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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/21/2004 7:55:26 AM

trnmastr

Posts: 24
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

There is so much BS flying around the net its amazing.
How many of us have heard about the sub that was almost beated to death. No one ever really talks to her or knows her except the person talking about it. Pretty soon its all over the place and people believe it.
I have seen where someone had a pretty heavy scene at a party. She was fine and liked it, it was what she wanted.
Someone at the party beleived that what happened wasnt right and started this story about how this sub was beaten to a pulp.
Well you can imagine the outrage of all the onliners.
So one day the women who had the scene was in a chat room and the subject came up. She set them straight, but low and behold they didnt believe her.
For many this is a forum for drama and they have to have some excitement in thier lives.
Honesty doesnt cut it for them because they live a boring life.

William

(in reply to trnmastr)

Post #: 21

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/26/2004 3:47:46 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

got a better one for ya
When in CA a sub lied about the death of her dom. She cried about how broke she was and how he had left her with all these bills and stuff.
Well, the community had a fund rasier gave her the cash.
About a year later, poof he reappears

I don't remember that. Do you know of what year that happened?
Was it within the past ten years?

(in reply to trnmastr)

Post #: 22

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/31/2004 8:50:41 AM

Tica

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

There are many players. Be careful. Now i don´t believe in real Masters online. I was very harm and i learned very well the lesson.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 23

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 1/31/2004 11:00:13 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I am sorry to hear of Your pain tica, it sounds as tho you ran into a preditor posibly whom levitate with in Our Lifestyle and pray on those whom do not have the skills taught to weed them out. I can assure you tica that there are real Masters and Mistresses here on line and sum very fine Honorable Ones at that. I have found sum of My best contracts and colars right here on collarme.com and the world wide web and all tho online does not take the place of a real life Gathering of like minds in a Munchies group or Public Dungeon it sure opens up the field to find that which is suited for ones * kinks better so that We can find that special sum One or those whom desire to be One of a Group. Dont give up your desires or search tica, and in the future use those of Us here if need be to assist you in that which you find that interestes you and you feel wary I am sure My self included that I have no issue interviewing a possible Dominant in any suplicants steed whom might not yet posess the skills to protect them selfs, after all that is My Place in the scheme of things tica, to protect Our submisisves and slaves with in Our Lifestyle.

(in reply to trnmastr)

Post #: 24

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 2/1/2004 9:48:36 AM

nortons

Posts: 23
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Why can't people be honest?

If you lie about who you are and the other rejects you, you haven't lost anything. They only rejected your false front.

But if you are honest about who you are, you are taking a big chance. If the other person knows the real me and she rejects me, she has rejected the real me and that can be very painful.

Heard an interesting story. Guy was driving along in a new convertible wearing a $500 suit and a $50 haircut. But his shorts and socks were old and had holes in them. He was creating a great impresssion but behind the outside trappings was the scared little boy.

I try to put my best foot forward and want to create a good impression but I won't lie to do it. Example: On a first date I try to wear a shirt that matches my food so it won't show if I spill food on my shirt! It's when you cross the line between creating a good impression and creating a false impression that trouble starts.

Quick test: On your first real live face to face date does she look like her picture? I personally have encountered women who put up a picture of their pretty girlfriend and didn't even look vaguely like her picture. Naturally I never had a second date. That crap only works on the truly desperate or the guy who will accept that behavior.

George

(in reply to trnmastr)

Post #: 25

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 2/2/2004 11:11:06 AM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

I dodged this post for a while, not wanting to speak too much on it, as I'd recently had a similar issue that hit too close to home.

In the end, we can hide in caves, blocking everyone and everything out from our lives to protect ourselves from those who might hurt us. It's a lonely life, but safe from emotional turmoil. Or, we can choose to come out of those caves, and interact with other people - knowing full well we WILL get hurt - and in letting in the bad, we are free to enjoy, and hopefully appreciate the good things in our lives.

Online, we have several tools at our disposal to 'check out' a person, in ways that we cannot even really do in real life. We can detect early on small lies that lead to bigger ones, such as age, appearence, and living situation with the help of a search engine (which is how I found out a woman I had been close to for over a year online had been dishonest with me on hte majority of what she had told me.) In real life, we don't know at a glance if the man or woman buying us a drink isn't really a con artist, or spiking our drink, or casing us for snatching our wallet. In real life, the lies are a little more difficult to track.

Love life. and love those around you. When you find others lied to be closer to you, because they don't love themselves, accept it graciously, and move on with life. Move on to the next dance, and don't hold back! If you do, you will regret it. If you don't hold back, then you will find the right person/people to share your life with.

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to nortons)

Post #: 26

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 2/2/2004 12:26:09 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

ahhhhh it is true that sum use the Web to be that which they are not in real life but, in sum circumstances thats allright because many times I find that when sumome tells a lie on line it is because they have been forced to and dident feel comfortable telling the truth for what ever reason so in essance and their own well being and protection they dident tell the truth. It is not always because of self loathing that one lies but sumtimes outside influances that makes one uneasy to show their real selfs and this is the right reason to tell that white lie not only to protect ones self but maybe those around them such as family and children especially within this Alternate Lifestyle where so many preditors sit. P.S. I will admit that sum of the pictures I use are of Me from the past and do not reflect My self in the present but I do have Pictures of Me from the age of 15 up to 44 and every year inbetween damn near online and it simply depends on what mood I am in that day that I post a pic as to what I desire for sumone to see of Me, My Past, present, or Future but I can assure all that they are all of Me from My short kinkie curlie afro of My youth to My long down to My ass dreadlocks that I wore for years to the mid lenth curls I had during My modeling days to the short scruffy hair that I had grew out after kemo to My again sholder lenth funkie middle aged spread mix of mayhem I have on MY head right now. Jahhhh how I adore ME! giggles!

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 27

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 2/2/2004 12:49:46 PM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD

many times I find that when sumome tells a lie on line it is because they have been forced to and dident feel comfortable telling the truth for what ever reason so in essance and their own well being and protection they dident tell the truth.

I cannot fathom a single instance where lying is right. Period. If someone wishes to appear other then they are in reality, that's fine and ducky with me so long as they are honest about it!!!! I don't expect every person online to be as they are, but after exchanging emails for three weeks and talking on the phone for two months, it makes sense that I would be outraged at having been lied to.

I make it very clear, early on - if someone wishes to enjoy my company, all they have to do is be honest from day one. The first time I catch someone in a lie, I end up finding everything they say after that point suspect. The second time I catch them, I cease any sort of contact or involvement with them - online or off. Nobody forces anyone to lie, nobody forces anyone to play pretend, and nobody forces anyone to speak with me.

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 28

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 2/4/2004 9:31:01 AM

MrKing

Posts: 27
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Reno
Status: offline

This is a sort of hobbyhorse of mine.

I'm a long-term Lifestyler and have more that my share of scars due to it. As a result I've become less and less tolerant of ethical slippage on my part or those I own. Not a problem with my slave/wife; she's as ruthlessly honest as I.

First, of course, honesty begins at home. One thing I note is that liars presume everyone lies.

I don't lie. Discretion or honor may require me to refuse an answer, but if I can, I will.

I expect my property to live up to my standard, ethically; in how they treat me, and in how they treat others. Because, you see, it reflects upon me.

Oh, and that's the other point. I'm an honorable gentleman. I try to be unfailingly courtious and polite; I see no reason why that should not apply even in my behavior towards my property. Of course, the expression of it may vary....

I do make it very clear; if it's a term arrangement, a lie to me or worse yet, about me leads to instantanious uncollaring.

If the person has a permanant collar, I'll simply keep them gagged and or forbidden to speak for at least a month, possibly six.

(in reply to trnmastr)

Post #: 29

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/12/2005 2:24:48 PM

Dracironsgirl

Posts: 175
Joined: 7/2/2005
Status: offline

i have to agree with You on that Sir. i recently talked to a slave of 15 years with Master who was keeping secrets & not being honest when i find that totally dysfunctional, in my opinion Sir. .....whats the point of a relationshit if You cant be open & honest. just my two cents & sorry for Your loss, actually her loss Sir
~kristin

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 30

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/12/2005 4:31:48 PM

Dragonzaymaster

Posts: 72
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Interesting post. The only place I have been completely fooled has been the internet. Never in a devestating manner. The internet is the realm of make believe just like TV and the movies. I do not agree with Voltare that there are better sources to check on a persons validity on the net. R/L involves all of the human senses. The only way to believe someone online is to have faith they are honest. For the folks who had a sub abuse their generousity I ask didn't you have a few signs or suspicions? Perhaps in the moment you chose to deny or ignore them. I agree with the sentiment put up or shut up. There is only one reality.

Dragonzaymaster

(in reply to Dracironsgirl)

Post #: 31

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/12/2005 6:58:16 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nortons

Why can't people be honest?

If you lie about who you are and the other rejects you, you haven't lost anything. They only rejected your false front.

George

The other side of that is when we lie about ourselves, and it "is" accepted, it's the lie that is accepted, not the truth and beauty of the real person inside. In that place, I'd be absolutely terrified the truth would still come out..and then were would he/she be -- up the creek.

i've never had much patience with lying, even less now that i'm older. If someone can't be honest about where they live, their marital status, their weight or age, then how can i trust anything that is said or done, especially when i'm bound and gagged..sheesh!! i recently broke off a correspondence with a man who admitted he lied about the state he lived in because he didn't want a former girl friend to know he was posting on line. When i explained that it wasn't something i could live with, he tried to turn it around to make me the bad "guy" cuz i was "so unaccepting" of another's flaws, and how perfect was i, yada, yada, yada. Oy Vey!!! i didn't even bother to write back..wasn't worth the "ink"..lol.

The other problem i have with lies is that since my own memory is very poor, i have to know i can trust those closest to me to be honorable and trustworthy. i admit i might be a little more "anal" about it than some -- life has taught me some rather impressive lessons (if i don't forget em..lol) but once i know i've been lied to..it's over...quietly and rationally if it's allowed, or NOT..lol...

This is a great thread..especially tonight..i've been feeling a little closed in, kinda sad and lost...so it's nice to hear others question (and answer) things that have been giving me some trouble. (and i apologize now if that doesn't make any sense..lol).

thanks for listening to my chattering..
..huggles and smooochies to y'all who wants em.

jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to nortons)

Post #: 32

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/12/2005 7:44:22 PM

subcheryl

Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline

I have never understood the need for a lie either, I hate it, I don't lie(not even a white lie) to people and I expect the same in return, my boys learned to tell me the truth real young in life because if they didn't they found out it was far worse on them, that goes with people I find that lie to me, I no longer trust them so no longer seek their company. I always felt lies are like skeletons in the closet they come back to haunt you, can you imagine living life with that fear hanging over your head every day what misery. I know it can be very hard to be upfront and to tell the truth, in fact to be honest a few times I have even cried i was so scared but after all was said and done it wasn't all that bad and the reaction wasn't what I thought it would be. And rejection for alot of people is a major factor I know for me that is a fear still honesty is best if the other person cannot except the truth than there was nothing there anyway.

(in reply to krikket)

Post #: 33

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/12/2005 7:49:47 PM

zaynab

Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

sorry you had that trouble, Sir.... i'm always honest.... so some of us are out here! *smile
long ago, i was looking for a much older man... (before i met my Dom) and i thought it was funny when i'd ask a man his age and he'd say 55 (but he was really much older than that) and i'd say.... oh, im sorry but i'm looking for someone older than that... lol

< Message edited by zaynab -- 7/12/2005 7:55:51 PM >

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 34

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/12/2005 8:11:35 PM

KCAttitude

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/26/2004
Status: offline

I believe it is humanly impossible to be completly honest.

Just My jaded opinion of the human race.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 35

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/12/2005 8:48:05 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

How much of this is simply unrealistic expectation? You said on the net......I promised on the net....you said in real life.........I promised in real life BOMB..............................

No thats not what I meant..........no thats not what I said.

Fucking fakers, liars, posers...turn ALL you motherfuckers in!!!!!!!!! So now we think we found........nope.......same old same old...........nobody gets it for free..when its good its really good but when its bad its really bad.

Two things as of this writing...............
Not one letter is carved on your fucking gravestone yet.
You will die, that was a CONTRACT you signed the day you were born....
nothing safe, sane or consentual about that.

Become Risk Aware or go get fucked. End of joke. Be realistic. Oh, she says I have no experience and no idea but I like the thought, but I will not accept less than a 48 year lifestyler MASTER who is between the ages of 12 and 28..............and I also mean the contrapositive (LOL) .........

What do people spend there time bitching about this same old asswipe for?

Learn, Do, Be, Think...........yadda, yadda, yadda.....

In Memory of LRODANDMASTER. RIP. (goddam, I enjoyed the posts)

Me,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to KCAttitude)

Post #: 36

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/14/2005 8:19:11 PM

saltie

Posts: 101
Joined: 6/30/2004
Status: offline

this is not a lifestyle for me but still interested in meeting with a woman or go to a munch. when saw a woman sub not far from where i live i wrote and asked if know of any local munches. "she"wrote back saying they are no good and would talk to me. after a few pieces of mail and im's found out she was a he and was her partner. i figured that out myself. nothing was on her profile about him, she did write or talk in the im. i had made it clear from the start just wanted somebody to talk to, nothing more. something was wrong when i was asked for a picture but did not think of that right away. since was not honest i closed the im and would not answer one from who i think was her. another time a sub wrote me saying would talk but soon figured out she wanted just me to join her and her dom. from the start made it clear just talk. at times have given up trying to meet from so many times that and other things from so many at this site.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 37

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/14/2005 10:47:29 PM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

E?

i am sorry, You have had this problem. but i am kinda happy at least You brought it out to the public. why?
because i have 1 MAJOR pet peeve in this so called self labeled life STYLE.
from the mails "I" have gotten, over time since 2000, it has been the popular contention girlie subs are perfect lil angels and males are pond scum.
i am happy to see "an" example of a bad girl.
thank You, E, for doing this. and? i DO believe You WILL find what You seek in a good girl.
sincerely Sir,
the wolf

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 38

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/14/2005 11:09:42 PM

buffiyum

Posts: 119
Status: offline

Well, my 'horror story' is not so bad as those ones (thank god). i had developed a friendship online with a one who apparently was also a One (a switch maybe). Anyways, he said he had gotten custody of his son and was not able to afford food for the baby because he lost his job due to an accident. He said that he was going to have to give his son up because of that. i offer money and wired it to him for the baby.
When it came the time to re-pay it, the Man 'died'.
i have since learned that he did NOT die. he has 're appeared'.
It is not about the money that i feel so bad. i felt hurt and angry that he would use a friend like that. Now i feel that the girl was not a 'friend' to that One, but only a 'mark'. i feel foolish to have grieve over his 'suppose-death' like i did. i do not want the money back. i dont want anything to do with that one, ever again. But it did tarnish things to me about making friend on the internet.
i try to always be honest. i have to also say that part of the 'why' of that is because i have terrible short term memory. i would forget things if i did lie so i just dont. Besides that it is not a nice thing to do.
i am aware that i am somewhat 'gullible' and 'naive' and this is prolly not likely to change all that much. i will just have to be more 'on my guard' i guess (sighs).
buffiyum in bc

(in reply to trnmastr)

Post #: 39

RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/15/2005 1:01:35 AM

justrelaxd

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/13/2005
Status: offline

If I can introduce a slight twist to this topic, but still in the realm of lying.
It is self deception.

I agree to all the comments so far about the people trying scams, people who lie about their circumstances and people who are just trying to live a different life in cyber.If they ever did venture into real life their whole carefully built (or not so carefully in some cases) persona immediately falls apart.

I am talking of the tiny fraction that are still evolving.

The internet has opened up another avenue for the new and curious to enter the scene.Not just the h.n.g's but those who wander across these sites and the lifestyle speaks to them so deeply they decide to explore.

I have seen adverts from newbi subs trying to be truthful and honest about their inexperience and curiosity, they are bombarded by those who I call the 'trolls' no sooner has the send button been pressed can they smell the fresh blood. The newbie either withdraws completely ( a damm shame ) or starts to craft a more defensive persona ( a nice term for a lie)

On the contacts I have had with Dom's ,I have been lucky enough to make friends with many genuine guys but for me the overwhelming number of memo's come from guys who want to be dominant, percieve themselves to be dominant but when faced with a real life meeting simply ARE NOT.

Many guys who are cyber doms and would never agree to meet in real life are miserable in their vanilla lives, feel unappreciated by their family and partners, may have crushing responsibilities and use the internet as a safety vale and the way to get some pride back.

Are they liars, absolutely. Are they practicing self deception. Definately.

I know a lot depends on the chemistry between two people when they meet. For this I need to use an example. I had recieved a good memo from this guy, we exchanged a few private e-mails and instant messages and agreed to meet for coffee. In a public place i was dresses quite conservatively in a skirt and blouse, as I sat down with my coffee he started giggling and eventually admitted he was giggling because he had seen my bra strap !!!!! He thought he was dominant I certainly did'nt.

Was he a liar? not sure I genuinely believe he needed to see himself as dominant but I saw no evidence of that in real life.

I think a lot depends on their own perception, they have a fixed view of how they want to be and get carried away with a story to back it up.

Many times on this thread, people have made the comment that if you discover one lie the rest of what that person says is immediately suspect. I have to agree with that.

My tastes and interests have evolved over time, but I do try to amend and update my profiles to reflect this.

What I thought I wanted when I first became involved in bdsm is certainly not what I am looking for now, but was I lying..no I dont think so. I didnt make up facts or create experiences . The person I was ten years ago no longer exists, subtle changes not noticed over time have had a massive cumulative effect.

I try to keep this in mind with my contacts on sites like these.
Are they lying or one of the tiny fraction who are evolving and aren't aware of it.

Best wishes
Justrelaxd

(in reply to buffiyum)

Post #: 40

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