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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:04:45 AM

uniquecouple2123

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So man up and get a divorce if it is really that important to you.

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:06:57 AM

jm29jm30

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quote:

ORIGINAL: uniquecouple2123

Why cant you get a divorce?

Many reasons, have you ever been married?

< Message edited by jm29jm30 -- 5/13/2008 11:07:13 AM >

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:09:35 AM

jm29jm30

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quote:

ORIGINAL: uniquecouple2123

So man up and get a divorce if it is really that important to you.

So many single people seem to think it so easy to just get a divorce, there are so many things involved than just signing a piece of paper and saying goodbye.

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:09:48 AM

CalifChick

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I have yet to run across one person, just ONE, that could not get a divorce if that's what they set their mind to. NOT ONE. And yes, I've been married before. With children.

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< Message edited by CalifChick -- 5/13/2008 11:10:20 AM >

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Post #: 44

RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:10:11 AM

uniquecouple2123

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jm29jm30

quote:

ORIGINAL: uniquecouple2123

Why cant you get a divorce?

Many reasons, have you ever been married?

I have never been married but I know that when a problem comes up in your relationship that doesnt mean you just cheat on your spouse.

This is all a question of priorities. What is a higher priority to you?

The BDSM scene or your marriage? Because they have shown they are not compatible in your case.

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:11:25 AM

sirsholly

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from the way the op is avoiding the issue of why he cannot get out of the marriage i am inclined to think his wife is the breadwinner......

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:12:19 AM

BoiJen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jm29jm30
How do you know I haven't already discussed this with her, and got a look like I had four heads, being judged by your own spouse is not fun, you still have to see that person everyday when they have no acceptance or understanding of what you want and need. I'd rather engage in this with my wife, but she won't change, so have to.

No it's not fun. It's even worse to be judge by your own blood and yet some of us still bone up and leave when they can't support us. Recently, I had a great deal of contact with a man who has gotten his needs met by a ProDomme...and after sending his kids to school got a divoce. His wife knew the whole time and they made a quiet agreement to wait until their children were grown.

That I think is really cool and very mature...no matter what age they are.

You...you're just making excuses.

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:14:17 AM

subtee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jm29jm30

quote:

ORIGINAL: uniquecouple2123

So man up and get a divorce if it is really that important to you.

So many single people seem to think it so easy to just get a divorce, there are so many things involved than just signing a piece of paper and saying goodbye.

I divorced a lawyer. Top that shit.

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:16:39 AM

uniquecouple2123

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If you stay with her and she finds out you have someone on the side she is going to divorce you anyway and then you will have no leverage in the agreement as opposed to if you would have left amicably.

Im a law clerk so I see it everyday.

< Message edited by uniquecouple2123 -- 5/13/2008 11:17:12 AM >

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:18:56 AM

BoiJen

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Oh...and not being married doesn't mean you're single.

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:19:19 AM

Renee7852

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I'm going to reply again since this thread has taken a turn here. Again I think a mentor is a good idea. Secondly, there is a lot of wisdom being shared here from folks who sound like they have been in similar situations OR know someone who has. I was with a *Dom* for nearly 8 years.....for the first 2 years he SWORE he was divorced......went as far as swearing on his kid's...... Foolishly I believed him. I wasted another nearly 6 years waiting for his divorce. During that time he lied and cheated on me as well. He didnt live w/ his wife so I assumed everything he was telling me was true. Long story short he did get divorced but all the lies ruined the relationship. Would your wife have a problem w/ you scening w/ someone? would that be enough for you? Just another idea to throw out to you.

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:25:29 AM

jm29jm30

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

quote:

ORIGINAL: jm29jm30
How do you know I haven't already discussed this with her, and got a look like I had four heads, being judged by your own spouse is not fun, you still have to see that person everyday when they have no acceptance or understanding of what you want and need. I'd rather engage in this with my wife, but she won't change, so have to.

No it's not fun. It's even worse to be judge by your own blood and yet some of us still bone up and leave when they can't support us. Recently, I had a great deal of contact with a man who has gotten his needs met by a ProDomme...and after sending his kids to school got a divoce. His wife knew the whole time and they made a quiet agreement to wait until their children were grown.

That I think is really cool and very mature...no matter what age they are.

You...you're just making excuses.

Maybe you should talk to my wife. And what if the person you're with it is not willing to change, accept or pack?

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:26:47 AM

uniquecouple2123

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Pretty much.

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:27:27 AM

jm29jm30

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Oh...and not being married doesn't mean you're single.

No, but you're not bound legally, not the same, sorry

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:29:12 AM

jm29jm30

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Thanks for the advice! this thread really has turned huh.

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:29:17 AM

BoiJen

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Bullshit....in many large cities the civil partnership status is legally binding. And the time requirement for that is getting smaller and smaller. In some places it's as short as two years of proven documented co-habitation.

Grow up. Choose.

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:31:32 AM

FlamingRedhead

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The real problem here, as I see it, is that you are not, in fact, dominant. There's a difference in being a top and being dominant. You can learn to be a top. All it takes it a little practice with the implements. If you were truly dominant and knew what you really wanted, i.e. your wife to do this with you, you'd find a way to bring her around. You'd devise a plan. You'd start introducing it little by little into the bedroom and also in day to day activities. Hell, if you were dominant, you'd be the head of the household already, and your wife would know who's boss. If you can't control someone you've known all these years, how do you propose to control someone else? Do you imagine that submissives are easier and require little effort? Wrong! There is always resistance. Learning to overcome resistance is part of being a dominant.

By the way, I was married for 10 years with 1 child, and I got a divorce essentially because he was not dominant and didn't want to be what I needed him to be. It costs like hell to get what you want. You'd better make damn sure you know what you want and that it's worth it in the end.

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:32:18 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jm29jm30

Maybe you should talk to my wife. And what if the person you're with it is not willing to change, accept or pack?

you want HER to pack??? You must be kidding.....

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:35:42 AM

jm29jm30

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Bullshit....in many large cities the civil partnership status is legally binding. And the time requirement for that is getting smaller and smaller. In some places it's as short as two years of proven documented co-habitation.

Grow up. Choose.

wasn't talking about a civil union in the first place, you keep re-directing, was merely stating that being single is not legally biding. I never used the logic that if you weren't married, that equals a civil partnership, you did.

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RE: Same Old Problems for a Newbie! - 5/13/2008 11:37:10 AM

jm29jm30

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: jm29jm30

Maybe you should talk to my wife. And what if the person you're with it is not willing to change, accept or pack?

you want HER to pack??? You must be kidding.....