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RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/15/2005 5:35:22 PM   
softandshy


Posts: 297
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline 		i will not say i've never lied but i do actively try to avoid it. And when i have lied i usually wind up apologizing in writing (thanks and apologies should be giving in writing) as well as working to make amends. Lieing is a betrayal of the self, in addition to a betrayal of the other. IMHO though, i think many people lie because they haven't grown up experiencing the negative consequences when they do (the real consequences other than a parent who yells at them, many parents will shelter a child if life or people outside of the family impose consequences, even if they're justified and reasonable) and having to make amends other than "being sorry". It's a behavior that's widely accepted by society. Otherwise the white lie and diplomatic untruths wouldn't exist, and people wouldn't believe that sometimes, "it's better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission."

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Happy "Swamp Thing"

(in reply to justrelaxd)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/15/2005 5:50:48 PM   
luvdragonx


Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:


What I thought I wanted when I first became involved in bdsm is certainly not what I am looking for now, but was I lying..no I dont think so. I didnt make up facts or create experiences . The person I was ten years ago no longer exists, subtle changes not noticed over time have had a massive cumulative effect.


i think you make an excellent point there. people do change and their needs can change along with that. i can personally say that i need to change my ad already. i've been at this for 3 weeks and, based on some of my responses, i need to put more specifics in the body. Now, could someone who'd already looked at my ad say that i was a fake/poser/liar? Possibly. But your point makes me wonder if the profiles i'm looking at are 10 years old. No growth? No way.

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Never Without Love

(in reply to justrelaxd)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/15/2005 6:25:14 PM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Simple answer. Everyone lies in one way or another at one time or another. It is human nature and the beast that kills friendships and relationships.

Try as we may, we all lie. Some are hurtful lies and some are white lies. Hurtful ones we all know about. White lies are to protect those we love.

Hello: Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, the Boogie man. All lies. White ones, but lies none the less.

(in reply to luvdragonx)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/15/2005 6:51:51 PM   
softandshy


Posts: 297
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline 		They lied to me about Santa Claus?

Sorry, it was just one of those things i had to do.

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Happy "Swamp Thing"

(in reply to dominmd)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/15/2005 7:07:09 PM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		LOL. Yes sweetie they did lie.

But look on the bright side. There is a Kinky Claus now. He leaves all the good little subbies handcuffs and ballgags in their sexy stockings. And corsets and floggers under the tree


Just a a random brain leak here: Wouldn't it be nice to have a subbie go sit on Santa's lap in the most provacative outfit around and whisper her kinky wish list into his ear? If so, I wanna be Santa!! Oh and video his facial reactions for all of us out here in fun land

(in reply to softandshy)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/15/2005 7:49:42 PM   
pleasureforHim


Posts: 171
Joined: 7/2/2005
Status: offline
Wow. i thought i was special. i have been lied to so much i have finally learnt....take what is said with a grain of salt. i don't know if i can count the married men on CM who have contacted me and claimed to be divorced or widowed. (Evidenially there's a high death rate for the wives of Doms and Masters.) Or the women i thought were friends, but were actually on CM to harm men emotionally..so of course, had to lie to me as well. Or the men who lied about their experience in BDSM. (Just how many men could there possibly be who became Gorean Masters at age 18?)

Now i consider that i am in the running stream of bulls**t and occasionally, a person will speak truthfully to me, and try to gather those golden nuggets. No, it's not the BDSM aspect..i have been in other chat forums..even in Yahell..and have seen the same phoney "death of a loved one" scenario play itself out. It's the nature of this form of communication, which allows of sense of intimacy to grow without ever affording a chance for verification.

So now i try to restrain myself and chant "only real life counts" while i'm in a YIM. i may still get emotionally involved for awhile, but if they trip one of my red flags and don't address it, they're gone. It's cynical, but it's necessary.

pleasureforHIm


< Message edited by pleasureforHim -- 7/15/2005 7:53:36 PM >

(in reply to dominmd)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/16/2005 4:57:31 AM   
lovingmaster45


Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline
quote:

What do people spend there time bitching about this same old asswipe for?


Now that is the real question. I am with mnottertail on this one.

Get over it people. It is the internet. Assume it is a lie until proven otherwise. All of us here have had it happen to us; we each handle it in different ways.

Too many people on this site know me very well in RT to ever get away with anything; but people who pop up that no one has met or can vouch for... keep them at a distance emotionally until you have gotten close to them PHYSICALLY.

The post about the "community" raising funds for the dead dom was great. I can just see it now; a room full of emotionally distraught sub females wanting to "do something".

Why does this not surprise me? Because I remember a similar thing happening in our "community". I did not fall for it and was disliked for being correct...go figure....lol.

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Master Jerry


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/16/2005 9:27:01 AM   
subcheryl


Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare

I dodged this post for a while, not wanting to speak too much on it, as I'd recently had a similar issue that hit too close to home.

In the end, we can hide in caves, blocking everyone and everything out from our lives to protect ourselves from those who might hurt us. It's a lonely life, but safe from emotional turmoil. Or, we can choose to come out of those caves, and interact with other people - knowing full well we WILL get hurt - and in letting in the bad, we are free to enjoy, and hopefully appreciate the good things in our lives.



This is how I feel, I agree with you Voltare, If we hide in caves and put up walls to keep others out we may just miss out on that one special someone in our lives. In both the vanila and this online life I ran into many who just couldn't commit for their own reasons and yes I got rather discouraged and almost to the pt of "why bother", but than I would not have met Master and would not have the wonderful experience of knowing him, we have been together in r/l now for going on 6 mths and each day just gets more beautiful for me. Yes you have to take time for the pain to heal and time to assess what the good and bad where from the relationship and learn from it and then move on.

(in reply to Voltare)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/16/2005 10:21:59 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Simple answer. Everyone lies in one way or another at one time or another. It is human nature and the beast that kills friendships and relationships.

--------------------
"I" resent that! i have not lied since i was nigh on 8 year old. i am THEE most honest s.o.b. YOU will ever meet!

but this is just my strict upbringing. the ole man would kick the hell out of ya just for looking at him wrong. and did many times.

the wolf


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"there is no gravity, life sucks!"


(in reply to dominmd)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/16/2005 12:01:33 PM   
ledastray


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/21/2005
Status: offline

It's really easy to accuse people of lying. Sometimes they don't know the truth. Or they're afraid of losing something. Or, they don't trust. Sometimes we have to be receptive to hear the truth.

Whatever the reason, I don't think much better of people who get wound up because a lie has been told as the person who told the lie.


(in reply to softandshy)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/16/2005 12:23:31 PM   
kisshou


Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softandshy

They lied to me about Santa Claus?

Sorry, it was just one of those things i had to do.


why is Santa Claus always so happy and jolly?

because He knows where all the bad girls live :)

(in reply to softandshy)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/16/2005 2:14:28 PM   
pantyslave1979


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline 		I try to be honest myself. But all being honest and genuine seems to get anyone these days is nowhere.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 7/16/2005 4:40:59 PM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		yeah. i know. check the boards. you will see where i have been slandered. i am too honest.

but i am not going to sell my soul and join the rest.
it would bring shame on me and my family name.

NO!

wolf

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"


(in reply to pantyslave1979)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/3/2005 4:22:00 PM   
MasterTemujin


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline 		Integrity is such a simple trait and one that is so hard to find in many. Honesty begins with knowing who and what you are. The other half of this is in being comfortable with theirself. It is just as important to be truthful with youself as with others.

It takes time to build that special trust and confidence in a relationship. It only takes one misdeed to destroy it all.

R/S,

Master Temujin

(in reply to justrelaxd)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/4/2005 3:16:37 AM   
LdyAuburn


Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
Status: offline 		One of the offshoots of having so many lies is when someone actually does have the drama people tend to not believe.

(in reply to MasterTemujin)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/4/2005 11:11:31 AM   
LadySonelle


Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline 		There is only one lie (if you could call it that) I use online and that is that I use a different name now than I did in my early years of BDSM. I was a domme for years and years under My original name. I cannot use it now for fear of a stalker who went after My submissive and Myself. he scrutinises the Internet waiting for either of our names to appear. He has attacked us in real life and we have reports from our employer (we both work for the same firm) and our church that this person and an accomplice of his have tried to get information on us from them.

It breaks My heart to have had to abandone My former Mistress identity because I had build up a great deal of "street cred", but the instant I go RT with people, or am in private emails, I tell them My former name. I just have to conceal any Googleable references! This turkey has been after us for several years because of political differences and general misogyny.

Lady Sonelle

_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/4/2005 11:26:30 AM   
Fidelity


Posts: 192
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		Smart people know that honesty is simply the best way to serve your own interests.

It also forces one to fix defficiences in one's life-rather than try to excuse them.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/4/2005 8:30:38 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: midnightrose

In reference to honesty, we had occasion to have a sub in our home that we were considering. We knew this girl from a local group that we belonged to, and also from other friends. In the 5 days she was in our home, she ran up $166 in long distance calls, needed medication filled that we paid for, and generally took advantage of every kindness we offered her. She left our home at midnight with someone she called to come get her and we havent seen her since. She left belongings here. It left a bad taste in my mouth. She lives her life bouncing from house to house as a sub, with no marketable skills to live a real life. We found that out AFTER the fact. I realize I'm rambling, but it still pisses me off that our generosity was abused.



My sympathies to you lass. My wife and I have been down that path twice. The first time the girl left a heap of money owing to previous owners and her Gran had to sell her (Gran’s) car to pay a mobile phone account. The only positive thing is that there are enough people after the girl that she wont be coming back to this state again for a very long time. She simply hopes hope and life the high life of Masters who take her in. The other girl left us with an AU$800 bill but that’s life and my wife learned a valuable lesson which is sad for one who has a huge heart and loves to help people.

Regarding telling lies.. It all seems to have been covered. However one aspect hasn’t as far as I can see. Some people insist that in order for you to join their “group’ or clique, that you disclose all you personal information or history. Now I have a number of friends who, due to their previous occupations will in no way known to man disclose those details. In any case many here may risk losing their jobs or standing in their local general community if it were known that they were involved inn the lifestyle. I can understand that some such people may well prefer to tell a “porky” rather than be ostracised by their local kingsters… In such cases there is no easy way. As far as I’m concerned if any person or group demanded such disclosure they are informed (politely at first) to take a running jump.. They just proved that they are unworthy of my company… Their loss not mine!



_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to midnightrose)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/4/2005 10:55:15 PM   
SteelBondager


Posts: 86
Joined: 5/29/2005
Status: offline 		I've never actually gotten to the face-to-face meeting with anyone dishonest. I had someone cancel our initial meeting because she had relapsed in her crack addiction, but other than that... :)

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http://steelbondager.blogsome.com/ - Thoughts of a Modern Bondager

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Why Can't People Be Honest? - 8/5/2005 8:19:09 AM   
Alexander


Posts: 159
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline 		wouldnt it be great if sites like this head a private investigator on staff who checked out each applicant? Its really not that hard now but would anyone join if they knew they were being investigated?

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 60
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