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collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 3:42:13 PM   
DomArtist4u


Posts: 47
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		Firstly I will say I am new to this forum, but not new to the lifestyle. I wont presume to call my self a "Master" or an "experienced Dom" but lets say I have had a few D/s relationsips, putting me at about 5-6 years in the lifestyle.

I now find myself in a new situation (as is every new relationship, D/s or not) this one may get me flamed on here for ethical reasons but, hey, I never claimed to be a sweetheart.

Anyway,  through the power of the internet I found myself in contact with a woman from my youth, over 20 years has past since I saw her last. Through emails and chats we come to find out we have both have an interest in D/s, bondage and a bit of pain.

She is now married with kids and lives maybe 45 minutes away, she did come to see me and the energy between us was as incredible as ever, but we were both strong and nothing happened. However, she has now begged to be collared and owned.

Aside from the moral issues of sexual deviance with not only a married woman but the wife of a childhood friend.
Are there any others out there experienced in this? thoughts? ideas on how to keep the domination in effect, while apart... while with her husband... while maintaining discretion....etc.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 3:52:03 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		cup of hot tea, ginger cookies, and now, on with the show. (grins)

(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 4:47:52 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Have her talk to her husband about how unhappy she is. Have her request he learn to top her and see if after six months/one year's time he feels dominant. At that point one year from now if there is still no interest, have her discuss opening up the marriage in the meantime. If he says yes, then he needs to decide what he is or is not comfortable with. Is this to be s & m only? Is sex permitted? If so what acts are out of bound? Does he need veto rights over her partners? Does he want to meet her partners? Does she want to meet his? How will they prevent std transmission?

Have this discussion with her and then wish her well and don't see/talk to her for a year.
But there's not much worse than screwing an old friend's wife behind his back except for screwing your wife's sister. Are you comfortable being a low life slimeball?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 4:48:42 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		It's gonna be interesting to see if your flamed as badly as the married guy over on the ask the master forums..
...................... 


_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 4:52:19 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is married and to someone you know?
I always appreciated the codes and ethics that are often lived up to here. meaning you dont lie. So by all means play with her after you get the approval of her husband or she seperates with plans for divorce.

_____________________________

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
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(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 4:56:10 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Keeping away from the moral issue of the sneaking and keeping purely to the dominant and pragmatic:

If she's hiding it from her spouse, she can't give you what you should get in my opinion.  It's why I won't take on "discreet" subs personally:  If I own someone, I want to be able to get them when needed, use them as desired within whatever limits we've discussed, rely on them to follow through on what they've been ordered or agreed to, etc.

If a sub is open with their spouse then these things can be done.  The sub can obey me, serve me, etc. with relative ease.

If the sub is sneaking, then I can't contact them easily, they are severely limited on when and how they can serve and play, they often don't obey when away because they have to dodge their spouse, etc.

It's signing up for headaches and you can't own any part of them.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 4:57:59 PM   
mzbehavin


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline 		It sounds as if you have strong feelings for her. Would you truly be ok with time share? If the answer is yes to that. Then yes, everything Des said.
If your coming in hoping she will leave her family for you, well... an old Beatles tune comes to mind (ok, i get song messages) So heres yours~
...The long and winding Road...
I have no moral judgments to pass, because it wont matter what anyone says really, you'll probably have to learn on your own.

_____________________________

There's never really a good time for the whole Man to Beast thing...Just kind of~Whaum! and hope for the best...
ToTo from The O.Z.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 5:28:55 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Aside from the sneaking issue -- which sorry.. is really bad ok?  Let her get a divorce first... or work on her marriage...

but aside from that.. like RumpusParable, I don't believe someone can be married, sneaking and really submit.. as I've said to several married subs who've approached me.. you will let me down eventually, you're bound to because you're married and lying... I won't enter a relationship knowing full well that I will eventually be hurt or disappointed.

If you don't care that you will not likely come first (and not second because she has kids too) and you should NOT come first.. then go for it..

but I think its bad to lie to your spouse... period.. and it doesn't bode well for another relationship that should also be based in honesty, integrity and trust...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 5:57:23 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		There are too many people in this situtions. There's you, the cheater (aka her), her husband AND their kids. There's too much potentional for everyone to get hurt. Plus, if she can lie to her hubby she can just as easily lie to you.

Honestly, I say back off and let her figure it out with him. Encourage her to do what she needs to do for herself and the welfare of her home (ie, the kids.)

Life is more than sex and BDSM. The WHOLE issue is ethical. The wife of your FRIEND? I mean c'mon...

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 6:18:30 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		I had a motto at one point, which cost me a friend when I flirted with his brother's wife (unknown to me at the time):

I didn't make a vow.

I don't think it's really your problem if she's married, or anything else. That's between her and whoever she's with.


_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 6:22:12 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Keep it in your pants dude.

_____________________________

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I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 9:01:25 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

I had a motto at one point, which cost me a friend when I flirted with his brother's wife (unknown to me at the time):

I didn't make a vow.

I don't think it's really your problem if she's married, or anything else. That's between her and whoever she's with.



yea silly me the OP is just a innocent bystander... what the hell was I thinking.  and the kids are chopped liver.  And this guy is a friend of yours.  and you expect me/someone to give you advice on the best way to cheat... I think not...  300 million ppl in the US and I was unlucky enuff to cross your path.  well dude your on my very short ignore list.

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to SmokingGun82)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 9:20:16 PM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

I had a motto at one point, which cost me a friend when I flirted with his brother's wife (unknown to me at the time):

I didn't make a vow.

I don't think it's really your problem if she's married, or anything else. That's between her and whoever she's with.



dude, i'd like to help you out here and share my gravy IV with you, but i'm too self involved. 

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to SmokingGun82)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 9:46:26 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		My girl is married. Granted, we are not sexual partners...even if we were, her and her husband are in an open relationship.

From observed experience...it never ends well when the married partner of either the Master or slave doesn't know and approve of the relationship.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 9:55:31 PM   
scifi1133


Posts: 8529
Joined: 3/27/2007
From: virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: christine1

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

I had a motto at one point, which cost me a friend when I flirted with his brother's wife (unknown to me at the time):

I didn't make a vow.

I don't think it's really your problem if she's married, or anything else. That's between her and whoever she's with.



dude, i'd like to help you out here and share my gravy IV with you, but i'm too self involved. 
rotflmao

_____________________________

I'm the happy fascist slut.
awwwwwww yeeeeeeeeah
And I see your schwartz is as big as mine.
My heart 10-01-72 / 10-16-09


(in reply to christine1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 9:56:00 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Did I ever mention that you have an amazing gift for understatement?

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 9:59:59 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Did I ever mention that you have an amazing gift for understatement?


Well, I try to keep my own personal ethics out of it...as well as the drama...especially when the simple truth/data says it all. The other stuff has a tendency to put people on the defensive and from that stance, they usually won't listen.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 10:01:53 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Did I ever mention that you have an amazing gift for understatement?


Well, I try to keep my own personal ethics out of it...as well as the drama...especially when the simple truth/data says it all. The other stuff has a tendency to put people on the defensive and from that stance, they usually won't listen.

Master Fire



But they don't want truth when they ask these questions..
 
They want validation of thier inane rationalizations from sychophants.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/14/2008 11:21:42 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
But they don't want truth when they ask these questions..
 
They want validation of thier inane rationalizations from sychophants.


Yes, but I can only control my actions and reactions. I prefer to give the truth without drama or, in a lot of cases, condemnation. What they do with it is their business.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 3:44:09 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		If she is prepaired to lie to her supposed primary partner... she WILL lie to you... if you are willing to be party to such lying and cheating then how can anyone trust you given trust is such a big foundationstone in what We do?

I have had subs who where married, with the full knowledge and agreement of the husband. Just understand that You can't be the primary relationship, You can't fully Own someone in that situation BUT that Your relationship can benifit that primary relationship as well as being positive for You... But only if You take up the responcibility and work for ensuring it goes that way.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 20
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