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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/17/2008 3:30:39 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Hi

For me aftercare in important but it depend on what we do. If it is just a quick bout of rough sex, my Master just asking if i am ok is enough. For more intense play more aftercare is desired. But i think it depend on the pepole in a relationship if it is needed. Some like to cuddle and comfort, others just like to be used or use and then be done whit it. i would say for some it is necessary, but not for all. Like in most there are no universal right or wrong here.

i wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to windsorslave4one)

Post #: 81

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/17/2008 5:50:42 AM

CCFandhis

Posts: 8
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

I have walked away from Masters that would not provide it.

If i submit and go into my subspace .. I look and feel like a drunk--- cannot really make a coherent sentence, can't drive, can't do anything but whimper.... so I NEED aftercare...

(in reply to windsorslave4one)

Post #: 82

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/17/2008 7:02:19 AM

MissLily

Posts: 146
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

Aftercare is must for Me as well, though I must confess there are times when I haven't done it....

After the slave has been where he has been, given it all, I think it's a safety precausion to calm him down and reassure him. I mean, I've had guys shaking and sweating so much that I thought they were going to faint. Leaving them like that was just unthinkable.

And I find too that it cements the bond between the two. It encourages trust. The sub knows he can rely on you.

Miss Lily

(in reply to windsorslave4one)

Post #: 83

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/17/2008 8:41:13 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

I for one need to have aftercare for either role. If I don’t have aftercare I start to emotionally drop and question way to many things. I personally think it’s one of those things that needs to be kept in mind since depending on what happens that aftercare can be as simple as a quick hug and a kiss on the check to spending an hour plus snuggling.

I really do see that aftercare is a personal thing and it depends on the needs of the person. I just consider it a compatibility issue. If one person always needs it, and the other person doesn’t it might result in them not being able to have all of their needs met.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to MissLily)

Post #: 84

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/17/2008 9:07:41 AM

night101owl

Posts: 83
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline

To the OP--

It sounds like "aftercare" worked as a way for you to keep up your energy for long play sessions, to get you centered so you could play some more. It sounds like you enjoyed it.

For you, then, aftercare is a way for you to be able to play longer, and it's a way to get you to come back and play again. If someone didn't provide it for you, you might think of the scene as a dud and not come back.

TO THAT EXTENT, you require it. A lot of people are like you. However, I don't think anybody needs it, outside of it being a part of what makes it a "successful" scene for those who enjoy it.

(in reply to windsorslave4one)

Post #: 85

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/17/2008 11:48:19 AM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

In a word, YES.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 86

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/21/2008 2:54:34 AM

DaddyDeerest

Posts: 30
Joined: 9/22/2007
Status: offline

It looks as though this thread has run it's course...but re-reading some of these has brought to mind the first time my sub wanted me to slap her repeadlly across the face while she was bound, and not to stop even when her tears started to flow.
It wasn't a very long session, but it was, to this day, one of the most intense ones I have ever gone through.
As composed as I tried to remain, a few tears escaped my mask. My hands shook as I untied her, and lead her over to the bed and covered up her with a blanket and then, I let loose with a bucket of tears like I've never done in my whole adult life.
It was as awesome as it was scary. It was so cathartic. I released years of pent-up frustration and anguish in those few minutes. It truely was an amazing thing to have happened, and I couldn't repeat it or plan on it ever happening again. And it has never yet.
I went through a lot of paper towels in those few minutes, and I'm glad my sub knew enough, and was clear enough to be able to be there for me as I was always there for her. And when I came down enough, we held each other for a long time...laughing and crying, and talking about the wonderous beauty and magical qualities of pain and BDSM.
Thanks. You can flame me now...

(in reply to natasha66)

Post #: 87

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/21/2008 4:29:21 AM

Redoubt

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

Just proves that there really are some heartless cold bastards out there that just want to use slave girlie girl up and spit them.   Imagine that, there really are true cold hearted sadist that sneek into the BDSM community, and I was thinking this was just some Urban Myth or something. lol..

If anything aftercare can deepens the D/s or M/s relationship.

I don't know about you freaks, but many times even us Dom types desire quality bonding aftercare time.    Aftercare is a sort of mutual thing, help both parties reconnect with their humanity and get grounded after WTF just went down. Sure the aftercare needs might be a little different.   Some people really don't need it, some do.   It's still a good thing to talk about.

If somebody is not willing to give you what you honestly need, why bother being with them.   Babe, just move onto some other Dom/Master and find the one right for you.   One that you can be on the same wave length with or vice versa.

In a nutshell.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 88

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/21/2008 5:00:02 PM

probablyknowme

Posts: 1875
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

*sigh* I really think that I have a crush on you now Daddy Dearest!

kat

_____________________________

The human mind is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.
-Anon.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NewcomersOK/

(in reply to DaddyDeerest)

Post #: 89

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/21/2008 9:10:45 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

*hugs* sweet dear man.....

this post is living proof that Dom/mes are human beings.. and we do have souls.

Subs teach us as much as we teach them... the changes we bring about change us as well.

I wish you well.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to DaddyDeerest)

Post #: 90

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/21/2008 9:14:47 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

Does just passing out from shear exhaustion count?

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to windsorslave4one)

Post #: 91

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/22/2008 5:25:07 AM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

Yes... it is necsssary.

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 92

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/26/2008 6:08:24 PM

NJDiscipline

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

As cruel and sadistic as I love to be when I use a slave, I believe in "aftercare". It depends on the situation and the slave what kind of "aftercare" is required, but it is an absolute must. I also believe the "aftercare" period is a good way to conclude a session of use.

Mr. Miller

(in reply to bipolarber)

Post #: 93

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/27/2008 1:37:22 AM

DaddyKeeper

Posts: 24
Joined: 2/23/2008
Status: offline

I am with the others who say it depends on the circumstances.

Sometimes aftercare can be no more than than a quick squeeze, other times it can be hours of her wrapped in a blanket, hugging her teddy bear and being held, watched, fed and watered by me. Needless to say it can fall anywhere in between too

(in reply to NJDiscipline)

Post #: 94

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/27/2008 5:22:24 PM

womyn

Posts: 216
Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Aftercare is absolutely necessary. With subspace I usually am very sensitive, might get cold, have goose bumps. I can be flying high from endorphins or adrenaline. I need help winding down and like it when I am told that I was a good girl if I worked particularly hard. It can be very difficult to fall asleep after with pins and needles in my extremities. So yes, I believe it is vital and a time to connect in the afterglow. even vanilla women want that.

Amen to that sister!

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 95

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/27/2008 6:51:12 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

I'm not certain if after care is needed for all the scenes done but i do enjoy it as does my M'Lady. so far I'm lucky and i have not experienced sub drop but i have met those who have and for them it is needed and not just soothing afterwords, sometimes needing contact days later just to cope. each scene and each person is different just communicate and trust in your partners.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 96

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/29/2008 9:25:49 PM

KatsClaws12

Posts: 62
Joined: 4/24/2007
Status: offline

I very much think it is necessary. It is the time that I need my Mistress the most. After a good hard session I love to feel Her hands caress my back and ass. She sometimes puts a blanket over me so that when I come down from sub space I am still nice and warm. She is so loving and caring even though very sadistic..

When I do come around I love to lay my head in Her lap so that I can be close to Her. Sometimes hug Her and kiss Her on the neck and thank Her for what She has given me.
If I didnt have that aftercare I wouldnt be as close to Her and feel that I wouldnt mean as much to Her. When She shows me that affection it makes me feel so good that I was able to take what She gave and that I would do my best each time to give more of myself to Her. She is the best thing that has ever happen to me. I am very luck to be owned by Her.

Kitten

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 97

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/29/2008 11:24:21 PM

AtlantisKing111

Posts: 181
Joined: 1/14/2005
Status: offline

Aftercare is very important to me. Enjoyable too.

(in reply to windsorslave4one)

Post #: 98

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 3/1/2008 2:17:25 AM

chezzy52

Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

If all that happened was i received five quick swats with a bare hand on my derriere,i would still want a hug.

(in reply to AtlantisKing111)

Post #: 99

RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 3/2/2008 5:48:58 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

to this day i still feel like it's a need but, M.S. doesn't see it and the discussions about it stopped years ago.

i live without it but, i think i'd be happier with it.

~meticulous~

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 100

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