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BeIgnited -> RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/19/2008 10:12:19 PM)
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Hopping in Slightly late, but wanted to share my experience.
I'd argue that many of these men are simply self-absorbed, and perhaps talk a good game that would lead you to believe otherwise.
And of course, that leaves whoever is left over--
I was with a Dom briefly whose ideal dynamic was for me to be the sort of female equivalent of a cuckold. We may have sex, but it would be rare, oral for him and other physical expressions of affection would be more common (he mentioned cuddling, specifically). He would sleep with whomever he wished (though being open and honest about who, when, etc), while I would be denied penetrative sex with him except on very rare occasions probably following a good deal of begging on my part. Ultimately, he wanted me to have other partners, to be very promiscuous, but at his discretion--sleep with who he wanted me to, when, and where--sharing me with friends, and in some cases pimping me out. I should note, that this was an End Goal for the dynamic, and not something he had any intention of jumping into immediately or even in the not-so-distant future. He also seemed to have a good handle on the need of keeping my emotional well being in mind during the process.
Extreme it seemed to me, especially since I'm generally something of a "light" player, but the idea really appealed to me in many ways. When we were together I performed oral sex on him for (literally) hours, while he remained, essentially uninterested--watching TV, surfing the 'net, reading, talking on the phone with others. Performing oral sex is something I really enjoy, and while I like receiving too, my enjoyment of performing oral is in no way dependent on my own forthcoming release, or even really his gratitude (he praised me, but remained distant). I didn't get off except by my own hand at his direction.
But while we were having sex I noticed things that weren't ever discussed--we usually stuck to positions I had told him I really enjoyed. I had told him I really enjoyed spanking and hair-pulling, specifically, and he indulged me heavily. He liked these things too, but they weren't his particular kink. I believe he was doing them largely because of me.
I'm not saying that this Dom is (in a general way) the Doms you have encountered, but merely that this sort of "selfishness" can be a valid and fulfilling kink for both parties. Perhaps your troubles are more that of a mismatched kinks (Or a Man who is willing to "fudge" what his real kink is in hopes of finding someone, anyone).
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