fornowimjustlook
Posts: 3
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline
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Greetings Lady Hathor, and others!
I am new here, on collarme, just looking around at the moment and have not even developed my profile yet, but I have given a lot of thought to the issues that you bring up here.
Basically, I could not agree with you more.
Yes, as you, and others, have said, your list is your list. For others, some of the specifics might be different but, no matter what, the realities of life have to be dealt with, one way or another.
This includes other ‘realities’ than financial, by the way.
No matter how 24/7/365 one might like it to be, the fact is that other realities of life are going to come up, and they will have to be handled, often outside of the BDSM side of the relationship. Perhaps this is another thread however. Since your topic is on financial realities I will attempt to stay more on that topic.
From your opening paragraph it sounds like you see a lot of men who expect, or desire, to enter into some form of d/s based relationship, with you, whereby they completely abrogate all financial, and perhaps other, responsibilities of the world outside of being your slave? i.e. As part of owning them you cover all their costs of living and financially they contribute nothing? Are there really guys out there that expect this?
While I have listed myself, in my profile, as a switch the fact is I identify much more strongly as a as a slave, or submissive. I am also strictly heterosexual so I don’t spend any time looking at guy’s ads but I see, over and over again, a variation of what I think you are talking about in dominant female ads.
It seems that there is no end to the women out there that think that proclaiming themselves as dominant is a way to generate income for themselves and I’m not talking about the declared professional dominants either.
While most of them do not come right out and say that you better arrive with a dump truck load of money and keep ‘em coming, the euphemisms are there. e.g. You must be generous, or they want to be spoiled, or they want to be pampered and taken care of, or they want lots of gifts, etc., etc. There are, of course, many other ways of putting it.
The bottom line, for me, is I am not willing to pay someone to be in a relationship with them. If I wanted that I would go to a pro. At least then it would be an honest transaction!
Having said that, and I think that perhaps I got a little off your topic again. I would dearly love to be in a DS based relationship with a dominant woman, but I do not expect to quit my job to be her slave, and I do not expect her to quit her job to be my mistress. I do have a pretty decent income, and I suppose I could handle the full financial load for two people, but I guess I just don’t want to. For one thing, no matter how well we could live on my income, we could live still better on two.
Secondly, and perhaps more important, yes I want a dominant woman, but I want more than that. I want a woman who falls in love with me just as I fall in love with her. In addition to being my dominant mistress, I want her to be my best friend and my lover. I want her to want to be with me just as much as I want to be with her.
Now, lets say that I have found this woman and I am her slave and she is my mistress, but as the slave I keep working and paying all the bills and spoil her and pamper her and take care of her as my dominant mistress, while she, as the dominant mistress, does not work but stays home. Certainly though, as a dominant mistress she would not condescend to do house work, of any kind, right? As a slave that’s my job, right?
So then, after I work all day I come home and spend all evening cleaning, cooking, washing clothes taking care of the yard, etc., etc., and since I am doing all the work and all the housework and all the yard work I really don’t have much, if any, time to devote to mistress, do I?
Now mistress, on the other hand, has nothing but time, and not much to do with it, so pretty soon she is probably going to get bored. Then, most likely, she will end up wanting another slave, or another lover. Before you know it she will become more interested in that other slave, or lover since, after all, I am ‘never there for her’ and soon I become completely superfluous except as a money slave, or pay piggy as some like to say, and, of course, as a chore doer.
While some might enjoy this turn of events, it’s not a road I would ever wish to explore.
Far better, I think, for mistress to have her job, as I have mine, and while, as a slave, I would expect to do some housework, since we both have incomes, I think it would be practical to hire a maid to come in weekly and do a lot of the housework, and a yard service to do most of that work and perhaps, gasp!!, mistress could even kick in with a bit of housework from time to time. This way there would be a lot of time for mistress and I to interact and be together.
Moving on, I do want to look at your list a bit more closely but before I do I wish to point out one more harsh reality that, in my opinion, makes your ideas of what a slave, or mistress for that matter, ought to have, all the more important.
No matter how hard we may wish it otherwise, and no matter how hot, and permanent, they may seem at the time, the sad reality is that most relationships eventually end. When, or if, this happens, a person who has all, or most of the things on your list is going to be far less devastated than one who has not. Although it may be very unpleasant either way, far better to have lost only a relationship only than to lose a relationship and a way of life/livelihood.
Also, I really do not want to feel that someone is totally financially dependent on me so that should the relationship end, either by my choice or theirs, that they are being thrown to the wolves.
As a mistress, would you ever want to be totally financially dependent on your slave? That really doesn’t sound very dominant to me.
Now I would like to go down your points, and perhaps add one or two of my own.
quote:
1. you must have healthcare
smokers or drinkers insurance is higher
2. you must have dental insurance
3. you must be able to afford eye exams and eyewear if needed.
4. you must be debt free--if you have a credit card you must be able to pay whatever you charge.
5. you must have a reliable car, legal, inspected ( and your note is not co-signed) and be paying your car insurance
6. you must be able to pay the property tax on said car every year
7. you must have a burial plan or life insurance ( if you have children or other family members, make sure it is paid, the beneficiary named)
8. you will sign a prenup if it comes to that as my estate goes to my UM
9. you must have some kind of Rx insurance
10. ability to pay your income tax federal and state and all back taxes filed and paid
11. ability to pay all storage fees should you leave things behind or store in the new location
12. gas for your car
13. you may be asked to pay for your cigarettes
14. make sure you have made arrangements and documented what happens to things and who does what
15. any and all tickets, citations, arrests must be cleared up.
16. Any divorce issues resolved and paid for.
1, 2, 3, and 9 are, to me, really the same thing. Have healthcare insurance. It is essential, at least in the United States to have good healthcare insurance. I have it. Everyone else should too. Having said that, whether or not she has her own is negotiable to me. I really think it would be better if my mistress has her own but it would not be that big of a thing to put her on mine. The only real problems here are I think I would have to be married to the person, if I ever my job or if we part ways.
4, be debt free. Yes, or have an income great enough that while meeting all your current obligations you can clean up your debt in a year or two
5, 6 and 12 are all about automobile ownership and 15 mostly is. Since I would probably not have any interest in someone who has been arrested, I will treat 15 as if it is totally about automobile ownership. The costs of automobile ownership are not really that huge so, to me these items are really about responsibility. Yes one should certainly be able, financially, to take care of these items, but one should also have the level of responsibility to do so. Would I really want to submit to a domme; to, in a very real way, put my safety and health in her hands, if she was not even responsible enough to keep up with the care and expenses involved in automobile ownership? I’m not so sure.
7, a burial plan. Not so important to me. While, true, these costs are not insignificant, in all likelihood they are a long way off and ultimately not that big of a deal.
8, a prenup. Yes, absolutely. This is hopefully for both of our protection. In the event of disillusionment I want to leave with what I came with as well as most of what I accumulated while we were together and she should be able to leave with what she came with, as well as most of what she accumulated while we were together. I’ll be damned if anybody is going to walk away with all, or even a part of what I have earned, and worked for just because she got a hot shot lawyer and she gave me the best six months of her life, or whatever. On that same subject I imagine it would be a good idea to have some sort of agreement, in writing, for a close, or live in, but non marital, relationship.
10, taxes, past and present. As in 4 above one should either have these covered or have the income to take care of them in a short time.
11, storage fees. This is a minor item and it would not be on my list. Either things are going to work out and these fees would not go on for too long or things would not work out and then it wouldn’t matter.
13, cigarettes. I don’t smoke, and I really do not care to be around anyone who does so this is not an issue.
14, make sure you have made arrangements and documented what happens to things and who does what. I’m not exactly sure what you are talking about here so I really can’t comment on it much.
16. Any divorce issues resolved and paid for. Yes, divorce issues should be resolved or at least the way to, and costs of, final resolution should be clear. However I must point out that it really doesn’t take that long to resolve a divorce so I would have to take a long, hard, look at anyone who was in such a hurry to jump into a relationship with me that their old one was not even resolved yet.
Now for a couple of items I wish to add.
17. Have, and be contributing significantly to, a retirement plan. I know we all hate to think of it, but eventually we will all need this, and, like it or not, social security is not the answer. We are all going to have to cover this for ourselves and I, for one, do not wish to be the greeter at Wal-Mart, and/or be eating dog food in my later years.
18. Be able to live, and happily so, below your and/or our means. Everybody likes nice things. I do to, but I also like knowing that all my bills are paid, I have money in the bank, a fully funded retirement plan, and that if something happens to my job tomorrow I am not going to have checks bouncing all over town and bill collectors calling by the end of the month. If that is not important to you, if you can’t be happy unless you have a new SUV every year, unless you change all the furnishings in the house every couple of years to whatever is trendy, unless you constantly have a closet full of all the latest fashions, and all of them with the right labels, etc., etc., then we will probably not work well together, no matter what your income. Ultimately, it’s not just what you make; it’s also what you keep.
Finally, a caveat to a couple of things I said above when commenting on your list. In regard to 4 and 10, which basically involve debt, I said debt might be ok provided one has the income to retire it fairly quickly. This is only true if the debt was accumulated for a good reason, like, for example, student loans one accumulated while getting a degree that is going to help them get that income, or unforeseen medical expenses. Things like that. If, on the other hand, the debt was accumulated by living high and beyond one’s means that we are going to run right into 18 and I would not be interested.
Look, for what it’s worth, I hope everyone understands what I am trying to say here. I don’t expect, or wish, for a woman to financially carry me, but I don’t wish to totally carry her either. Further I have no preconceived idea of her minimum income either, beyond that it should be, at least, enough to cover most of her basic costs of living. Likely I would make more that her, but it’s not out of the question that she would make more than me. If I make more then, of course, I would expect to carry part of her load and if she makes more then the load might be redistributed a bit, but either way we should both be working toward a comfortable future, for both of us.
Well I am a slow typist and I have literally been working on this for hours. A number of other responses have come in while I was writing it, some of which I agree with and some of which I do not and while I am tempted to add herein to respond to some of them I think I’d rather post this and see what anyone else thinks.
If you have gotten this far, I’d like to thank you for reading, and I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.
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RE: The slap of reality - 
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