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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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When Valyraen and I got together, we agreed that we were both looking for someone to spend our lives with and we'd like to see if we could do that with each other. For awhile it didn't look like we would transition into a full-time d/s dynamic. It didn't bother me much because his personality is very alpha and even if I called him "boyfriend" instead of "sir", it was very clear who was in charge. I don't think we would have lasted otherwise.

aquaSub,

If I am reading your correctly, you have a life partner, but outside of D/s??

CP

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You cannot assume that someone will be with you forever, no matter how much you want it.

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I don't mean to beg the question, but my primary goal is to be independent for awhile. I have two beautiful children to raise and am facing a challenging academic career that will eat up the next five or six years of my life (and can I just tell you that my grades as reported to the university are three A's and two A+'s - go me).

After the last dynamic ended, I realized I was putting too much stock in a relationship and not spending enough time on the things I needed and wanted to do. I would love to have a solid long-term D/s relationship but it's not my focus right now because, for me (and for me only - I am not speaking for anyone else) I throw too much of myself into serving, take the focus off myself, and let my life goals outside the relationship fall away. I have things I want to do, things I need to accomplish, and at this time I don't feel as though I am independent enough to take care of those things and also serve well.

I also feel that because I have children, and because they get emotionally attached to people, it is quite a disservice to them to try to do too many things at once, putting the D/s dynamic on the back burner and letting the relationship fizzle (after they are emotionally invested, which is quite unfair to them). So. Lots of stuff going on.

But ya never know. Stranger things have surely happened.

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Long term...nah i like it the way i got it right now....

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Is a life partner foremost in your search at the expense of other issues; or are the aspects of a very nice D/s fit are what riings your chime?

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The crossroads...I noticed I'm leaning towards putting all my eggs in one basket. Cutting off all my D/s relationships, only fair to them since I'm wanting a change in the dynamic, and be open to experiencing a monogamous D/s relationship.

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We have to be a good D/s fit, as well as compatible in many vanilla ways. Anything less would be very unsatisfying for me.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

batshalom,

I am impressed with all those A's but alas to give up the path?? walks away mumbling.

CP

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
Quivver,

yep, you split some hairs with the sharing air thing. Somewhere in there is an answer beyound wanting it all; but if you had to choose??????????

CP

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I spent 10 years - lonnng, lonelyyyyyyyy years raising ums, and now they are adult(ish) (they keep wanting me to do things for them), i can concentrate on myself - so the first thing i did was find my Sir to concentrate on -lol.
I wanted a long term relationship with bdsm - as a partner not an adversary. I am not wired to enjoy conflict, so the partner bit was very important. I was very lucky to find what i wanted straight out of the gate - first dom i ever met! We fit so well it is rediculous - both don't like bell peppers, both like physical contact, both like to read, both like the house cold - i could go on , but you get the idea. Its the little things that make us compatible, and happy together.
My idea of a great outing is to the bookstore where Sir actually buys me books.

I lived for 13 years with a man who enjoyed power struggles, and inflicted them on me - now i have a man in my life that doesn't do that - and i cheerfully turned all my power over to him, and have never regreted it a minute. I prefere my life calm, and that is what we have. And he hurts me so well! <http://www.collarchat.com/image/s2.gif>

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Life partner. Every day, and twice on Sunday.

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Give up the path? I could no more give up being a submissive than I could give up being a woman. I am simply not actively submissive at this time due to the other forces in my life, a heart-wrenching breakup last fall, and the need to work on myself as just myself. There will come a time that I feel ready to submit again, and it could be sooner than later, but it's not something I feel I have to have just for the sake of having it. You know?

(in reply to CelticPrince

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Actually CP I am blessed, I already have it all.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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The crossroads...I noticed I'm leaning towards putting all my eggs in one basket. Cutting off all my D/s relationships, only fair to them since I'm wanting a change in the dynamic, and be open to experiencing a monogamous D/s relationship.

gleegal,

thanks for the smile / what you are experiencing just comes with getting a little older / let it happen its a good ride.

CP

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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I would love to find a life partner with an incredible D/s fit. What can I say...I want it all!! <http://www.collarchat.com/image/s1.gif>

wanders,

of course you want it all, but if you had to make a choice right now, today; which would it be?

CP