asshole-I could feel you-everywhere. You didn't care if I came-I was just meat to you. I was on the edge of coming the whole time-my nerves were on fire...you kept me that way-and I knew I was taken-knew it in my gut."

Oh my...that about said it all for me about why I am submissive. "fans self..." But also, like other posters, I have to dominant all day long at my job and I like to throw off that cape when I get home...also being submissive was never a question, so the "why" never really came up.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 10/24/2007 2:50:49 PM >

(in reply to RRafe)

Profile

Post #: 105

RE: Why are most women subs? - 10/24/2007 2:54:16 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Using fast reply.........

I have been thinking about this thread off and on as I see it scroll by and of course, as usual when something tickles my brain, it has had me thinking.

I keep wondering why so many see penetration as an act of dominance. I think that it is obvious, not everyone does though I can understand those that do. I think it is all in the mindset of the participants myself. I remember one male friend from years ago that actually said, penetration, especially with a woman, felt scary and dangerous to him. That she was taking a fragile part of his body into hers and that it made him feel very vulnerable. Knowing she had that control over him.

Another aspect of this thread that I see coming up is conditioning. I think that even though, most of us have been raised with the idea of women's equality etc.......there is still alot of undercurrent. Almost a sort of "damned if you do and damned if you don't" especially in hetro relationships. I know ALOT of men that still have a deep need to, at least pretend, they are in charge. Very few want to admit they do, whatever the little woman tells them.......even those that do. I still hear the phrase "pussy whipped" by guys, about other guys, in a derogatory manner far too much.

I remember when I first got married those bazillion years ago, I got more than one lecture from my new father-in-law and also his mother, about what "being a good wife" entailed.

I also have read plenty of surveys that talk about the high percentile of working women versus stay at home wives and mothers yet, most of those working women are still the one taking primary responsibility for child care and household chores.

So, even though I think there is alot of lip service to women being dominant and powerful, I don't see a society as a whole that embraces it on all levels.

I don't bring that up to take anything away from a woman that, in her heart, wants that role. I just still feel that it should be her choice. Not one forced upon her. And I still feel that, for many, it is.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to adoracat)

Profile

Post #: 106

RE: Why are most women subs? - 10/24/2007 3:08:08 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

Greetings adoracat, no snarkyness percieved

Yes our situations were and are different. i am truly glad you have so much happiness in this lifestyle. i am just in a place where i don't see that for myself~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to adoracat)

Profile

Post #: 107

RE: Why are most women subs? - 10/24/2007 5:03:41 PM

Esinem

Posts: 156
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

If most women are subs, how come most pro-dommes are women?? Sorry, I have no official stats on this and base it purely on the ads I see and the number I know personally.

I'm told it is very hard to earn a living as a pro-dom, unless catering for gay clients. This leads me to assume that the supply of pro-doms exceeds the supply of heterosexual female subs willing to pay. The laws of ecomonics could, of course, be subverted by the boundless generosity of men who are less inclined to charge for their services. Maybe women are generally too smart to pay for that which they can readily obtain for free? No doubt, if more women exhibited such selfless benevolence, many pro-dommes, prostitutes and other sex workers would be out of business.

* runs for cover *

(in reply to xoxi)

Profile

Post #: 108

RE: Why are most women subs? - 10/24/2007 6:02:31 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

I already see pages of answers, (haven't read them yet)but will tell you im my experience most men are subs here too.......don't think its a gender thing necessarily.

KC,
Didn't read them either, but want to comment and expand on you point; especially the "most men" and "here" aspect.

If this were a "goal oriented" poll using your "most men here" my best guess about the #1 answer in the survey would be - Getting Laid. I'd also "best guess" that having a sub and dom profile is more common with the males.

I've been party to men's "locker room talk" and when the subject of "submitting" comes up they all view it as a "means to an ends" activity. It comes under the elementary and basic fundamental male principle - Do & Say whatever you have to if it gets you laid. They think that the idea of being tied naked spread eagle to a bed and saying "do me mistress!"; is submitting, and envision some hot looking babe ride them shouting "yippie-ki yay!". Of course that is also the expectation of some "submissive" woman, but again my "best guess" would say its more prevalent in the male of the species.

I think your experience here reflects what you represent. As a "Weal Twue Mistwess" you can't help but attract "weal twue" submissives. On CM all it takes to set up a 'submissive' or 'dominant' identity is a couple of key strokes. Once complete it takes even fewer strokes to send a messages to all the doms and subs. One response implying the potential of sex often generate a whole bunch of a different type of stroking.

Remember this is a poll not reality - just like CM and the internet in general.

You are actually very correct that a lot of men have both dom and sub profiles here, they are not hard to see, they use the same pictures on both, not rocket science. I personally am very happy here on this site (my weal twue nick is an attempt at lightheartedness, smiles). A better wording might be that I notice very few (in my opinion anyway, not that my opinion is the end all be all) dominants, and in truth not many more subs. I see a lot of tops and bottoms, and nothing wrong with that either. There are not that many that I see d/s wise, you two are definitely in that group. There is nothing wrong with tops or bottoms, or jsut those out for kinky sex. I just don't notice a lot of members that I consider dominant, which for me means more than a "sensation causer, party planner". Are those members better or worse than dominants or submissives? No. Just different. That was my perspective I very quickly glossed over. Of the ones that I see on this site, it seems that, kinksters only aside, tops and bottoms aside, there seem to be more subs than dominants, male and female. Is that bad? Hell no. Just my perspective.

As I say again, I am VERY happy with this site. I think the site rocks and have made some unbelievably awesome friends, on both sides of the kneel.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Profile

Post #: 109

RE: Why are most women subs? - 10/24/2007 6:44:07 PM

onthedl94

Posts: 17
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Actually my best guess is because women in their day to day lives have huge amounts of responsibility. They hold full time jobs, do the majority of house hold work including thinking about what needs to be done, and the majority of work involved in raising offspring. Men may coach the soccer game and one practice weekly, but mothers are checking backpacks and packing lunches plus overseeing homework, settling sibling rivalry etc. Have an elderly parent? Care usually devolves among the daughters, not the sons.

When your responsibility load is off the scale, letting someone else make all the decisions is like a vacation.

I would definately agree with this, at least for why I am submissive, as I can't speak for the reasons of others. I have a very fast paced, stress filled job where I am actually the Dominant, being that I am the VP of the company. You add to that the responsibility of a house, being a single parent and a child who is active in every sport possible, entering the teenage years, is in several school activities, just to name a few. I am completely exhausted by the end of the day and the last thing I want to do is make yet another decision.

Also, again for myself, I have always had a submissive personality. I have always been the one that naturally allowed others to make the decisions: what game are we going to play, who's house are we going to play at, what should we eat for dinner. Submissiveness has always been my nature and I have always been aware of this.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Profile

Post #: 110