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Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 7:53:44 PM   
ericpup


Posts: 72
Joined: 1/2/2004
Status: offline 		Today is my first wedding anniversary.  Yay, right?  Not so much.  You see, before I even met my wife, I had heard some good things about her, that she was "kind of" a freak.  She was supposedly bisexual, (a big plus), had done threesomes, etc, etc.  We met, and while we were dating, we did some neat things, public stuff, light handcuffing, nothing major.  When I moved into her house, I showed her my "trunk o'funk", and she said that she wasn't interested in using the insertables because they had already been used.  (I did clean them after use, they weren't dirty or anything, she just knew that they had been used before)  I figured, fine, we'd go and get new ones. 

We got married, and now...  Nothing.  Since May, we've had SEX a grand total of 5 times.  And play?  She recently told me that the only reason she even had me smack her ass was because she thought I was into it.  WTF, over?  Of course, now being bi is out, so is going to the store.  It's like sex has become something that she doesn't even like, and I'm just supposed to deal with it. 

And, I've tried to talk to her about it, and I get the response of, "Well, with our schedules and everything else, sex isn't something I'm too worried about."

I am.  So, how do I address this?  Suggestions would be helpful. 
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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 7:55:21 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Ouch!

That really... really is horrible.

How long did you date? I honestly don't have any suggestions for you... because there's really nothing I can think of that will fix it if she's not into you.   Perhaps a kink-friendly counselor? 

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 9/22/2008 7:56:04 PM >

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 7:55:22 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		counseling.

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 7:56:24 PM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		This will end poorly, while I don't know you or your wife at all, the only advice you seem to warrant is 'divorce' based on how you present it here.  

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 7:57:02 PM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		 
not sure what to tell you OP....all i know is that when i've rushed into a relationship with someone or ignored things and still moved forward, i've always come to regret it.

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 7:57:36 PM   
JewAndCelt


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/23/2008
From: Arkansas
Status: offline 		hmmmm...
Okay you say you "heard" she was bi. Did you ever see proof?

How long did you two date?

_her

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!!!!!!כי לא נולד הבן זונה שיעצור את ישראל

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 7:57:41 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Sounds like you got set up... what do you do when someone tricks you?  I would be out of there in a heartbeat...

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 7:57:55 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Why does it seem like the decision of marriage was incredibly rushed by the way you describe things?

Frankly, nothing about the situation as you've relayed it seems fulfilling...including the communication, which would be the final vestige upon which to build an attempt at salvaging the relationship.


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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 7:58:07 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Dude, even though you can't get screwed, you are screwed.

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 8:00:14 PM   
eli1206


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline 		that's the damn marriage :)

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 8:01:40 PM   
UmbraDomina


Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline 		considering this is your journal entry..........



Journal Entries:





6/24/2007 11:52:31 PM [Report Entry]


Okay, here's the deal.  I am engaged to a wonderful woman who doesn't understand BDSM.  I'm just looking to talk to like-minded people.  I write great stories, I have an active imagination, and like to talk.
 
seems like you knew who she was and what she wanted before you ever got married.

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 8:02:50 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		sex 5 times since may??? hey thats once a month....thats more than most people!!!!

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 8:03:21 PM   
JewAndCelt


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/23/2008
From: Arkansas
Status: offline 		Okay again I'm a bit confussed so bare with me.

You say she let you spank her a few times but only cause you were into it.........but on your profile you state you are submissive?

_her

_____________________________

Maturity is patience. Mastery is nine times patience.


!!!!!!כי לא נולד הבן זונה שיעצור את ישראל

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 8:04:56 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Go to counseling.  Also take a class on how to communicate in a relationship.


Cali


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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 8:05:45 PM   
ericpup


Posts: 72
Joined: 1/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

counseling.


Suggested it.  Was told that she didn't need a stranger to tell her what was going on in HER life. 

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 8:06:03 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Sounds like they tricked each other and he is pulling one off on us. lol  Go figure...

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 8:06:51 PM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		What do YOU think should happen? Only you know what is actualy going on. 

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Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."


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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 8:06:52 PM   
ericpup


Posts: 72
Joined: 1/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JewAndCelt

hmmmm...
Okay you say you "heard" she was bi. Did you ever see proof?

How long did you two date?

_her


Prior to meeting her, no, I didn't see proof.  After we met, I saw pics of her female partner that she lived with for a little while.  We dated for about a year and a half.

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 8:09:04 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Go to counseling.  Also take a class on how to communicate in a relationship.

Normally good advice, but this seems to me like an instance where better communication would only serve to cast a bigger spotlight on the expanse of incompatibilities.

Counseling is good when there is a foundation that seems worth holding onto and emotional investment worth saving. I get no sense of that here. Maybe it's just me, though.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

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RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me - 9/22/2008 8:09:07 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ericpup
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
counseling.

Suggested it.  Was told that she didn't need a stranger to tell her what was going on in HER life. 


You need a stranger to help YOU figure out what is going on in YOUR life.  If she wants to go with you, great; if not, go alone.  But whatever you do, GO.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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