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RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 6:54:03 PM

SubbieOnWheels

Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007
By her requiring those, she's assuming her potential partner doesn't. It's like people who post on Craigslist and "require" someone who has a car. By requiring that, they're making an assumption someone wouldn't have a car. In my world, everyone owns a car, and I assume that, therefore, I'd never state I require someone to have a car. Make sense? It's a given, a non-issue, and if someone has all those issues on their radar screen, clearly their standards are quite a bit lower than mine.

Then you and I do not live in the same world. I do not have a car because I do not drive. But then you wouldn't want to be on the same road as I if I were to drive, as I am legally blind and have spotty vision in my good eye. I have lived in Boston and San Francisco, cities with excellent public transportation, and not owned a car; many of my friends - some with high-level positions - also didn't own cars.

But I now live in southern California, and you'd better believe that anyone who shares my home will be asked to own a car so they can drive me places now and then.

Sometimes someone who has been burned (for instance by a sub who expected to be "kept") has every right to expect - and demand - fiscal responsibility and accountability from anyone desiring to share their home.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels

(in reply to flower2007)

Post #: 41

RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 7:03:44 PM

flower2007

Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels
Sometimes someone who has been burned (for instance by a sub who expected to be "kept") has every right to expect - and demand - fiscal responsibility and accountability from anyone desiring to share their home.

<shrug>
That's why I have high standards...so I don't get burned. I still think the whole thing is strange. I always assume someone is financially responsible because I am, and if they aren't, why demand it of them? That's just too risky. Why not just pass them by?

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)

Post #: 42

RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 7:37:46 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Great list, Lady Hathor! I don't have as exhaustive a list of requirements for myself, but I would absolutely expect someone living with me to be able to hold up their end financially.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to flower2007)

Post #: 43

RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 7:38:09 PM

SugarMyChurro

Posts: 1912
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline

This is probably part of the whole negative profile thing. This laundry list is the wrong message to send out into the world. Far better to calculate it all in your own head and see whether a person is worth the risk. You have to take someone as a whole package and not as a discreet series of points to tick off from a list.

(in reply to flower2007)

Post #: 44

RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 8:41:11 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

Lady Hathor you rock you have it right. to many in this world think they are entitled to something big NEWS BREAK

YOU ARE ENTITLED TO NOOOOTHING

(in reply to SugarMyChurro)

Post #: 45

RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 8:52:08 PM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

Lady Hathor you rock you have it right. to many in this world think they are entitled to something big NEWS BREAK

YOU ARE ENTITLED TO NOOOOTHING

i have to agree with you both, nobody should expect a free ride.
PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 46

RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 8:56:34 PM

SinergyNstrumpet

Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SugarMyChurro

This is probably part of the whole negative profile thing. This laundry list is the wrong message to send out into the world. Far better to calculate it all in your own head and see whether a person is worth the risk. You have to take someone as a whole package and not as a discreet series of points to tick off from a list.

I have noticed those who have the huge laundry lists and plenty of preconceived judgments about other people based upon shallow and superficial things (such as how much a person has in their 401k and what sort of car a person has) tend to be without a partner. I have often wondered if those huge lists were just a road block to intimacy. People are not inventories and life just isn't that neat. But then again, I tend to look at the big picture in life, and it is not necessarily someone's fault that their job got offshored, or their spouse left them in a lurch economically, or that their failing health makes them uninsurable.

I was raised in an era when it was impolite to ask people their economic business. It has only been recently that I have begun to ask specific questions of my Daddy about these things because I did not think it was my business because he pays his bills and I pay mine. I wonder if dating is getting to the place that we now have to show someone our investment portfolios

~Sinergy's strumpet~

< Message edited by SinergyNstrumpet -- 3/6/2008 8:58:44 PM >

(in reply to SugarMyChurro)

Post #: 47

RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 9:03:46 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
I think it would be a fantasy for him to expect that I can immediately find another job comparable to the one I'm leaving, especially since he would like me to have a flex schedule so that I can help him sometimes during office hours.

Of course, he doesn't have this list of requirements.

No, but that's one of the big differences between the MaleDom/femsub world and the FemDom/submale world.

As far as the OP, i just wanna know... i've got two cars and six motorcycles (more or less), and enough income to insure them all... but do YOU have the garage space for them?

Stick me in a kennel by the back door if you have to, but my Chrysler deserves to have a roof over hers.

And as i've said countless times before: reality is HIGHLY overrated. Reality is nothing BUT slaps- it can burn for all i care. Show me the exit to fantasy-land and wave good-bye!

< Message edited by petdave -- 3/6/2008 10:00:37 PM >

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 48

RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 9:14:29 PM

SugarMyChurro

Posts: 1912
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline

Well, let's face it - everything in life has strings attached. These laundry lists are an attempt to get someone without strings, or perhaps strings that might hold the situation back somehow. I just think its unrealistic. It's probably immature. I can see the desire to have a problem free life as is possible. But that's just it - life brings you problems.

In a way, I care less what the problems are and more about how the person deals with those problems. It's very well to meet someone and have a great time when things are going smoothly. What about when crisis hits, emotions well up, anger flares, etc.? This goes back to emotional maturity - the precise thing that I feel most people lack.

And right, I'm not alone. My cat and my slave both come with strings attached. My commitment to them is a responsibility that I sometimes wonder if I want. 99% of the time whatever the price I have had to pay has been, it has been worth it.

Going back to how one puts oneself out there, how do these approaches compare?

Scenario A:
--------------
I want this.
I want that.
I want this third thing.
You must have accomplished this.
You must have accomplished that.
You must have accomplished this third thing.

Scenario B:
--------------
I offer this.
I offer that.
I offer this third thing.
I have accomplished this.
I have accomplished that.
I have accomplished this third thing.

Well, there it is...

(in reply to SinergyNstrumpet)

Post #: 49

RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 9:36:07 PM

SinergyNstrumpet

Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I offer this.
I offer that.
I offer this third thing.
I have accomplished this.
I have accomplished that.
I have accomplished this third thing.

Well, there it is...

I much prefer this attitude. It sure seems to work better than the other one. If people are so focused on what they want to get, they certainly cannot focus on what they have to give. Most can spot those with those who are focused on what they want as opposed to what they have to offer.

(in reply to SugarMyChurro)

Post #: 50

RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 9:40:42 PM

SugarMyChurro

Posts: 1912
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline

Damn, suddently I feel the need to rewrite my profile. We dominants are a demanding lot.

Curses!

(in reply to SinergyNstrumpet)

Post #: 51

RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 9:50:05 PM

SubbieOnWheels

Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007
<shrug>
That's why I have high standards...so I don't get burned. I still think the whole thing is strange. I always assume someone is financially responsible because I am, and if they aren't, why demand it of them? That's just too risky. Why not just pass them by?

These ARE standards! They are just as high as yours, only more detailed. Have you never sat down and thought of all the ways you could be taken advantage of and then set about figuring out ways to avoid them? Many wise and responsible people do just that. It's called planning.

Besides, how are you going to know how to "pass them by"? Do you have some sort of "financial responsibility" radar that the rest of us don't have? If so, I'd love to learn your technique.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels

(in reply to flower2007)

Post #: 52

RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 10:15:44 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

FR

Are you kidding me? The harsh reality of life and sitting around reading the paper, going to concerts and movies, taking turns giving eachother ginger ale when we give eachother a stomach flu, planning visits to family together, taking out the recycling...this is better than ANY fantasy I ever could think of. I am fully blessed.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)

Post #: 53

RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 10:25:41 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

I totally agree with LadyHathor that reality exists in 90% of a 24/7 relationship, and I respect her wishes to state her requirements and expectations with regard to the relationship.

I see her point clearly. However there are two words in the laundry list which keep recurring and which I find deeply disturbing - 'you must'. If I were to be presented with such a list at the start of a relationship from my own perspective I'd turn and run like hell.

Not because I'm irresponsible. Far from it. But the reality of a relationship is that it involves two people, it's based on interaction between those two people, and as such the relationship needs space and time to be able to grow and develop.

I see no opportunity for such growth here. I just see a set of inflexible demands from someone who has already worked out how the relationship is going to be. This just gives me the impression that I might as well not be me but someone else, which defeats the whole object of entering into the relationship in the first place.

A couple of thoughts come to mind here. If you're not prepared to accept the risk, don't enter or seek to enter a relationship. Relationships are about responsibility, your own and also to the person you're entering into a relationship with. It's from this responsibility that one finds commitment.

Reality also teaches us that nothing in life is guaranteed, and the same can be said of a relationship between two people. You can have all the good intentions you like, you can make all the statements, declarations and say as many words as you like, but relationships are formed and broken from the actions which result from intentions, declarations and words. The past turns into experience, the future is merely wishes, intentions, and the real relationship exists only in the present.

Reality teaches that everything costs - nothing comes for free, and everything gained or enjoyed must in some way be paid for. A relationship is a serious investment, it's a risk, and if you're not prepared to lose and walk away with nothing then you should sit down and consider whether you really want a relationship.

There's also a lot of lonely people out there. Many of them are lonely, and stay lonely, because they convince themselves that they haven't met their 'match'. They look for the ideal right off. Isn't potential much better?

Dreams are wonderful, especially if they're realistic dreams, but ideals and people tend not to go well together. If you're looking for your ideal, then you're probably still a teenager (at least mentally).

You know how it is with men, not just male submissives but all men. Few ever match up to the ideal straight off, so maybe it's best to look for potential. It's just like with looks, he may gain a few pounds round the tummy and lose a few hairs and maybe a couple of teeth, but usually at some point he grows a soul.

Life is short, VERY short. We are all running in a race we're never going to win against the calendar and the clock, and we don't know the distance. Happiness, like true love, kindness and warmth is in short supply, and you rarely find sympathy in the face of the stranger on the street.

Rather than go through life with a frame expecting someone to fit into it, wouldn't it be far better to first appreciate the work of art for what it is, then frame it?

Most people I find treat others as they want to be treated. Respect starts with oneself and works outwards. If you approach someone with an open mind and open heart, usually they will respond. If they don't, they're not worth knowing.

These are just my thoughts on reality. Agree or disagree as you wish, but they're here and available to all for a moment's reflection.

I wish the OP well and sincerely hope she finds who it is she's looking for sooner rather than later.

< Message edited by stella41b -- 3/6/2008 10:32:59 PM >

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(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 54

RE: The slap of reality - 3/6/2008 10:36:00 PM

fornowimjustlook

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline

I must say I am amazed at some of the responses that have lately come in to this thread, and at some of the assumptions and interpretations that have been made regarding what some people seem to think Lady Hathor said, as opposed to what she actually did say.

quote:

ORIGNAL: flower2007

Thoughts? I'm offended just reading it. Why on earth would you assume someone DIDN'T have their finances together? None of those things are even on my radar screen, because they're non-issues. Why wouldn't I be debt free? Why wouldn't I pay my taxes? Why wouldn't I maintain my car as legally required?

Wow!

I think you should get over yourself.

Offended because someone has standards, financial or otherwise regarding who they wish to let into their lives. Pleeeze.

Also I don’t see where Lady Hathor has assumed anything, about anybody. She has simply stated some qualities that are important to her in a person she would consider getting involved with.

Finally, I don’t know why you wouldn’t be debt free, or pay your taxes, or whatever, because I don't know you, but I do know that lots of people aren’t and don’t. The sad fact is that lots of people go through life running up all the financial obligations they can, and then ignoring them. If they can find someone to pay off these obligations for them, so much the better. Then they can run up a bunch more. Apparently Lady Hathor doesn’t want to get mixed up with any of these people and I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to either.

quote:

ORIGNAL: SugarMYChurro

Because I don't consider other adult human beings my financial responsibility I tend not to worry about the things on the OP's laundry list of requirements. I guess like a previous poster, I see the list as both redundant and with many items being a given in most cases. I wouldn't get involved with someone that had too many issues. But then I also avoid smokers and people with children.

I am much more concerned with who the person in question actually is. I am also concerned with things like honesty and emotional maturity.

You might find a human being could quickly become your financial responsibility if you don’t worry about things like this. Certainly these items are not a given any more than qualities like honesty and emotional maturity are. One must take the trouble to investigate for all qualities that are important to them.

quote:

ORIGNAL: flower2007

By her requiring those, she's assuming her potential partner doesn't. It's like people who post on Craigslist and "require" someone who has a car. By requiring that, they're making an assumption someone wouldn't have a car.

Again, I don’t see where Lady Hathor is assuming anything here, just stating her requirements, and by the way not everyone has a car. Further, some of those who do have a car only have it for as long as they can successfully keep it hidden from the repo man, the tax man and the police man.

quote:

ORIGNAL: SugarMyChurro

This is probably part of the whole negative profile thing. This laundry list is the wrong message to send out into the world. Far better to calculate it all in your own head and see whether a person is worth the risk. You have to take someone as a whole package and not as a discreet series of points to tick off from a list.

Funny, From Lady Hathor’s post I didn’t get that she was posting this as a list, but in was, in fact, more or less, is doing the calculations in her nead.

Further, while I agree with you that you have to take a person as a whole, the things she is talking about are part of the whole. Also, we all have deal killers. (Items that are so important to us that they would disqualify a person from consideration no matter what their other qualities might be.) Perhaps financial irresponsibility (which I think is what Lady Hathor’s list really comes down to) is a deal killer for her. I know it would be for me.

quote:

ORIGNAL: SinergyNstrumpet

I have noticed those who have the huge laundry lists and plenty of preconceived judgments about other people based upon shallow and superficial things (such as how much a person has in their 401k and what sort of car a person has) tend to be without a partner.

I have noticed that people who jump into relationships without bothering to take the trouble to find out if the person they are jumping with has the qualities they desire are soon without a partner too. Unfortunately by the time they are without that partner they have usually been hurt or damaged in some way.

By the way, I didn’t see anyone see anyone specifying dollar amounts or model of car here. What I see is someone asking for financial responsibility. This is not superficial. This is a core value.

quote:

ORIGNAL: SugarMyChurro

In a way, I care less what the problems are and more about how the person deals with those problems.

I think the answers to the things on Lady Hathor’s list will go a long way in revealing how a person deals with their problems, or if they even deal with them at all.

quote:

ORIGNAL: SugarMyChurro

Going back to how one puts oneself out there, how do these approaches compare?

Scenario A:
--------------
I want this.
I want that.
I want this third thing.
You must have accomplished this.
You must have accomplished that.
You must have accomplished this third thing.

Scenario B:
--------------
I offer this.
I offer that.
I offer this third thing.
I have accomplished this.
I have accomplished that.
I have accomplished this third thing.

Why pick one over the other?

I would say that the best approach would be to combine elements of A and B, don’t you think? That way a viewer could see both some of what we are looking for, and some of what we have to offer right up front at the beginning. This could save a lot of time for all concerned.

Well this thread has been most interesting, but it’s late here and I’m tired, so I’m off.

I can’t wait to see where this has gone by tomorrow!

(in reply to LadyLynx)

Post #: 55

RE: The slap of reality - 3/7/2008 1:16:20 AM

Maestro66babycak

Posts: 396
Status: offline

imho.......I think that if you own property you should be the one taking care of it. Whether male or female dominant doesnt matter. It is also my opinion that if your property makes all the money or more money than you do then that makes the dominant male or female look really bad. Dont get all riled up over this, after all it is only my opinion, my thoughts...and you did ask for thoughts.
No disrespect or crunching of toes intended.
Respectfully Submitted,
babycakes

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 56

RE: The slap of reality - 3/7/2008 2:02:53 AM

AS11

Posts: 45
Joined: 2/17/2008
Status: offline

As I review your list, I see a logical reasonable and realistic thought process in action. The requirements you impose are no more or less then common sense and I strongly suspect anyone not measuring up to these basic requirements will not measure up to your many other expectations either.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 57

RE: The slap of reality - 3/7/2008 2:46:46 AM

chezzy52

Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

Alright..this is my reality...1)i am in a very bad marriage and how i will extricate myself from said marriage remains a problem2)We just bought a brand new car(who gets the car when we split)??3)I am on Social Security Disability and my income is set every month which means basically no finance company on the planet would finance a car for me to get around on my own4)which also means i don't have the coin lying around to go purchase one on my own5)With that said,the car payment is $302.00/month.That would leave me with about $650.00 for the rest of the month and now add health care costs..another possible $120.00 so now i am down to $530.00.Have to put money aside for expenses and in my world that would be about $250 to $300 a month and now i am left with a paltry at best a paltry $280..not much you can give a Domina to help out with home expenses correct??Then again..that's $280 you didn't have before.6)I am Diabetic which means i have "limp dick" and the cost of viagara quite frankly is not worth a hardon for me which also means that the field has now thinned considerably because sex is too important.7)I love my wife..Why???Because she accepts the limp dick and knows quite well that my fingers and tongue still are functioning exquisitely well but she is a fucking hillbilly slob and i hate filth(not her body just the house and trust me,there is more here than meets the eye)so therefore i will not clean it alone8)I live in a red state!!Yes for all you southerners..i had to laugh the other day when driving i saw a bumper sticker with the "Rebel Flag"on it and it said heritage not hate!!I can see where y'all are trying to justify that your great-great-great grandpappy fought at Shiloh or something but the bottom line is your heritage forever and a day will be you were traitors to your own country and wanted to keep people of color as slaves.Yet i see "Rebel Flags" flying around here proudly.It is 143 years later and they are still holding onto this notion that what they did was right.How many of you know that Vicksburg,Mississippi did not celebrate the 4th of July for over 75 years because Pickett's Charge ended Gettysburg and Vicksburg also fell on that day to U.S.Grant.9)Please keep your car clean..c'mon do i really have to explain this??10)Who really wants me in their right mind now knowing what i just typed???One must admit..i have alot of balls even if the blood doesn't rush to them or my cock as easily as it once did.

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)

Post #: 58

RE: The slap of reality - 3/7/2008 3:18:45 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

i don't have dental insurance because frankly it makes more sense to have a Medical Savings Account, since dental insurance is WAY expensive and pays at best only 50% of costs after deductibles etc.

burial plan? Well, my burial plan as i discussed with my offspring is "Don't claim the body!!!" If asked to identify the body just say "sorry, never saw her before in my life"

i do believe that people should be able to pay their own way and not look at relationships as meal-tickets but then when i move to live with Master, i will be giving up a good job with benefits without any guarantees that i will be able to find comparable work. And i have no idea how long it might take to find a job. If Master expected me to already have everything lined up and already have a job set up before i move there....well i might never move. However, He wants me with Him more than He is worried that He may have to cover some expenses for a bit while i get employed. He's pretty wonderful like that.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 59

RE: The slap of reality - 3/7/2008 3:24:19 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

Get your blood sugar under control, and your dick might come back.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to chezzy52)

Post #: 60

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