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Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 11:24:29 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		In my hiatus from CM, met a few people and did some soulsearching, determined I didn't have one.

Anywhoooo,  back to the matter at hand.  Real relationships...Not the casual thang. Not the thing that is sporadic. Not online crud.  I mean domming, dating, real time, 24/7, seeing, fucking, breathing and talking to someone on a regular basis. Digging that person..The emotional shit, the twue connection. Not just sport fucking and seeing what can be done, or pushing the edge of the envelope out of curiousity...I'm jusss saying...Can you feel the love my brothahs and sistahs?

This is not only about me, but I imagine that it applies to many of the people that frequent this site.  How much of this is sexual and how much of it is an actual 24/7 thing put into practice?

I don't discuss relationships or my life out here. I don't frequent dungeons( I might just haven't gotten around to it..Which means I probably never will)  Would never post pics of a sub's tits, ass or snatch that I gave a rats ass about.  They are mine and not for publ;ic consumption.  Way too private....Oh my God! I am a fucking prude!  Maybe I have become my pa.  I'm pretty sure Pa was a twisted fuck.

I recently mentioned in a post that I consider much of "this" to be kink.  So I did some brain searching after I received a few pm's.  Some of the pm's were in agreement  but others went along the lines of.... "was disappointed that you are not "full time"...That you are not the 24/7 take control type of guy...You really suck ass."....lol.

I take charge..Kind of.  I'm the boss (sort of)...But you go your own way and I expect your decision process to be sound.  The decision making process does not always end with me. You still have your life.

Who has got the patience for TPE?  Who has the ability to cater and meet the needs of someone who is always in search of some form of reinforcement or that their actions need to be approved. Maybe my name should be "SortofDom"....But so much of this shit seems too demanding and simply over the top, at least for me.  Much of it seems to much like men just behaving poorly and boorishly and woman who lack the mustard to be heard and an overall grace.

I know that I am taking things to a rather extreme.  Maybe I am just into the kink and the relationship (master/slave or sub...TPE) is the reality.  Or maybe the kink is the driving force.

Not looking for halfbaked feedback in regards to me....Because, quite frankly, none of you are worthy.

What I want is an open discussion.  Based on frankness, honesty and reality.  I realize that there is no "one size fits all."

What drives you?  Could you really take control of someone...TOTAL POWER EXCHANGE?   Or, subs,  give up everything?.... Would someone who is capable of making reservations, spanks your ass and tells you to get the cum out of your hair enough?

Subs and Doms...What say you?


_____________________________
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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 11:32:32 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		TPE = mistress can you make me some noodles? I gave up my rights to make them myself....

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 11:34:24 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am really flexible when it comes to what I want in a relationship. I don't go into one with any list of "must haves" or anything like that.

I can be happy with a switch, with a half baked submissive woman, and with a 24/7 slave. Just not ALL switches, half ass submissives or 24/7 slaves.

So, what that means to me is that it all depends on the people involved and their individual characteristics. Right now, things are ramping up with a 24/7 slave. And while I am beginning to realize I have more control than I ever imagined having in a relationship, it is flowing very smoothly. I've been in vanilla relationships that were MUCH more high maintanance. So, I don't necessarily think it is the dynamic as much as it is the people.

If that makes any sense.




_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 11:34:56 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I got just-friendsed once by a sub who said I was a leader, not a dom.  That I inspired people, instead of ruling over them, and she needed someone who was more of an asshole.  Those were her exact words.

Her "criticism" was correct.  I've managed projects (and people).  I've got the skills, probably, to manage the woman in my life -- but I have absolutely zero interest.  I have to say, at this point I'm primarily interested in dating dominants who enjoy switching in the bedroom.  She wants decision-making power over some things?  Frikkin fine by me.  I am b-u-s-y, and frankly that sounds relaxing.

I suppose if I had no other life goals, I could be someone's protector, sex stud, therapist and guiding light.  But that seems like a 24/7/365 job.  I'd rather meet someone with a profound inner life, who wants romance, mutual massages, and lots of kinky orgasms, as added bonuses to what she has already made for herself.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 11:56:15 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Could you really take control of someone...TOTAL POWER EXCHANGE
 
At the end of the day I am responsible for all the decisions, does that mean I make them all, no. I direct how the days flow, not the minutia of how someone should flow in the days.
 
Within My design of TPE, there is also room for give and take and duality--I  make the best gumbo, chezz makes better meatballs, I just decide when chezz makes his meatballs.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 11:56:30 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		If I'm someone's Domme or submissive, then I always am that, just like I'm always their girlfriend. The 24/7 TPE thing isn't my style though - I'm not a Denny's! If it's 3 AM and I have to be at work the next day, I'm probably not going to be up for play or sex. I can't control what I dream about. When I'm at work, I'm focused on what I'm doing, thinking about submitting or dominating my partner would be distracting and keep me from doing as good of a job. I want a kinky boyfriend - lots of playtime, going on dates, hanging out with mutual friends, cuddling, someone I care about and who feels the same way about me. The specific expression the kink takes depends on how I react to/interact with the other person.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 11:58:47 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I am also flexible in what I am seeking.  The entirety of the other person is so much more important than whether we are D/s or kinky sex, or mainly bedroom control-driven.  I know that some people aren't into the intense 24/7 stuff and neither am I, there is just too much other stuff going on in my life that needs my attention.  I also am self-aware enough to know that I could probably never give up everything and I don't want to and in respect to what is mine and how I live, I am ultimately selfish.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 12:04:19 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		At the moment Master and I are long distance and so I make my own decisions on most things since I have a household to run but I run most things past Master and I listen to  his advice. I trust his wisdom, he's a smart guy so while it doesn't come across as orders from him I know that most times I'm going to listen to his words. Now there are times when he will make something an order and I do as I'm told. But I also know there are areas in my life  he will not touch at all because he feels it's not his place to do so and it's just one of the things I like about him. He knows where to draw lines and I don't need to say a word.

Now one day..if we become more than long distance..hopefully, praying....then I'm sure my decisions will become his decisions and for the most part I have no problems with that. I've lived it before and that's something we'll take one step at a time until I'm sure we both feel comfortable enough in it.


(in reply to Andalusite)
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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 12:05:08 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I got just-friendsed once by a sub who said I was a leader, not a dom.  That I inspired people, instead of ruling over them, and she needed someone who was more of an asshole.  Those were her exact words.

Her "criticism" was correct.  I've managed projects (and people).  I've got the skills, probably, to manage the woman in my life -- but I have absolutely zero interest.  I have to say, at this point I'm primarily interested in dating dominants who enjoy switching in the bedroom.  She wants decision-making power over some things?  Frikkin fine by me.  I am b-u-s-y, and frankly that sounds relaxing.

I suppose if I had no other life goals, I could be someone's protector, sex stud, therapist and guiding light.  But that seems like a 24/7/365 job.  I'd rather meet someone with a profound inner life, who wants romance, mutual massages, and lots of kinky orgasms, as added bonuses to what she has already made for herself.



Personally, a leader sounds more appealing to me then a control-freak.  Someone who has the intelligence and the humility to not try to be everything all the time.  Someone who can utilize other people's skills to enhance his life, their lives together.

Someone who is looking for a person that he will control every decision all the time would strike me as someone who really isn't interested in establishing a real relationship with a real person.  After all, any person who will bend to his will and have none of their own would do. 

To me, the strong person is the person who knows that other people's opinions are valuable, that others points-of-view can add demension to their life and that having depth in the relationship doesn't diminish their ability to dominate, in fact it enhances their power.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 12:19:54 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		The M/s aspect doesn't drive me at all, to be honest. I didn't choose him because I needed to be submissive, I chose him because he does a phenomenal job of keeping me on the straight and narrow and doesn't do it in a way that makes me want to dump him.

I've said it before but I'd follow him even if there wasn't any M/s because he's good at his job. I listen to him because he makes sense, not because he's LordDomlyKnickers and not because I have a *slavey-heart* beating in my fairly ample chest.

But yes, TPE ......it sounds a lot more onerous than it is when it's up and running, and often people make it sound like hard work or some kind of super-special religion. It's not like that for us.


agirl

(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 12:27:26 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		Personally I think your attitude is the right one...the healthy one... the true meaning of the lifestyle. The men who demand total obedience from an unthinking sub are just as sick as the sub. Subs who want total domination with no personal input in their lives are sick as well. These types of relationships may work but are not healthy for either party.

I believe in equal input by two mentally well-adjusted adults... there is no challenge or fun to dominance or submission without strong personalities demanding what they need.

Butch

Edit...Damn.. in.reply to domiguy not OmegaG

< Message edited by kdsub -- 2/16/2009 12:29:20 PM >

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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 12:33:42 PM   
TheHeretic


Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline 		       TPE?  Not only "no," but "oh HELL mutherfukin, NO!"   This is gravy and spice.  My partner is my PARTNER, no matter who has the clamps on the tender bits.  Even if we come across the perfect slave to stash in the harry potter closet, that person will still be an independent individual, no matter what we decide to hurt her with, or tell her to insert while we watch.

    

_____________________________

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.


(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 1:24:58 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

I recently mentioned in a post that I consider much of "this" to be kink.  So I did some brain searching after I received a few pm's.  Some of the pm's were in agreement  but others went along the lines of.... "was disappointed that you are not "full time"...That you are not the 24/7 take control type of guy...You really suck ass."....lol.

I take charge..Kind of.  I'm the boss (sort of)...


So you are allowing others opinions of you to make you question your judgement on whether you are a dom or not?

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 1:25:22 PM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline 		This isn't rocket science, domi. You're just growing up. Aawww, isn't that cute ?

Yes, real people who are sane and balanced and don't need someone to micro-manage their lives are preferable over the alternative to many folks. I also prefer friends and lovers who don't fit comfortably into little boxes and are not obsessed with labels and "lifestyle" paradigms.

Where does one find them ? They are everywhere... online, offline, in dungeons, at work, at the library, sometimes under your nose. Don't over-think it. And send me those gash pics , I won't tell anyone.


_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti



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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 1:30:20 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

And send me those gash pics , I won't tell anyone

 
And here i was thinking my gash was the only one you wanted to see !!
I'm mortally wounded i tell ya

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to cjan)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 1:46:44 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I got just-friendsed once by a sub who said I was a leader, not a dom.  That I inspired people, instead of ruling over them, and she needed someone who was more of an asshole.  Those were her exact words.

Her "criticism" was correct.  I've managed projects (and people).  I've got the skills, probably, to manage the woman in my life -- but I have absolutely zero interest.  I have to say, at this point I'm primarily interested in dating dominants who enjoy switching in the bedroom.  She wants decision-making power over some things?  Frikkin fine by me.  I am b-u-s-y, and frankly that sounds relaxing.

I suppose if I had no other life goals, I could be someone's protector, sex stud, therapist and guiding light.  But that seems like a 24/7/365 job.  I'd rather meet someone with a profound inner life, who wants romance, mutual massages, and lots of kinky orgasms, as added bonuses to what she has already made for herself.



I have to agree with RedMagic here.  Many of the submissive men who contact me are either looking for a fetish delivery device, or for someone to rule them.   I'm not interested in that.  What I do know is that I want someone whose life runs very smoothly and successfully without me in it.  I want us to be able to enhance each other's lives and enjoy our time together. 
I have zero interest in managing someone else's life if they can't  seem to manage it for themselves.. 
Based on Red's post, I'd say I'm a Dominant bottom.


Domi growing up?  Pffft.  Next thing you'll be suggesting that he isn't a dead black rapper...

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 1:51:16 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		BSB, love the new photo!!!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 1:51:58 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		Thanks LaT!

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 2:00:33 PM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

And send me those gash pics , I won't tell anyone

 
And here i was thinking my gash was the only one you wanted to see !!
I'm mortally wounded i tell ya


I'll have yours with elvers. That should help me tell them apart.

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti



(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Domiguy or not so domiguy? - 2/16/2009 2:02:27 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		With real life it ebbs and flows. I have a boyfriend and he can top me although not as much as he used to. I need the kink in my life but not every day and if I dont get it from him I'll find someone to top me nonsexually or perhaps I will find the dom of my dreams. Either way, a micromanager who wants me to sit when he snaps his fingers doesnt appeal to me. I'm not going to sleep in you crate an I wont be disrespected. But everyone knows I am a daddys little princess. But I give alot too. SO in the real world it has to be give and take because things dont grow without being tended to.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
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