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RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 6:24:15 AM

CelticPrince

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

We don't see it as either/or, it is just living life and do not seperate bits of it.

the.dark.

the dark,

I understand where your coming from, but i believe there is always a separation; when you both go shaopping at the food market, is the D/s dynamic alive during that time? Surely a couple cannot maintain !00% D/s dynamic?? or perhaps so...........

CP

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 21

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 6:28:13 AM

CelticPrince

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Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ALAstella

Our relationship isn't based on D/s but on friendship and mutual acceptance of each other for better or worse. D/s is nothing more than an integral element.

Our relationship can survive without D/s, but it won't get far without friendship or mutual acceptance.

Just saying..

ALAstella,

And so it is with all successful unities...................... but somewhere inthere is a balance! thanks for your thoughts.

CP

(in reply to ALAstella)

Post #: 22

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 6:33:44 AM

GabrielleSlave

Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
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Master and i are 100% Uus, 100% of the time and that is Master and slave. It would be impossible and fairly ridiculous of me to say however that i am always on my knees infront of Him, or He is always beating me lol! So, i am thinking that in terms of activities, Wwe would be 70% vanilla and 30% BDSM. But that is purely and simply just how the rest of the world would see Uus...

i agree with everyone else though, Wwe are all different! Wwe all see things differently and there are those who would say the question was a little redundant in the first place, but hey... who am i to judge lol!?

_____________________________

Slave to Master Slayer

~ Host of the Rather Marvelous Greenwich Munch ~

"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

(in reply to sparkyRBF)

Post #: 23

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 7:11:20 AM

LaTigresse

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I am going to have to hop in the "all the time" kettle.

I wonder if the difference is whether or not M/s is part of the relationship dynamic or not?

If a person is more D/s, play, oriented rather than the power exchange of a relationship with the play as the icing on the cake, I can see how that would be easily broken down into on and off.

Even now, with one girl being in SanFran on the mend, and the other in DC, they are both doing things in their daily life that I have influenced.

_____________________________

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 24

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 7:18:38 AM

oceanwynds

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CelticPrince thank you for posting this question. It has been a question on my mind for awhile. Yes, I recognize that I am in a Ds relationship that happens in Rt, but have wonder how much so, especially compare to others. Though Sir has control which i had given, most of my daily existence at this point would appear to be vanilla. I am not micromanaged, and sometimes Sir needs to step back to attend things in his life or on his mind. It is during these periods I feel we are in a low percentage of Ds. So as a relationship we tend to function more in what would appear to be vanilla, yet i always know he is Sir, and i am submissive.

I do know that not all Ds relationships are on the same level, but at times reading these posts, I have felt wow, they live this 24/7 without a break from the Ds headset. Perhaps I am wording this wrong, but as new to these boards, hasn't even been a year since I started reading the message boards, and rather new to Ds, i sometimes walk away thinking i might not be in a true Ds relationship. That opinion fades eventually, because I do know we do have a power exchange but just not living it daily like most people seem to do.

Because of the previous stated, I do wonder what a day in a life of others would be like. I know what I have works for me, but yet i feel like i live on the outskirts of this lifestyle. That though is something i been able to accept.
I hope all this made sense
oceanwynds

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 25

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 7:45:18 AM

sparkyRBF

Posts: 157
Joined: 2/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

Because of the previous stated, I do wonder what a day in a life of others would be like. I know what I have works for me, but yet i feel like i live on the outskirts of this lifestyle. That though is something i been able to accept.
I hope all this made sense
oceanwynds

I think this would make a great thread.

sparkyRBF
happily owned slave of
RedBotttomFarms

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 26

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 7:55:32 AM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

Serious thought before answering huh...

Okkkkkkkk...

I just beat em, use em and push em out the door...

I like my quiet...time...99.9% of the time...

Duh...

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 27

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 9:15:27 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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There isn't any rule for that, nor is there statistical evidence. You're asking one of those "whatever floats your boat" questions.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 28

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 9:41:53 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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Honestly, I don't break it down into "this thing is Keeper/servant" and "this thing is 'vanilla'". Life is just life. Any time I'm in a long-term relationship with someone whether I am equal companion, or I am Keeper to their servant/acolyte, we -live-. The perfusion of all the things we are (keeper, acolyte, servant, lover, priest, supplicant) fill our lives and there really isn't a lot of definition.

In fact, some of the things that are fetish-oriented for me (like the body modification stuff) are done more often among people who aren't involved in the BDSM community -- but for me, this is a very fetish-oriented and transmutative activity. The other person's headspace doesn't change -my- immersion into my own Keeper/Priest headspace when I am doing bodywork on someone.

I think the other thing that affects my perceptions on this (and also relates to another thread on how we perceive people) is that my being is constantly entwined not -only- in WIITWD in the BDSM community, but also in a philosophical/spiritual existence, as well as the common world, the artist/writer's world, alternative healing world, and the world of the counselor/confessor. For me, pulling these things apart wouldn't clarify anything... instead, it would fragment what, right now, is a well integrated and lusciously complex existence.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to sparkyRBF)

Post #: 29

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 10:14:08 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
LA,

That is why I suggested some real comtemplation on the subject. We all have the mix whether we want to recognize it or not. So many newcomers into D/s just get the idea that it is all D/s and that leadss to false expectancies.

CP

But it is all Ds.

And it's all vanilla.

It's all ME.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 30

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 10:34:29 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
but i believe there is always a separation; when you both go shaopping at the food market, is the D/s dynamic alive during that time? Surely a couple cannot maintain !00% D/s dynamic?? or perhaps so...........

CP

The fact that he has the authority within our relationship is always there. There is no time in our lives that his authority over Alandra and I does not exist, even when Alandra goes grocery shopping. That she is the one who goes shopping, when she goes shopping, where she shops, how long she takes is a reflection of decisions that he has made. She and I do not spend money without express permission from him, so any shopping is done because he allows it.

From that perspective there is no vanilla part of our lives. However, we do a lot of things that makes it appear that we are just like any other mainstream couple except that there are three of us. Kinky sex and play is only a small aspect of the things that we enjoy doing.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 31

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 11:15:42 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MmeGigs

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
How much of the relationship is devoted to vanilla as a percentage of the total time between the parties?

I'm married to my sub. Even when we're not together or aren't actively spouse-ing, we are wife and husband. That relationship and its dynamics is part of who we are. Same with d/s. We're dom and sub, even when we aren't together or aren't actively engaging in d/s.

That being the case, I have to agree with Petruchio. It's 90% bdsm, 90% vanilla.

MmmeGigs,

Ok accepted, but morer than the whole is really a strange concept.

CP

(in reply to MmeGigs)

Post #: 32

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 11:21:42 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sparkyRBF

I also had a hard time understanding this question. I agree with LuckyAlbatross in that it is not the act but the intent.

I sleep about 6 to 8 hrs a day, but i do so with my ankle chained to the bed. So am i sleeping vanilla or D/s?

Master is always Master. I help him with our business as an electrician i do the wiring. Is this a vanilla action? I'm still serving Master in helping him and i'm still his slave, not his partner, not his coworker not even his employee.

Now, if you mean, how much time do i spend tied up or on my knees i would say about 40% of the time. and not trying to put words in your mouth, just trying to make it a question i can answer for you.

sincerely

sparkyRBF
Happily owned slave
of
RedbotttomFarms

sparky,

Welcome to the boards! yes in my view sleeping chained is sleeping D/s. If the Master dynamic is present when your pulling wire, yep your in D/s, so in your case, I guess it might me as close to 100 percent D/s as it can get. thanks for your input.

CP

(in reply to sparkyRBF)

Post #: 33

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 11:25:05 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GabrielleSlave

Master and i are 100% Uus, 100% of the time and that is Master and slave. It would be impossible and fairly ridiculous of me to say however that i am always on my knees infront of Him, or He is always beating me lol! So, i am thinking that in terms of activities, Wwe would be 70% vanilla and 30% BDSM. But that is purely and simply just how the rest of the world would see Uus...

i agree with everyone else though, Wwe are all different! Wwe all see things differently and there are those who would say the question was a little redundant in the first place, but hey... who am i to judge lol!?

GSlave,

thanks for a cogent answer in the 70/30 range. I think your probably closer to norm then you might think.

CP

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)

Post #: 34

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 11:32:31 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

CelticPrince thank you for posting this question. It has been a question on my mind for awhile. Yes, I recognize that I am in a Ds relationship that happens in Rt, but have wonder how much so, especially compare to others. Though Sir has control which i had given, most of my daily existence at this point would appear to be vanilla. I am not micromanaged, and sometimes Sir needs to step back to attend things in his life or on his mind. It is during these periods I feel we are in a low percentage of Ds. So as a relationship we tend to function more in what would appear to be vanilla, yet i always know he is Sir, and i am submissive.

I do know that not all Ds relationships are on the same level, but at times reading these posts, I have felt wow, they live this 24/7 without a break from the Ds headset. Perhaps I am wording this wrong, but as new to these boards, hasn't even been a year since I started reading the message boards, and rather new to Ds, i sometimes walk away thinking i might not be in a true Ds relationship. That opinion fades eventually, because I do know we do have a power exchange but just not living it daily like most people seem to do.

Because of the previous stated, I do wonder what a day in a life of others would be like. I know what I have works for me, but yet i feel like i live on the outskirts of this lifestyle. That though is something i been able to accept.
I hope all this made sense
oceanwynds

oceanwynds,

Thnaks for being able to read into the question, its intent. None of us, in my opinio anyway, can get away with a 100 D/s dynamic.the last time I was 24/7 i would put the ratio at 70% vanilla activitie and the balance in D/s. No solo, it is more 80 vanilla and the balance D/s.

CP

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 35

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 12:19:13 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
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You are welcome and again thank you for presenting a different view.

oceanwynds

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 36

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 12:56:05 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

How are you defining "Ds dynamic' ?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 37

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 1:00:30 PM

T1981

Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline

This is a very good question. My husband and I's kink is generally in the bedroom, but over the last few months, certain things have been changing. He asks me to do less and tells me to do more - and the amazing part is that I don't mind getting up and doing whatever it is he wants, generally. Turn off the lights before bed. Call and pay the utilities. Go with whatever he wants to eat or watch on tv. Small things like that.

Makes me wonder if we ourselves are headed towards a 24/7, and what that would look like, and all of those things.....

< Message edited by T1981 -- 1/26/2009 1:01:35 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 38

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 1:12:03 PM

VeryNastyDom

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
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It is 100% because that is the way we have chosen to live life. I think your real question is what portion of the time does the lifestyle manifest itself as kinky.

If I ask to have spaghetti for dinner, is that D/s? I would say yes, but only because the request is interpreted as a command regardless of how politely I might put it or regardless if whether others might interpret that as a simple vanilla request. Master wants Italian tonight, and he shall have it. The difference is that in a vanilla household the answer might be "not tonight dear, we are having chicken". The words don't matter, the resulting actions do.

(in reply to T1981)

Post #: 39

RE: The ratio tween D/s & vanilla? - 1/26/2009 1:16:34 PM

SensibleSam

Posts: 77
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

The most fruitfull discussions seem to stem from the most ambiguous questions. What does any of this mean?

Say I have a slave who is told to always address me as "Master". Let's say we are on the phone when suddenly she drops the "Master" from "Yes, Master". Obviously someone has come into the room. Does that mean she is now acting vanilla? Well yes in a way. Is she feeling vanilla? Is that the right question?

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 40

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