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RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 9:25:22 AM   
laura2161


Posts: 254
Joined: 3/8/2008
From: Duluth, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Total and utter abdication of personal responcibility... if you know the other person is in a cheating situation and you choose to go ahead then you are a willing party and JUST as guilty, your ethics just as questionable as if you where the one activly cheating.


I disagree. Just as guilty as what? As her? As if he was the one who was cheating?He's not the one who is married, she is.  That makes no sense.

I'm all for personal responsibility (and for myself I will not become involved with a married man) but the responsibility lies with HER. If this woman chooses to go outside of her marriage he is not responsible for her actions. Personal responsibity is just that- It's hers to own up to- Not his.


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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 9:43:10 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I guess drug dealers are not responsible either, using that logic. Only the user is.

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 10:14:43 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laura2161

I disagree. Just as guilty as what? As her? As if he was the one who was cheating?He's not the one who is married, she is.  That makes no sense.

I'm all for personal responsibility (and for myself I will not become involved with a married man) but the responsibility lies with HER. If this woman chooses to go outside of her marriage he is not responsible for her actions. Personal responsibity is just that- It's hers to own up to- Not his.



What he's guilty of is deliberately picking an old friend's wife to play with.

I have to assume the marriage is already severely troubled or she wouldn't have responded the way she did. I've known more than a few relationships where they stay together for financial and family reasons. Neither one specifically asking where the other went for the day or what they did. And that's fine in my view. Because I've been in a dead marriage myself and I don't begrudge another in such a place finding a little personal happiness to keep them going.

But of all the people to pick, why deliberately zero in on an old friend's wife? There's only one reason, because you want to hurt that old friend for stealing your best GI Joe figure, for not standing up for you when you had a fight in the schoolyard, etc. I have to assume the op bears this woman's husband some animosity from a carefully nurtured grudge and seeks this in order to get his revenge.

And that's not the right reason to do this. Because it bears strong possibility that in order to get stronger revenge he will 'accidentally' out her to her husband and/or her parents. After all, they have other childhood friends in common he could mention this to. His family may still live in the same town as her family and her husband's family. It's real easy to envision a way to spread the news so that her husband hears.

But fucking her because the op is angry at her husband is not how mature people deal with things. And having an underlying reason which he has not disclosed to her is also inappropriate. Most of all, lying to himself is a sad thing.

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 10:40:10 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...Most of all, lying to himself is a sad thing.


indeed.  the OP sounds incredibly lacking in self-respect and self-confidence, if not totally lying about his motivation.
 
perhaps she is the one with the revenge-fetish.  maybe her long-term plan is to out their affair to her husband, once it has been consumated and established for a period of time, as some sort of neener-neener-see-i-fucked-yer-old-buddy-so-there.
 
thing is, you can never tell what's behind the lies and the cheating, until it is over and the truth is exposed.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 11:05:51 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Nothing wrong with collaring a married sub, as long as the spouse knows and is comfortable with it. Same with someone who is married themselves collaring a sub, as long as their partner knows and approves. I have a wonderful wife, married over 20 years, and also a collared slave. Everyone knows what everyone else is doing (minus the intimate details). My wife and my slave have even become good friends!

As strong as your passion is, and hers, as a responsible Dominant, it is your place to do the right thing and not let her cheat. If her husband can't know or won't approve, you have to suck it up and look elsewhere. No-one ever said being a Dom was easy.

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 11:17:29 AM   
DomArtist4u


Posts: 47
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Kids! I want to thank you all again for your words of wsdom and for not flaming me and assuming to know me , her and the intentions of this relationship. I guess I feel the need to defend myself, me reasoning and my honor for some reason.
Firstly desFip is way off base, there is no animosity toward the old friend, and I think somewhere i stated that I have lost touch and they have moved away, to be clear I have not seen him in 20 years either. Also, I understand that they do have a loving marriage and her biggest fear and precaution is to not jepordize that with her slutty behavior. To really solidify this action i would need to bring you all back 25 years to when all three of us were teens. This is not random, hey lets fuck for fucks sake, the energy goes back to then, and yes back then we did fuck for fucks sake, but we are adults now. a few of you also assume that it is inevitable that we be found out, a divorse and custody battle will insue and all hell will break lose. Is there no chance that A) we can keep our secret B) if we cant, there is no chance for forgiveness C) the possiblity that he learns of it and allows it to continue. D) she decides to tell him and either end it or ask for permission.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 11:22:16 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Why doesn't she just attempt to be authentic and tell hin about her needs.  Nah, that's too easy.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 11:42:51 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		At this point, you're just grasping at straws trying to justify what you want to do. The issue is not how real your feelings are between you and her. The issue is her cheating on her husband. I expect that no matter what anyone here says, it is not going to make any difference to your decision in the end.

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 11:48:53 AM   
cantilena


Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline 		Surely you must realize that you would get this response.  You seem intelligent enough to realize that.  And contrary to what you might feel reading my words, I'm honestly not flaming you with what I have to say, but rather attempting to give you a hard reality check.  To me, after all, it seems you're living in fantasy land here. 

You mentioned in your last post that you feel the need to defend your honor, yet did not do so with your message.  Do you really think you can?  It's one thing to carry on, and quite another to carry on and delude oneself into believing it's honorable.  Think about it. 

I'm no saint - it is doubtful a single person on these boards is a saint - and I am not judging you.  We all make mistakes, behave badly from time to time, chase unwise passions, or otherwise do dumb stuff.  But you came here asking for advice, and you are getting it.  You simply don't like the counsel because it isn't what you want to hear.

quote:

Is there no chance that A) we can keep our secret B) if we cant, there is no chance for forgiveness C) the possiblity that he learns of it and allows it to continue. D) she decides to tell him and either end it or ask for permission.


Here's some of my own advice; and I suggest you take it to heart:

Pick D.

(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 11:49:02 AM   
DomArtist4u


Posts: 47
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		funny how the "issue here" is exactly what I stated I didnt want to analize hereaccording to my original post, I did NOT want to be analized on the moral aspect of cheating, it happens all the time and is common in this day and age. the D/s aspect is what the real "issue" is

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 11:49:17 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		You just want what you want, why did you even bother posting this? To feel better about being  disreputable?

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 11:51:34 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u
Is there no chance that A) we can keep our secret B) if we cant, there is no chance for forgiveness C) the possiblity that he learns of it and allows it to continue. D) she decides to tell him and either end it or ask for permission.


A) Of course there's a chance.  But do you do something just because you can get away with it?

B) You'd have a better shot if just hubby was in the picture.  Do you enjoy the image of asking her kids to forgive you?

C) It happens.  Isn't he less likely to leave her if there's no deception involved before he finds out?

D) Many, many couples have done this.  You could search the boards here, including the polyamory board, for advice on having "the talk."

I don't see any shortcuts here.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 11:58:29 AM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u

Hi Kids!


And calling people who are responding to this thread "kids" won't garnish you any respect. Even when you do it in a joking manner.

CD

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Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
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(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 11:58:47 AM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		The problem is the past is just that--past. If she has such a good marriage, no one in their right mind would ruin it for a cheap screw no matter what you are calling it and you are using the collar as a cloak to hide what this really is---sure any of those A-D things could be possible. I say like Leather, you came here to look for vindication for what you know damn well in your heart is wrong but those gonads are in overdrive----and it really pisses Me off when people try to hide their sleazy actions under the guise of Dominant and submission---Want to be a good Dominant? Be a man and walk away.
 
And if you don't want opinions, don't put it out here.

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(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 11:58:47 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u

funny how the "issue here" is exactly what I stated I didnt want to analize hereaccording to my original post, I did NOT want to be analized on the moral aspect of cheating, it happens all the time and is common in this day and age. the D/s aspect is what the real "issue" is


No the real issue is that you already know what you want is the wrong thing to do. If you didn't know, somewhere in your gut, you wouldn't be here posting about it, then getting defensive about it.

The sad thing is, no matter how we word our posts to warn you, you are still going to argue your case then get defensive. AND, in the end, you are probably still going to do the wrong thing. I have to wonder which of you three we will see in the future.

"My WannabeDom, Dun me Wrong" orrrrr

"My perverted slut wife slept with my old best friend because she wanted kinky sex.....what should I do?" orrrrrr

"My sub's husband found out about us and wants to kill me, what should I do?"

BUT,.....................go right ahead. I look forward to future installments of the completely avoidable, idiotic, life drama people bring to these forums. It gives me something to shake my head and laugh about.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 12:03:15 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		So there are really only two choices here.

Be a worm, and dip your wick.

Be a man, and control yourself.

Pick one.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 12:06:15 PM   
DomArtist4u


Posts: 47
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u

Hi Kids!


And calling people who are responding to this thread "kids" won't garnish you any respect. Even when you do it in a joking manner.

CD


no offense intended

(in reply to CruelDesires)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 12:09:30 PM   
cantilena


Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

the D/s aspect is what the real "issue" is


OK.  Fair enough.

One of the saddest, hardest, and most painful situations a sub might face is finding her need for submission and being married to a man who doesn't identify as dominant.  It's a prevailing theme of the forums - you can find countless threads about it if you search.

If you want to be a good Dominant to this woman, have you considered guiding her through having that discussion with her husband.  Considered being a sounding board for what might be a helluva confusing time in her life.  Considered being just a simple resource to her as she works through the limited number of honest options she has available?


(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 12:10:44 PM   
DomArtist4u


Posts: 47
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u


I now find myself in a new situation (as is every new relationship, D/s or not) this one may get me flamed on here for ethical reasons but, hey, I never claimed to be a sweetheart.


...Aside from the moral issues of sexual deviance with not only a married woman but the wife of a childhood friend. 

thanks again for overlooking the fact that what we may be engaging in is morally 'wrong' and not flaming me for it. kids!

(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: collaring a married sub - 5/15/2008 12:12:45 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomArtist4u
the D/s aspect is what the real "issue" is


I don't think it is. I think the issue is that you want kinky sex. You want to top her and she wants to let you.

To be a dominant, in my opinion, requires integrity.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to DomArtist4u)
Profile   Post #: 60
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