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RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 1/30/2008 9:18:23 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG


But there is no accounting for other people's tastes and I've learned that attitude can supercede physical shortcomings.  A friend of mine and I are the same size now and she has problems dating whereas I don't have the same problems.  In a moment of bluntness I pondered this to her and her response to me was, "but you have confidence that I lack and that makes you more beautiful."



Absolutely, but I didn't get that from the op. I do know a lot of people who are not realistic. They insist on PhD, supermodel, multimillionaires while they themselves are slobs, high school dropouts, burger flipper types. And then they wonder why they can't find a relationship.

Unfortunately teen aged boys tend to be like this, they focus on the perfect girl and refuse to recognize that the perfect girls aren't drawn to the less than perfect boys. If she isn't hot enough that all his friends want her, then he doesn't want her is all too often the case. TV and internet porn cause them to be wildly unrealistic.

Body image problems is something to see a therapist about. It's learned, not innate.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to OmegaG)
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RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 1/30/2008 5:50:30 PM   
NaiveTempest


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I'm replying without reading so I may seem repetitive, but physical attraction is important to me.

But, let me add, that it is not everything. If I don't know that person , then the physical attraction comes first (Damn, he's hot!). If I've known the person for some time (friends, seen each other around and talked, etc...) then their personality attracts me first and the physical awareness (hey, he's not half bad...!) may come into play later.

C'est la vie, mon ami.

_____________________________

"All the things I should have said that I never said/All the things we should have done that we never did/All the things I should have given, but I didn't.../Give me these moments back..."

Kate Bush, "This Woman's Work"

(in reply to NewMaster86)
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RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/3/2008 8:22:34 PM   
Twitch23


Posts: 7
Joined: 2/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NewMaster86

As a sub/slave (which I am neither) how important is it to you to be attracted to your Dom/Master physically?

I only ask because I feel as though I've been judged alot on my appearance by what few sub's I've approached and its been really bothering me.


that you even bother to WONDER about your appearance would probably mark you as undesirable to most subs. One of the main attractions sub/dom IMHO is confidence and purpose. If you feel JUDGED, you are ALLOWING yourself to feel judged, rather than in control.... and therefore TBQH not worthy.

IOW who freakin cares what you look like. your sub should ALWAYS feel honored to be in your presence, and to have your time... and it is up to you to make them feel that way.


< Message edited by Twitch23 -- 2/3/2008 8:39:22 PM >

(in reply to NewMaster86)
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RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/3/2008 9:06:30 PM   
kittengirl8


Posts: 120
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline 		Twitch, I don't think you understood the OP's questions. He wasn't wondering, really, about his own appearance (or so it seemed to me) but rather about how others viewed his appearance.

To answer the OP's question, physical attraction holds some vague important, but to bo honest... I go for the eyes over the body. Expressive eyes make me just want to melt, it seems. *turns into goo*

So... as a sub, physical attraction is way below things like intellect; similiar likes (vanilla first, D/s second); and general presence.

I know a lot of people judge on appearance first - but since it's the first thing people see, that's not too surprising. It's generally a subconscious thing. However, if you're being judged right-off solely on your appearance by subs, or people in general, don't even consider it a problem of yours. First and foremost it's their eyes that are looking at you and their minds that are judging you. It's nothing that you can technically do. (There's always something preference-wise that turn people off.)

Hey, let's be honest here. I never found facial hair attractive. Um, well, my mind's changed on that just a teeny bit recently. People just have some preference - blondes, tiny, big, great smiles. Just, whatever. (Wait, why do I have the tendency to fall for the guys that want those gymnast bodies anyway? Hello, bigger is better gorgeous! Wow. Sorry, I need sleep. Ignore me.)

Don't let people get you down. Just be confident in who you are, and that presence will attract the right people.

Well, hopefully. Some people are just generally shallow... *shrugs*

Best of luck.

~kitten~

(in reply to Twitch23)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/3/2008 10:29:01 PM   
Twitch23


Posts: 7
Joined: 2/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittengirl8

Twitch, I don't think you understood the OP's questions. He wasn't wondering, really, about his own appearance (or so it seemed to me) but rather about how others viewed his appearance.

To answer the OP's question, physical attraction holds some vague important, but to bo honest... I go for the eyes over the body. Expressive eyes make me just want to melt, it seems. *turns into goo*

So... as a sub, physical attraction is way below things like intellect; similiar likes (vanilla first, D/s second); and general presence.

I know a lot of people judge on appearance first - but since it's the first thing people see, that's not too surprising. It's generally a subconscious thing. However, if you're being judged right-off solely on your appearance by subs, or people in general, don't even consider it a problem of yours. First and foremost it's their eyes that are looking at you and their minds that are judging you. It's nothing that you can technically do. (There's always something preference-wise that turn people off.)

Hey, let's be honest here. I never found facial hair attractive. Um, well, my mind's changed on that just a teeny bit recently. People just have some preference - blondes, tiny, big, great smiles. Just, whatever. (Wait, why do I have the tendency to fall for the guys that want those gymnast bodies anyway? Hello, bigger is better gorgeous! Wow. Sorry, I need sleep. Ignore me.)

Don't let people get you down. Just be confident in who you are, and that presence will attract the right people.

Well, hopefully. Some people are just generally shallow... *shrugs*

Best of luck.

~kitten~



I believe I understood completely. It isn't other people's reactions to the OP's appearance that I was comenting on, rather the weight HE himself seems to allow those opinions to have. Why CARE what other people think of one's appearance. Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind, don't matter. IMHO this is ESPECIALLY true of the Dom/Domme.

< Message edited by Twitch23 -- 2/3/2008 10:42:01 PM >

(in reply to kittengirl8)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/4/2008 4:01:25 AM   
Ostentatious


Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NewMaster86

As a sub/slave (which I am neither) how important is it to you to be attracted to your Dom/Master physically?



Absolutely massive on the importance stakes.

I am lucky, I won't compremise and on a very superficial level I am lucky that I don't have to. 

I know I look good, I know other people think I look good and most importantly because of my personality I'm well liked too.

So I seek someone that's similar to me, it's exactly the same as the 'nilla world for me.  People find partners of the same attractiveness level easily.

(in reply to NewMaster86)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/8/2008 5:51:27 PM   
DeferentialBaby


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline 		If I like my partner's personality, I like the way he looks. What he looks like "objectively" (not that there actually is such a thing) or how others see him makes absolutely no difference to me. What I see is his personality so of course his body is wonderful and hot because HE is inside it.  Personality is all to me: it's what I worship.   Naturally, I've been asked by nitwits innumerous times throughout my life and with numerous partners, "What's someone like you doing with an ugly chump like him?" Said nitwits didn't exactly appreciate my response!

If it were the right person I could probably (not sure about this, but probably) even deal with a moustache although I might ask him to turn off the bedroom light before he beat me.  ;)

(in reply to NewMaster86)
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RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/9/2008 3:21:16 AM   
Justme696


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Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

If it were the right person I could probably (not sure about this, but probably) even deal with a moustache although I might ask him to turn off the bedroom light before he beat me. ;)


and he would refuse that of course ;)


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

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RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/9/2008 12:00:55 PM   
shysub0951


Posts: 132
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline 		It's important, but not overly important in my mind. But yet it also depends on that person and what they like in a Dom./Domme. Me personally i like good looks yes, but if he has some extra on him, which my Dom does, i love it even more because for me it's more fun to cuddle than with someone who is too skinny.

(in reply to NewMaster86)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/9/2008 1:11:27 PM   
shigglyboom


Posts: 110
Joined: 10/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twitch23

quote:

ORIGINAL: NewMaster86

As a sub/slave (which I am neither) how important is it to you to be attracted to your Dom/Master physically?

I only ask because I feel as though I've been judged alot on my appearance by what few sub's I've approached and its been really bothering me.


that you even bother to WONDER about your appearance would probably mark you as undesirable to most subs. One of the main attractions sub/dom IMHO is confidence and purpose. If you feel JUDGED, you are ALLOWING yourself to feel judged, rather than in control.... and therefore TBQH not worthy.

IOW who freakin cares what you look like. your sub should ALWAYS feel honored to be in your presence, and to have your time... and it is up to you to make them feel that way.



I partially agree with this. That a dom has insecurities isn't a bad thing - it just means he's human. It's how he deals with them that matters. I want someone who's got the strength to deal with my insecurities, which means I want to see that he deals effectively with his own.

And if a man has the right heart, intelligence and strength - and he wants me(!!!!!!) - unless his looks or hygiene actually gross me out - I'll soon think he's the sexiest thing on earth.

But I wouldn't speak for "most subs".

(in reply to Twitch23)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/9/2008 1:22:15 PM   
tigerseye


Posts: 79
Joined: 1/10/2008
Status: offline 		For me attraction is what draws me in, in the first place.  I got drawn into my Guardian's eyes the first time I spoke to him and I am still drawn in 2 years later.  His mind is what has held me for so long, a smart and deep mind is number one on my list of things guys have to have.  I could honestly care less if someone didn't find him attractive, I think he is very much so and that's all that matters.

_____________________________

~rose~


(in reply to Shawn1066)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/9/2008 1:26:15 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		At the moment I talk to a girl on this site, a sub, which had no picture in her profile. I feel a lott for her..she intelligent, listenes well and is interesting to talk too. Attractive so to say, with out picture even.
Last week she gave me her msn nick..so we could chat there...and seeing her picture blew me away...damn cute she is :P. Double attractive :D
I guess there are several ways of attractions..or perhaps levels..

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 2/9/2008 1:28:06 PM >

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

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RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/9/2008 1:42:50 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I only base my attractions on intelligence and the character of the person that I am dealing with..Everything else is just an illusion....Thank God, we at Domiguy Industries, through some extremely rigorous and extensive research have developed the "Domiguy Intelligence Indicator '08"

For just three small payments of $49.99 you can ascertain the intelligence of any gal in the room by just pointing The "D.I.I '08" at the woman in question.

Though much of this research is of a classified nature what we determined was that a women's intelligence is directly proportional to the size of her tits and that there is an equally startling and opposite correlation between the size of a woman's thighs, ass and waistline and to what is actually transpiring within her noggin'. The ramifications of this data are startling to say the least!!!

So yeah, You can put me strongly within the "It's the person that matters the most to me", camp. Some of you fuckers are just so shallow.

However, As beauty fades. So do I.

Heavy sir....Yes, but it had to be said.

_____________________________



(in reply to tigerseye)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/9/2008 1:50:32 PM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

Attraction for me personally starts with my mind.  i have been with men that had all my friends drooling and jealous, i have been with men that made my friends ask what i was thinking.  The more my mind is intrigued and titilated by them, the stronger my attraction to them.  i could care less what anyone else thought of my choice, if i felt the chemistry i went for it, regardless of how close to being visually ideal they were to others.  Chemistry is a tricky thing, not always easily defined or created, and can be a heady thing to experience.

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to Justme696)
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RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/9/2008 2:42:24 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Very important.  A lady does not have to be Playboy hot, but she has to be reasonably attractive.  But it is not the most important thing.  I would rather be with a dominatrix seven than a boring and stupid Jessica Simpson lookalike.

(in reply to NewMaster86)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/9/2008 3:20:01 PM   
Taintedblood


Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		i think physical attraction is very important especially to begin with and especially for the chemistry to be there - over time if that person is seen to be dull, or we don't click well or i don't find them interesting then no matter how attractive they are it isnt going to work.

and physical attractive is different for everyone.

i cant define what i find attractive as i have found different people attractive.

i have been with someone at least 20 stone but have also been with someone underweight, i have gone for shaved heads or long hair or styled hair etc (you get the pic)

i think i mainly go for good conditioned hair, nice arms, nice eyes and smile.

but they may be things other people find attractive and i dont or may think im stupid for liking arms.

could you really be with someone you didn't enjoy looking at?

(in reply to Shawn1066)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/9/2008 7:21:04 PM   
greenearth21


Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		I think everyone would say that physical attraction just HAS to be there.  Everyone is into somethign different so there's really no saying what is attractive and what isn't.  Different strokes for different folks :)  Obviously other charecteristics count too.

(in reply to Shawn1066)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/10/2008 1:08:20 AM   
Chaze


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/31/2008
Status: offline 		Physical appearance is of the utmost importance to me, I really don’t give a damn about the content of her character, her educational background or her goals or aspirations. I care about how her tits stand out, the sway of her hips, the turn of her calf. If I don’t get an erection from seeing her from across the room I don’t even want to bother with her and I damn sure don’t want to be intimate with any woman more than a day or two. 

(in reply to NewMaster86)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/10/2008 5:15:57 AM   
Tannie


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		If I am only going to have sex with the guy or play with him in a BDSM context, he has to have a certain look and "aura" about him.  (By the way, the best top I have ever played with had only been at it for about a year and was 20 years old, proof that age is not always the most important factor.)

When it comes to long-term relationships, he not only has to be attractive to me physically in order to get my interest in the first place, he has to have the intellect and adaptability to keep me with him.

(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Importance of Physical Attraction? - 2/10/2008 6:45:03 AM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		My attraction to my man began the minute we shared laughter, 2 minutes after meeting. 
For me, it's all about the brain.  I want a man who can carry on a conversation, make me laugh, have at least a 10th grade vocabulary, and a great sense of humor.  After the laughter was his complete confidence in his ability to get me, and his willingness, hell, eagerness in persuing me.

I care more about a man's brain and his personality then I do his looks.  The fact that my man is a pleasure for me to look at gets to be my added bonus.  I love men who are tall, thin, short, fat, ugly, pretty, smart as hell, and dumb as a box of rocks.  Again and again, it's the brains and not the bod I go for.

(in reply to Tannie)
Profile   Post #: 80
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