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Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/14/2004 11:20:03 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Yesterday I had to let go of a slave I had collared. Why? Because she had lied to me. She finally had to tell the truth because the lie had caught up to her.
I won't go into what the lie was, I am just here to say, why can't people be honest? Be honest in your intentions and desires from the start. Especially if you plan on meeting in r/l. Why is this so hard to do? Dishonesty will always bite you in the ass. Unfortunately, others get bitten as well. It happens over and over. Be honest! That is always the best way.
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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/14/2004 11:33:05 PM   
ProDomme


Posts: 50
Joined: 1/8/2004
Status: offline 		Couldn't agree more...

Mean what you say, say what you mean.


.. I would rather be hurt with the truth then mislead by a lie!

(in reply to Estring)
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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/15/2004 12:03:13 AM   
crystalslave


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		why can't people be honest? Why is this so hard to do?
Something I ask myself all the time. Like W/we won't find out? Gimme a break. Ever thought of the other person's feeling when Y/you do lie to someone?
Mom always said, "treat others the way you want to be treated" and that is something my kids already know!!!

(in reply to Estring)
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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/15/2004 5:56:02 AM   
ShadowHwk


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline 		People lie in order to get what they want. This usually backfires - in the most miserable of ways.

You never get to tell JUST ONE lie. Because we are not perfect, that lie will have a flaw. To cover that flaw requires another lie, and like the first, the second is flawed as well, and before long the single lie has become a web of lies which become impossible to manage - when that happens the truth usually comes out.

Say what you mean, Mean what you say, DO what you say your going to do.

And of course the tried and true, but no less meaningful:

The truth will set you free.

ShadowHwk

(in reply to Estring)
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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/15/2004 8:55:35 AM   
Arykus


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
Generally speaking, most people lie as a protective measure. There is something they are embarassed of, or view as weakness, or simply think is insufficient to a particular situation. They want to re-enforce themselves by building up strength around those weaknesses, or by hiding them alltogether.

As to the "Why is it so common" - people, in general, have an inherent fear of allowing someone control over what they percieve to be their most weak points, without having a counter-control over the opposing individual. Even submissives, though often the fear in question is subterverted into a sexual excitement.

(in reply to Estring)
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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/15/2004 12:56:00 PM   
gabrielofcalgary


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/15/2004
Status: offline 		On one hand, some P/people cannot handle the truth and unfortunately, non-truth is propagated through a mutual assumption. Yet, it is very important to realize that truth begins with oneself. Being honest with yourself and then it will follow through that you are honest with others. Its hard to be honest because it means not only showing your good side, but revealing your weaknesses as well. Admitting weakness is one step forward to overcoming that weakness or at least dealing with it properly.

(in reply to Estring)
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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/15/2004 5:29:30 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I think it's important to note that sinful omission is the same thing as a lie. Not telling at all, if the intent is to deceive, is still a lie.

I know a LOT of people who play the 'I didn't lie, I just didn't tell the whole truth' game. It doesn't wash (unless you're a codependent fool).


Suz

(in reply to Estring)
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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/15/2004 7:18:14 PM   
midnightrose


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline 		In reference to honesty, we had occasion to have a sub in our home that we were considering. We knew this girl from a local group that we belonged to, and also from other friends. In the 5 days she was in our home, she ran up $166 in long distance calls, needed medication filled that we paid for, and generally took advantage of every kindness we offered her. She left our home at midnight with someone she called to come get her and we havent seen her since. She left belongings here. It left a bad taste in my mouth. She lives her life bouncing from house to house as a sub, with no marketable skills to live a real life. We found that out AFTER the fact. I realize I'm rambling, but it still pisses me off that our generosity was abused.

(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/16/2004 7:42:42 AM   
strictandcruel


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Good subject

My ex wife/sexual submissive has a photographic memory, tell her a lie, than tell her something else ten years later she will call you on it, every time! btw she is still a very good and trusted friend.

I learned a long time ago that if you always tell the truth you don't have to remember what you told whom..

I have a blunt way of posting and talking and if people can't handle the truth as I see it Oh Well!

strictandcruel

(in reply to midnightrose)
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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/16/2004 8:13:23 AM   
trnmastr


Posts: 24
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Most cant be honest because they are living a fantasy here online. They find out about the kink, they get horny, they make up a whole new person, they play the online game, then poof they are gone.
Bottom line, never get really involved until you are in R/T with someone.

William

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/18/2004 12:18:56 PM   
masokissed


Posts: 21
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Magick and then some
Status: offline 		If i might ref the original post...
Lies are less available when we take time to get to know each other and get off the friggin net to do it. I think anyone on the net has a burn story, and even some of us who went form net to r/l. And perceptions are like assholes... what it comes down to is, we are responsible for ourselves and the impact "WE" cause to others...
People, we are grown... lets act like it..

Lanette..

P.S.
What i tell people is, i would rather choke on the truth, than swallow a sweet lie...

_____________________________

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BDSMTraditionalist
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/positivechoices

"All men desire a woman true to her devotion,
strong in her beliefs and grounded in her honor,
but few are worthy of her.-"

(in reply to trnmastr)
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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/18/2004 5:00:02 PM   
druidic


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/18/2004
Status: offline 		Probably due to the fact that they don't realize it's a short tern fix to lie.

Honesty is just easier. I would rather chase off a sub with who I am ,rather than play games to get someone I won't ultimately get to keep due to being dishonest.

I'm a heavy Top I have wierd kinks.

So I know matches for My needs will be rare.

So I began honesty with not lying to MYSELF.......

Gives one a sense of peace.

(in reply to masokissed)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/18/2004 6:32:28 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

trnmastr [/quote

People are'nt honest because the moral make-up of society has crumbled. People don't truly know the meaning of the word integrity.
Look at the gangs. Demanding respect from the world yet they don't even respect themselves.
Families of the old days have crumbled. Its only going to get worse. It is'nt only in the lifestyle its in life. Its a very rare jewel anymore to find someone who does indeed have integrity.

Gloria

(in reply to druidic)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/19/2004 8:26:04 AM   
kashmirslave


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Hello all. This is my first post on here, but i wanted to share my "sob" story of sorts with you. I just lost someone that i considered to be my closest online friend, so close that the two of us called each other sis. We never got to meet RT but were, or so i thought, planning to one day. We were IM'ng each other daily, then she just disappeared. She was supposedly collared to a Master that lived in another state, and was supposed to be moving to be with him, but come the time that she was to move she all of a sudden had all these excuses why she couldnt go. I knew something was up but wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. One day i was in a chat room and her former Master came in, i IMd him about what had happened to her, and he told me what had happened. She is married and only comes online and lies about her whole life, she is not a sub at all and just wanting to lead ppl on. When her Master started to push her about moving there, she finally had run out of excuses, and her rl hubby made her call her Master and tell him the truth. Then instead of coming clean with me and all her other so called friends, she deletes her SN off aol without any explanation at all. Sorry for going on so long but i am still very hurt over this, she completely had me. I considered her one of my best friends. Beware who you trust ppl.

(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/19/2004 8:46:09 PM   
DocHolliday


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/10/2004
Status: offline 		There also seems to be a ration of men on here posing as female submissives, for whatever thrill that brings. All they seek is cyber sex and shit. Man, sometimes I think the internet has done as much damage to the lifestyle as it has done good.
Worse than that, I got interested in someone who seemed to be ready to do it all in real life, but I soon learned she was in it only for cyber sex. Yep, honesty is right out the window here in the new millenium.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/19/2004 9:39:40 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Yep the horror stories are everywhere, especially online. There was a person that pretended to have a near fatal car accident to gain sympathy from everyone that knew her online. I have known people to fake deaths, make up extra names to *test* people, ect. Online allows for anonymity. That in turn allows for easy deceit,,,,

I admit, I have been lucky. I have met many from online RL. Only a very few occassions was I mislead. Percentage wise, I am sure I hear as many or more untruths in person at the bar we go to or at any poker table (after all, no one loses) than online. But I know I am probably the minority in that.

Sandy

(in reply to DocHolliday)
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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/20/2004 2:20:20 AM   
DocHolliday


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/10/2004
Status: offline 		Ya know, there's got to be something cerebrally fucked up about someone who would fake a car wreck online to get sympathy. Damn, how does someone get so secluded and become such a loser they feel the need to fake injury to get attention? Jumpin' jesus on a pogostick!

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/20/2004 6:52:54 AM   
CallMeSir


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I believe that honesty is vital in this lifestyle due to the nature of it. If you can't be honest with Y/yourself and O/others then you should take a hard cold look into rather or not you should be in this lifestyle.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/20/2004 9:05:51 AM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Yes Sir, it definitely is fucked up. It came to light a few weeks later when someone happened to *stop by* to see how she was recovering (she had given them her correct address one time and forgot). Lifestyle *lying* stories I know tend to have to do with looks, likes, and about being married,,,

Sandy

(in reply to DocHolliday)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/21/2004 7:48:36 AM   
trnmastr


Posts: 24
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Ya know, there's got to be something cerebrally fucked up about someone who would fake a car wreck online to get sympathy. Damn, how does someone get so secluded and become such a loser they feel the need to fake injury to get attention? Jumpin' jesus on a pogostick!


I got a better one for ya
When in CA a sub lied about the death of her dom. She cried about how broke she was and how he had left her with all these bills and stuff.
Well, the community had a fund rasier gave her the cash.
About a year later, poof he reappears.
LOL

William

(in reply to DocHolliday)
Profile   Post #: 20
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