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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 2:52:01 PM   
LadyLegs


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It constantly amazes me that people will "share" with someone they wouldn't loan their car to. 

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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 4:04:26 PM   
littlehumbledone


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Joined: 10/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Not wanting to hijack another thread...
If you are a person of the mindset "I don't share" Do you think insecurity plays any part in your desire to not share?



Don't think so, i'm just not a sharing person, and to that end I wouldnt be with anyone who likes to share, so the question wouldn't come up,  it may be the height of selfishness and big headedness on my part, but I aim to be all that person needs, so why would they need anyone else.



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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 5:19:27 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Not wanting to hijack another thread...
If you are a person of the mindset "I don't share" Do you think insecurity plays any part in your desire to not share?



My owner isn't big on sharing - its just not him.  He does't let other people drive his car, use his phone, or use his computer.  He doesn't let other people use his slave.

I'm not poly-wired, but I do like to watch him (especially sexually) with another woman, which is a weird sort of place to be at.  I definitely suffer from insecurity in that area though, so I don't think its restricted just to people who are 100% monogamous.

C~


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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 6:40:06 PM   
breatheasone


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Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

Tigrita
quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

she can be as switchy as she wants to be, as long as I get her in my bed occasionally....


now..to take this back on topic, Ive got another question....most of what we've chatted about is couples switching with couples...or where both partners are open to finding other parterns....Im wondering....what about those of you who only the D type gets to play with others? Tigrita brought this up and it got me to thinking. is there a reason the s type doesnt get to share? does she not want to? do you not want her to? why? do you not trust her? are you more possesive of her but not allow her to be of you? are you insecure....worried shes gonna find someone who doesnt treat her as badly as you? heh...sorry....anyway..id like to hear from some of those people...

Tigrita  and Ghita...GOOD question...I'd like to hear from the "D" types on this myself...


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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 6:43:45 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Good question. I am the type of person that will only share what is being asked. I am also a very private person. I know in the lifestyle communication is key, but for me, it you want to get in, you have to be the right person and I have feel you should know.

However, sometimes, I feel, I should share more. Then I wake up and realize that this is a free country and I share as much or as a little as I want.


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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 6:44:07 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Sambamanslilgirl...LadyLegs...Littlehumbledone......Wildfleurs, Thankyou Ladies for your points of view...

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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 7:28:54 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Not wanting to hijack another thread...
If you are a person of the mindset "I don't share" Do you think insecurity plays any part in your desire to not share?



Nope, I'm just a greedy bastard.



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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 10:45:53 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Not wanting to hijack another thread...
If you are a person of the mindset "I don't share" Do you think insecurity plays any part in your desire to not share?

I have not read the whole thread..so excuse me if this is a repeat..However, I do not view this as insecurity..I simply view it as a preference..a preference that will not be crossed in any way ,shape, or form..Take it or leave it.Insecurity says you feel threatened by the introduction of another..Preference says I know what I want and wish for someone who wants this as well....Tempting

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RE: Sharing - 12/8/2007 5:16:10 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Not wanting to hijack another thread...
If you are a person of the mindset "I don't share" Do you think insecurity plays any part in your desire to not share?

I have not read the whole thread..so excuse me if this is a repeat..However, I do not view this as insecurity..I simply view it as a preference..a preference that will not be crossed in any way ,shape, or form..Take it or leave it.Insecurity says you feel threatened by the introduction of another..Preference says I know what I want and wish for someone who wants this as well....Tempting


I agree Tempting.

Candy,
I also think it can be insecurity, level of trust, dynamics of the relationship and it depends on the person(s) involved.
none of the above, all 4 , or a mix inbetween, including preference.

Harder to come by than a persons response to the questions of sharing..is an honest look into ones self for the true answer, and why ( yes she said the "true" word).

personally..I have felt all 4
as well as  confidence and acceptance..
at different times in my relationship and for varying reasons. 

I have learned to never say never : )  ( well at least to him)
and I have learned alot about myself, because of that personal commitment to him and to myself.

Right now, I will be honest to say that if a 3rd were to be brought in..it would cause me to feel insecurity.

We are temporarily across the country from one another, which has everything to do with my instinct that it would feel threatening to me,  if it were to happen right now.  But I know myself and I would most likely try to put those feelings aside and would support his desire to do that if it is what he wanted.  I also know him well enough to know that he would only do it if he knew he could do it at the same time as protecting our relationship and trust....

but, there has been a time in our relationship where it was acceptable and consentual and felt right for us to explore.

sorry if that was tmi   just my reaction to the other responses.



 

< Message edited by TysGalilah -- 12/8/2007 5:18:43 AM >

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RE: Sharing - 12/8/2007 9:31:59 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Not wanting to hijack another thread...
If you are a person of the mindset "I don't share" Do you think insecurity plays any part in your desire to not share?

I have not read the whole thread..so excuse me if this is a repeat..However, I do not view this as insecurity..I simply view it as a preference..a preference that will not be crossed in any way ,shape, or form..Take it or leave it.Insecurity says you feel threatened by the introduction of another..Preference says I know what I want and wish for someone who wants this as well....Tempting


I agree Tempting.

Candy,
I also think it can be insecurity, level of trust, dynamics of the relationship and it depends on the person(s) involved.
none of the above, all 4 , or a mix inbetween, including preference.
I agree whole heartedly


Harder to come by than a persons response to the questions of sharing..is an honest look into ones self for the true answer, and why ( yes she said the "true" word).
I get that...and I feel I do know why I don't want to share...and I feel right in my heart and mind about it. For the record if I believe I am right about something HOLY SHIT I'll hold on to it like a starving pit bull with a bone!


personally..I have felt all 4
as well as  confidence and acceptance..
at different times in my relationship and for varying reasons.
Yep...sounds like being human..


I have learned to never say never : )  ( well at least to him)
Boy howdy do I know where you are coming from here.

and I have learned alot about myself, because of that personal commitment to him and to myself.
Yep....I can relate to this too.


Right now, I will be honest to say that if a 3rd were to be brought in..it would cause me to feel insecurity.
Its good you know that...only when you reconizes something can you deal with it


We are temporarily across the country from one another, which has everything to do with my instinct that it would feel threatening to me,  if it were to happen right now.  But I know myself and I would most likely try to put those feelings aside and would support his desire to do that if it is what he wanted.  I also know him well enough to know that he would only do it if he knew he could do it at the same time as protecting our relationship and trust....
See heres what i don't get...if sharing is all that great and ok and stuff. And if its good for the relationship...why isnt it good all the time....like communication is ALWAYS good for a relationship....honesty is ALWAYS good for a relationship....so if sharing is good, why is it  NOT good all the time?  WHY does "a proper mindset" have to come in to play to make it ok?  If he feels the need to "protect" the relationship...isnt that a red flag?...


but, there has been a time in our relationship where it was acceptable and consentual and felt right for us to explore.
I have zero problems with exploring...but sharing TO ME is not exploring.


sorry if that was tmi   just my reaction to the other responses.
I truly appreciate your perspective.... and hope you and your "D" type are together SOON




 


< Message edited by breatheasone -- 12/8/2007 9:32:42 AM >

_____________________________

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RE: Sharing - 12/8/2007 10:58:11 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		sharing for my mind is not centered on insecurity but other factors, such as health for one. I do not share as a matter of course, but that being said one time I had a sub that I cared for very much and we we 24/7.

She had always had a fantasy of having 3 cocks at one time and it was a dark fantasy for her but a consuming one. I arranged for 3 other Dom's that I personally knew were as descriminating as I in terms of health and arranged an evening for her.

It worked for her and I felt zero insecurity.

CP

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RE: Sharing - 12/8/2007 12:10:45 PM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Not wanting to hijack another thread...
If you are a person of the mindset "I don't share" Do you think insecurity plays any part in your desire to not share?

I have not read the whole thread..so excuse me if this is a repeat..However, I do not view this as insecurity..I simply view it as a preference..a preference that will not be crossed in any way ,shape, or form..Take it or leave it.Insecurity says you feel threatened by the introduction of another..Preference says I know what I want and wish for someone who wants this as well....Tempting


I agree Tempting.

Candy,
I also think it can be insecurity, level of trust, dynamics of the relationship and it depends on the person(s) involved.
none of the above, all 4 , or a mix inbetween, including preference.
I agree whole heartedly


Harder to come by than a persons response to the questions of sharing..is an honest look into ones self for the true answer, and why ( yes she said the "true" word).
I get that...and I feel I do know why I don't want to share...and I feel right in my heart and mind about it. For the record if I believe I am right about something HOLY SHIT I'll hold on to it like a starving pit bull with a bone!   gigglin..yep


personally..I have felt all 4
as well as  confidence and acceptance..
at different times in my relationship and for varying reasons.
Yep...sounds like being human..


I have learned to never say never : )  ( well at least to him)
Boy howdy do I know where you are coming from here.

and I have learned alot about myself, because of that personal commitment to him and to myself.
Yep....I can relate to this too.


Right now, I will be honest to say that if a 3rd were to be brought in..it would cause me to feel insecurity.
Its good you know that...only when you reconizes something can you deal with it


We are temporarily across the country from one another, which has everything to do with my instinct that it would feel threatening to me,  if it were to happen right now.  But I know myself and I would most likely try to put those feelings aside and would support his desire to do that if it is what he wanted.  I also know him well enough to know that he would only do it if he knew he could do it at the same time as protecting our relationship and trust....
See heres what i don't get...if sharing is all that great and ok and stuff. And if its good for the relationship...why isnt it good all the time....like communication is ALWAYS good for a relationship....honesty is ALWAYS good for a relationship....so if sharing is good, why is it  NOT good all the time?  well, first let me say> I didn't it was good laughing...well in my experience it was rough sometimes...but during my personal growth, even being totally honest ( with self) and communicating well was something that fluctuated...I would be dishonest to say I always said exactly what I was feeling it right when I was feeling it.......there was a period of time I had to learn to trust and share without analyzing or thinking about what I was about to say I was feeling....so even tho' always good > sometimes even honesty and communication is tempermental...so is the way we...oops or I think about and deal with having another person included our relationship...but don't misunderstand me> I'm not the person to talk to if you want me to convince someone that poly and sharing is the greatest thing since mixed nutz  grinz.  sometimes the nutz were terribly mixed up if truth be known...WHY does "a proper mindset" have to come in to play to make it ok?  If he feels the need to "protect" the relationship...isnt that a red flag?...when I refer to Tyson protecting the relationship first and foremost> I mean that >  he has the final decisions and authority....He can choose to do or not do anything He wants to ...but has wisely and explained completely to me that  his decision always are made with our trust and my sense of security and trust in US  and in him as a concern.  Without the dynamic of total trust and sense of security, there is no submission..and there is no dominance ..and hence no Ds relationship.
  hope that made sense : )



but, there has been a time in our relationship where it was acceptable and consentual and felt right for us to explore.
I have zero problems with exploring...but sharing TO ME is not exploring.


sorry if that was tmi   just my reaction to the other responses.
I truly appreciate your perspective.... and hope you and your "D" type are together SOON
Thanks   I have tickets to Arizona for the holiday  woohoooooooooooooooooooooooooo  so excited
thanks : ) for your well wishes  and for your response.
 
Cyndi




 



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RE: Sharing - 12/8/2007 12:21:10 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Geez...I'm sorry Cyndi but I still just don't get it...it sounds as though people have to "force" themselves to accept the sharing thing and to "force" themselves to be ok with it. It also seems to me that if one is not ok with sharing then THEY are some how the wrong one for not having enough trust....I just don't get it....I'm SO sorry if I am just clueless here....

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RE: Sharing - 12/8/2007 12:51:21 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I know this wasn't directed to me, but I want to say that monogamy feels much more forced to me than an open relationship.  I feel a little bitter and trapped in a monogamous relationship knowing that it would upset my partner, for whatever reason, if I desired a different experience from time to time. 

If my partner likes tall, athletic redheads, as well as all the emotional and intellectual qualities I have, but also has a taste for busty blondes too, I don't at all want to deprive him of that.  And my Man knows I have a taste for very tall men, which he is not, and if I want to indulge myself at some point, I'm free to, as long as I don't hide anything from him, especially if we can both get satisfaction out of it by working it into his voyeuristic and whoring kinks.  Do I not love him because he's under 6'2"? Does it mean I'm going to leave him for someone who fulfills that shallow hot button?  Absolutely not.  But why leave that little longing that is very real, when it could be satisfied without detriment to the relationship?  Sure, I could live without ever having that satisfied again, but why if there is no need?  It is like saying you can never have strawberry icecream again, only your very favorite rocky road.  Sure you love rocky road and could live happily on just that, but why not throw in some strawberry now and then if it doesn't hurt anyone?

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RE: Sharing - 12/8/2007 12:59:16 PM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline
yeah, I don't do 'monogamy' but the conditions of sharing me are this 'anything he does to me , is the same as you doing it to me....so be particular who you are willing to share me with...I don't think fidelity is essential in a committed relationship, but I do believe LOYALTY is paramount


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RE: Sharing - 12/8/2007 1:04:38 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Tigrita, even if it wasn't detrimental to our relationship for me to indulge a taste for strawberry, it would be detrimental for me. I can't have sex just to sate a shallow desire. I need an emotional connection.

I've done the no connection sex, and even when they were friends it just doesn't work. I'm wired for monogamy, sex and play both. Otherwise I just feel bad about myself.

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RE: Sharing - 12/8/2007 1:12:31 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Tigrita, even if it wasn't detrimental to our relationship for me to indulge a taste for strawberry, it would be detrimental for me. I can't have sex just to sate a shallow desire. I need an emotional connection.

I've done the no connection sex, and even when they were friends it just doesn't work. I'm wired for monogamy, sex and play both. Otherwise I just feel bad about myself.

I agree...my partners feelings are more important to me then an orgasm.


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RE: Sharing - 12/8/2007 1:32:20 PM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Geez...I'm sorry Cyndi but I still just don't get it...it sounds as though people have to "force" themselves to accept the sharing thing and to "force" themselves to be ok with it. It also seems to me that if one is not ok with sharing then THEY are some how the wrong one for not having enough trust....I just don't get it....I'm SO sorry if I am just clueless here....

 
You are not clueless. Nor are you wrong in your preference and perspective.
And I am in no way speaking for all people in poly situations...only for myself.
Others seem to have done and are doing it successfully and without "force" as you say.
I was not forced at all and apologize if I conveyed that somehow.  I did go through different mindsets and our relationship changed in certain areas at times that sometimes allowed me to think of sharing in a confident and positive way.
Others times, my mind-set was different and it had a different emotional effect on me.
That is my lacking...and I do not represent others who are able to be consistant in their relationships being open/sharing/poly...etc.
 
I also need to add,  because Tyson would want me to be complete in this:
  We attempted a 3rd...we were not successful in it.
for us, it was a difficult blend/find.  not for lack of trying genuinely, but others we found to be disingenuous...dishonest in their intentions..in one case manipulative and damaging in her efforts to sabotage me...
yes I know ..ohh the drama..
after a time, Tyson made the command decision that it was not something worth the possible damage it might cause to our balance as Us..  and the searching stopped....that was almost 7 yrs ago..
again..only our experience  and not to say there are not honest genuine people out there to find : ) many do....kudos.
 
btw  when I just re-read what I sent previously> I see I made some real typos lol  appreciate you deciphering my words inspite of them : )  ooopss.
 
 : )
Cyndi

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RE: Sharing - 12/8/2007 1:44:38 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Cyndi...I hear you and if you'll forgive the "repost" I'd like to share this with you. I wrote it in response another fine Lady on this message board about this very subject.  " I am a visitor to your country... I see you really enjoying a bite to eat...but to me it looks very unappetizing. Now you sense this and smile. Giving me the "thumbs up" (we don't speak the same language) trying to convey that its really good.... I smile and playfully shake my head no...You understand that its just not my thing...and I understand that to you its an awesome thing.. The best part is...we both see we are happy with that.....
Thanks again for your perspective."
All my best, Candy

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Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Sharing - 12/8/2007 1:51:27 PM   
ghitaPVH


Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		heya folks....this threads certainly kept going since I left yesterday! I told you it was a good question, breathes...

shameless plug about sharing.....my Daddy told me this morning if I sell enough stuff at the next show I can buy Trapped a plane ticket down here and he'll share her with me...lol....ok..so I havent asked Trapped yet, but oh well...we allready decided earlier in this thread she doesnt get a say in things....

Anyway, I dont have a whole lot of time to go into things, in fact I didnt even get to read through all of whats been written since I left yesterday, but Im surprised less people have chimed in about situations where only one person in monogomous and the other has multiple partners...is it not as common as I thought? Id like to know peoples motivations behond that sort of thing....well..ok..Im nosy, but still....

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