Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 6:25:35 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

So, I want it all...I waited a long time to find the kind of partner I'm sharing my life with now...and it was sure worth the wait, no question...


lanie, what can I say other then "good on ya"

CP

(in reply to lanie38)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 6:32:52 AM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Is a life partner foremost in your search at the expense of other issues; or are the aspects of a very nice D/s fit are what riings your chime?


There could not be a choice of one or the other as they aren't mutually exclusive for me.  Someone would not be a good D/s fit for me if they did not fit my life partner expectations, and vice versa. 

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 7:34:57 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

I would love to find a life partner with an incredible D/s fit. What can I say...I want it all!!


wanders,
of course you want it all, but if you had to make a choice right now, today; which would it be?
CP


Although the notion of 'ALL' varies with the individual, I'd be surprised if anyone gives any other answer; and they shouldn't. It's a fundamental rationalization used by those who seek something/someone outside their relationship partner. Isn't the common theme, they are content with some of their spouse/partner; "...but want it 'ALL'!"? As much as I don't like the 'cheater' persona, I appreciate the need/desire.

The problem is few take the time do define 'ALL'. Some jump at the first opportunity to experience a sensation, or fear the prospect of being alone and jump at the first opportunity to represent they are 'collared' or have collared someone. The collar becomes the goal, not the relationship, or the person.

It's seems obvious that the first step going into any search is to know what you want and set up an 'ideal' goal. However before that process starts you need to stare into a mirror for a time and get to know yourself intimately; ideally seeing a reflection that you like or changing it until you do. It prevents the need for another to be fulfilled. It helps alleviate the goal being sidetracked from wanting the 'ideal' to wanting just not to be alone. I don't represent or hold to any magic solution, or 'one-true-way'; but I think knowing yourself and representing your 'true' self while meeting people is the key to success in finding the ideal complimentary partner.

Until you do - have FUN! Enjoy experiences, enjoy people, enjoy yourself. You don't need to wait for your 'ideal' to have fun and enjoy yourself. You don't need to sit on the sidelines. Don't let the minutia get in the way, and be careful that you don't create your own failure by exclusion for reasons that, long term, don't matter. Think about it - if you really are seeking a long term relationship people's appearance WILL change over time. Weight, hair, and all aspects of appearance not only may change - the WILL change with time. You better like, want, appreciate, and value the 'person'; the appearance won't last. Except in some ways, by some means, it does. When you use eyes originating from the heart and look into eyes reflecting the same; you always see the image of your ideal - forever young. Love isn't blind. Love is the correction of vision that gives you the ability to see what is important - the person behind the appearance.

The bottom line is this. You don't have to hold out for the ideal, just be open to the possibility that the person DOES exist and be ready.

MAN-what a diatribe! Sorry about that.  

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 10:22:36 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		If by life partner you are talking avout someon you want in your life for a long term i would chooses that.  We do have to be a good D/s fit also or i could go vanilla for long term partner.  I was lucky i found both with my Master.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 10:32:48 AM   
tahlly


Posts: 57
Status: offline
quote:

what do you as a submissive seek as a primarely goal?

To serve. If having a life partner is the result of my service; then good; if only having a temporary partner is the result; that is good also. My need to serve is still being met either way.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 10:45:25 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

There could not be a choice of one or the other as they aren't mutually exclusive for me. Someone would not be a good D/s fit for me if they did not fit my life partner expectations, and vice versa.



treasure,

Well there is that,but, what would be your choice if you could not have bothe. Clearly all would like both butttttttttttt.

CP

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 10:58:43 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
Is a life partner foremost in your search at the expense of other issues; or are the aspects of a very nice D/s fit are what riings your chime?


I wanted it all.

When Valyraen and I got together, we agreed that we were both looking for someone to spend our lives with and we'd like to see if we could do that with each other. For awhile it didn't look like we would transition into a full-time d/s dynamic. It didn't bother me much because his personality is very alpha and even if I called him "boyfriend" instead of "sir", it was very clear who was in charge. I don't think we would have lasted otherwise.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 11:42:42 AM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

treasure,

Well there is that,but, what would be your choice if you could not have bothe. Clearly all would like both butttttttttttt.

CP


Then my choice would clearly be none as there is no other possibility. 

To be a good fit for a life partner they would have to meet my D/s expectations, too.  To be a good fit for a D/s partner, they would have to meet my life partner expectations.

Look at it this way...

I'm interested in a life partner.  My basic requirements are:

They are attractive to me;
They share my interests and goals;
They desire a long term, monogamous relationship;
They are available to commit to a relationship with me;
They have an emotional interest in and affection for me;
They have a strong sexual drive and an interest in kink; and
They take the dominant position and allow me to submit to them.

I'm interested in a D/s partner.  My basic requirements are:

They are attractive to me;
They share my interests and goals;
They desire a long term, monogamous relationship;
They are available to commit to a relationship with me;
They have an emotional interest in and affection for me;
They have a strong sexual drive and an interest in kink; and
They take the dominant position and allow me to submit to them.

If I meet someone and they do not meet my life partner expectations, then they are not going to meet my D/s partner expectations, either... and vice versa.

Clear as mud? 

So... why would I choose someone who was just not a good fit?

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 11:51:28 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		You cannot assume that someone will be with you forever, no matter how much you want it.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkbdP7sq0w8

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 12:10:47 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Although the notion of 'ALL' varies with the individual, I'd be surprised if anyone gives any other answer; and they shouldn't. It's a fundamental rationalization used by those who seek something/someone outside their relationship partner. Isn't the common theme, they are content with some of their spouse/partner; "...but want it 'ALL'!"? As much as I don't like the 'cheater' persona, I appreciate the need/desire.

The problem is few take the time do define 'ALL'. Some jump at the first opportunity to experience a sensation, or fear the prospect of being alone and jump at the first opportunity to represent they are 'collared' or have collared someone. The collar becomes the goal, not the relationship, or the person.

It's seems obvious that the first step going into any search is to know what you want

and set up an 'ideal' goal. However before that process starts you need to stare into a mirror for a time and get to know yourself intimately; ideally seeing a reflection that you like or changing it until you do. It prevents the need for another to be fulfilled. It helps alleviate the goal being sidetracked from wanting the 'ideal' to wanting just not to be alone. I don't represent or hold to any magic solution, or 'one-true-way'; but I think knowing yourself and representing your 'true' self while meeting people is the key to success in finding the ideal complimentary partner.

Until you do - have FUN! Enjoy experiences, enjoy people, enjoy yourself. You don't need to wait for your 'ideal' to have fun and enjoy yourself. You don't need to sit on the sidelines. Don't let the minutia get in the way, and be careful that you don't create your own failure by exclusion for reasons that, long term, don't matter. Think about it - if you really are seeking a long term relationship people's appearance WILL change over time. Weight, hair, and all aspects of appearance not only may change - the WILL change with time. You better like, want, appreciate, and value the 'person'; the appearance won't last. Except in some ways, by some means, it does. When you use eyes originating from the heart and look into eyes reflecting the same; you always see the image of your ideal - forever young. Love isn't blind. Love is the correction of vision that gives you the ability to see what is important - the person behind the appearance.

The bottom line is this. You don't have to hold out for the ideal, just be open to the possibility that the person DOES exist and be ready.


Merc [both of you]

a well expressed view on the topic, thanks for shring that.

CP

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 12:12:33 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

If by life partner you are talking avout someon you want in your life for a long term i would chooses that. We do have to be a good D/s fit also or i could go vanilla for long term partner. I was lucky i found both with my Master.


littleone,

Damn it is great to be both flexible and fortunate.

CP

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 12:14:55 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

To serve. If having a life partner is the result of my service; then good; if only having a temporary partner is the result; that is good also. My need to serve is still being met either way.



tahlly,

girl, who can argue against that position; thanks for your input.

CP

(in reply to tahlly)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 12:17:33 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

When Valyraen and I got together, we agreed that we were both looking for someone to spend our lives with and we'd like to see if we could do that with each other. For awhile it didn't look like we would transition into a full-time d/s dynamic. It didn't bother me much because his personality is very alpha and even if I called him "boyfriend" instead of "sir", it was very clear who was in charge. I don't think we would have lasted otherwise.


aquaSub,

If I am reading your correctly, you have a life partner, but outside of D/s??

CP

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 12:26:49 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Not withstanding other issues such as your age, sex, experience etc; what do you as a submissive seek as a primarely goal?


I don't mean to beg the question, but my primary goal is to be independent for awhile. I have two beautiful children to raise and am facing a challenging academic career that will eat up the next five or six years of my life (and can I just tell you that my grades as reported to the university are three A's and two A+'s - go me).

After the last dynamic ended, I realized I was putting too much stock in a relationship and not spending enough time on the things I needed and wanted to do. I would love to have a solid long-term D/s relationship but it's not my focus right now because, for me (and for me only - I am not speaking for anyone else) I throw too much of myself into serving, take the focus off myself, and let my life goals outside the relationship fall away. I have things I want to do, things I need to accomplish, and at this time I don't feel as though I am independent enough to take care of those things and also serve well.

I also feel that because I have children, and because they get emotionally attached to people, it is quite a disservice to them to try to do too many things at once, putting the D/s dynamic on the back burner and letting the relationship fizzle (after they are emotionally invested, which is quite unfair to them). So. Lots of stuff going on.

But ya never know. Stranger things have surely happened.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 12:37:54 PM   
Vestonika


Posts: 95
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		I agree, we must know WHO we are,
so we can know what we want,
so we don't end up wanting the wrong thing, and get it, and then realize we don't want it..!

It is not possible to control what other people think of you.
The trap is this...
we only seek approval from others,
when we seek definition from others...
discover yourself :)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

...

It's seems obvious that the first step going into any search is to know what you want and set up an 'ideal' goal. However before that process starts you need to stare into a mirror for a time and get to know yourself intimately; ideally seeing a reflection that you like or changing it until you do. It prevents the need for another to be fulfilled. It helps alleviate the goal being sidetracked from wanting the 'ideal' to wanting just not to be alone. I don't represent or hold to any magic solution, or 'one-true-way'; but I think knowing yourself and representing your 'true' self while meeting people is the key to success in finding the ideal complimentary partner.
...


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 1:46:34 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I was looking for a D type to scene with once or twice a week.....Thats it. What I found was WHOLLY different. What I have is more than I even knew existed.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Vestonika)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 2:20:09 PM   
xbutterflyx


Posts: 51
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline 		At this point in my life..i am enjoying the awesome D/s relationship that i have with Sir.
The relationship has moved slowly...(slow is gooooood)...

Long term...nah i like it the way i got it right now.....

smile bunches,

xbx xx

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 3:04:08 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		I still want what I have always wanted and that's a submissive lover who enjoys being with me and enjoys/consents to what I like to do.
Haven't met anyone who comes even close. If I do I am more than happy to make it last for a lifetime. Of course the person has to want that as well and noone knows at the beginning of a relationship how long it's going to last.
I don't jump in at the deep end anymore though. I've finally learned my lesson.

(in reply to xbutterflyx)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 3:08:01 PM   
Gleegal67


Posts: 218
Joined: 6/18/2007
From: Phoenix
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Not withstanding other issues such as your age, sex, experience etc; what do you as a submissive seek as a primarely goal?
As is true most of the time this inquiery is fostered by reading profiles of many, not all, of respondes to various thread here on CM as well as other sites that I visit at times.

Is a life partner foremost in your search at the expense of other issues; or are the aspects of a very nice D/s fit are what riings your chime?


Great topic, considering I find myself at a crossroad I believed wouldn't come for a couple of more years!

My goal this last year, meeting a new bdsm community in my new home town, nuturing new friendships, being part of great dynamics that fulfill my needs to be in service to another(s), and experience wonderful adventures in bdsm that has me grow as a submissive.  Being a best friend, a confidant, an inspiration, a source of absolute joy for my partner(s).  I'm very proud that I have accomplished all of these goals. 

I chose each one of my Dominant partners with great care, respect and honest communication.  I did not have any desire to be in a monogamous type relationship...that's not how I roll (lol)...mainly due to the fact that I have so many various interests, bdsm/vanilla, that I believe the chances are very slim in meeting another that would hold my interest for very long...hence the poly preference.

I do become very openly involved emotionally/physically when I am with my D/s partner(s)....even the ones that love to objectify me (lol).

The crossroads...I noticed I'm leaning towards putting all my eggs in one basket.  Cutting off all my D/s relationships, only fair to them since I'm wanting a change in the dynamic, and be open to experiencing a monogamous D/s relationship. 

This actually kinda freaks me out!  I've tried this before many times, and each time I learned many lessons, which I'm very thankful for, but in the end, I had to put alot of my interests in the closet...due to my partner not understanding, no experience, or their fear, etc, etc, etc...

I'm still busy raising my 17yr old son, and mentoring young adults to teach them how to be great adults.  I have very limited time, they are my focus for a couple of more years.  I have a wonderful group of D/s partners, they are absolutely amazing!  Am I experiencing these thoughts due to I've accomplised my goals and I need new ones?  Am I being just flat out selfish?  Is it because the grass might be greener over there?  Am I holding back experiencing being in love?  I care very deeply with all of my partner(s).  Am I passing a wonderful opportunity to develop something deeper with maybe one of them?

Ugggghhhhhh....I wasn't suppose to be here for many more years!!!!  I had a plan for goodness sakes!!!!  Egads, that even sounds awful to me! LOL

I do want my Life Partner...my Partner in Crime...my Dominant...my Master...my Daddy...my Lover...all to be in one man.  I would like to be everything and a bag a chips for another.

Back to the drawing board...I think...

_____________________________

~always the gleeful one~

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner - 5/15/2008 3:25:30 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

MAN-what a diatribe! Sorry about that. 


But, it was a really good diatribe. :)


_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Dom search / life partner or D/s partner Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094