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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/8/2005 8:11:34 PM

GentleLady

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quote:

In fact, I am convinced that most people don't really want honesty. They say they do, but they really prefer to be told what they want to hear. If we rewarded honesty more, people would be more honest.

I agree in theory but not on a case by case basis. I want to hear the truth no matter how painful it may be to hear. I know that the truth may change...i.e. the way you feel today about X might not be the way you feel next year...and I do not consider that lying because you have told the truth AT THE TIME.

editied to add: Lying to Me about something important (and most things are) is a deal breaker.

Gentle Lady

< Message edited by GentleLady -- 8/8/2005 8:12:43 PM >

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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/8/2005 8:19:45 PM

IronBear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady

quote:

In fact, I am convinced that most people don't really want honesty. They say they do, but they really prefer to be told what they want to hear. If we rewarded honesty more, people would be more honest.

I agree in theory but not on a case by case basis. I want to hear the truth no matter how painful it may be to hear. I know that the truth may change...i.e. the way you feel today about X might not be the way you feel next year...and I do not consider that lying because you have told the truth AT THE TIME.

editied to add: Lying to Me about something important (and most things are) is a deal breaker.

Gentle Lady

There in lays the crux of a number of lies. Perspectives change and we do not see the same thing the same way. Nor do most of really listen to what is said but what we take in and think we hear is our own synopsis of what was actually said. Thus what you see and hear and understand at the time, may well not be what was reality for the other person. I'm likely to repeat something back (if it is important or I truly dont understand) to may sure that I do understand what the other person did say.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 8/8/2005 9:07:36 PM >

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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/8/2005 8:32:02 PM

LilyOR

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I think that people just have self esteem issues, and hope that the person they're corresponding with will become so enamored with what they show, that the 1 or 2 things they lied about "won't matter". Almost as if it buys them time to gain some sort of intimacy or emotional bond with the person.

Sure there are predators, etc...too. I just think that the most common lies tend to revolve around peoples appearance or lifestyle choices, and stem from a self-dislike.

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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/8/2005 8:59:05 PM

tara

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quote:

Honour

that pretty much sums up what i said. And YES i feel that people had much more of it and it meant much more to them way back when. If one has honour, one doesnt lie. Simple

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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/8/2005 10:12:57 PM

GentleLady

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quote:

There in lays the crux of a number of lies. Perspectives change and we do not see the same thing the same way. Nor do most of really listen to what is said but what we take in and think we hear is our own synopsis of what was actually said. Thus what you see and hear and understand at the time, may well not be what was reality for the other person. I'm likely to repeat something back (if it is important or I truly dont understand) to may sure that I do understand what the other person did say.

That is exactly what I do. And when I ask a deep question I tell the person to take a few days and think about their answer first. Too often the initial response or answer turns out to be somewhat different from the one they arrive at after thinking things through and examining themselves.

What I hear is filtered through My personal perceptions and experiences...it can be a long way from what was actually meant by the person. Then you have to take into account that different words mean different things to people....for example: what I call a friendship may be only a casual relationship to you. Then try and mix cultures where the words themselves have entirely different meanings and you can get lots of mis-communication. BTW...'cheerios' are a small round breakfast cereal...the things called 'cheerios' in Australia I call cocktail sausages.

Gentle Lady

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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/8/2005 10:18:52 PM

RavenofPK

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Greetings Estring,

From what I have learned in another thread, the answer to this one is unfortunately simple:

They just don't care.

Lack of integrity.

Be well,

Raven

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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/8/2005 10:34:12 PM

thelight

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I also wonder, why can't people be real, genuine, be their true self? I think that it takes a lot of energy and effort to be someone you are not and it will eventually fall apart. I try to be genuine, with the thought (hope) that I will receive that in return. I do realize that it is a naive way to think in cyber space. Yet I truly feel that it is the way I will find what it is I seek.

I think this is an oversimpification. Being one's true self at all times just isn't practical. For example, I have a co-worker whom I realy disike. I could "be my true self," and tell her how I feel about her, and if she asks a favor I could refuse, just to be mean. But she's in good with the boss, and if she knew how I felt about her, she would snitch me out every time I do anything that isn't 100% by the book. So I am civil with her, just because I don't want her constantly up my ass.

I have some racist reatives, who often use derogatory words to refer to minorities. I feel like caling them all a bunch of ignorant hicks, but doing so isn't going to make them any less racist, and seeing me argue with my relatives would upset my mother, so I bite my tongue.

Or suppose I'm just starting to see a woman I really like. I get infatuated very easily, and might spend the whole day thinking of her. I am also insecure, and if she doesn't call me one day, I might worry that I said something to upset her, and be afraid that she's never going to call me again. I have shown this side of myself to women on several occasions, and every time I do, things end disasterously. I have found that I have much more success when I keep my emotions in check in the early stages of a relationship, and force myself to play it cool, even though that's not how I feel at all.

All in all, I think there's a time and a pace to be one's self, but there's also a time and a place to prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet.

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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/8/2005 10:49:30 PM

Lordandmaster

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If you're referring to your "eating cake" rant, that's not what you "learned" at all. It's what you alleged after you got frustrated because people weren't agreeing with you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenofPK

From what I have learned in another thread, the answer to this one is unfortunately simple:

They just don't care.

Lack of integrity.

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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/8/2005 11:14:13 PM

RavenofPK

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

If you're referring to your "eating cake" rant, that's not what you "learned" at all. It's what you alleged after you got frustrated because people weren't agreeing with you.

Good grief, man! Were you even reading the same thread as everyone else was??? There were a few people that did agree with me. But that's beside the point. I was hardly interested in everyone agreeing with me. In fact........I even invited people to "prove me wrong". Some did. Some didn't. And I have to, in turn, laugh in your face this time, using your own assinine words, paraphrased: You're assumption that you know ME enough to to presume what I learned, or didn't learn. THAT proves that you don't know what you are talking about, let alone have anything productive to add aside from a personal dislike for me. Try addressing the post, and not the poster, and this little "dance" between us just may come to an end. And.........YOU may just learn something yourself.

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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/9/2005 12:07:18 AM

Lordandmaster

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It's disingenuous to profess to have "learned" something that you believed from the beginning.

Oh, and it's spelled "asinine," Einstein.

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 8/9/2005 11:24:58 AM >

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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/9/2005 5:49:31 AM

MasterRobert1

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Biggest problem with deceit and deception online is the fact that too many of the people are, first and foremost, deceiving themselves. They aren't Dom or sub. They are frustrated vanillas looking for foreplay for vanilla sex. That's the basic long and short of it.

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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/9/2005 11:11:42 AM

zaynab

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dominmd

Simple answer. Everyone lies in one way or another at one time or another. It is human nature and the beast that kills friendships and relationships.

Try as we may, we all lie. Some are hurtful lies and some are white lies. Hurtful ones we all know about. White lies are to protect those we love.

Hello: Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, the Boogie man. All lies. White ones, but lies none the less.

dominmd..... I don't lie. ~ zay

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