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RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 12:13:48 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u

funny how the "issue here" is exactly what I stated I didnt want to analize hereaccording to my original post, I did NOT want to be analized on the moral aspect of cheating, it happens all the time and is common in this day and age. the D/s aspect is what the real "issue" is


technical difficulties.. see below..

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 5/15/2008 12:17:00 PM >

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 61
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 12:15:41 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u

funny how the "issue here" is exactly what I stated I didnt want to analize hereaccording to my original post, I did NOT want to be analized on the moral aspect of cheating, it happens all the time and is common in this day and age. the D/s aspect is what the real "issue" is


You can't decide on the answers when you make your post.  You did get good solid D/s advice, but I'm gathering it wasn't what you wanted.  You wanted some kind of how to in this situation and rather you got a lot of information why it wasn't such a good idea.  Sorry, again, you can't decide what the answers are and can't dictate to people HOW to answer your post, no matter what you say.

You posted that maybe you can keep a secret, maybe the husband finds out and is ok and maybe maybe... yeah, maybe you're right... but perhaps so are the other maybes about it all blowing up.  I don't know the stats, but given the consequences of it all going badly, I'd worry about it -- no matter the odds.  It could be devastating for all involved.  Ugh.. how awful.

And the D/s part?  As I believe someone said... as the D part of that, you have a standard to be honorable.  What you're describing just doesn't come off as honorable.  Yeah, people do it -- common?  I don't know -- divorce is common not sure about affairs.. maybe so, but it still doesn't make it the right thing to do.  Many things are common, but they are not necessarily good.

Oh and earlier you mentioned married men going to pro dommes -- and if they're sneaking around, I don't think that's right either.  But that's not what we're talking about -- its your situation we're discussing here.  There are a ton of posts about pro dommes and all aspects of that kind of relationship, feel free to read them.

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 5/15/2008 12:16:32 PM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 12:19:12 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I am married. I am also collared to a man that is not my husband. My husband knows about this and had given his permission for me to seek out this kind of relationship outside our marriage...Its been pretty smooth.

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(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 12:23:09 PM   
quietsplendor


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/13/2008
Status: offline 		I've always thought that Dominants had a certain responsibility to Their subs' needs.  Now this woman may feel a need to be Dommed, but as a Dominant, You should instruct her to do so in the right manner, which is being open and honest with the husband about it.  If nothing else, think of the children!  There's enough screwed up families in this world without another being destroyed because You and she think You can keep a relationship on the down-low... It WILL be found out.  It's just a matter of time.  It makes me so mad when I see such cavalier attitudes towards innocent children!  (and the husband, in this case!)

~qs~

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 12:30:31 PM   
DomArtist4u


Posts: 47
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		I want to again thank you all for your comments, advise, and insite on this matter. I do understand that what we are considering is morally wrong, and could be damaging to her marriage. I will be talking to her and bringing up all the seniros mentioned, good and bad. I wil NOT be collaring her at this time and will discuss the opions of full disclosure and partial disclosure with her husband. thank you all again for your words of wisdom and I appologise if I may have seemd defensive to some degree.

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 12:34:37 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u

I want to again thank you all for your comments, advise, and insite on this matter. I do understand that what we are considering is morally wrong, and could be damaging to her marriage. I will be talking to her and bringing up all the seniros mentioned, good and bad. I wil NOT be collaring her at this time and will discuss the opions of full disclosure and partial disclosure with her husband. thank you all again for your words of wisdom and I appologise if I may have seemd defensive to some degree.


I'm glad that you are considering bringing the husband into the picture. If you keep it above board, at least you will feel better about yourself-even if it does not go your way.

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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 12:40:07 PM   
cantilena


Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I will be talking to her and bringing up all the seniros mentioned, good and bad. I wil NOT be collaring her at this time and will discuss the opions of full disclosure and partial disclosure with her husband.


Those are dominant words, imo.

I wish you all the best with it, and sincere wishes for a great outcome for all involved.  Good luck.




(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 1:13:25 PM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cantilena

quote:

I will be talking to her and bringing up all the seniros mentioned, good and bad. I wil NOT be collaring her at this time and will discuss the opions of full disclosure and partial disclosure with her husband.


Those are dominant words, imo.

I wish you all the best with it, and sincere wishes for a great outcome for all involved.  Good luck.







They would have been more Dominant, had he had his head on straight at the get go and said no no.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to cantilena)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 1:13:31 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm going to re-post something I said on a similar thread earlier this week.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Why is it that so many folks seem to stumble on these boards and think that, just because the people here are kinky, they will condone every action, even when those actions harm innocent, non-consenting people?  If you haven't figured it out yet, OP, that's why people here have a low opinion of those folks who are cheating on their spouses.  It's not only because the lying and sneaking around is less than honorable, but it also has a tendency to harm someone who didn't want to be hurt. 



Listen here.  I'm married.  My sub is married.  Guess what?  Everybody knows.  My husband has watched many of our scenes.  My sub calls his wife and tells her exactly where he is, sitting at My feet.  There's no hiding, lying, etc.

So, no, I can't help you with being discrete.  What I can help you with is to show you that option "D" is absolutely viable and possible.  Try going into this with honesty and integrity.  A man is only as good as his actions.  Give the honorable thing a try.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 1:26:51 PM   
cantilena


Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

They would have been more Dominant, had he had his head on straight at the get go and said no no.


I don't disagree.

Yet, I mean no disrespect MladyHathor, but have you ever once in your life faced serious temptation and contemplated going down a destructive path?  Maybe have an overwhelming fantasy and long to have it fulfilled?  Maybe not, and I congratulate you, but I think a lot of folks face these kinds of dilemmas and temptations all the time. 

The serious mistake (in my opinion, anyway) is acting on that temptation, not necessarily just talking about it.

The OP said he's going to try and help the woman in question here... I take those words at face value and don't diminish their importance.


(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 1:33:39 PM   
slavejennMP


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline 		this could get ugly.  If her husband is anyhting like my ex then it might Sir

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 2:58:00 PM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cantilena

quote:

They would have been more Dominant, had he had his head on straight at the get go and said no no.


I don't disagree.

Yet, I mean no disrespect MladyHathor, but have you ever once in your life faced serious temptation and contemplated going down a destructive path?  Maybe have an overwhelming fantasy and long to have it fulfilled?  Maybe not, and I congratulate you, but I think a lot of folks face these kinds of dilemmas and temptations all the time. 

The serious mistake (in my opinion, anyway) is acting on that temptation, not necessarily just talking about it.

The OP said he's going to try and help the woman in question here... I take those words at face value and don't diminish their importance.




I have, and when I was single, I persued many---NEVER with someone married and once I had a child---all bets were off---I was a parent first, a daughter second and a woman last.  Because one stupid moment can ruin a life for good.



_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to cantilena)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 3:47:19 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

quote:

ORIGINAL: cantilena

quote:

They would have been more Dominant, had he had his head on straight at the get go and said no no.


I don't disagree.

Yet, I mean no disrespect MladyHathor, but have you ever once in your life faced serious temptation and contemplated going down a destructive path?  Maybe have an overwhelming fantasy and long to have it fulfilled?  Maybe not, and I congratulate you, but I think a lot of folks face these kinds of dilemmas and temptations all the time. 

The serious mistake (in my opinion, anyway) is acting on that temptation, not necessarily just talking about it.

The OP said he's going to try and help the woman in question here... I take those words at face value and don't diminish their importance.




I have, and when I was single, I persued many---NEVER with someone married and once I had a child---all bets were off---I was a parent first, a daughter second and a woman last.  Because one stupid moment can ruin a life for good.





Agree 100% - i divorced and spent 10 years celibate, raising my children , in part because i couldn't trust my judgement where men were concerned - and certainly didn't want to subject them to someone like my x. Once the little dears were of age, i went out to play.   Kids come first!

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 5:07:53 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I guess drug dealers are not responsible either, using that logic. Only the user is.


Isn't that the very definition of personal responsibility? It's a different conversation for a different area, but how is the dealer responsible for you (using "you" generally) deciding you want to shoot heroin?

It reminds me of the people who want to sue McDonald's because they get fat- take responsibility for your own life, your own ethics, and let others worry about themselves.

Of course, my original comment about me not having taken vows was in regards to a one-time thing... the outside considerations (namely, the baggage that comes with the ring) would probably make me decide against a relationship with someone who was married. But that's probably- it's never come up, so I can't say for sure.

Which isn't to say I'd discourage it in others- if you want her, she's offered herself. Have at it and be happy. Or don't. Either way, good luck with it.


_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 5:22:38 PM   
lanie38


Posts: 120
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline 		Everyone has needs...and everyones deserves some happiness in their lives...but at the expense of others, esp little ones..nah I wouldn't be that selfish, but that's me...and I think at the very least, the husband deserves to know he's about to share his wife with someone else..

Good luck!

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(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 7:10:04 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u
a few of you also assume that it is inevitable that we be found out, a divorse and custody battle will insue and all hell will break lose. Is there no chance that A) we can keep our secret B) if we cant, there is no chance for forgiveness C) the possiblity that he learns of it and allows it to continue. D) she decides to tell him and either end it or ask for permission.


A) Yes, there's a chance you could keep your secret, however when you engage in an affair your behavior changes. Your routines change. And if you think no one notices that you're wrong. Imagine the first session of sub drop and an unsuspecting husband.

B & C) It's been my experience that spouses react badly when faced with cheating that engages in something that they can't/don't/won't do or understand. The results are frequently messy. So, I'd say the chances are extremely thin.

D) Yes, she could but discussing this with her husband could also be the demise of her marriage.

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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/16/2008 7:52:36 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		You know for an alternative lifestyle full of 'different' kinds of people, you sure are judgmental!!! That's a shame. The vanilla world would have a field day with all of your bdsm lifestyles. How about working within his situation instead of flaming and judging.

Dreamer

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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/16/2008 7:54:43 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Exactly who said 'judgmental' was a bad thing?  How else would you derive who you chose to play/associate/spend time with if other than your own judgments?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/16/2008 8:54:00 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

You know for an alternative lifestyle full of 'different' kinds of people, you sure are judgmental!!! That's a shame. The vanilla world would have a field day with all of your bdsm lifestyles. How about working within his situation instead of flaming and judging.

Dreamer


It amazes me that people who engage in what are deemed alternative practices are supposed to be without morals or ethics ---  maybe you're like that, but I'm not.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/25/2008 12:49:58 PM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u

Hi Kids! I want to thank you all again for your words of wsdom and for not flaming me and assuming to know me , her and the intentions of this relationship. I guess I feel the need to defend myself, me reasoning and my honor for some reason.

the title alone, shows a great respect towards everyone here who takes the time and effort to seriously answer you.

What if you would turn the table around, and you would be the happily married man of her, and she would find a nice Dom somewhere close, and would sneak off with him without you knowing it...

How would you feel?

That's the reason that I never ever will take
on any sub whose partner isn't informed,
because I simply never going to be the one,
she/he will be cheating with.

Would you?


GoddezzT`
(maybe just maybe the artist part in ya name does it)


_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 80
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