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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 3:58:27 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windsorslave4one
he was more apt to engage in RACK type of interaction

RACK does not indicate any particular TYPE of play, but a general perspective on the topic of play and kinky activities in general.

quote:


So, how important is aftercare to you?

Depends on the situation.  I wish more people thought about it BEFORE they played.

Also people should be sure that they explain more than "aftercare."  That's about as meaningful as saying "I'm kinky" when one person means fuzzy handcuffs and the other means hanging you by hooks.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1387086/mpage_3/key_aftercare/tm.htm#1387713
Aftercare:  Discretionary or necessary?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1233980/mpage_2/key_aftercare/tm.htm#1235076
aftercare

http://www.collarchat.com/m_923867/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#923874
five-minute aftercare

http://www.collarchat.com/m_873220/mpage_4/key_aftercare/tm.htm#881084
how long is aftercare required?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_772983/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#773055
how much is "too much" aftercare?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_725006/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#725011
aftercare, the top side?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_598726/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#599129
aftercare in ltr and casual play

http://www.collarchat.com/m_495421/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#496775
aftercare- when to offer it and how much?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_491455/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#492065
aftercare



< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 2/12/2008 4:00:30 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 4:04:16 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		Neither of us cares for it so we don't do it. We've talked about it and both feel that it takes away from the energy of the activity. I actually find aftercare counterproductive in that regard. It results in the exact opposite sensation I am trying to achieve.

Sometimes after we're finished doing what we do I throw the toys in a pile on the floor and we crawl in bed and crash but I don't consider that aftercare. If we are playing midday this often does not happen (crashing) and we go about our day.

So here's one 'no' vote for aftercare.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 4:23:30 PM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline 		Aftercare for me can include guiding me to the bed, holding me, blankets (intense dances can make me shiver and leave me disoriented), juice or candy (diabetic on a pump, Blood Sugars can drop like a boulder) and anticeptic if sharps have been played with or skin broken. Less intense times, just relaxing and being with him is enough.

One of the best dances I ever had with a dom who handled my pain frenzies (not Master) ended with no aftercare, his own slave was lets just say less than receptive towards any signs of tenderness with another. Trust me it was needed, and I shook so hard on the bed in the spare room I moved it 6 inches. Another time I drove myself home sure that the ship had relanded from subspace. It hadn't and I ended up sitting on the side of the road shaking for nearly an hour. I learned. No aftercare..no play.

poenkitten

(in reply to windsorslave4one)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 4:24:02 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		In general, I assume that both my Dominant and I will require aftercare...and I like that assumption to be made on the other side, as well. After the scene we may not need it, but both of us were prepared to offer. I'd prefer to have had aftercare if I didn't need it than the other way around.
 
I consider it better safe than sorry...and as LA pointed out, aftercare can mean many different things to many different people. Sometimes after care can be a statement like, "I'm so proud of you." Or, aftercare can be another hour being cuddled and doing a play by play. In my mind, it all depends on the scene and how we are both feeling after.
 
So, short answer, I want it to be assumed that one or both of us will need some sort of aftercare.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 4:30:22 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		That depends on the type of play any given day.  Angel doesnt need aftercare, unless you coulnt laying around after we play and talking about nonsense until we hav th energy to get up again and go play video games.
Fox needs the aftercare, especially after rough play. For us, its snuggling and ice cream. If ew dont, he tends to have nightmares that night.  Its been tested and hapens about 90% of the time if we dont have time for aftercare.
Emotionally, we dont NEED it, we just prefer it.  Mentally, he needs it.

DV


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(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 4:31:23 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		He is not a big giver of aftercare and I have learned to adjust around it.  Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't.  During times when my body goes through "trauma", I sometimes convulse and shiver afterwards.  I have collapsed before as well.  He will sit with me until he knows I am OK.  Usually I drift off into sleep after such times.  Just knowing he is there is all I need.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 4:34:44 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		one needs to get the before.... in order to get the after.... 

wahhh


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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 4:52:46 PM   
Chaze


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/31/2008
Status: offline 		Aftercare is very important, its that time when you take the whip away from the broad and teach her how to use it effectively.

(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 5:17:00 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		It all depends.  I'm very fortunate because we play ALOT and we're almost always together.  If he does a particularly intense session that pushes an emotional limit, I like for him to stay close while I calm down.  The same for a physically intense scene.  I think alot of times, though, neither of us thinks about it.  Sometimes, I need more closeness than other times, and I tell him if necessary, but most of the time I just get back to what I was doing before we sessioned. 

I dunno.  I guess its one of those go with the moment things for us. 




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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 5:19:11 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx

Aftercare for me can include guiding me to the bed, holding me, blankets (intense dances can make me shiver and leave me disoriented), juice or candy (diabetic on a pump, Blood Sugars can drop like a boulder) and anticeptic if sharps have been played with or skin broken. Less intense times, just relaxing and being with him is enough.

One of the best dances I ever had with a dom who handled my pain frenzies (not Master) ended with no aftercare, his own slave was lets just say less than receptive towards any signs of tenderness with another. Trust me it was needed, and I shook so hard on the bed in the spare room I moved it 6 inches. Another time I drove myself home sure that the ship had relanded from subspace. It hadn't and I ended up sitting on the side of the road shaking for nearly an hour. I learned. No aftercare..no play.

poenkitten


I agree! I sit on my sirs lap with blankets and he holds me as I come down. he'll get me chocolates and some soda and sometimes a bourbon.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 5:29:19 PM   
kingbeef31


Posts: 55
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, after a few sessions of not providing aftercare, I realized the importance of it.  Unfortunately, by the time I came to my senses, she was gone.................Needless to say, my lack of knowledge or lack of sensitivity, caused me to loose an OUTSTANDING SUB.  Going forward, I'll have to force myself to make a concerted effort to provide much needed aftercare after an intense session.....or risk the loss of a valued sub.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 5:37:46 PM   
PhoenixRed


Posts: 174
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TotalState
I like aftercare.  Even if my sub didn't need it, I'd give it.

As it is, we both love that part of the scene, where we relax and talk about things we enjoyed, want to try, or would rather like to have happened differently.  It's the perfect ending for a long, satisfying scene.


My sentiments exactly.  The feedback and bonding that go on are, to me, a big part of nuturing along a budding D/s relationship.  With someone I've been with for longer, it is a time to reinforce the bonds we already share. It keeps the relationship alive and constantly evolving.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 5:40:02 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kingbeef31

Well, after a few sessions of not providing aftercare, I realized the importance of it.  Unfortunately, by the time I came to my senses, she was gone.................Needless to say, my lack of knowledge or lack of sensitivity, caused me to loose an OUTSTANDING SUB.  Going forward, I'll have to force myself to make a concerted effort to provide much needed aftercare after an intense session.....or risk the loss of a valued sub.



Awwwww. And you look so sensitive!

_____________________________

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Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 6:28:08 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

VERY important......I would never consent to being with someone that doesn't provide aftercare....BTW, I'm all for giving aftercare to Master as well. I don't think that should be a one way street...


Well said! Actually, it's exactly what my submissive said this weekend when I was giving her aftercare after a particularly intense session. I completely agree. And yes, she did provide aftercare to me as well.
 
Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 6:39:48 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		It depends on the scene, how hard we played, what elements were involved, etc etc.

If aftercare was a need of mine, it would be met.  Why be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to meet your needs?  Particularly something like getting a bottle of water and cuddling you for awhile.


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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 7:33:52 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It's essential. I don't need much but I do need that minimum. I need water, and if I'm shaking badly I need him to hold it for me because I can't. I need a blanket because I'm freezing. And I need at least a ten minute nap, because if I don't get it then I'm not safe to drive.

The times I've tried to get straight up I wind up walking in circles, practically falling down steps. If there isn't a half hour afterwards to get me back to normal, then I don't play.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 7:45:57 PM   
kingbeef31


Posts: 55
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the kind words lusciouislips, but I don't think I was that sensitive............I think Stupid, stubborn, and unaware are more descriptive words........................

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 7:50:40 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		As others have said, depends on the intensity of the scene as to what the aftercare is and how long it takes. BUT the offer is always there, and if i as a sub indicate verbally or by my body that i need it, i get it. That's without question and it's a big part of how the trust between Master and i was established and built. i wouldn't feel safe if i felt that my care was based on His whim. i know Master will fetch food, water, blanket, whatever i need, straight away and without complaining. Of course, He's usually charged me with the responsibility of having those to hand before the scene begins, but He unquestioningly brings them over to me, holds the water so i can drink etc. And He usually holds me close and whispers affirming words. i must point out that Master enjoys the snuggles too, He finds that giving aftercare provides Him with the aftercare He needs to come down from Top space.

As a Domme, I feel much the same, I love to provide aftercare and some of My least satisfying scenes have been where the sub has refused it and rushed off to go to work etc. So now this is talked about upfront. I don't think I could be compatible with a sub who refuses aftercare, who prefers to come down on their own. That pushes Me out of the scene and I am not comfortable with that. All power to them though if they can find a Dom/me who doesn't like to give it! And I do think subs are exposing themselves to drop by refusing aftercare, while it's not guaranteed to prevent it, in my experience, it helps a lot!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 8:12:20 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

...Fox needs the aftercare, especially after rough play. For us, its snuggling and ice cream. If ew dont, he tends to have nightmares that night...


I think it's the ice cream that does it. ;-)

Master Fire


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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 8:55:23 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To the OP..is aftercare necessary?...no...and by that I mean, if you do not receive it, will you be permanently harmed by its lack?..no...But,is it desired ?..by me??..absolutely!!!....Tempting

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