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'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 12:56:19 AM   
ruthiexxxx


Posts: 78
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline 		from what i've read about BDSM i got the impression that it was a very responsible movement with a great emphasis on safety and consideration   So why is it so bloody hard to have Doms repect 'hard limits'?!  some just seem to see them as a challenge!
would YOU have unprotected sex with a stranger??!! would YOU send compromising photos or cam to someone you'd never met?!
why do i have to feel bad because i have a few shreds of sanity left
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 1:01:58 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		until/unless they are YOUR dominant....

you're always free to tell them to go piss up a rope., you know?

one person's hard limit might not make sense to another.  example:  tickling.  some people might think its not big deal.  to me, it is, because it brings back childhood memories of being tickled till i peed myself, till i was about to throw up, and being told to stop being a baby about it. 

so that isnt pleasurable to me at all, its torture.

kitten

(in reply to ruthiexxxx)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 1:05:37 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ruthiexxxx

from what i've read about BDSM i got the impression that it was a very responsible movement with a great emphasis on safety and consideration   So why is it so bloody hard to have Doms repect 'hard limits'?!  some just seem to see them as a challenge!
would YOU have unprotected sex with a stranger??!! would YOU send compromising photos or cam to someone you'd never met?!
why do i have to feel bad because i have a few shreds of sanity left



Feel free to ignore, block, delete anyone with whom you are not compatible and just move on. Also, feel free not to feel bad. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to ruthiexxxx)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 1:43:51 AM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Some people are just too used to being in control and expect any and everyone to bow before them. I think everyone, submissive or not or even in this sort of "lifestyle" or not has a limit and as human beings those limits deserve to be respected.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 1:52:37 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ruthiexxxx
from what i've read about BDSM i got the impression that it was a very responsible movement with a great emphasis on safety and consideration   So why is it so bloody hard to have Doms repect 'hard limits'?!  some just seem to see them as a challenge!
would YOU have unprotected sex with a stranger??!! would YOU send compromising photos or cam to someone you'd never met?!
why do i have to feel bad because i have a few shreds of sanity left


i know its hard to imagine, but once upon a time there was no such thing as a personal computer and cell phones were science-fiction.  Back in those days, some people (99.9% male) would dial random telephone numbers and 'talk dirty' to any female they happened upon.  These were called 'obscene phone calls'.  The caller would often describe what he was going to do to the random female who just happened to answer the telephone, while he masturbated, or used the encounter as masturbation material later.  The caller did not know the person he had called, probably didn't even know what number he'd dialed, and the talk was pure fantasy regardless of how upsetting it may have been to the victim.

Now, do you see any parallels to the above senario when conversing with 'Doms' through electronic communications?

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to ruthiexxxx)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 2:15:30 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ruthiexxxx

from what i've read about BDSM i got the impression that it was a very responsible movement with a great emphasis on safety and consideration   So why is it so bloody hard to have Doms repect 'hard limits'?!  some just seem to see them as a challenge!
would YOU have unprotected sex with a stranger??!! would YOU send compromising photos or cam to someone you'd never met?!
why do i have to feel bad because i have a few shreds of sanity left



you let YOURSELF feel bad.  Ignore them.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to ruthiexxxx)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 2:18:18 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		be greatful....these are folks that you want to have nothing to do with, and you would rather find out as soon as possible....

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 4:19:22 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		eyesopened. How many of these calls did you get?  Simple explanation for the photos. I have a huge file of them.  Exibitionist. Some women like to show what they have either thru photos or cam. Do you feel that makes to much competition for you. Why does any of this bother you anyway.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 4:34:30 AM   
Taboo4Two


Posts: 170
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: NH, TX
Status: offline 		Limits don't apply until both sides have agreed to them. What you're seeing is just plain old horny net geekness at its finest. Ignore them, plain and simple.

Once you are in a relationship I think you'll find that some of your "hard" limits become a little softer over time.

To your comment "why do I have to feel bad...." take these words from Eleanor Roosevelt to heart...."no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Domino

(in reply to ruthiexxxx)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 4:41:59 AM   
ruthiexxxx


Posts: 78
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

eyesopened. How many of these calls did you get?  Simple explanation for the photos. I have a huge file of them.  Exibitionist. Some women like to show what they have either thru photos or cam. Do you feel that makes to much competition for you. Why does any of this bother you anyway.



why does it bother me!!!!!   a little matter of professional standing and not wanting to blow it..      of not wanting to give blackmail or revenge material to a stranger.  fuckin common sense i call it
but thank most of you for your support.
maybe its time for another Slaves Revolt!
and its lovely to see Crowley quoted


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 5:07:19 AM   
AtlantaMistress


Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ruthiexxxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

eyesopened. How many of these calls did you get?  Simple explanation for the photos. I have a huge file of them.  Exibitionist. Some women like to show what they have either thru photos or cam. Do you feel that makes to much competition for you. Why does any of this bother you anyway.



why does it bother me!!!!!   a little matter of professional standing and not wanting to blow it..      of not wanting to give blackmail or revenge material to a stranger.  fuckin common sense i call it
but thank most of you for your support.
maybe its time for another Slaves Revolt!
and its lovely to see Crowley quoted




It shouldn't bother you though...that is just negative energy - simply let it go and move on. If you are not in some kind of real relationship with the Dom - you owe him nothing, and do not put your reputation in danger. If you have "hard limits" that are not being respected, simply walk away without a second thought - the other person is just not right for you. Be secure and confident with who you are and what you have to offer, and know that it is their loss. It would only bother you if you let it - somehow feeling that by having the integrity you do to stick to your guns makes you not as worthy. I have had someone scream in my face I was a fucking bitch once. I calmy told him I am happy with who I am, and know I am the only person I can truly make happy and truly control (I only have control over someone when they give it to me, and you cannot expect others to make you happy if you can't make yourself happy). I told if it made him happy to call me that, ok...please move out of my way so I can leave. He was FURIOUS that I didn't let it effect me one bit.

Once you are in a real D/s relationship, your limits (on both sides) should be discussed, agreed upon, and respected. Until then, just see this kind of behavior from someone as a sign to move on, that they are Dominating from insecurity typically, not confidence, and be happy that you saw the signs early on.

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.


(in reply to ruthiexxxx)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 5:49:07 AM   
ruthiexxxx


Posts: 78
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline


    i couldnt agree more Mistress Sandy.   i'm here to do what I want.   if i find a Dom who  will respect my boundaries then i will be the subbie from heaven.......and if not then heaven help Him!

(in reply to AtlantaMistress)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 5:49:47 AM   
Skully7000


Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline 		Personally i do see hard limits as a challenge...but not in the scummy asshole way of forcing past them. in the "wow I have a lot of work to do to get my sub/slave to trust me, trust him/herself to work past those limits" something that takes time, trust, respect and all those other positive relationship things....

but to the OP:
I agree with some of the other people here...it sounds like you need to take those Shreds of Sanity and sew them together a bit. you are the one in control of the situation. you choose to give up control whenever you want to and then can take it back just as easily... hopefully you use that wisely.

don't get flustered by internet assholes and wanksters. someone who does not RESPECT you or your limits could not be your dom...
goodluck
~Skully

(in reply to AtlantaMistress)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 5:50:23 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

and if not then heaven help Him!


no no!!!!  IF NOT..then you are to late

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to ruthiexxxx)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 6:22:05 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ruthiexxx

why does it bother me!!!!!   a little matter of professional standing and not wanting to blow it..      of not wanting to give blackmail or revenge material to a stranger.  fuckin common sense i call it
but thank most of you for your support.
maybe its time for another Slaves Revolt!
and its lovely to see Crowley quoted




Just like to remind you that no matter how often someone asks/demands you send them x-rated pctures, it is still your choice to do so or not. No matter what, you still have the control on who you send pics to, irregardless if one is a sub or a dom or a switch. It all bloils down to how you determine if the risk is valid or inconsequential!


_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to ruthiexxxx)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 6:36:46 AM   
ThunderRoad


Posts: 231
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		As a Dom, I always respect "hard limits".  However, I do think it's very warranted to discuss WHY it's a hard limit, and not necessarily accept "cuz I don't like it" as an answer. 

It's been my experience that many hard limits are things that are actually a mask for a deeper issue (for example:  "I won't do age-play" when discussed I find out that the person was molested as a child).  This is partially the psychologist and counselor in me (former professional life) and partially because sometimes people project one thing they don't want to deal with on to something only tangentally related.

(in reply to beargonewild)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 6:40:57 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Todays hard limit may be tomorrows craving...:)

Jeff

(in reply to ruthiexxxx)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 6:42:12 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		So you've never met a guy in a bar who can't understand the word no? No different than real life, alas. Lots of fools everywhere.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 6:43:23 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		There comes a time when you learn to laugh at the idiotic stuff that gets demanded of you. Frankly I find the stuff really amusing these days. That kind of junk is part of the early weed-out period and those weeds get tossed very quickly.

If you wait, the Dom-of-your-dreams will come. It just takes a long time and a huge compost pile.


_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to ruthiexxxx)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 6:43:41 AM   
ThunderRoad


Posts: 231
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
Todays hard limit may be tomorrows craving...:)


That's generally been my experience.  :)

You just need to understand the background of why something is a hard limit; what is that fear.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 20
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