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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/27/2008 10:11:48 AM   
MasterWilliam55


Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline 		To answer your post specifically. No Dom should require of you anyting that compromises you with regards to your family, your work place and your vanilla friends. When you get to know and trust someone, it will be inevitable that you will share much of your vanilla live with him. If you haven't reached that level of trust with him then simply don't comply with his demands. If he rudely demands that you do comply, it's time to move on.

As for hard limits with regards to BDSM activities, these may change to some extent with experience. Some types of play or sex may remain a hard limit and pretty well all Dom/Dommes respect that. Unprotected sex at the onset of a relationship with someone your just getting to know is unacceptable for most of us.

Trolls and sexual fantasy predators are all over this lifestyle. Infact you may get more of these disrespectful encounters than respectful ones. Simply ignore them. Life is to short to waste time on them.

(in reply to ruthiexxxx)
Profile   Post #: 121
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/27/2008 10:23:20 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Limits that have the potential for change probably aren't going to be on the hard limit list for people who know themselves well.
I have many on my ewwwwwwwww.. but.. with you, maybe, list.  I have 2 on my never to be touched HARD limits.  That is why they are hard, they are not to be crossed.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55
As for hard limits with regards to BDSM activities, these may change to some extent with experience.


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to MasterWilliam55)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/27/2008 10:50:23 AM   
need2bused6


Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		In my view there are hard limits agreed up on by both parties.  If they are broken you need to run not walk out I didn't and paid for it, This post is not very sub like but I give a Dom control of my life they needs to be able to keep control. The same applies to a safe word if they don't stop when used get out.  I do like the red=stop, yellow= your close and green=more.  Some call this topping from the bottom but I like it because limits can be pushed to the max without the Dom or sub worrying about anyone getting hurt.

_____________________________

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”

(in reply to ruthiexxxx)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/27/2008 11:00:19 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: need2bused6
This post is not very sub like

WTF??????

Your post was moving, need2b, and I'm glad you wrote it, but I have to kick your ass.  I would never consider a woman as a potential sub unless she were willing to speak up the way you do in your post.  HIDING information is not sublike.  FAILING TO PROTECT YOURSELF is not sublike.  I have no time for either of those.  I have real-life relationships, not chatroom fantasies -- and I date women who are sane. 


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to need2bused6)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/27/2008 11:44:22 AM   
need2bused6


Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Your post was moving, need2b, and I'm glad you wrote it, but I have to kick your ass. I would never consider a woman as a potential sub unless she were willing to speak up the way you do in your post. HIDING information is not sublike. FAILING TO PROTECT YOURSELF is not sublike. I have no time for either of those. I have real-life relationships, not chatroom fantasies -- and I date women who are sane.
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: need2bused6
This post is not very sub like

WTF??????

I added that line because I am new to the board and not sure what reaction as a sub I would get from my post.  Thank you.


_____________________________

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/27/2008 7:44:55 PM   
MasterWilliam55


Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline 		Many folks new to this have not yet learned what truly is a hard limit for them. Some of these limits are obvious and most of the community likely shares them. Some limits are labelled as hard limits based on a lack of understanding.
Some activities many would call disgusting and some very dangerous. Folks labeled these also as hard limits for themselves. But I can't count on how many times I've witnessed a hard limit turn into a desired activity.

A Dom leads, not pushes, his submissve to grow and try new things. Through discussions with his sub and a little prompting new activities are either explored or not. If she/he still wants to consider an activity as off limits then he is duty bound to respect that.

20 years ago age play was a hard limit for me. It  appeared to mirror pedophilia. Once I understood the dynamics behind it, I began to appreciate why some people were attracted to it. It ceased to be a hard limit for me and I'm now an experienced Daddy/Dom. I'm sure many can tell of similar changes in their thinking as they were exposed to activities or began to understand what was behind them. Oral sex was a hard limit for many people in the 50's. Now it's a national pastime. Many many people are changing their minds regarding anal sex, cutting, branding etc.

The phrase "hard limits" is often misused.

As a Dom I reserve the right to challange my submissive. If after prompting and some experimentation an activity remains on her "Hard List" then so be it. But if it's a notional limit, I'll find that out.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/27/2008 10:15:41 PM   
ruthiexxxx


Posts: 78
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

Many folks new to this have not yet learned what truly is a hard limit for them. Some of these limits are obvious and most of the community likely shares them. Some limits are labelled as hard limits based on a lack of understanding.
Some activities many would call disgusting and some very dangerous. Folks labeled these also as hard limits for themselves. But I can't count on how many times I've witnessed a hard limit turn into a desired activity.

A Dom leads, not pushes, his submissve to grow and try new things. Through discussions with his sub and a little prompting new activities are either explored or not. If she/he still wants to consider an activity as off limits then he is duty bound to respect that.

20 years ago age play was a hard limit for me. It  appeared to mirror pedophilia. Once I understood the dynamics behind it, I began to appreciate why some people were attracted to it. It ceased to be a hard limit for me and I'm now an experienced Daddy/Dom. I'm sure many can tell of similar changes in their thinking as they were exposed to activities or began to understand what was behind them. Oral sex was a hard limit for many people in the 50's. Now it's a national pastime. Many many people are changing their minds regarding anal sex, cutting, branding etc.

The phrase "hard limits" is often misused.

As a Dom I reserve the right to challange my submissive. If after prompting and some experimentation an activity remains on her "Hard List" then so be it. But if it's a notional limit, I'll find that out.


thank you for that Master William.   i only want to keep the hard limits that are for my protection.  i understand that my Dom wants to push me to the edge in every other way and i know that this will help me,   even when i'm finding it very hard

(in reply to MasterWilliam55)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/27/2008 10:26:17 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: need2bused6
This post is not very sub like

WTF??????

Your post was moving, need2b, and I'm glad you wrote it, but I have to kick your ass.  I would never consider a woman as a potential sub unless she were willing to speak up the way you do in your post.  HIDING information is not sublike.  FAILING TO PROTECT YOURSELF is not sublike.  I have no time for either of those.  I have real-life relationships, not chatroom fantasies -- and I date women who are sane. 



Sweet.  That only leaves the insane ones for me...



_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/28/2008 12:06:43 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		need2beused6
 
Post what you believe and be yourself and not what you think others want to hear.  Be true to yourself and your own convictions and yes, some people might disagree, but just take it on the chin and say, yeah - so we disagree - and don't take it personally.  Don't be something or someone you are not for the sake of a bunch of strangers on a message board and you will be fine.
And welcome to the board!
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to need2bused6)
Profile   Post #: 129
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