ResidentSadist
Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tsatske
RS,
what I find hard to do is to describe how much I disagree with you..... and how much I agree with you. It would be easy if it were a matter of splitting it into the differant parts - I disagree with A, agree with B. The problem is, the things I disagree with you on and the things I agree with you on, are the same things, basicly.
When you are married, you have sex with your spouse, as you said, just like you clean the kitchen. You don't always have to 'feel like it'. It really can be just for them.
OTOH, if your spouse quits cleaning the kitchen, you don't just divorce them, you try to figure out why? (angry? feeling unappreciated? depressed? sick? what?)
When certain things can make it almost predictable that she will cease cleaning - for instance, you didn't really talk about housekeeping expectations before you married, and it turns out she expected you to keep employing the maid you had before you married her; or, perhaps, you are unemployed while she works 36 hours every weekend while attending class for 40 actual clock hours a week and then must find time for homework, in hopes of advancing herself to a level where she can support your pornophobic ass (a good description of my second marriage. btw - pornophobic - fear of work.) - whatever - then maybe some real work on both sides is warrented.
Whatever, you probably don't divorce someone over housekeeping. But, it probably IS a sign of other, deeper problems and will probably end in divorce if you can't settle them.
But, I agree that sex does not have to be something you always WANT to do. I said as much to my boisis (a fundementalist christain who believes that her husband should be obeyed, just, maybe not, as obeyed as i obey, lol) when i mentioned that we do have sex every morning, at the minimum, it is part of our morning routine. She said, 'Every morning? what if you don't feel like it?' and i said, 'I don't know. What do you do if you don't feel like cooking breakfast?'
“What do you do if you don't feel like cooking breakfast?”
Those two sided coins and two edged sword topics are bitch aren’t they? My examples did not go into to the grit and details such as “no sex for 1 day is ok but no sex for 1 year is a no no”. I stand in agreement that I wouldn’t always divorce someone over cleaning a kitchen or even a temporary rocky period in our sex life. However, what you may feel that grates at you in the tone of my post is that I am totally intolerant of willful neglect or power struggles. I accept no excuse, either the relationship is a priority or it isn’t. Which is why I feel fucking someone when you don’t want too shouldn’t be an issue. The fact is that I can’t even imagine being emotionally and passionately connected to my lover and one of us not wanting to fuck? In my house, although it doesn’t happen, a slave with a headache would ask for an aspirin and suggest lube because she might be a little dry tonight.
One of my daily BDSM rituals is when Master and slave take time to reinforce our relationship and roles. While my slave bows naked at my feet, I reflect on some recent event and let her know how much owning her pleases me. Something recent and relevant that makes her "feel" appreciated and owned. In return, she also communicates how she is glad that I own her and she tells of something I have done recently. During that ritual, in the first few days of being caged, my slave commented that it made her feel loved and cared for that I put fresh water in her cage bottle at night.
After 6 months, I may not have wanted to fetch fresh water for the cage every night when the bottle was still 3/4 full. But, I never even paused in my duty or held a moment of hesitation in my thoughts because I would never, ever put her to bed and neglect to tell her I loved her through my actions by forgetting to put fresh water in her bottle.
The same was true in all aspects of my responsibilities, be them emotional, sexual, physical or otherwise. I loved her, I loved owning her and I never felt hesitation, regret or malice in doing what it took to fulfill my relationship role. So in my world, sexual exchange has never been an issue because I remain connected to my partners. However, I can project feelings from other lesser duties that may require someone to gird their mettle before working up to the task and equate that with sexual responsibly. From that perspective, I still cannot see any excuse for either party being sexually neglectful. Hence the aspirin and lube comment.
Thank you for your reply and laying out the duality of your feelings.
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