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RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 12:04:01 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Actually I like using abreviations that quickly discribe a part of Me here that weed out those whom prefer something I am not DelRey.
Ive never looked at any abreviations I use to discribe My self as being negitive in any fashion. It is simply a way to discribe who I am in a shorter term.

Im not being defensive, Im simply stateing facts of the questions posed to the best of My take on the issue.

Im also beside being a
BBW
Im a
S.S.&C.C.
PAT
3D
TM
UNCTAD
UNCF
UNIDO
PPI
QA
QC
REG
REV
WI
USAC
WHO
WTO
IEEE
S/m
BDSM
RTW
ICUN
WID
LAN
MSTRSS
NAACP
NRA
LTD
MS
MAAM
DIY
AARP
ABCL
and One hell of a KD
ECT ECT ECT ECT...........

(in reply to DelRey)

Post #: 21

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 12:10:38 PM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

You have to understand something, I did not call women over size 16 a bunch of fat slobs. I hate of the term BBW are for those who use the term to give up and say, "I'm lazy and I don't care" or "I'm just one of them. then go back to eating cheesecake and bon bons.

Your size and shape does not matter to me, however if you give up and get lazy who are you hurting ?

let stop being so defensive, if your truly at peace with your self why do you need labels like BBW or need to be so vigilant ?

The issue with your statements comes with your apparent assumption that those who use BBW are somehow "giving up" and "being lazy". Perhaps you have known women personally who adopt this attitude, but I don't think the use of "BBW" necessarily correlates to that, and I am not sure how you would know that upon sight alone. You also appear to assume that there is some level of size or weight that equates to giving up and being lazy, and I again fail to see a direct correlation.

I personally have used BBW to refer to myself in personal ads only, and simply as a way to let people know up front that I am not a small woman. I don't need to use it to convince anyone that I am comfortable with myself, confident, and assertive. They see that in the way I carry myself and in my interactions, and you can't put a "size" on that.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to DelRey)

Post #: 22

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 12:23:27 PM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

Please excuse the going off topic for a moment, but ScorpGirl444,

i have PCOS as well, except it was diagnosed by a nurse-practitioner when i was in college, back when it was Systemic Androgenic Disorder.

later, when diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, i went on medication that helped my insulin resistance, but caused me to gain even more weight. Because my primary physician would not really recognise PCOS, i did a lot of research myself. Eventually, after i went on a diet with complex carbs instead of simple ones, and soy supplements because it provides estrogen, and actually got my menstrual cycles back on my own, i convinced him to refer me to an endocrinologist.

She had a specialty with PCOS, and fertility. Since then, i have lost over 80 lbs (well, gained some back lately, but it is coming off again) so far.

Anyway, you did not mention seeing an endocrinologist, and if you haven't, i wanted to suggest it. Find one that specializes in PCOS, or fertility. Also, if i understand it right, as you lose weight, your body fat releases estrogen it has been storing. The estrogen counteracts the abundance of androgen, which is what lets trace amounts of testosterone run wild. The body produces more insulin because the cells refuse to use it as much as they should. Foods high in Chromium also help that.

i am no licensed medically, or anything. This is just what i have researched, learned, and experienced. Please take it for what it is worth, a free account of what i went through.

---------------

As for the OP:

In '96, i found, online, a bunch of people that were attracted to me and told me i was a BBW, not just a fat person. i never knew people could be attracted to me. Someone there pointed me in the direction of BDSM, and the rest is pretty easy to figure out. i was not aware i was attracctive. When someone says to me "You have such a pretty face!" the voice in my head still adds "it is a shame about your weight."

As far as BDSM, sometimes, my doubts in myself irritate my Master. It is funny, though, i have no doubt in His sincerity when He says how sexy i am to Him. i wish i were more flexible, and i will continue to lose weight, because i want to do it for myself. i want to be capable of more, physically.

As for advice? Be very careful in suspension, and take care of the joints. And if you have to ask to move, because you are cutting off circulation, then do so. It is probably better if you have discussed that sort of possibility first, though. Also, walks are wonderful! Master and i enjoy taking walks, anywhere from 1 1/2 to 3 miles.

Oh! and large women CAN get on top! *lol* without breaking Him! Heck, if a 300 lb man can be on top of a 140 lb woman, then it should not really be that much of a concern!

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to ScorpGirl444)

Post #: 23

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 12:27:26 PM

cravinspankin

Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

I'm going to answer the OP, cause i'm not sure anyone here has.
I can only assume when you ask about our experiences, since you posted here, that you are talking in the D/s lifestyle or BDSM.
I can tell you that I am a very large woman. Yet i have found the people in this lifestyle to be very accepting.
I still seek the right Dom to serve, but have made many friends in the lifstyle, some of whom i play with from time to time at a local dungeon.
I was highly uncomfortable exposing my naked body there the first time, but found no one worried about it. Within a few minutes, i was able to just relax, forget about anyone else who was watching or looking at my body and just get into the scene.
And those who may have a problem with it simply can look elsewhere, lol

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)

Post #: 24

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 12:30:46 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

I use to have my pic as my avatar on here... for some reason collarme poofed it. But anyone looking at my profile will see Cindy Crawford.. I am Not. But I'm also not a beached whale needing to quickly pushed back into the ocean.

I have found that sense I'm not longer a size 3 or 4 that I get more attention from men and women for that matter that prefer knowing I am happy for the most part with myself. Am I always happy with my size?. NO. But I don't let that stop me from beng myself and dealing with it as I can. I'm just ne of the many unfortunate smucks that inherited weight problems from family genes and medical reasons.

I do know that I don't want to be size 4. When I was, I know I wasn't happy. I spent way too much time worried about how I looked to others. Now All I worry about is how I look to me and if I am happy. When I am not happy.. I begin working on my problem still I am again. Sometime I drop more. Sometimes just enough.

Master likes to know there's some padding for my spankings. Some extra tit there to play with. And someone to actually hold onto. And when he sinks into me.. knowing he's not going to hurt himself hitting bone... LOL

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Post #: 25

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 12:39:35 PM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

You have to understand something, I did not call women over size 16 a bunch of fat slobs. I hate of the term BBW are for those who use the term to give up and say, "I'm lazy and I don't care" or "I'm just one of them. then go back to eating cheesecake and bon bons.

Your size and shape does not matter to me, however if you give up and get lazy who are you hurting ?

let stop being so defensive, if your truly at peace with your self why do you need labels like BBW or need to be so vigilant ?

With all due respect:

Along these lines, if i said that my interpretation of the label "Dominant," "Domme," or "Dom" is that it is someone who uses it to justify their need to bully, push around, and beat up on people, i should not be corrected? Would You advise people who would take that on to not be so defensive, and to be at peace with themselves, without having to use such labels?

You, Sir, are taking a very broad term (no pun intended), and giving it a very very narrow interpretation. And as has been said, people relate to the term, and do get defensive when You suggest that they are relating to your small, segmented, and negative definition.

While there are some Dom/mes that are bullies and like to push people around, You would probably not like to be lumped into their box, just because You are a Dom. There are some people that call themselves BBW's, who have given up and are lazy. But, guess what? There are probably more that haven't and aren't!

For me, it gave me hope to learn i was considered a BBW. Think what You will, but understand that those that disagree with You CAN be at peace with themselves.

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to DelRey)

Post #: 26

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 12:48:21 PM

fiestybbwsub

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

Hello, only my second post ever so i hope i am doing this right...

I have had mostly good experiences being a BBW on collarme. however, there have been several times when a "Dom" will e-mail me. I tell him I am not interested and then I get called a fat slob, pig, etc.... But it honestly does not bother me. It makes me laugh. b/c it says soo much about him... what he is, and what he is NOT!!

deb

(in reply to sanita)

Post #: 27

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 1:33:02 PM

typesgirl

Posts: 102
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

I can only add my own experience here and hope that you find the information helpful.

After many years of being in vanilla relationships and always being concerned with the fact that I wear a 16-18, I finally found a wonderful Dom and the BDSM lifestyle. Finding my sub side with a Dom who is caring and supportive and not afraid to push my limits has been a god send for my personal image.

I feel a thousand times more comfortable with myself because my sexuality is so much more than my size. I'm proud to be a curvy woman. Master has allowed me to explore my self-image and has taught me that I am truly beautiful no matter what I weigh (tho I am in the process of improving my health to combat type 2 diabetes).

D/s allows me to chalenge myself in ways that a vanilla relationship never did. I also find the BDSM comunity to be a huge help to me by showing me that sexy women come in all shapes and sizes and we're all vibrant, passionate, hot women.

viva la curves!
Proud to be voluptuous
typesgirl

(in reply to fiestybbwsub)

Post #: 28

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 1:59:37 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD

Oh Boy DelRey
are You amiss

quote:

BBW being used I think she is saying, "I am a lazy fat ass that has given up".

AND FYI
size 8 to 16 are concidered by todays standards to be normal to small in size.
The BBW sizes dont start till size 18 up for the clueless.

would you quote the source of these facts ?

Go in any women's clothing store.....the facts are, plus sizes start at 18.......not that there is a thing wron with the larger sizes....I am what I am, and have never lacked at capturing whoever's attentions that I wanted to...it's the outlook on life, not our size, that grabs and holds attention....

(in reply to DelRey)

Post #: 29

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 2:01:32 PM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChainedExistence

The average American woman is 5'5" tall, weighs 142 lbs, and is 44 years old. The average American woman wears a size 14 dress.

Those are a few I found without having to look too hard. CBS news even reported that 65% of Americans are now overweight...so it's not just the gals who need the larger sizes. Also, according to the garmet industry those sizes do not equate with sizes from the 1940's. A size 8 from today is much larger than a size 8 from that era.

I'd have to say she was pretty much dead on with that statement.

I've always wondered about what constitutes a BBW? I am considered overweight (but not obese) by most insurance charts, yet stand 5'10" and wear a size 14. And, because of my height, most people are surprised by my weight. Now, I'll be the first to admit I have more curves than models and my hip bones don't show, but I look around and most other women look like me. They are a bit round, whether tall or short. I can't stand women who have dieted to the point where they no longer have breasts or hips. Whoever decided that the female figure was best when it looked like a boy?

And while we are on the subject, why aren't there tons of posts about BBM (Big, Beautiful Men)? A big man is a huge turn on to me. I'm tall and a big tall man makes me feel wonderfully feminine! But, they aren't nearly as hung up on the weight issue as women.

We've been brainwashed by advertising agencies. It's about time we all get over it and just accept that we are who we are and love ourselves as such.

(in reply to ChainedExistence)

Post #: 30

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 2:24:41 PM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

When I hear the BBW being used I think she is saying, "I am a lazy fat ass that has given up".

That's rich.

According to your own profile, DelRey, with the height and weight you've listed, you are, by almost all standards, considered obese. Your BMI is over 37, and indicates that your over the weight of 90% of other men in your age category. Sure, muscle may have some to do with the figures, but in looking at your photo...well, me think he doth protest too much about BBWs, when in all likelihood, you may just be the male equivalent.

Or is this a case of..."speak for yourself!"

Oh, and ladies (for the ones that posted), I don't know your source, but when I was larger, and forced to shop in larger sized stores, they started at size 14. "Womens" catalogs begin traditionally at size 14W also. General clothing stores seem to stop (in the ladies sizes) at 16 or 18 (or a extra large). Clothes get bigger all the time, so I guess I can see the standard of BBW measurement increasing with it.

I'm a 14-16 and even when I was larger, I never cared for the term BBW, and never used it to describe myself. I just don't define myself by my weight.

To the OP, I've had men make comments about my weight, even though the picture posted is no longer accurate. ALL of the negative and derogatory comments that I've received, from contacts on this site, have all come from Doms, even though I'm clearly listed as a dominant myself. I think for some it's was just their way to try to break a woman down (especially a Domme), and a way for them to somehow feel better about themselves. Sad, but true.

I received an e-mail about a week ago, where the man didn't even bother to say hello, or introduce himself. Didn't even sign his name, but his one question to me, with nothing else posed, was "how much do you weigh?" Of course my response to him was that he was assuming that I might have interest in him, and that he was mistaken. Yes...he was listed as a Dom too.

I'm upfront with how I look, and hope for the same in return. Unfortunately, weight isn't the only issue that people hide behind. More and more, age is making it's way to the top of the liar's list. But there have been many threads on both of these issues.

K

< Message edited by FTopinMichigan -- 1/29/2006 2:25:31 PM >

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 31

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 3:36:51 PM

jovonna

Posts: 27
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

To me BBW means "beatiful Black woman" and my size has Never been a problem darlin

(in reply to Crazytwice)

Post #: 32

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 3:42:40 PM

IceyOne

Posts: 258
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyElizabeth

Just curious as to how many BBW's there are out here and what their experiences have been like. Good or bad. Or any advice that you might wish to share would be awsome.

In the same thought. how about you BHM? I wouldn't want to leave you gorgeous guys out,lol. Anything you have to say would be just as valuable.

I have to agree with some of the others here. Why is there a need to label a person based on their weight? I am overweight...5'9 and I weigh close to 170 pounds...and yet, I dont consider myself to be 'big'

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)

Post #: 33

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 4:56:20 PM

Dollbecky

Posts: 197
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

I could be defined as a BBW, I descibe myself as curvy or zaftag,I have no issue with the term BBW I just like that Zaftag feels better in my mouth.
I personally have only(in relation to my build) been treated as the zaftag goddess of naughty fun I have feel myself to be however I know that there is the schools of thought(?) that "Fat chicks are just kinky to get a guy" or that "chubby=lack of control=sub" etc .. I guess those people just dont get the whole "Your kink is not my kink and thats ok" thing or the fact that real play with real people is just a tad different than the porn online...or maybe there as many a**holes in the scene as there is in everyday vanilla life..
However BDSM is in the mind but let us be honest sometime bodies can inflame our interest too. I dont know why it seems to upset people when person X says they perfer body type Y over body type Z .
I have a "types" for males I love long haired glasses wearing geeky Bears, with girls I like pert amazons with tomboy souls...
And I know some folks adore raven haired zaftag dolls of costumed lust :P
I dont think it makes me bad ..

(in reply to jovonna)

Post #: 34

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 5:25:14 PM

DelRey

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan

That's rich.
According to your own profile, DelRey, with the height and weight you've listed, you are, by almost all standards, considered obese. Your BMI is over 37, and indicates that your over the weight of 90% of other men in your age category. Sure, muscle may have some to do with the figures, but in looking at your photo...well, me think he doth protest too much about BBWs, when in all likelihood, you may just be the male equivalent.

Or is this a case of..."speak for yourself!"

Thank you for making my point, and if you would not have gotten so defensive and taking my post out of context you might try better at making some reasonable sense. When you read my profile you will see that I don't attempt to make some warm and fuzzy acronym for my weight or stature. I am what I am and that is my point.

BTW I run 2.5 miles a day 3 - 5 days a week and Yes I'm big, huge by some standards, I'm an ex football player so you want to take shots at my size go ahead and from a condition standpoint try to stack up, at 45 I can run down 25 year olds and I do.

Lastly I have the balls to put my weight in my profile. I find it ironic the people that are most proud of being part of the BBW culture are still so definsive about their weight don't have the guts to post it. And usually the same people who are quick to justify the BBW culture and being a part of it are not all that proud at all or they would not pass and leave
the question blank in their profile.... Right FTopinMichigan ???

Another BTW - FTopinMichigan, I don't see yours posted. Rich! ... lol

Got any more shots ?

Out

Del Rey

< Message edited by DelRey -- 1/29/2006 5:37:45 PM >

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 35

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 5:57:40 PM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey
Thank you for making my point, and if you would not have gotten so defensive and taking my post out of context you might try better at making some reasonable sense.

I don't think anyone reading any of my words will interpret them as not making reasonable sense.

Also, I was hardly "defensive" in as much as I took exception to you calling those that call themselves BBWs, as 'giving up' and being 'lazy.' It is your own words in post that I responded to, and I didn't have anything to defend for myself. I then made an observation, that by your own words, you were possibly describing yourself. I guess your response here is evidence that the truth hurts.

My own preference is for a man your size, so I'm not putting you down by any means. I'll admit I surely didn't care for your response that BBWs are all lazy, and in fact, you knew that you'd be receiving responses for those words, as you put that note as a preface. So why the surprise now?

My example of your size, based on your own admissions is proof that judging someone by numbers alone is not an accurate assessment. To judge someone by that would not always be correct...right?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

Lastly I have the balls to put my weight in my profile.

As for "you" having the "balls" to put your weight in your profile....that's great. You see..."I" don't have balls. I'm a woman!

Also, as I said earlier, my weight doesn't define me, and a photo usually allows a better view, IMO. (My own BMI is not reflective of my appearance, as my muscle weight inflates the result. Daily workouts here too!)

I hardly took a shot at you. I think that goes back to you...in that he doth protest too much.

K

< Message edited by FTopinMichigan -- 1/29/2006 5:59:11 PM >

(in reply to DelRey)

Post #: 36

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 6:25:59 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

I have found the BDSM community to be more size positive than any other I've had experience with. (Gay, Vanilla, Swinging...).

Since I began exploring BDSM, I have had no shortage of play partners, my wardrobe is so full of sexy clothing my closets are overflowing, and I'm happier with myself and my body than I have ever been. I've strolled naked around play parties, been a birthday gift for a lovely couple exploring swinging for the first time, and engaged in exhibitionist behaviour that I couldn't even have dreamed of before coming out as a sub.

(I eat healthier, get more excercise, and take better care of myself because I take pride in being the best toy I can possibly be...Thanks to all the dominants I've served.)

Has it been a positive experience???

Dang rights!!!

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)

Post #: 37

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 6:38:12 PM

windy135

Posts: 437
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline

I have recieved both positive and negative comments about my apperance. I'm not one to be offended easily so I take little care in the matter. Plus my picture is rather revealing people that know me in real life would never expect for me to post such a thing :) Just shows how I like to be open on here...

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Post #: 38

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 6:52:51 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

Lastly I have the balls to put my weight in my profile. I find it ironic the people that are most proud of being part of the BBW culture are still so definsive about their weight don't have the guts to post it.

I too don't have balls to my weight in my profile... being female and all I don't have to have the balls. And when men do it as well as post a pic, I have often woonder why they say they're 165 lbs.... but the pic they choose to display shows them looking more around 250lbs. .... guys really don't have the concept of weight and height messures of the human body down too good.

Most guys... NOT ALL ... I DIDN"T SAY ALL SO DON"T GET HYPER HERE... look at a female they don't see a female... they see either a large woman.. or a small woman first and formost.

(in reply to DelRey)

Post #: 39

RE: BBW's in a BDSM world - 1/29/2006 7:02:53 PM

MsIncognito

Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

I wasn't going to chime in on this thread because this particular dead horse has been beaten so often I just can't bear to take another whack at the poor thing. It's time we send it to the glue factory already.

Having said that, I do agree with this particular quote, if not the way DelRey expressed his opinions:

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

if your truly at peace with your self why do you need labels like BBW or need to be so vigilant ?

As a woman who is overweight myself I really don't care for the BBW label. I have seen it used by too many women who wear it like a badge or use it as a crutch to try and make themselves feel better...but they still hate who they are because they are fat. Why would I want to associate myself with people who are this disingenuous with themselves? You're either comfortable with who you are or you're not. It's easy enough to spot those who are not regardless of what "empowering" label they choose to attach to themselves. Lasting empowerment comes from how you feel about yourself, not from some media catch phrase that is adopted as an ego patch.

(in reply to DelRey)

Post #: 40

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