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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 9:00:12 PM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
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Greetings DG,

I was thinking the same thing as I began to read the responses. Aftercare is getting him something to drink, rubbing his feet, putting away the implements of torture...and he lets me stay close to him and plays with my hair. The physical contact being maintained is our usual aftercare.

Good to have you back ~ fairer

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

What is this "aftercare" you all speak of? Is this where she gets up and makes me a sandwich or orders me a pizza or gives a two hour back rub?

If it is to tend to her needs isn't this why they invented emergency rooms?

Soooooo confused.

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Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 41

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 9:04:20 PM

ghitaPVH

Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline

My sir doesnt really do aftercare. Sometimes maybe, but not usually.

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"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. --Nietzsche"

(in reply to fairerthanshe)

Post #: 42

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 9:10:37 PM

ItalianSMistress

Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline

I think aftercare is very important. I always make sure its offered, if I am playing with someone that I dont desire to give aftercare to, I have even had My other slaves do it. Just to comfort and watch for subdrop. This is esp true if we have engaged in edge play. I am also RACK, so the play time can get rather intense.
(Just wanted to add that RACK does not point out a certain type of play, like was said, but it does let you know its usually heavier more intense play, I think that is why the OP stated such)

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"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."

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(in reply to ghitaPVH)

Post #: 43

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 9:15:50 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

Is aftercare necessary? For some people, yes, for others, no. I you feel that you need aftercare, and this top is not willing to provide it, I would take care to insure you make some sort of arrangement for yourself. I think it's a little irresponsible if aftercare is addressed at all, as the drop afterwards (sub or top) can really suck if it is needed and absent.

As for me, personally, I don't feel that I need aftercare myself all of the time, though I always appreciate it and am sure to attend to the person I've played with. With more intense or prolonged play, I definitely need some cool down and am not at all a happy camper if the aftercare is lacking or missing, so we'll go with "usually yes". :)

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I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

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Post #: 44

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 10:52:51 PM

shysub0951

Posts: 132
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline

i can get quite emotional afterwards, whether it be punishment or reward time, so for me it is very important that my Dom and i just cuddle and he holds me and we just talk.

(in reply to windsorslave4one)

Post #: 45

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 11:26:25 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

Personaly Aftercare for my subs is important. We are all very close.. and intimacy junkies. Some of the play we do is light.. and the closeness in after care makes them feel the bond we have.. and let them know they are loved.. and some of our play is on what most would call "edge play" and the heavier side of things. Comming down from that with out someone there to have your back emotionaly and physicaly would be just be unthinkable to me. My submissives are more then just things I pleasure myself on and leave.

Just like durring a scene I make sure no cirulation is cut off, thier muscles are not kinked up, they are able to breathe unresticted, they have sips of drink if it is a long scene ( with out them needing to ask me for it.. I offer) I scratch itchy noses... *smiles* well some times. I also check on thier emotional state by thier body language, and how they are responding.

The whole phrase: You might get it if i feel like it, but do not depend on it. Don't think it will be a given.
Squicks me. If someone did not take my needs and feeling into concideration over some "Domly seemingly macho driven bit of nonesense" ~ at least that is my opinion here... I would find someone who did care about my feelings.

I have ran into so many of these Uber Macho Dom/mes who are too tough and macho to give care to thier subs, or any emotional support or even physical comfort because it makes them less Dom/me. *sighs and rolls her eyes*

Some may not need aftercare.. but if you do, I would make it a point of expressing it.. if he is unable of getting past the Dommier then thou... I would really investigate your feelings.

I wish you luck in this.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to windsorslave4one)

Post #: 46

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 11:27:38 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

god, I love you, Gwyn :)

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(in reply to Gwynvyd)

Post #: 47

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 11:43:42 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

Hehhehhe I love ya too...

If I ever get a fan club going you can be the president ok?

All that Macho crap gets on my nerve... it is right up there with if she gains 5 lbs I will dump her as a sub.. or telling her a I love her will make me less of a Dom/me crap. LOL

We are all human. Though I have met some Troglidite Mofo's

If you prick us do we not smack the shit out of you and tell you to knock it the fuck off?

*chuckles*

Ok.. well most of us..

Gwyn,
Amazon.. not troglidite

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 48

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 11:52:33 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

YAY!! fan club president!! I am SO there! LOL

And yes.. NOBODY is immune to having their cocky, macho ass (be it male or female) smacked down...LOL

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Gwynvyd)

Post #: 49

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 3:17:55 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Is aftercare necessary? Not always as it depends on the girl and on the play, even on the mood at the time..... so no the direct 'blunt' answer would be no.. However when it is needed it is needed badly and One would be failing in His duty of care in omitting it. What is needed is to always CHECK wether it is needed. To always ensure time is there to give it if it IS needed.

Sometimes a quick reasuring cuddle and a lollypop maybe all that is needed, other times wrapping her in a blanket and holding her, talking her down softly for as long as it takes. If the former, then keeping an eye on her for a while just in case the drop maybe a delayed reaction is always a good idea.

_____________________________

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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to windsorslave4one)

Post #: 50

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 4:05:35 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

Just proves that there really are some heartless cold bastards out there that just want to use slave girlie girl up and spit them.   Imagine that, there really are true cold hearted sadist that sneek into the BDSM community, and I was thinking this was just some Urban Myth or something. lol..

If anything aftercare can deepens the D/s or M/s relationship.

I don't know about you freaks, but many times even us Dom types desire quality bonding aftercare time.    Aftercare is a sort of mutual thing, help both parties reconnect with their humanity and get grounded after WTF just went down. Sure the aftercare needs might be a little different.   Some people really don't need it, some do.   It's still a good thing to talk about.

If somebody is not willing to give you what you honestly need, why bother being with them.   Babe, just move onto some other Dom/Master and find the one right for you.   One that you can be on the same wave length with or vice versa.

(in reply to fairerthanshe)

Post #: 51

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 5:26:10 AM

Taintedblood

Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline

aftercare is a definate must for me i couldnt engage in play with someone who wouldnt give aftercare as i can become very withdrawn

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 52

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 6:21:19 AM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd

If you prick us do we not smack the shit out of you and tell you to knock it the fuck off?

*chuckles*

Ok.. well most of us..

Gwyn,
Amazon.. not troglidite

Oh Gods and Goddesses...I almost lost my coffee on this one. remind me to tell you about a night at the Hellfire Club (NY) when a rude, neolithic troglodyte insulted, groped and grabbed me when I was in Domina Mode. Amazing just how vindictive a room full of Subbies and Doms can be when you mess with one of their own.

poenkitten (EEEEEVIL GRIN)

(in reply to Gwynvyd)

Post #: 53

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 6:24:49 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

So, how important is aftercare to you?

Guess it really depends on what you define as aftercare. If you are talking the holding, coddling, cuddling, petting kind...it's of no use to me at all and I would perfer to NOT be given aftercare.

If you are instead talking just his presence nearby with no physical touching involved....if he feels the need to stay close by...then I am all for it...if he feels the need to take off...that's his perogative. I am a big girl, I can handle the after effects.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to windsorslave4one)

Post #: 54

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 8:02:43 AM

Skully7000

Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline

I am still learning about aftercare(as far as reading my sub play partner and learning when she is ready)

it also does depend alot on the intensity, Dynamic, and how emotional vs physical it was...
but before I can begin the sub's aftercare I need to bring myself down from dom-space. if find its much easier at a party because I can work it Into the scene before I begin their aftercare.

after we finished the scene one of my last orders will be to either to clean up our stuff or to simply sit/kneel for a minute without moving. with that said" I will step away from the scene. (no more then a few feet. usually just far enough to engage any friends I have around who were watching.) talking to my friends (or even strangers...) brings me down perfectly. I keep all my chemicals flying high (enjoying the afterglow) but I have to return to regular power neutral interaction. returning back to hangout mode. I also use this time to "remove" myself from the scene and run over everything that has just happened. scan over her reactions and facial expressions and all the things that I may have noticed in my head but did not fully process. not in depth mind you but we are talking about a couple of minutes. If my sub is kneeling and starting to fidget it has already been to long. we are talking 2-5 minutes max. this also helps me gain the full appreciation of what has just occured.
for me this is MY aftercare. this is what I need to be able to handle bringing my sub down properly. as far as I'm concerned the scene is not yet over for my sub so I'm not leaving her alone for aftercare. but this does give her a bit of time to regroup because she doesn't know if i am going to start round number ?... or what. she just knows she has been told to wait. and I know that the gears have already started churning.

when I return I am not in Dom space anymore I'm ready to cater to her. I am hyper sensitive to her needs wants and the most subtle actions I try to pick up on and process to decide how best to help her come down, feel cared for respected strong for what she has just endured ect.

(I say "she" but it applies to male subs as well though my aftercare for them is slightly different but again that is just based on the nonverbal feedback I am getting)

I like drill seargent rational: we will break you down then build you back up and when we are done you will be stronger, better then before.

Cheers
Skully

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 55

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 10:38:56 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I rarely need aftercare. Most times I just need a few minutes to get my wits back and then I am ready to go and usually craving sex. There have only been a couple of times where there was a need to have aftercare in order to get me back to a more positive state of mind as quickly as possible.

One thing that I realised in another thread is that what most people consider aftercare (cuddling, touching, etc.) is just part of my every day interaction with him. Physical touch is extremely important to him and he is often touching us when we are together. After play, I tend to zone out for a bit and I want to be left alone.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to windsorslave4one)

Post #: 56

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 11:20:35 AM

MsSaskia

Posts: 415
Joined: 9/9/2004
From: Denver
Status: offline

There are some people who are aftercare vampires and want an hour of cuddling after a five minute spanking. Meh. I won't indulge that if I don't feel it's really necessary since it's a drain on my energy.

On the other end of the extreme, there are people who go into an animal-like or primal state when bottoming, or sometimes (as in a scene I did over the weekend) dissociating. Aftercare in instances like these involves a lot more technical understanding of headspaces, what can go wrong, and how to keep it from going wrong. It's like talking someone down off a ledge. Doing a scene like that without giving adequate care would be more than negligent, it'd be damaging.

(in reply to windsorslave4one)

Post #: 57

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 11:33:59 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

So, how important is aftercare to you?

windsor,

From a "D" perspective, I belive that it is essential part of the slash interaction. The more intense the event the more care needed and given.

CP

(in reply to windsorslave4one)

Post #: 58

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 1:46:11 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd

If you prick us do we not smack the shit out of you and tell you to knock it the fuck off?

*chuckles*

Ok.. well most of us..

Gwyn,
Amazon.. not troglidite

Oh Gods and Goddesses...I almost lost my coffee on this one. remind me to tell you about a night at the Hellfire Club (NY) when a rude, neolithic troglodyte insulted, groped and grabbed me when I was in Domina Mode. Amazing just how vindictive a room full of Subbies and Doms can be when you mess with one of their own.

poenkitten (EEEEEVIL GRIN)

where do those creeps come from honestly? I have ran into a few myself..
E-mail me on the otherside so we dont do a full hijack. *smiles*

Back to your regulary sched. program...

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to BlackPhx)

Post #: 59

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 3:23:21 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

FR: aftercare is a necessity for me personally and not just that day, but the day after. Everyone is different though. Keep in mind aftercare can be a two-way street, there are many D types that need the intimacy and reassurance aftercare brings to be certain wiitwd is still ok with both parties and as a general concept, reaffirming that is never a bad idea.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Gwynvyd)

Post #: 60

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