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RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:00:13 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		yeah i would no matter what short of abuse i would support them even if it meant i had little happiness because hey thats life . you ve got to accept the cards your dealt
kevin

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
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RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:02:51 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Protecting them from what. He is not abusive. He never raised a hand to Her or the children. He is just not that kind of guy. i would go so far as to say that if She were to kick him out, She would be emotionally abusing the kids, children need a male figure as well as  Female one
kevin

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Profile   Post #: 142
RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:04:16 AM   
colouredin


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

She would be emotionally abusing the kids, children need a male figure as well as  Female one
kevin



Ill pass your note around to single parent families and tell my dad he emotionally abused me by not staying with my mother then *rolls eyes*

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RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:05:00 AM   
MistressOfGa


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

yeah i would no matter what short of abuse i would support them even if it meant i had little happiness because hey thats life . you ve got to accept the cards your dealt
kevin



So you would risk your childrens lives, just to stay loyal to someone who you made a vow to 18 years ago?

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RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:06:28 AM   
thishereboi


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

well im sorry but to me short of abuse, his Wife is duty bound to stay loyal to him for the rest of his life come what may happiness sadness whatever
kevin



Well if that is the case, then I for one am very glad you don't have a say in the matter.

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RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:06:35 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Staying to comfort someone who is ill is not risking anyone's life. yes its difficult but as my mate says he and Her have always pulled through in the past and he is at a loss to understand why they wont now
kevin

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Profile   Post #: 146
RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:08:01 AM   
MistressOfGa


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Protecting them from what. He is not abusive. He never raised a hand to Her or the children. He is just not that kind of guy. i would go so far as to say that if She were to kick him out, She would be emotionally abusing the kids, children need a male figure as well as  Female one
kevin


YOU do not know the whole story Kevin. This guy is not going to tell you what HE has done to get kicked out. He isn't going to own up to his own responsibility regarding the split up. I don't know the woman, I don't know the man, but I do know that there are three sides to every story, there's his, hers and the cold hard truth. It would benefit you to remember this.

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RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:08:14 AM   
manxcat


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I don't believe that she never made an issue of this in three years. I don't believe she didn't warn him she was at the end of her rope. He chose not to get help. He did? How do you know this?
Beyond this, why didn't he, in all the years he worked, never set up a savings account? Why didn't he provide for himself? Because if she had lost her job, they both would have been homeless. If she had been hit by a bus, he would be in the same boat.

And trust me, if it's come down to lawyers, then yes she made an issue of this a long time ago. He chose to refuse to take responsibility for himself. I hope you don't take him in, because if you do, you'll be in the same boat with someone not working and not taking responsibility for his own life. But your choice.



This is not only cold, but misinformed.  Having suffered manic/depression, and been unable to work, or even function for a time, I have first hand info.  Depression is not a choice.  Daily i prayed for my mind back.  If it were not for the help of a friend, who gave me a place to live, and restarted my candle business i would be dead.  I had planned it all out.  She saw it and acted, without ever addressing the issues directly. 
 
To the OP.
In South Dakota, where i live, it is illegal to evict anyone from November to April, due to the harsh conditions.  I wonder if other states have such laws, his perhaps?  If they have been together for 18 years, there should be some community property law that will come into effect, although that may take some time to sort out.  He should go to legal aid and see what they can do to help him.  Unless there is physical battery and evidence thereof upon her, from him, he should be able to start a countersuit to buy some time.  Usually a notice from an attorney needs to be served.  Then time for a response. Until the sheriff or other person has served a legal COURT order, he cannot be removed.  These types of cases can take several months.  In the interim you can help him seek other options in the event he will still be displaced.
 
manxcat
 
 
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RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:08:32 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		And i dont hate women. i dislike anyone whether its male or female who deceives another and then bullies them. i was bullied in school by vicious nasty boys. believe you me i dont hate anyone. i hate bullies
kevin

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Profile   Post #: 149
RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:09:52 AM   
thishereboi


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Protecting them from what. He is not abusive. He never raised a hand to Her or the children. He is just not that kind of guy. i would go so far as to say that if She were to kick him out, She would be emotionally abusing the kids, children need a male figure as well as  Female one
kevin



You keep telling us what a wonderful man this is, yet you haven't explained why he has absolutely no friends. Other than you of course. So why is this? Why is this wonderfully caring man friendless?

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Profile   Post #: 150
RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:15:07 AM   
MistressOfGa


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Staying to comfort someone who is ill is not risking anyone's life. yes its difficult but as my mate says he and Her have always pulled through in the past and he is at a loss to understand why they wont now
kevin



You wanna bet? You have no clue as to what it takes out of a person to "comfort" someone who is mentally ill. It isn't a matter of just comforting them. You have to take care of them physically, emotionally, mentally and yes, financially. I took care of my ex for many years during his depression. I had a knife at my throat, I was put in the hospital countless times from his physical abuse and my family was threatened. You are talking about mentally ill, not a physical illness. I would have stayed with him forever, if it were a physical impairment, but when he starts taking his depression out on me, all bets are off.
 
 

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RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:28:27 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Good lord Lobo..

Goes to show me I shouldn't sleep in, now I've got a backlog of paperwork. You met him yesterday, in 2005, and three months ago, he's getting.. .what was it 18k, and now 100 dollars a week... did I miss anything else, or is this just the tip of the misogynistic bullshit iceberg?

-Secretary Lynx


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Profile   Post #: 152
RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:36:41 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I wondered when you were gonna reopen the case, Lynn.... lol

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RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:51:56 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Protecting them from what. He is not abusive. He never raised a hand to Her or the children. He is just not that kind of guy. i would go so far as to say that if She were to kick him out, She would be emotionally abusing the kids, children need a male figure as well as  Female one
kevin




<pfffttttt, spews Her coffee>--children need structure, rules, peace and love--whether its from one, two or twelve adults, whether they are male or female and they don't have to have both to turn out fine--gees what antiquated thinking.
 
I am a single Mother, always have been, My now 19 year old was raised with NO father and I did a damn sight better job than most two parent families.
 
You've made up your  mind She's a monster and that's the end of that, admit it. As for what is best--only those involved can decide that.

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Profile   Post #: 154
RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:55:57 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you manx cat. i m glad there are some people out there who appreciate just how debilitating depression can be. its not just low mood on a certain day its totally disabling and has consequences for months and years for those who suffer it
kevin

(in reply to manxcat)
Profile   Post #: 155
RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 8:58:15 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		i never said She was a monster. She is taking out Her stress on him now though, the stress of coping with his illness. i think She's a little misguided if She thinks life will be better without him.  i hope She does not think that and She relents
kevin

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 156
RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 9:00:19 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Why he has no friends i dont know, possibly because he is so devoted to his Wife that he has no time for them. yet all She can see is his illness and how it might impact on Her. to me thats selfish
kevin

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Profile   Post #: 157
RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 9:11:49 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

yeah i would no matter what short of abuse i would support them even if it meant i had little happiness because hey thats life . you ve got to accept the cards your dealt
kevin



I call BULLSHIT on this. We are humans with a brain to think coherently with and developed enough to be self aware regarding our surroundings.  We are not like sheep that are fattened up and led to a slaughter house. Being self aware DOES NOT mean we have to accept a shitty hand of cards when we have the knowledge and ability to change the bullshit life happens to throw in our path. Frankly this statement of yours is a bloody cop out.

If you step back from your mate's situation and open your eyes a bit more maybe you'll realize that (gasp) D/s relationships aren't the end all: be all. It is just one facet to a person's life. Strip away the Mistress/slave component and he is still living a married, vanilla lifestyle with a wife. Thus when the marriage breaks down to where it's a hopeless cause to salvage, this is the crux to this whole issue.

If he spend 18 years paying a mortgage on a house
If he done his best to fulfill his marriage obligations
If he made contributions to the emotional, physical and financial well being to his wife and ums (if there's any) then he does have some legal rights to aid him in the event that his marriage dissolves in divorce. Yes it is bad when lawyers are needed to settle a divorce but it is a necessary evil. It is a rare entity for a divorce to be fully amicable.

Like I wrote before, you do not know the full entire truth to why that woman is kicking her husband out of the house. Just as many other posters here had advised, one of the best things for you to do is give your mate a shoulder to lean on if needed, offer means for him to stay on his feet and for him to protect himself so he doesn't end up institutionalized or whatnot. It is not your responsibility to fix their marriage so cut the emotional biased crap.


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Profile   Post #: 158
RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 9:18:06 AM   
Lockit


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Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Thank you manx cat. i m glad there are some people out there who appreciate just how debilitating depression can be. its not just low mood on a certain day its totally disabling and has consequences for months and years for those who suffer it
kevin



Kevin... will you listen?  Or are you hell bent on proving a stand or whatever?  You say it here, yourself that most cannot know how debilitating depression can be.  Most of us have been around someone depressed.  Some of us have actually had to live with someone depressed.  Depressed can mean a lot of things.  From mood change to dangerous.  You ask us to understand depression and mental illness.  Many of us do.  Now, it is time for you to listen to the good people who have tried to tell you what it was like for them to take care of a mentally ill person.

It is a well known fact that many with mental illness fight treatement and often will not take their medications.  Many will not work their lil program or even get into anything that will bring about a chance to change things.

Mental illness does not affect one in a household, but all.  Um's will learn coping patterns from the ill parent and that my dear... IS abuse.  We are to teach them how to live, how to cope etc and some mental illnesses are genetic and without good training in life, stable enviornment and lots of encouragement and love, when they get to their own issues in life with or without mental illness, they will not be able to function as well.  It is the responsibility of the parent who doesn't have mental illness to protect them above any responsiblity to honor vows or what have you.

Living with someone you constantly have to uplift, support and take care of is draining!  I have worked in this are and I have lived in this area of dealing with emotional needs and mental illnes and I do not believe that when a spouse gets ill, that I could ever leave them.... BUT for mental illness or emotional issues... you bet your sweet ass I would be gone and rather fast if one didn't work on their problems and I saw that my labor, energy and life was being wasted.

There are two sides to every situation and I am not talking his story and hers or even now... your side of it.  I am talking two sides to mental illness.  The one who is ill and the one who lives around them.  Pay attention.

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RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 9:19:02 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Why he has no friends i dont know, possibly because he is so devoted to his Wife that he has no time for them. yet all She can see is his illness and how it might impact on Her. to me thats selfish
kevin



So Mistress is also Wife? If this is correct then his being kicked out of the house is a legal matter and he should get a lawyer immediately, as his friend you can go with him if he's scared or worried.

If he won't do that, it ceases to be your problem because we can't help people until they are willing to help themselves. Continuing to try and help those who refuse to help themselves can bring negative consequences to those trying to help. I know we all love our friends and family and want to help them but I'm trying to help you avoid the errors I and others have made when we keep poking someone who does not or cannot get help for themselves.

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