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RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 3:48:25 AM

wisteriaV

Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

Ok Im gonna open my mouth on this one. If the chicklet is looking elsewhere and shes messing with her hubbys friend, who is to say she wont run on you? Is it the thrill of knowing shes married and the idea of getting caught sets off some rush for you or ( based on your profile, which yes I did read) are you a few brain cells dead of dealing with reality of not only you potentially being hurt here, but also, her, the kids, and various others involved indirectly.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 21

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 3:51:40 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82
I don't think it's really your problem if she's married, or anything else. That's between her and whoever she's with.

Total and utter abdication of personal responcibility... if you know the other person is in a cheating situation and you choose to go ahead then you are a willing party and JUST as guilty, your ethics just as questionable as if you where the one activly cheating.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 22

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 4:05:05 AM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

She is now married with kids...

It never ceases to amaze Me how people disregard the presence of UM for the sake of their own selfish desires.

quote:

she did come to see me and the energy between us was as incredible as ever, but we were both strong and nothing happened. However, she has now begged to be collared and owned.

Why so you can have semi conscience free sex?

quote:

Aside from the moral issues of sexual deviance with not only a married woman but the wife of a childhood friend.

Dude, what else is there? The fact that you are even contemplating this says there don't seem to be any.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to DomArtist4u)

Post #: 23

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 4:57:58 AM

StrangerThan

Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline

I'm amused. I saw a similar thread a while back, being the lurker that I am, where the poster was held to high ridicule for dumping such a submissive. Now there's a definite moral high road to follow. Ok, let's follow it. Liars lie, and cheaters cheat. It's what they do and are conditioned for. Having said that, a good portion of most second marriages began on that road. While it may cloud one's past and make for some second thoughts, having done it doesn't paint one's future with a scarlet A. You will never completely be her Master. You will own parts of her. I don't care how manly and domly you are, you'll have pieces and parts, and especially if she has children you damned well should have pieces and parts. Past that, maintaining a double life means she will do some things with and for you, some things with and for him. It's just the way life is. If you can't handle that, then stop now. Otherwise you're just exponentially increasing the chance you'll take part in fucking everyone's life up.

Everyone submits. It is simple a matter to what, and when, regardless of whether you call yourself Dom or sub. Sometimes it's to your own morality, sometimes to society, sometimes to things you have no control over. You have control over this one. Think with your mind and not your dick. I'm not one of these holier than thou people. If you can handle, handle it. If not, do yourself a favor and recognize that you can't.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 24

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 7:00:38 AM

DomArtist4u

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

Hey kids, I just want to thank you all for not flaming me or judging me for this, much appreciated. Funny how the tables turn, I can;t tell you how often i see a married middleaged executive man, who visits a Domme regularly and even pays for her services! Let me also say that she intends to keep our relationship discrete, and not approach her husband at this time. Thanks for all the great advise on the matters I asked about, and again not flaming me for my/our moral judgements.

(in reply to StrangerThan)

Post #: 25

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 7:05:54 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

I have several married subs ,we have a D/s sexual relationship,I would never offer a collar to a married sub, the complications are too great..

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to DomArtist4u)

Post #: 26

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 7:08:52 AM

DomArtist4u

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

thank you bountyhunter! a real word of advise!

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)

Post #: 27

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 7:19:11 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u

Are there any others out there experienced in this? thoughts? ideas on how to keep the domination in effect, while apart... while with her husband... while maintaining discretion....etc.

1) Well, you won't be her primary relationship.....no matter what you think. Your relationship is going to be fit in around her family (including her husband). You won't spend holidays with her, you won't go on vacation with her, etc. I can guarantee that there will be one day when she says to you, "I can't. My husband wants to....." Most alphas I know would hate that situation.

2) As for the "while she's with her husband" part....what in the world makes you think you get to have authoritiy over her when she's with her husband? Her husband didn't agree to any of this, so you have no right to anything that involves her time within her relationship with him. To do so is unethical and not fair to him or her children.

3) She's lying to the most important adult in her life. The person that she made a vow to. How can you trust someone that would lie on that level? And because you're the secondary relationship, what makes you think that she won't lie to you too?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DomArtist4u)

Post #: 28

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 7:28:59 AM

DomArtist4u

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

thanks OsideGirl,
I dont expect complete authority, and i do understand that her time with her family may hinder full control, and I am ok with that. I also understand by the sheer nature of this relationship I will never have full control of her, so a 'collaring' may not be realistic.
As for the lying issue, that I too, is something I cant be 100% sure of, but i can say that submission is something se craves and she came to me to do so, so I can assume that she will do so wholeheartedly within the best of her abilities within and not jepordizing her primary relationship with her husband. thank you also for your insite and honesty

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 29

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 7:29:23 AM

shadoww46

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/13/2008
Status: offline

You must consider every angle before you decide to do something like this, not only due you take the chance of ruining her life the childrens lifes but also a friendship, and they are hard tocome by. This would be a major negative to my thinking.

(in reply to DomArtist4u)

Post #: 30

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 7:34:36 AM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Basically what most folks here are saying is.... What you will have with here will be crippled and pale imitation of a true lifestyle D/s relationship. Built on dis-honor, mis-trust and deceit. One of the main qualities of being in any type of healthy relationship, is to want the best for the other person involved. Especially in one lifestyle related as trust and honor are major building blocks of this type of relationship. No one here thinks that those guidelines can be followed when the relationship starts out in this type of deceitful manner. Ergo, you and the submissive involved might get some physical pleasures from your interactions and "relationship" if you want to call it that. But bottom line, it will go nowhere and just be hurtful to everyone else involved, directly or indirectly.

CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 31

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 7:38:52 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u

but i can say that submission is something se craves and she came to me to do so, so I can assume that she will do so wholeheartedly within the best of her abilities within and not jepordizing her primary relationship with her husband. thank you also for your insite and honesty

I'm sure being married and having children was something she craved and her husband assumed would do it whole heartedly, too. She's already lying to fulfill her "craving", so assuming that she's going to be honest within the lie is not the sanest thing.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DomArtist4u)

Post #: 32

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 7:40:10 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u
so I can assume that she will do so wholeheartedly within the best of her abilities within and not jepordizing her primary relationship with her husband.

But she IS jeopardizing her relationship with her husband if he is not aware of this. There are also little people involved who are standing in the direct line of fire. This lifestyle is based on consent...and it seems to me there are a few people involved who are not being asked if they give that consent. I would hope that the two of you would take that into consideration instead of the selfish view you seem to be taking.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 5/15/2008 7:41:13 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to DomArtist4u)

Post #: 33

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 8:00:01 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u
so I can assume that she will do so wholeheartedly within the best of her abilities within and not jepordizing her primary relationship with her husband.

But she IS jeopardizing her relationship with her husband if he is not aware of this. There are also little people involved who are standing in the direct line of fire. This lifestyle is based on consent...and it seems to me there are a few people involved who are not being asked if they give that consent. I would hope that the two of you would take that into consideration instead of the selfish view you seem to be taking.

I agree with Mist. The moment she started discussing having a relationship outside of her marriage, she put her marriage in jeopardy. If her husband found out right now....it would still be HUGE.

It has the potential to have massive fallout. How much fun would it be to be called as a witness against her in a child custody case? When a parent has an affair and it's brought in front of a child it causes an amazing amount of distress to the child. At the least messy it would mean an instant divorce. At it's worst are messy court battles, child custody cases and scarred children.

You're being awfully cavalier with the lives of people that didn't consent to the relationship.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 34

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 8:11:28 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

OsideGirl really has an important point here...

if this all blows up, what do you think her chances of keeping her children are if her husband and his attorney find out the nature of your relationship?

You might want to be very clear about what she is risking... it sounds really stupid to me...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 35

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 8:22:45 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

There have been some really great comments. I hope you are reading and thinking......without your pecker.

Consider that, as a dominant, you will have a great deal of responsibility for your submissive.

Right now, all you see is the gravy. She is married, planning on keeping it on the downlow, some other guy is dealing with bills, kids and her bad moods. You get nothing but gravy........IE: BDSM and sex.

BUT............what if this situation blows up? She decides she is so madly in love with you, her dominant, that she wants to leave her husband. OR, her husband finds out (that shits been known to happen yanno) and either dumps her ass, leaving her ass YOUR responsibility........along with all her legal fees and child custody issues and now you will be expected to step up to the plate and take care of YOUR submissive. Still all gravy?????????

OR...........situation blows up and she decides she really wants to stay with hubby and turns the whole mess into a DomArtist4u is an evil motherfucker that beat me "see my terrible bruises!!!" and took advantage of me, and.........etc etc etc. Your ass could be in a world of hurt! Given some of the activities we enjoy, imagine the creative stories she can come up with to save her ass, all while putting your ass in some really deep shit.
You may think this woman wants to submit to you but trust me when I say, she is going to have ALL the power before it's over. Still all gravy???

Now, if you are still reading.........trust me I get the attraction here. Alot of guys would go for it. I am just sitting here, trying to be a voice of reason, saying "think it all through before you jump". There are alot of potential pitfalls in this particular situation. You have alot to lose. Personally, financially, your standing in the community, if that matters to you. Perhaps even your job. Not that all of us that play these kinky games don't have risk, but in your situation the potential for a bad ending sure seems alot greater. This sweet little submissive could turn into your worst nightmare if she gets cornered or decides she wants more than a little fun on the side.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to DomArtist4u)

Post #: 36

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 8:47:32 AM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u

Funny how the tables turn, I can;t tell you how often i see a married middleaged executive man, who visits a Domme regularly and even pays for her services!

That is considered payment for services rendered-a Pro relationship---platonic and usually distanced- and for all you know the wife knows---so yep I guess whats good for the gander is good for the gander.

So if a married man you knew jumped off the bridge would you do so too? Oh I guess you already did.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to DomArtist4u)

Post #: 37

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 9:02:54 AM

Floggings4You

Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline

There are usually very specific (and often quite complex) reasons behind lying, deceptions, and/or deceit. I know many married men who lie to their wives, who say they're going out to play cards or catch a game with their buddies, when they're really going to a titty bar. I have more than a couple married friends (men and women) who have ongoing, long-term affairs about which their spouses know absolutely nothing.

Does that mean that the person who lies about one aspect of life, cannot be trusted at all, period? Are parents who lie to their children about the existence of Santa Claus (or God?!), liars all the way through?

Is it possible that a married mother of small children could engage in a sexual, D/s affair for many years, perhaps indefinitely--without everbeing caught--or in any way damaging either her marriage or her children?

Yes.

Is it also possible that a person in such a situation could remain steadfastly honest in all other dealings with others?

Yes.

Is the situation ideal?

Of course not.

(But then, what the hell is 'ideal'?)

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 38

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 9:05:44 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Well of course all of those things happen! And just as often, if not moreso, they blow up in the faces of those involved......

It's just that very few of them post that they are thinking about doing so, on here, for us to give such wonderful advice.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Floggings4You)

Post #: 39

RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 9:09:04 AM

Argentopal

Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline

Hi DomArtist,

I have a "boy". He is married and while his wife does not know all the details, she is aware of his interests and involvements with others. He loves her, she has no interest in bdsm, she loves him, they have made some agreements. He has agreed that his family - wife, children, grandchildren will ALWAYS come first. None of his bdsm relationships involve having sex in any way - no queening, no oral, no jerking off, etc. Now, he is very responsive and when we "play" I get a big rush over watching him squirm and wiggle, so that's why I do it with him. But make no mistake, if I were to try be his "mistress/Domme" it would fail in a big way. His wife and job (owns his own business) always come first. He can never be here on a weekend or holiday and I cannot give him tasks to do at home. For what I want from this relationship, it works fine. But if I wanted him to be collared to me it would be totally unfilling ... and remember his wife KNOWS about it.
Your friend has a huge responsibility to her children. This sort of thing is always found out sooner or later and would ruin their lives. Please respect her enough to not allow her to put herself in this position. You can give her one Dominant rule - do not cheat on or lie to her husband; do not risk her family or her relationship with her children with you or anyone else. Tell her if she ever is divorced you'll talk to her about it again and reassess the situation.

_____________________________

He held out His hand and said "Step into the abyss with me."

... and i did.

~Surrender without Fear~
~Power without Guilt~
~Love without Doubt~

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 40

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