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For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:35:37 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Every now and then a thread pops up about women complaining about the men they're getting to know on this (and other) websites.  Here's some advice: stop using your mailbox as a matchmaker.

Make your profile invisible.  Do the work you're currently expecting men to do, and do searches for men (or women or couples or whomever) based on criteria you want.  Choose their age, height, sex, orientation (Dom, sub, switch) and then sift through the photos yourself.  Actually read their profiles.  Then only write two or three of them who seem genuinely interesting to you.  Be polite, include two clear photos of yourself, inform him of the information he can't see on your profile (your age, weight, approximate location) and tell him about yourself, your expectations, hobbies, interests.

If you write five men who truly pique your interest, there's a good bet one or two will pan out.

Finally, these message boards are the best part of Collarme.  Here, you can read a lot more about who a person is, based on their conversations, than you can from their profile, methinks.

Of course, your milage may vary.

Stephan


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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:37:33 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I wouldnt turn the profile off personally, just seems that maybe you increase the chance of reply if you have a profile up but thats just me, but the rest of the advice is good :D

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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:37:48 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Every now and then a thread pops up about women complaining about the men they're getting to know on this (and other) websites.  Here's some advice: stop using your mailbox as a matchmaker.

Make your profile invisible.  Do the work you're currently expecting men to do, and do searches for men (or women or couples or whomever) based on criteria you want.  Choose their age, height, sex, orientation (Dom, sub, switch) and then sift through the photos yourself.  Actually read their profiles.  Then only write two or three of them who seem genuinely interesting to you.  Be polite, include two clear photos of yourself, inform him of the information he can't see on your profile (your age, weight, approximate location) and tell him about yourself, your expectations, hobbies, interests.

If you write five men who truly pique your interest, there's a good bet one or two will pan out.

Finally, these message boards are the best part of Collarme.  Here, you can read a lot more about who a person is, based on their conversations, than you can from their profile, methinks.

Of course, your milage may vary.

Stephan


 
 But that would be work......god forbid someone feel so unwanted that they had to play the hunter, and actually put forth EFFORT.
 
 After all, are not women the queens here-and the males merely postulants?

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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:40:11 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		hmmm I was known to initiate conversation actually, :P

Unfortuantly its an inbuilt thing that men do the chasing, its not true to all but certainly to a lot, women feel it comes off as desperate if they do it, its not so true for then youngens like me, the magority of people Ive been on dates with i approached, but thats cos i figured why wait for them to come to me, If i ask them then I get what i want rather than just say yes to any old bugger who liked my tits (oops was that sexist :P)


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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:40:28 PM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

 After all, are not women the queens here-and the males merely postulants?



You said it, mate. Don't forget that once you've cornered your "queen", you're supposed to do pretty much everything you like with her... so the pay back is huge  .

I wonder what female Dominants and male submissives think of this?

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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:42:18 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I wouldnt turn the profile off personally, just seems that maybe you increase the chance of reply if you have a profile up but thats just me, but the rest of the advice is good :D


The idea of turning the profile off, is that it helps to prevent temptation to read half a dozen useless messages.

Keeping a profile on is great, too, but I strongly recommend liberal use of mail filters (with occasional checking of the bulk mail, especially for forum warriors.)

Leatherist,

If your email was filled with seven or eight pink messages every hour, would you instantly think "no, these aren't going to be people I really want to know.  These are going to be lame ass bitches, and I'd better go find the right girl for me?"

I don't think the girls here are lazy; just stuck in a love/hate relationship with the 95% wankers who fill their email.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:44:24 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

 After all, are not women the queens here-and the males merely postulants?



You said it, mate. Don't forget that once you've cornered your "queen", you're supposed to do pretty much everything you like with her... so the pay back is huge  .

I wonder what female Dominants and male submissives think of this?


Not sure if you were asking him or me; this advice is for all women, regardless of their D/s orientation.


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:44:31 PM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I wouldnt turn the profile off personally, just seems that maybe you increase the chance of reply if you have a profile up but thats just me, but the rest of the advice is good :D


The idea of turning the profile off, is that it helps to prevent temptation to read half a dozen useless messages.



The filtering feature works pretty well too - simply select your prefered menu, and you will only be offered dishes that are in agreement with your diet.

PS: my previous question was a general musing - not addressed to anybody in particular :-) .

< Message edited by kittinSol -- 3/13/2008 4:45:37 PM >

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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:45:30 PM   
lilabbotsfordgrl


Posts: 140
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Make your profile invisible.  Do the work you're currently expecting men to do, and do searches for men (or women or couples or whomever) based on criteria you want.  Choose their age, height, sex, orientation (Dom, sub, switch) and then sift through the photos yourself.  Actually read their profiles.  Then only write two or three of them who seem genuinely interesting to you.  Be polite, include two clear photos of yourself, inform him of the information he can't see on your profile (your age, weight, approximate location) and tell him about yourself, your expectations, hobbies, interests.

If you write five men who truly pique your interest, there's a good bet one or two will pan out.


Very much agreed!  Thank you for posting this.
We have had almost no interest in our profile except from the standard spammer-Doms who don't read.  Actually, that's not interest in our profile, that's just the fact we've got a profile and one of us is female. 

When we mentioned this problem on our journal, we had many helpful messages, including some saying basically what you said above (I believe one of them may have even been from you!).  Essentially, most females here (because they are outnumbered by males) feel it's best to just choose from one of the dozens of messages they get from males, and form a relationship out of it.  That immediately excludes thousands of eligable profiles who AREN'T sending out propositions, spam, or other messages to females constantly.

Since we are looking for the right girl, we are doing the hunting ourselves.  It would be nice, though, to be contacted by someone saying they're interested in us, having read our profile and looked at our photos, with some questions and comments intended to start up a conversation.

In short, your advice is good.  Girls, put your busy inbox on hold for a bit, and stop whining about how horrible the quality of mail you get is.  Enter your search parameters and hit the button.  There's a lot more out there than just the messages in your inbox would have you believe!  :)

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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:45:53 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		See, lots of girls would make it through my filters, but clearly be something I'm not looking for.  Just because the dish fits the specs, doesn't mean it tastes any good .

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:45:55 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

The idea of turning the profile off, is that it helps to prevent temptation to read half a dozen useless messages.

Keeping a profile on is great, too, but I strongly recommend liberal use of mail filters (with occasional checking of the bulk mail, especially for forum warriors.)



I quite like reading my mail even if its the offensive kind, I had loads of filters on at the start and it was so funny reading how many of the same message i got over and over from the same person hehehe. I just take them for what they are but I know some people get worn down by it, so yeah the fliters are your friends :D


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:46:46 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I wouldnt turn the profile off personally, just seems that maybe you increase the chance of reply if you have a profile up but thats just me, but the rest of the advice is good :D


The idea of turning the profile off, is that it helps to prevent temptation to read half a dozen useless messages.

Keeping a profile on is great, too, but I strongly recommend liberal use of mail filters (with occasional checking of the bulk mail, especially for forum warriors.)

Leatherist,

If your email was filled with seven or eight pink messages every hour, would you instantly think "no, these aren't going to be people I really want to know.  These are going to be lame ass bitches, and I'd better go find the right girl for me?"

I don't think the girls here are lazy; just stuck in a love/hate relationship with the 95% wankers who fill their email.

Stephan



I have met some interesting women who have mailed me over the years. But they had to show me some mutual interests, and mine are very eclectic and strange. And frankly, I have other things to do with my time if I don't get to do things I like.

In other words, I am not shy about putting forth things I desire-if they don't interest one-then begone. If someone obviosuly shows me she expects me to compromise just becuase she has a pussy-she can go find some wimp who plays that game.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:47:09 PM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilabbotsfordgrl

Girls, put your busy inbox on hold for a bit, and stop whining about how horrible the quality of mail you get is.  Enter your search parameters and hit the button.  There's a lot more out there than just the messages in your inbox would have you believe!  :)



Quite. And not all "girls" whine about the mail they receive either.

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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:51:01 PM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I quite like reading my mail even if its the offensive kind



And if the mailboxes were shut, we wouldn't receive mail from other message boards posters. Most of the posting fun would be taken away; where would we get the gossip from? Talk about halving a pleasure for nothing ;-).

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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:52:18 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		For the record, invisible profiles can still send and receive mail.  Click 'send pictures' on anyone's profile, and change the name in the 'to' box.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:53:16 PM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		Dang, I hadn't thought of that - I've never made myself invisible, as you can probably guess by now  .

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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:53:58 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Dang, I hadn't thought of that - I've never made myself invisible, as you can probably guess by now  .


oh please dont
please
please
pretty please
:P


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to kittinSol)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:56:39 PM   
lilabbotsfordgrl


Posts: 140
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline 		Oh, nice advice on messaging invisible profiles, Stephan.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilabbotsfordgrl

Girls, put your busy inbox on hold for a bit, and stop whining about how horrible the quality of mail you get is.  Enter your search parameters and hit the button.  There's a lot more out there than just the messages in your inbox would have you believe!  :)



Quite. And not all "girls" whine about the mail they receive either.

Not sure if it was the word "girls" or "whine" that bothered you about my post, but maybe I came across in a way I didn't intend to, sorry.  Maybe I should have said "people" rather than "girls" and "sometimes complain" rather than "whine"... hmmm.

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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 4:59:38 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Why am I suddenly getting this truly horrible vision of a talking vagina, making noises like a cat being beaten? I must be spending too much time here.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 5:03:40 PM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Of course, your milage may vary.


Mine varied. I did what you suggested, and what I found was that men that I contacted were far less into me than men that contacted me first. Just my experience, and I know it isn't universal.

julia

edited to address this point

quote:

Keeping a profile on is great, too, but I strongly recommend liberal use of mail filters (with occasional checking of the bulk mail, especially for forum warriors.)


I wouldn't recommend filters, it is fairly easy to scan an email to see if one should read a profile, and if one glances at a profile then they can further cull which ones they want to respond to. I know there are people on here that set their age to 99 on CM, or they do not publish their exact locale. I wouldn't want to miss out on someone because they did not list a weight, a height, played with their location a little, or their age.

Just my thoughts if I was looking again


< Message edited by SinergyNstrumpet -- 3/13/2008 5:07:25 PM >

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