Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

friends outside of the lifestyle


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> friends outside of the lifestyle Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 2:47:44 PM   
Othie


Posts: 30
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline 		To start with, I should tell you that this isn't a important question,just something I was thinking about, if you are short on time, by all means, skip it.

I have always had a bit of a interest in how people interact. I was wondering if you, as a Dom/Master, or a sub/slave, or as a couple, have, after telling someone outside of the lifestyle about your interests, noticed that they have treated you any different? I'm sure alot of people see it as "taboo" but then, alot of things that were seen as taboo and are something that people on a whole don't mind. Is the lifestyle there yet? Do you believe it will get there soon? or ever?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 2:54:13 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Oh sometimes, but I don't become close to someone without knowing they are pretty open minded and accepting of alternative things to start with.  They either know and love ALL of me, or we can just be casual friend or acquaintances forever. 

Except in small bubbles, we aren't there yet.  I'm hoping in 50 years or so it will be mostly "no big deal,"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Othie)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 2:56:56 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		Really I just don't waste my time with people outside of the lifestyle or with closed minds.

Mike


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 3:06:09 PM   
sblady


Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		 
Most of my friends have always known that I was a bit "different".  I've shared certain aspects of my D/s relationship with a couple of close friends and they seem to accept it, although admittedly, they may not fully grasp the concept.  But, hey as long as I'm happy, they're in my corner.

My family is a different situation entirely.  A couple of my sisters are aware that I'm in a somewhat "different" relationship but as I mostly mind my own business regarding their relationships, they don't tend to really delve into mine. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 3:09:48 PM   
midgetmafiosa


Posts: 195
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Maine, and SLC, UT
Status: offline 		one of my friends told me the other day that he thinks i'm in a "weird place right now." and that he wants to help me. he was drunk at the time in vegas. he's also a man whose favorite game to play is "what is the girl i'm going to bone tonight doing right now?" did i mention he's into choking and threesomes? and doesn't like to be with the same woman twice? seriously, though. he's one of my best friends, and i'm not worried about his judgement at all. i just think it's funny.

(in reply to sblady)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 3:12:26 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

Really I just don't waste my time with people outside of the lifestyle or with closed minds.

Mike





Soo.. wait wouldn't that make you closeminded?  Just saying. 

Back to the orignal question, I have a retarded amount of friends that know what I'm into.  Most either accept it, or see it as being highly entertaining, and demand stories and pictures and want to see "what's in that bag??"

I do have the added benefit of being friends with the mostly 20 something crowd. They appear to be more accepting of things than the older groups.

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 3:17:23 PM   
Othie


Posts: 30
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

Really I just don't waste my time with people outside of the lifestyle or with closed minds.

Mike





Soo.. wait wouldn't that make you closeminded? Just saying.

Back to the orignal question, I have a retarded amount of friends that know what I'm into. Most either accept it, or see it as being highly entertaining, and demand stories and pictures and want to see "what's in that bag??"

I do have the added benefit of being friends with the mostly 20 something crowd. They appear to be more accepting of things than the older groups.



Well thats a interesting aspect. Could it be that the younger people are more open to it? If so, it would be a good sign as rather or not everyone will be open to it in a few years. Have you tried talking about it with someone over 30? do they respond the same way?

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 3:26:25 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		A couple of my close friends know I'm kinky.  I've mentioned it in passing, usually 'wink/wink' fashion about how satisfied I am, but they don't get D/s and I don't need them to.  I kinda like keeping my sexuality to myself ... my happy secret. 

(in reply to Othie)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 3:35:24 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:


Well thats a interesting aspect. Could it be that the younger people are more open to it? If so, it would be a good sign as rather or not everyone will be open to it in a few years. Have you tried talking about it with someone over 30? do they respond the same way?


From what I've seen, they are. Or, it may be that I just have fucked up friends, but I haven't really met a 20ish person that has the "wtf, no way, there's something wrong with you" reaction. I'm thinking that in a few years the whole taboo thing will die down. The secrecy that used to surround bdsm and the people involved seems to have done more harm than good in my opinion. Do you need to tell people the intimate secrets of your life? Not so much. But should you put that little retarded shroud of secrecy over everything, and do the whole  "kinkier than thou" bit? It's up to you, but I wouldn't.

Older people? Hells yes, I actually got fired from a job when someone told the restaurant owner that I was a "Dominatrix"

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 4/13/2008 3:37:01 PM >

(in reply to Bound2One)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 3:36:11 PM   
hydranmenace


Posts: 52
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline 		My friends are accepting of it. Then again, my friends are pretty interesting in their own right. Most are female and bisexual, which can be rather entertaining. They like my openness and, I suspect, they *really* like that I don't ask such fun questions as "so can i watch?", which seems to be nearly the most commonly asked question men give them. If they feel like sharing, they will. If they are curious about what I enjoy and ask questions, I happily respond.
Oddly enough for those friends of mine whom would be considered 'normal' and vanilla, when they discover what I am into and that I have a healthy selection of attractive female friends, they tend to be somewhat envious more than anything else.
"You mean you know girls who *like* having their hair pulled and being thrown over furniture like a ragdoll?! Where do I find some?" or something similar, is a statement I have heard more than a few times.

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 3:50:56 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

Soo.. wait wouldn't that make you closeminded? Just saying.



I don't see how that avioding closed minded people makes me one.  If you think it makes me one that's your issue.

Mike


(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 4:04:06 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

quote:

Soo.. wait wouldn't that make you closeminded? Just saying.



I don't see how that avioding closed minded people makes me one.  If you think it makes me one that's your issue.

Mike




No, but avoiding anyone outside of the lifestyle would do it for me.

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 4:18:20 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		It's your choice but for me life is too short to waste with people that don't accept me or are closed minded.  Why would you wan't to spend time with a raciest or a some other type of closed minded person?  Are you going to be able to change thier mind?  No

Mike


(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 4:32:31 PM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		No but then we have no "vanilla" friends

Perhaps thats why.

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to Othie)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 4:36:24 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

It's your choice but for me life is too short to waste with people that don't accept me or are closed minded.  Why would you wan't to spend time with a raciest or a some other type of closed minded person?  Are you going to be able to change thier mind?  No

Mike




O, haha.  Well if they don't accept you, then screw em. I  have lots of friends that aren't into bdsm, but we still get along great.

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 5:05:41 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't go around saying "I am submissive, hear me roar". I can't see any value in it. My friends see that I'm happier and stronger in this relationship than I was before, and they see that we interact with love and respect. They draw their own conclusions.

But if one of them came bubbling up to me saying "Wow, I gave my husband a blowjob last night" the only thing I would think is too much information.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 5:14:49 PM   
daddysblondie


Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline 		I've only told the friends that I know wont see me any different.

With that said, I've got a couple male friends that worry and I do have to regularly assure them that Daddy is not abusive and he's not damaging me. But it always comes back to as long as I'm happy, they're cool.

I just don't feel the need to go running around sharing that part of me with everyone.

(in reply to Othie)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 5:22:42 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD
It's your choice but for me life is too short to waste with people that don't accept me or are closed minded.  Why would you wan't to spend time with a raciest or a some other type of closed minded person?  Are you going to be able to change thier mind?  No

Mike

But not all vanillas are racist, just as not all vanillas are closed and against kink or other peoples choices.  Avoiding all of a particular group based on a false prejudice makes YOU a type of racist in this situation.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 5:43:23 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		MOST of my 'nilla friends know what I'm into.  Several of them are of the "wow cool... " mindset, some are of the "I don't wanna know any more" crowd.  A couple constantly tease me about it ("so..are YOU the one being tied up, or the other way around?" followed by friendly laughter).  ALL of them are only concerned with my safety and happiness.  The friends that don't know are kept in the dark because I know that it would be too uncomfortable to them, and I see no reason to put that wrench into the works. 

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 5:45:31 PM   
Poetryinpain


Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline 		I have a friend I've known for over 35 years.She is, to put it the only way I know, asexual. She is also very vanilla. I don't talk to her about BDSM, although she can see my magnified screen display across the room and probably has seen me looking at profiles and reading the boards. We seem to be in a "don't ask, don't tell" situation. We live in the same apartment, and she provides me with transportation among other things. This makes it difficult to meet a potential Dom, but I am prepared to be creative.

My other friends are not close enough to talk with about that area of my life. And I'm just fine with having it that way.

pip, content with the status quo

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> friends outside of the lifestyle Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094