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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 3:37:34 PM   
IrishMist


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quote:

I don't know about you freaks, but many times even us Dom types desire quality bonding aftercare time.    Aftercare is a sort of mutual thing, help both parties reconnect with their humanity and get grounded after WTF just went down. 

This may sound bad...but I would run very fast in the opposite direction if I ever met a man who NEEDED aftercare or NEEDED to cuddle with me afterwards.

YUCK....I will gladly be a freak of nature anyday and just accept that intimacy of that kind for me...is a no no

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 3:41:43 PM   
laurell3


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Status: offline 		It doesn't sound bad IM, it sounds like what is right for you.   I think it's hot though.  We're all unique in our freakiness.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 3:41:46 PM   
DelilahDeb


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Status: offline 		Yes, aftercare is necessary. Sometimes it may only consist of getting my sub a warm washcloth as I take a post-scene pee stop. Sometimes it is heesh making sure I can negotiate the stairs down from the playroom after an intense scene. And sometimes it may consist of providing protein and fluids and a place to sleep...and even taking hir car keys away before heesh returns to planet Earth.

It all depends on the top, the bottom, the scene. But any top who's not prepared to deal with topspace or subspace isn't paying attention. Altered states of any sort need aftercare, even if it's just basic body grounding.

Delilah Deb


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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 3:43:56 PM   
ownedgirlie


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Status: offline 		IrishMist, I tend to agree with that.  While I certainly enjoy a gentle touch from him when he gives it (not very often), if he needed to do the coochie-coo, that would be far more difficult than when he gets dressed and walks away, leaving me in a mumbling, trembling, heap on the floor.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 3:44:15 PM   
lusciouslips19


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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

FR: aftercare is a necessity for me personally and not just that day, but the day after.  Everyone is different though.  Keep in mind aftercare can be a two-way street, there are many D types that need the intimacy and reassurance aftercare brings to be certain wiitwd is still ok with both parties and as a general concept, reaffirming that is never a bad idea.


The best Doms, even if it wasnt a love relationship checked in to see how I was emotionally and how my bruises felt. They also checked in a few days after that to see if I was still bruised.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 3:44:56 PM   
ownedgirlie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

We're all unique in our freakiness.


Ain't that the truth!  This is why I love reading and sharing all our different perspectives here.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 3:58:57 PM   
sblady


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Status: offline 		In response to the OP:Personally, I feel aftercare is especially important (intense or otherwise) when it's the sub's first scene/session.  Regardless of how much I'd read about sub-space, the experience before, during and after the scene/session could totally freak you out.  The things that kept me grounded during my first real "play" was His caress, the fact that He'd whisper in my ear and ask if I was okay (words sorta escaped me during that time, so it was mostly sounds affirming that I was indeed okay).   I believe I would have totally freaked  had He left right after our first scene.  Afterward, He cuddled with me, gave me water and just stayed with me.  Now, these things may appear to be "common" even in vanilla relationships, but I'd never been a cuddler.  I was the type that could say "see ya, bye" once we were finished. So, I said all that to say....it depends on the person and the intensity of the play.  We don't have a certain "time-frame" set for aftercare, but He has been intuitive enough to know when or how much I need.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 4:03:18 PM   
hejira92


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Status: offline 		Of course, it depends on the intensity of the play, but usually I go off into a headspace and need time to return to "normal" space. I really enjoy verbal humiliation and objectification, so even if the play was not too intense physically, mentally He always does a number on me (lucky me!).  Afterwards, besides giving me water, He will hold me and speak to me and praise me while I try to remember that I am a fully functioning human being capable of speech.
 
When my head returns, we discuss the scene- I call it debriefing. He enjoys hearing my thoughts and feelings on what happened to me. His focus is the mindfuck, after all, and the better He knows my mind.... well, you get it.
 
I have had some bad experiences with sub-drop and He watches me very carefully. If I didn't need the aftercare, He wouldn't be so meticulous in it. But, one of the things that I love the most about Him is how well He cares for ALL His toys.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 4:12:13 PM   
BlackPhx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd

where do those creeps come from honestly? I have ran into a few myself..
E-mail me on the otherside so we dont do a full hijack. *smiles*


Back to your regulary sched. program...

Gwyn


You have mail my dear...warning this was long before SSC became a catch phrase.

poenkitten

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 4:30:48 PM   
ownedgirlie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

When my head returns, we discuss the scene- I call it debriefing. He enjoys hearing my thoughts and feelings on what happened to me. His focus is the mindfuck, after all, and the better He knows my mind.... well, you get it. 
 


This reminded me of a good point.  I always, always share with him (once I am back on ground) all I thought and felt throughout what was happening (what I could remember).  This allows him to know my responses to everything and how I am affected by what he is doing.  It also allows him to know how I have processed what has occurred and if I'm "stuck" or need assistance doing so. 

I never really thought of it as after care, but I suppose it's really the biggest form of care I can think of, in its own way.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 5:29:22 PM   
TracyTaken


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Status: offline 		Aftercare does not have to be a labor performed by an overworked "one" for the other "one."

It can be a mutual appreciation of each other and what happened, a simple curling up together - simple little thing, not a necessity or a big deal or anything that takes energy from either party ... something that returns energy to both.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 5:35:08 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		im still looking for some before care 

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/13/2008 6:08:51 PM   
hejira92


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

When my head returns, we discuss the scene- I call it debriefing. He enjoys hearing my thoughts and feelings on what happened to me. His focus is the mindfuck, after all, and the better He knows my mind.... well, you get it. 
 


This reminded me of a good point.  I always, always share with him (once I am back on ground) all I thought and felt throughout what was happening (what I could remember).  This allows him to know my responses to everything and how I am affected by what he is doing.  It also allows him to know how I have processed what has occurred and if I'm "stuck" or need assistance doing so. 

I never really thought of it as after care, but I suppose it's really the biggest form of care I can think of, in its own way.


Exactly, OG. This is the after care that is crucial to me- not a blanket or water (although the physical contact is important because I love it). It helps put my pieces back together and gives Him the insights that He wants.

< Message edited by hejira92 -- 2/13/2008 6:09:15 PM >

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/16/2008 10:17:44 AM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

Just proves that there really are some heartless cold bastards out there that just want to use slave girlie girl up and spit them.   Imagine that, there really are true cold hearted sadist that sneek into the BDSM community, and I was thinking this was just some Urban Myth or something. lol..

If anything aftercare can deepens the D/s or M/s relationship.

I don't know about you freaks, but many times even us Dom types desire quality bonding aftercare time.    Aftercare is a sort of mutual thing, help both parties reconnect with their humanity and get grounded after WTF just went down.  Sure the aftercare needs might be a little different.   Some people really don't need it, some do.   It's still a good thing to talk about.  

If somebody is not willing to give you what you honestly need, why bother being with them.   Babe, just move onto some other Dom/Master and find the one right for you.   One that you can be on the same wave length with or vice versa. 







I wholeheartedly agree that "aftercare" is, or can be a two way street. I respect and admire a man that knows how to care for his needs....including his emotional needs...


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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/16/2008 10:54:02 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		It's an added plus.  If I get aftercare, then I am blessed.
However, I do not believe it has anything to do with Darcy wanting to give it, it is whether he decided I need it.  Therein lies the difference.
 
The dominant you spoke of stated that you shouldn't rely on it?  Absolutely correct.
The dominant you spoke of stated that it's his decision?  Again I agree.
However, I don't believe it is a case of 'If I want to I will, If I don't I won't' (that's a dangerous tightrpe to walk) but whether you trust that the dominant will anticipate whether you need it or not.
 
I should not rely on it, but I know Darcy knows me well enough to provide aftercare should I need it, not because I want it.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/16/2008 11:26:23 AM   
SailingBum


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Status: offline 		Yep I need aftercare when Im finished with her.  I need a beer and a blowjob, furthermore she is happy to do it.

BadOne

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/16/2008 12:47:03 PM   
jssubc


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quote:

It's necessary for some. I personally have not yet needed aftercare. I usually prefer to be left alone to come back to my normal headspace.



I agree with whiteslavebitch. I always find that affection and care spoils the experience for me.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/16/2008 1:04:35 PM   
Bound2One


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quote:

However, I don't believe it is a case of 'If I want to I will, If I don't I won't' (that's a dangerous tightrpe to walk) but whether you trust that the dominant will anticipate whether you need it or not. 

 
I agree.  Master stopped our scene a bit earlier than I would have wanted to the other day, because he knew I needed some aftercare before we had to say goodbye.  I was happy that he was looking out for me, and everytime he does care for me in that way my trust in him and us builds. 

< Message edited by Bound2One -- 2/16/2008 1:05:12 PM >

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/16/2008 4:45:29 PM   
vampchick88


Posts: 346
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Status: offline 		 I think after a flogging it may be necessary for a 'cool down' of where somthing cool can be applied to the reddend area. pet has told me that his idea of aftercare would just be to know that he made me happy. No matter what scene we do I think that if there is flogging, spanking, etc. I'll always administer some sort of coolant to the area so help sooth it. Its not always necessary it depends on the Domme and her point of view, some things such as biting don't really have much you can do.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/17/2008 2:20:59 AM   
DaddyDeerest


Posts: 30
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Status: offline 		After a good solid session, which they all were, my ex-subwife, always needed to be attended to, and I always thought of this as a part of the process. It was not for show. She was in real duress, reall turmoil, and I brought out those demons and it was up to me to calm her down, to show her that she was ok, and back in reality, amonst friends in warmth and in love. This was no game here. We weren't just playing "Master&Servant", We were "Exercizing her emtional demons, and healing her inner damage, done to her by years of abuse, and by taking her out to "SubSpace" where she felt safe and could heal a little...in her mind anyway...when she came down, she needed me there just as much, to give her emotional support, and stability, until she warmed up, and could breath normally.
And don't worry about me...I alway got my rewards for a job well done. She never forgot who made her happiest, and calmest....her Daddy
I wonder if she's still being taken cared for as well? Hmm....

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