Do any ladies prefer beta males?

Do any ladies prefer beta males? (Full Version)

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pinnipedster -> Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/24/2008 11:57:06 PM)
So many profiles of dominant women specify that they're looking for an alpha male type. Someone who is confident, aggressive, ambitious, goal-oriented, succesful, all that kind of thing in their day-to-day life, but willing to submit to her at night. Well, that's not me, you see. :) I've never been particularly confident, I am completely not aggressive, I tend to be somewhat indecisive, have trouble setting goals...I definitely do have ambitions, but I'm not entirely sure what they are. :) More of a follower. My favorite sort of position is one where I am listened to and respected, but where the ultimate authority and responsibility like elsewhere. I don't mean I'm a doormat. I have opinions, and I'm willing to state them. I can be assertive when it's required. I speak up when I think something isn't right, or can be done in a better way. I don't respond well to threats of attempts at coercion. But I'm also not a take-charge guy who wants to run things. I've always though I'd make a good vice-president. :) So, are there any dominant ladies who prefer, or at least accept, that kind of personality in a male sub? Just curious if the only way I'm ever going to find someone who likes me as I am is to be completely different....

SurrenderForMe -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 1:28:57 AM)
I have had relationships with beta males. Actually, most of my domme friends have, as well. They are the typical sub that we encounter. The alpha male or female, is the cream of the crop, for me. Rarely available. They tend to be snapped up quickly. Sorry I can't be more positive.

XaviersXian -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 3:39:45 AM)
greetings to all, When I was going through the "domme phase" of my self discovery journey, beta males were the ones that I was most attracted to. The alpha males were not to my liking. I had no interest in remoulding them. I desired a man to serve, not one who would need to be taught the idea of true service first. I looked for those who had an idea of what service actually was. well wishes,

HeavansKeeper -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 6:01:34 AM)
I made a post, so long ago I can no longer find it, asking the same* question. The outcome, in short, was ~70-80% of respondents actively preferred alpha slaves, ~10-15% were indifferent, at least publicly, and some respondents said they understood why a woman would want to dominate a beta slave. *When I said "same" I did not use the terminology alpha/beta slave. I foolishly used more insulting and belittling terms to describe "beta", and as such fewer respondents stood up to say that's what they wanted. What can I say? I as younger and more naive. I do feel that the information sticks, though - many more women will want alpha slaves (assuming alpha does not mean dominant). Edit: Aspects of a beta slave that are good, but poorly marketed: Devoted. Honest. Fast Learner. Strong will to serve. Accurate understanding of the world. Accepts truth well. House broken (usually). Open minded. (Willing to learn to sew and cook or experiment with the fun goodies in the toy chest) Will respect dominas other social needs. Can/will pay tribute or contribute. These are all aspects of a submissive who is MORE submissive. That is one way I differ alpha and beta. Personally, this list looks like it makes a Grade-A Sub.

DominantJenny -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 6:02:48 AM)
I would be fine with a beta male, but I'd encourage you to work on your self-esteem/confidence in general. Nothing is so sexy as someone who is truly comfortable in his or her own skin. I think one reason you don't find a lot of women saying they'd be happy with a "beta male" is because we are all desperately trying to avoid the doormats, you know? Those guys will take any edge they can get and we're already beating them off with sticks (which just keeps them coming back...sigh) Anyway, yeah. You don't have to be Mr. Type A, just DON'T be That Guy, you know?

petdave -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 6:06:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinnipedster I don't mean I'm a doormat. I have opinions, and I'm willing to state them. I can be assertive when it's required. I speak up when I think something isn't right, or can be done in a better way. I don't respond well to threats of attempts at coercion. Stop right there. That's gold. Stick with that. Just be positive instead of negative- "I have no trouble speaking my mind, and I can be very assertive when the situation calls for it. I know that my opinions have value, and even if my Dominant chooses to over-rule them, I still expect them to be heard." Et. c. And the "I'm not a doormat" bit is kinda cliched... and it's kinda like saying "I'm not an unemployed leper with bad credit history and a face-sitting fetish"... it's like, of course you're not, because if you were, you'd just do the right thing and kill yourself. Just skip it. quote: So, are there any dominant ladies who prefer, or at least accept, that kind of personality in a male sub? Just curious if the only way I'm ever going to find someone who likes me as I am is to be completely different.... i think the rule of thumb is, if you wouldn't mention it in a job interview, don't mention it in your profile. That goes for character flaws, weaknesses, fetishes, issues, problems, and troubles. Sadly, Dominant women are no more interested in "weak" men than vanilla or submissive women are. So i'd just emphasize the assertive, opinion-havin' stuff, and leave the Alpha bit unspoken.

MsStarlett -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 6:19:58 AM)
Nothing wrong with Betas. I would consider my favorite boy Westie to be a 'Beta'. He's far from a doormat. (I've got one of those also but he's on-line only. I would also enjoy kicking him around in R/T because he's a pain slut who is heavily into CBT. That's very fun.) Westie is an excellent pet. Hmmm.... I always say that having an Alpha Male type - especially a body builder - as a sub is like having a tiger on a chain. So strong, so powerful, so willful... yet yielding only to his Mistress's will. I had one for a long time, but his ego got the better of the situation and after 15 years, I grew tired of his bad attitude. I just don't speak to him anymore.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 6:26:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinnipedster Someone who is confident, aggressive, ambitious, goal-oriented, succesful, all that kind of thing in their day-to-day life, but willing to submit to her at night. Other than the confident, ambitious and successful... I wouldnt consider a submissive who was aggressive and goal oriented at all. That tends to lead to someone who has to decide between service and those goals that are driving them. Most men I have met this way do not know how to combine the two Now, confidence and ambition are a must for me becasue without both the person wil not strive to do better... at work or in service. If you are not confident enough to believe in yourself you wil not be able to serve well without seond gessing most of your actions. If you are not ambitious you will not aspire to learn new things. There are definately Dommes out there who want a follower. Someone who has no ambition to be anything other than what she tells him to be. I prefer somewhere inbetween. Enough ambition and self confidence for me not to HAVE to tell them but enough humility and respect that when I do it is followed. DV

slvemike4u -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 6:28:35 AM)
Do we go too far sometimes with the classifications?For myself sub/slave type is about as far as i care to go....The alpha/beta thing is just too much specialization for my taste,are any of us that pigeon holed...I know there are times I am very much alpha...but when serving very much beta...I would suspect most combine elements of the two

MsStarlett -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 6:37:10 AM)
Actually, Mike, DVamp and I were just discussing that earlier. I hate labels. Most likely because I was a closet kinkster my entire life. I didn't have a mentor early on to tell me what the labels for my actions and preferences were. So I just did what felt good and what came natural to me. Then, the closest thing I've ever had to a mentor was actually one of my best friends who is a Lifestyle Dom, married to a switch and exPro-Domme. It's a little different working with MD/sf and FD/sm. Many things are the same, but there are lots of differences. He pretty much told me to keep up what I was doing, but made suggestions on what I might enjoy trying. It was only after he talked me into joining CM that I had to start learning 'labels' just so I could carry on a reasonably intelligent conversation with out saying "You know... that thing where you do this and it feels like that..." There is always a learning curve. The terms just help move the conversation along.

slvemike4u -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 6:47:07 AM)
Agreed Miss Starlett,but my objection comes into play when too much emphasis is put on the labels...p.s.you have mail

TeeGO -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 7:12:27 AM)
I think being submissive implies a sense of being a beta at heart. Too much of that "alpha" mentality makes true submission difficult. I can tell you in my journey with Ma'am I have had a lot of tug-a-wars with her in giving up control and believe me she has not been pleased with that. I've struggled with the thought that I'm just another wanker. But we turned a corner and we are pleased that I've become much more beta in attitude. But there are times when I have steam coming out my ears and to bite my tongue and say "Yes Ma'am." I do believe she gets a huge kick out of that. Perhaps it's the "forced submission" that Ladies like when they deal with an alpha type sub. (Yea I used the word forced on purpose.[:D])

thetammyjo -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 7:14:29 AM)
I'm going to be a bit harsh and say that the OP isn't describing a beta male at all in his self-description. I'd see the beta as the second in line, quite capable of stepping up to the alpha position of the need arises. I have zero interests in some "alpha" as my submissive.. I am the alpha in my dynamic but a beta is a fine fine person to have kneeling at your feet because you now he is quite capable of stepping up and holding his own, he's just going to bend to me when I'm making solid decisions and to ask me questions and make suggestions as good beta should so I never lose those skills that help me be alpha.

TwoNYCDommes -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 7:25:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinnipedster So, are there any dominant ladies who prefer, or at least accept, that kind of personality in a male sub? Of course. Every domme is different. My darling tends to prefer betas to alphas, while my preferences are typically opposite hers.

darchChylde -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 8:59:38 AM)
hmmmm... i think i would fall into the "beta" category; i can lead and lead well but i work best at another's guidance (though i'm not much of a team player)... i'm not entirely passive, can even be aggressive in certain circumstances... i've lead as an "alpha" through much of my life, and will often assume the responsibility of leader when no one else will i don't choose to lead or be actively aggressive because i have a great empathy for others and will generally see any argument/debate/discussion from every angle; also, i know from experience that i am an extremely capable manipulator of others; continuously keeping myself in the "alpha" or aggressor mindset puts me at risk of letting out a side of myself that is best kept buried, the part of me that hurts others for the sake of doing so, getting whatever i wanted and leaving as much emotional wreckage behind as possible that part of me was at the fore for several years after certain tragedies in my life, i had done many things that i could never make amends for and have only started to learn to forgive myself in the past few of years so, it is best that i stay primarily in the "beta" role; for my conscious and mental health, and the safety of those around me

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 9:06:18 AM)
Bring 'em on. I -like- hierarchy, and there's always room with us for a boy who takes orders well and doesn't quibble about my companion's tendency to be very specific about the hows and whys (and her general discerning attitude about -everything-). Of course, he can't be a withering wallflower... Things get pretty high-intensity here, so he's got to be 'heat-tested'. Calla Firestorm

hopelesslyInvo -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 11:19:54 AM)
all this time i never knew what alpha and beta meant, i wonder how many conversations and questions i've answered wrongly because of it lol~

boytoy4female -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 11:31:10 AM)
The grass is always greener.........as an alpha male, I would have posted that most dominant women want beta males. I rarely have encountered a domme who can understand and manipulate the conflicts that occur as an alpha man in a submissive role.

MistressDolly -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 11:34:50 AM)
You summed it up perfectly. Beta or Alfa (or a balanced combination) I prefer a male who has a natural inclination of servitude and reverence for worship, not a male that needs to be taught or a male that wants to be persuaded, i.e., a "convince me" male. quote: ORIGINAL: XaviersXian greetings to all, When I was going through the "domme phase" of my self discovery journey, beta males were the ones that I was most attracted to. The alpha males were not to my liking. I had no interest in remoulding them. I desired a man to serve, not one who would need to be taught the idea of true service first. I looked for those who had an idea of what service actually was. well wishes,

Coupleofwhats -> RE: Do any ladies prefer beta males? (7/25/2008 11:51:50 AM)
I don't get the whole Alpha and Beta thing: by my understanding, Alphas are assholes and Betas are wusses. Neither sounds like my type. I like a man who is successful and ambitious, but not a workaholic. I like a man who likes women. I like a man that I don't have to baby. I like a man who speaks up for himself when the need arises. I like a submissive who understands the difference between groveling and service. I like a submissive who is also a hardcore masochist. Whatever you call guys that are all that, that's what I like. (Mostly I call him "my boyfriend.")

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