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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/9/2008 9:08:11 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


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I've read about these relationships too and I can't help but raise an eyebrow.  I mean, to each their own, and if there are women or men who are happy doing all of the housework and such then more power to them, but...

I also have too many guilt issues about putting too much responsibility on my darling's shoulders.  He's got a lot on his plate right now with his career and his higher education so for me to expect him to not only study, but also go to work and then come home and do the dishes, clean the bathrooms, wash my clothes... I'd probably cry if he asked me to do all that, so no way am I going to ask him to do it.  Of course there's one other reason I never ask him to do all of the housework, too...

Bill Cosby tells a story in his "Fatherhood" routine about being forced out of bed early one morning to make the children breakfast.  He decides that since eggs, milk, and wheat are in chocolate cake as well as a balanced breakfast, there is no harm in feeding them some tasty slices before school.  When his wife comes downstairs and sees the children eating the chocolate cake, as he says, "My wife sent me to my room... which is where I wanted to be in the first place.  So you see, we are dumb, but we are not so dumb."

I suddenly began to view this more seriously after a few incidences of housework gone potentially sour.

First I was explaining to him how to wash my bras and underwear.  His response: "Delicate cycle?  You actually use that?  What do you mean you can't put everything in the dryer, not even on low settings?"  Laundry duty removed.

"Honey, you DO know not to use dish soap in the dishwasher, right?  You have to use detergent."  "...There's a difference?"  Dish duty removed.

He told me he was a great cook.  Upon further inquiry it turns out that "cooking" means he can make eggs for breakfast and put together sandwiches.  Dinner duty removed.

Sometimes I wonder if he's fucking with me.




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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/9/2008 9:18:58 PM   
SteelofUtah


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Sadly I must admit in my home it is 80/20 with my slave and I both working full time and Us working two shifts. There are even times when it is 90/10 as far as the chore distribution. Am I willing to do more. Yup, I have cleaned the entire house many a time and when I do it I always tend to be tired for the rest of the week and usually not really sexual either, I don't do it on purpose it is just a pattern that andi picked up on.

She decided that she likes having sex with me nightly so she decided for what I do for her it is worth my only duty in the house being the dishes and helping out with our UM sure there are times when she just breaks down and I end up doing the entire house to give her a break but then she goes with me being rather tired and lathargic for about a week. I really honestly don't know why so andi decided it was worth the effort to make sure she gets the Feisty Master Nightly then to get a Break and Maybe get the Feisty Master every other week.

I think this works out best for both of us. It won't work for everyone but then again I have beet told I am REALLY good in bed.

Steel

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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/9/2008 9:19:04 PM   
petdave


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie
He told me he was a great cook.  Upon further inquiry it turns out that "cooking" means he can make eggs for breakfast and put together sandwiches.  Dinner duty removed.

Sometimes I wonder if he's fucking with me.



lol... i know lots of vanilla guys who claim they've pulled this off, but i would never in a million years expect it to work on a Domme in a LTR. Brotha's got SKILLZ!

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)
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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/9/2008 9:30:06 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave
lol... i know lots of vanilla guys who claim they've pulled this off, but i would never in a million years expect it to work on a Domme in a LTR. Brotha's got SKILLZ!



For the love of God, don't encourage him! 


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Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/9/2008 9:34:58 PM   
Suzykeu


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i don't work and my Mistress does. When i first started out we were sharing the duties, although i was doing more. But She's been teaching me to do them and over the last couple years i've assumed almost all of the household duties and have just gotten very efficcient at them. i like it, having responsibility over the whole house and knowing if i mess up, then i'll be the one held accountable.

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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/9/2008 9:49:26 PM   
DomKen


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My pet works full time as do I. We still live seperately. She maintains her home and I keep mine up, not quite as neatly or as thoroughly clean mind you. She spends most weekends at my place and while she's here I cook and she does the dishes, mostly because she's not as good a cook as I am and watching a girl do dishes in yellow latex gloves and nothing else is pleasant for me.

Pet usually brings a laundry bag over so she can do some of her laundry over the weekend and I usually do a load or two at the same time so we wind up folding clothes and such together, I get the benefit of her ironing my shirts since she doesn't like me taking them to a cleaner to be laundered and pressed.

Occasionally I sleep over at her place and I make sure to pick up after myself and not leave a mess in her kitchen or bathroom.

We're talking about moving in together and we'd definitely split the chores as we'd be splitting the bills and such.

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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/9/2008 9:51:59 PM   
gloriahhh


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never mind

< Message edited by gloriahhh -- 5/9/2008 9:53:01 PM >

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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/9/2008 10:12:54 PM   
DarkVictory


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*laughs*

My wife left me, and we share custody of two kids.  I have a house I rent, and I keep it immaculately.  (Someone else's words from CM, not mine)  I wash the laundry, do the cooking, take care of the kids, make sure homework gets done, trash, litter box, toilets, all of it.

And when I have a slave in the house, either she doesn't work or she works *part* time, and she does all that.  It's her job, in my house.
Slaves serve the house, that's what they do in my world.  And when I come home from a day at work, I expect a clean house, good food, and a willing and compliant and sexy sex partner.  Anything less, and she goes out on her ass, and I go back to doing it myself.



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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/9/2008 10:16:23 PM   
Rayne58


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Neither of us work outside the home.  He is on disability and I am His carer.  He is not able to do much around the house anyway.  I cook, do laundry and shopping etc.  I also pay someone to come in once a week and mop the floors, vacuum etc.  I figure time with Him is more important

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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/9/2008 10:23:16 PM   
hopelessfool


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I usually have a system

take parnter One the Dom Partner two the kitten
Which works more? How drastic is the difference between one and two. If we are both working equal hours, then we do equal work in the house, If I am working less say 20 to his 40 I take more responsiblity. If Im working more say 40 to 20 he does more. If Im not working and he is He does nothing I do it all. Same if reversed.

Personally my grandparents had pretty much the same relationship, they were married for more then 45 years. When she did all of the work or he did there were strains. Its makes much more sense to share the work then make one party do more and one less but this is just me.

Personally when a partner is in my home, visiting, I do all of the  cleaning before he gets here and  there is nothing to do except dishes and such and he doesnt have to do anything less he chooses to do so. Its not hard to load the dish washer true but seeing him smile at my wanting to please makes me go all tingly inside.

If the dynamic is the girl does all the work and they agree to it its on them and you dont have to worry about it. Its not your home its not effecting you in any way shape or form and only will effect you if you  enter into some dynamic that is like this. Then its your choice to stay do it, communicate your distaste/dislike of it and see if it will cause a change. Or find some one who better suits your dynamic.


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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/10/2008 12:30:02 AM   
MaamJay


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At the moment, neither Master nor i are working full time and the work W/we do W/we do together (playing music). So W/we share the household chores too, though i do more of the everyday stuff, Master does the heavier weekly work. Sometimes it gets on top of me a bit and i have a little melt down ... and Master picks it up and just does things. W/we work it together to keep each other in as good a form physically, mentally and emotionally as possible.

Thinking positively, WHEN I find a sub, I wouldn't expect him/her to take over ALL the house chores especially if they are still working outside the home (which would be preferable). They would take over some though, the dishes and yard work would be My top nominations LOL and contribute appropriate finances to the household. While fairness isn't a word commonly used here ... it happens to be one that Master and i do use, and W/we aim to make things as fair and reasonable as possible.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]


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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/10/2008 12:45:19 AM   
MaamJay


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Hello willow.  I would love to know how you zeroed in on My life just now.

I am currently sitting home, alone and bored on a Friday night.  Why is this, you might ask?  It is because My sub was, in My opinion, too tired to attend Community At Play with Me this evening.  We literally turned the car around, en route, so that each of us could go to our alternative resting places, and skip the plans I had come up with.

Right now, I am very torn.  Yes, I honestly believe that My own sub should do what it is that pleases Me.  In other words, he most certainly should have been willing to make the trip with Me, and have O/our little bit of escape.  Due to other reasons, I needed to do this, but before even getting out of town, I could tell that he was not prepared in the way I feel he should be.  This might be skewed because of My personal perception.  Long story short, I did not feel that he wanted to serve Me, and I am now home this evening.

Needless to say, I am greatly disappointed.  (Does the phrase all dressed up and nowhere to go make sense to anyone?)  I have yet determined on how to handle this.  Part of Me says, "screw it".  I refuse to sit at home, when social opportunities are available.  I do not, for a moment, believe submission is an option, done when it is convenient, or taken with selective choice.

Yet, I understand his position, and am empathetic to his needs.  Had he told Me from the beginning that he could not live up to My expectations, it would have been different.  However, he did not come to Me, in the proper way, which he knows is important.

Perhaps I will have a better answer in the morning, when My mind is clear.  I would hope that he knows that submission is not an option,  It is My belief that either one serves Me or they don't.  It is his time to chose.



LadyPact, I definitely understand the miserable feeling of "all dressed up and nowhere to go". It's no fun at all. But I was concerned to read Your last paragraphs, sounds perhaps more serious than that? That You are questioning his commitment to You? I offer these words, hope maybe they help.

From My reading of the situation, it sounds as if he did try to do what he knows You wanted, ie to go out with You. That's why it got as far as being en route to the function before You chose to turn around and go home. Perhaps his mistake was in not being fully open with You and fessing up to how tired he was. As a sub myself, i know how very hard that is to do. Being the object of your Dom/me's disappointment feels terrible, so i can't entirely blame him for trying to put a good fist on it and turning up anyway. The fact that You could see he wasn't in the right frame of mind is due to Your own sensitivity and perspicacity ... but perhaps You might be judging his actions just a tad harshly. It's true that You and the whole family are under great strain at the moment anyway, and so i think that he would try anything than to disappoint You ... and yet, now he has. he must be feeling awful. As do You. Hope You can work it out!

Empathy hugs from both sides of M/me!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/10/2008 12:55:29 AM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Willowmoon

If a slave is working all day just the same as the Master works all day how can she have the energy to do the housework, shopping and prepare all the meals as well as having to serve her Master and have the energy to play if he decides he wants to play that day. It doesn't seem realistic or fair to me. The slave does everything, falls in to bed exhausted to get up and have to do it all again the next day while the Master can sit on his ass watch TV and just relax.


That's not bdsm: it's called vanilla marriage.


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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/10/2008 2:00:52 AM   
RavenMuse


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The 'order' My girl oft finds hardest to comply with is "just chill out and relax for a bit"... I have to sometimes micromanage her relaxation time in order for her to do so... Ok go lay on the bed and read for an hour, she finds it hard to do things just for her. Same if I let her have a lay in.... it is her own draw to serve that has her get up and ask if she can stay up rather than go back to bed.

I run a fairly low maintenance house, light on clutter, easy to keep tidy, I don't tend to create much mess, etc. and yes she does the majority... but if she is busy with something else I want her to do and I want something doing I do it Myself..... I oft have to remind her that Masters do have arms and legs too.


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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/10/2008 2:50:18 AM   
stella41b


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From: SW London (UK)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willowmoon

If a slave is working all day just the same as the Master works all day how can she have the energy to do the housework, shopping and prepare all the meals as well as having to serve her Master and have the energy to play if he decides he wants to play that day. It doesn't seem realistic or fair to me. The slave does everything, falls in to bed exhausted to get up and have to do it all again the next day while the Master can sit on his ass watch TV and just relax.


That's not bdsm: it's called vanilla marriage.



Exactly..

Yes there is such a thing as real life, or the realities of life as it were, but there's also I feel the realities of being in a D/s relationship and being in the submissive or slave role.

I'm not currently in a relationship so I cannot write of my life as an example. All I can do here is give my opinion. I have my artistic work which takes up a varying amount of time, ranging from a few hours a week to 12 hours a day, and as I envisage myself at some point being with a Domme I would anticipate that this would be taken into account, but I wouldn't have any issue with having to take on all the domestic responsibilities as well. In fact I'd be really happy to do so.

So what if I'\m tired? Well that's my problem isn't it? I took on the responsibility, it's down to me to have the house kept clean and to organize everything so I stick to my responsibility.

But isn't this how it is when you're a submissive or slave? I don't know, I can't say, I never went in for The Path, the One True Way or come across any Submissive's Manual, I'm only going by my own experience from a consensus of previous relationships. The way I see it I have a choice, but that choice is limited to:

'Yes I can and will do it'
'Yes I can and will do it, but it's going to be difficult for me'
'No I can't do it because it isn't possible.'

I don't know how it is with a lazy Dominant. I've never met one, and hence I've never served one. I've served Dommes who couldn't work through illness, but I've never expected them to do anything.

I'm also aware it's a different relationship to female slave and Master, but in essence it isn't. You made your choice when you undertook to serve your Dominant, and from thereon they make the choices. This is how it is from my perspective.


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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/10/2008 3:08:18 AM   
Justme696


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These things don't happen over night. If some one turns out to expect/demand to much over time..the relation will end.
IF this is not the case, and you knew it upfront the MAster would demand this...you can't complain.

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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/10/2008 3:09:38 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willowmoon

If a slave is working all day just the same as the Master works all day how can she have the energy to do the housework, shopping and prepare all the meals as well as having to serve her Master and have the energy to play if he decides he wants to play that day. It doesn't seem realistic or fair to me. The slave does everything, falls in to bed exhausted to get up and have to do it all again the next day while the Master can sit on his ass watch TV and just relax.


That's not bdsm: it's called vanilla marriage.



I am curious who on CM kicked out for the fully 100% the vanilla aspects out of their life.

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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/10/2008 5:57:15 AM   
DominantJenny


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I'm a SAHM. I don't do as much as a lot of vanilla SAHMs, but I do the laundry, generally clean (occasionally he'll pitch in, like cleaning the microwave last week/we'll do a "big cleaning day" type thing together), raise the kids, take care of meals most of the time (he does dinner prep probably 75% of the time, but only easy "out of a box/in a microwave" stuff...I do any real cooking...and we eat out 3-4 times a week), do most of the dishwasher un/reloading (occasionally I need a break and I'll leave it for him a time or two...he does any handwashing that needs doing), and, in addition to the bits mentioned, he's responsible for all the outside maintenance (although I have mowed the lawn on occasion and we have both a good lawnmower and an awesome snowblower) (that was actually part of the deal of getting a house, something he wanted and I didn't at the time), the trash, cleaning the bathtub (my bad knees get me out of that one), cleaning the cat litter and the turtle tank and, um, I think that's it. When he's home, he is given major parenting duty, including being in charge of bathtime (my knees again) and changing all/most of the diapers (this is because we choose as a couple to have him be as close to a primary caregiver as a secondary caregiver can be, so that he will have (and he does) a ridiculously excellent relationship with his children)...and he works 40 hours a week, with a 1 hour, 15 minute commute (currently carpooling, yay!) and he's TEMPORARILY working a weekend job (about 6.5 hours a day, five minutes away) because we're crawling out from under some debt. Right now, he's helping a lot with the laundry (I'm pregnant and those knees make the stairs hard to start with...our laundry is in the basement) and we jointly do the weekly grocery shopping most of the time (sometimes I go by myself if we need the extra time, although not as much right now because the pregnancy sends me to the potty a lot and dealing with that, wrangling a high-energy toddler, and a cart full of groceries is a bit much. :P)
No one wanted that much detail about my life, but it was handy for me to write it out, anyway. :P
In the bedroom, I'm a highly active dominant...there's a lot of me flogging/spanking/doing things TO him...I generally lay back and receive near the end of the proceedings. Sometimes I really think I do FAR more work in the end...something I've been working on balancing, actually.

I consider our set-up to be pretty egalitarian overall (apart from the bedroom), although we consider ourselves 24/7. (I make the final decisions. He is expected to submit to me in all things, etc.)

I think most vanilla marriages are grossly distorted in the favor of the male. 

Jenny

Edited to add: Oh, yes, I handle the finances, except for his 401K, which he manages. He does most things that involve dealing with strangers, as I'm an introvert and he's an extrovert. He is also responsible for the cars, although I value his time too much and rarely have him do anything other than tell me when they need to go to the mechanic/need something replaced. He'd rather change the oil himself than have it done cheaply, but I'd rather have it done cheaply and not lose the time with him, and my "rather" wins.

< Message edited by DominantJenny -- 5/10/2008 6:42:35 AM >

(in reply to Willowmoon)
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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/10/2008 6:36:58 AM   
PsyVamp


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I work full time and my pet and um's do most of the housework. 
Since the um is almost the same age as my pet, my house looks like it is being cleaned by two "gamers".  That is because it is... ROFL.

Seriously?  If my pet were working full time, then the housework would be listed and divided up by the 3 of us. (the youngest in my household is not old enough to do much ,yet)

I do know some relationships where the submissive works full time (as does the dominant) and then comes home and does the cooking and the cleaning.  I did not ask who does the yard work or the paperwork (bills) or that kind of thing.

There is more to every day life than housework, its just not as visible.

Lady Jag

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RE: Slaves do everything while Master do nothing - 5/10/2008 6:43:10 AM   
CuriousPuppy


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I think a lot of people just don't really consider a lot of what they do to be work.  Cooking and dishes for instance.  One person out of a couple is usually a better cook, often good cooks enjoy cooking too.  The person who can't cook usually doesn't see spending a few minutes sticking some dishes in the dishwasher or cleaning off the counters to be a huge deal by comparison; after all, cooking is such a pain and never works out right for them.  The person doing the cooking gets to enjoy playing around in the kitchen and skips the hassle of the cleanup afterwards.

If you ask the cook to describe what they each did that night, they will tell you about how they made this that and the other and their partner came through afterwards to cleanup this huge mess of pots pans plates and general mess on the counters.  If you ask the one who cleaned, they will tell you how they spent a few minutes putting some stuff in the dishwasher and cleaned off the counters after their partner spent like an hour puttering around the kitchen making all sorts of stuff.  No healthy relationship can last long with one side doing everything around the house plus work, and the other almost nothing besides work like the OP mentioned.  Like PsyVamp mentioned though, cooking and cleaning aren't the only bits of housework that exist.


< Message edited by CuriousPuppy -- 5/10/2008 6:44:42 AM >

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