RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you think??

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RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 9:14:50 AM

GYPZYQUEEN

Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline

OP: and ALL...

FROM personal experience comes personal response.

Each person has a dif opinion due to many things..
but the mistake ppl make..IMO... is
THINKING THEIR OPINION is FACT..
and
Wanting to be right..

Having a opinion is just that..How you feel for you..
.
It is a "Here I am"..
"This is my experience and where I am at... what I have found to be true for me."

A FORUM means...discussing...at times debate..points..counter points
but to let it run into digging up shit to discount others is bullshit.

as for LDR....the main thing is
Are you happy?
Does it work for you?
Do you build and grow and change?
Are things occuring for the highest good of all?

I really like Prinsexxs point about LTR during war and etc..
adn I think about medieval times and the Lady and Knight type
stories of service where the love was not physical proximity.

A penis or pussy do not have to MEET for it to be real..
Hands do not have to touch for it to be real.

HEARTS make it real

GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 7/11/2009 9:16:40 AM >

(in reply to KaityK)

Post #: 81

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 9:18:03 AM

KaityK

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rainfire

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK

Bringing profiles into it IS low and unnecessary. You're looking for ways to discount my opinion and you think you've found one in my profile. That's fine. The truth is I get out there, meet people and do things and do my best to fulfill my kinkiness and needs in real life. My situation is different to many other peoples but I'm genuine in the fact that I need to be someones submissive, in real life, in person and with someone who can conduct a relationship with me. I haven't the time or patience for faffing about with webcams and such with a person I've never met. I would rather wait longer for someone who is right for me AND close enough to me that we can meet on a regular basis. 'Playing' isn't everything but for me, no, I admit, I couldn't have a relationship without it. Other people say they can, but I suspect there are reasons why they don't take it to real-time whether they admit them or not. Just MY opinion.

As for meeting online. lol Dont we all? I have met all my partners online and met them within a week (2 in ten years). I need to see, smell and touch a person before I know they are right for me. :)

Since you seem to know ALLLLLLL so much about us that happened to meet online and had LDR's, care to give some of your supposed reasons? Or have the numerous examples ALREADY given not sufficed to show you that many have reasons for being apart at times?

My oldest son is in the US Navy and shipping out soon. Since we're apart, does that mean I'm not really his mother anymore? Or the fact that we will have to have a LDR relationship with him being shipped out not count? Look, everyone has LDR's, including communications online. Next time you're reading an email from your auntie or sister or other family member or friend who lives kilometres away, remember that that is a long-distance, online relationship. Does it make it any less real?

The issue seems to be your attitude, dismissal and disrespect of other peoples relationships, however they may be. Your profile was used as an example of the pot calling the kettle black. You talk about fantasies and illusions yet seem to have some pretty grand ones yourself. Have your opinion, but next time you're bashed, flamed or even simply disagreed with for expressing it, remember that you opened your mouth Profiles are used to give a snapshot of a person, who they are and what type of person you are. Good and bad.

Now where's that train wreck emote when it's needed?

My life isn't a fantasy? I'm a part of my scene where I live and have been for over ten years. I would remove my profile now as I have found someone but since this thread is ongoing and people seem to make an issue out of it I will leave it there for now. I'm not ashamed, embarrased or anything else about who I am and what I do. I think perhaps that might be the reaction that was hoped for when my profile was brought into it, but no, sorry, I am who I am. My vanilla husband of ten years has just read this thread and thinks it's hilarious. Especially the assumptions made about my personal life based on my profile. 'Fantasy' indeed! I am the most impatient woman EVER!

Can you not see the difference between relationships with your family/friends/online folk etc are different to the romantic relationships to which I am refering to and have been refering to throughout this thread?

(in reply to Rainfire)

Post #: 82

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 9:22:30 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Unfortunately, people are people. You will find close-minded people no matter where you are or what sub-group you are a part of.

The relationship that I have now started out by meeting each other on-line. When we first crossed paths we did not have any intention of having a relationship with each other. We interacted with each other just to exchange information. Both of us were honest about who we were and what we wanted and then along the way we both realized that we didn't want to live our lives without each other in it. The fact that he lived in Northern Alberta and I lived in Southern Florida didn't really change that; it made things more difficult that is for sure.

Before we met in person, our interactions were to learn about each other. Once we met in person, then the expectations of submitting to his will were put in place. It took two and a half years before I received approval to immigrate to Canada and in that time we built a strong, healthy relationship. There were frequent visits to see each other and a lot of work to remain positive emotionally.

During that time, there were quite a few people who made known their negative opinions of the choice I made. For some people, it was about insecurity and jealousy on their part. For others, it was because they were projecting their own feelings onto my choices. At first, it kind of stung, but then I realized that their opinions are a lot more about them than it is about me. Once I started looking at it from that perspective, it didn't bother me.

We have been living together for a year and a half now and the relationship isn't much different now than it was before. There are a lot of different interactions now that we are together all the time, but the meat of the relationship did not change.

I would suggest that you ignore the close-mindedness and don't let it force doubts about your relationship within your own mind.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to KateyCaine)

Post #: 83

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 9:36:27 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK

Can you not see the difference between relationships with your family/friends/online folk etc are different to the romantic relationships to which I am refering to and have been refering to throughout this thread?

My gosh.. can't you see the difference between actually living in a M/s or D/s dynamic as compared to being a weekend warrior... my god.... clearly some people don't understand what is REAL submission!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to KaityK)

Post #: 84

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 9:38:35 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

oh bitch your just role-playing!!!! come back here in 20 years and then I might listen!!!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 85

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 9:39:55 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

oh bitch your just role-playing!!!! come back here in 20 years and then I might listen!!!

I'll remind you of this comment, when you want me to suck your cock later today, my Lord.

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 86

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 9:49:54 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I'll remind you of this comment, when you want me to suck your cock later today, my Lord.

well yes... sometimes fantasies can appear to be very real as we delude and immerse ourselves in them.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 87

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 10:47:05 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

~~fast reply after reading the thread~~

i'm now in a long distance relationship with one of my dominants. i moved from florida to texas, and i am not likely to see him again in person. we *did* have an occasional in person time while i was only his, and he has refused to release me although he knows i am now married and collared to another.

he approved my relocation, my marriage, and my now being collared to my husband. my husband knows about this relationship, and is fine with it. they respect one another's place in my life.

the relationship has changed, of course. we no longer discuss bdsm things much, since it would be useless to tease one another with those things, you know? but there is a tone of dominance in all his messages.

i belong to both of them. i dont have an issue, neither do they.

oh and as far as "you cant do bdsm over a computer connection or a phone line"...there are plenty of M/s, D/s activities involving dominance that are not physical activities. demanding certain activities such as wearing certain articles of clothing (or denying the permission to wear others), directing certian activities (such as online journalling, etc). you do not necessarily have to be in person to do those.

my two pennies-worth
kitten

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 88

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 10:48:55 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KateyCaine

i guess the statement that i was confronted with last week from a Dom, kind of threw me, as we get enough rubbish from those outside the community that don't always understand the dynamic of D/s or M/s relationships and may leap to awful conclusions of pain and non-consensual acts. It saddens me that there is a degree of prejudice WITHIN the BDSM community when we should all show solidarity, empathy and support one another instead of throwing stones at our own "peeps". There's enough hate out there as it is.

k.

As far as I'm concerned there is no community of bdsm. There are people who have got together from a kick-off point.

I wouldn't have solidarity, empathy or support someone JUST because they share a remote connection regarding D/s or bdsm. I might do if there were many other things in play. It's simply NOT a case of *we're all in it together*.

You can type an entire book on what your relationship is, what it means to you, what it entails, how marvelous and fulfilling it is for you both....... and you'll still run across people that'll roll their eyes, snigger and snipe.

I've met lots of people from *online*over the years (not necessarily doms or anything to do with bdsm or sex but simply as people)....and without exception it WAS different when I spent time with them in a *real or physical* sense. Some I found really rather irritating in person and some I just found more things about them to like. But it has never, ever been the *same*.

I have no real opinion on what OTHER people find fulfilling, meaningful or successful........If they DO, they do. That's all there is to it. There's always SOMETHING about a person to knock and there'll always be SOMEONE out there to knock it.

Do you seriously think that everyone you bump into is going to view your relationship and how it's conducted, in the same way you do, and have supporting thoughts and feelings?

agirl

(in reply to KateyCaine)

Post #: 89

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 10:50:56 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

My life isn't a fantasy?

how would we know? If you consider your life to be a fantasy, may i say i feel very sorry for you?

_____________________________

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GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to KaityK)

Post #: 90

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 10:57:58 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

I'm just saying that you have to have met to have a real relationship with someone.

DAMN... I haven't met my General Manger.... but talked to him on the phone lots..... I guess it's not a real relationship of any sort... so... next time he calls.. I am going to call him a fake!!!! and not listen to him... cause really what could happen.. ?

I could not agree with you more, 90% of the people in My work world I have never nor will ever meet, but I can guarantee you My paycheck is real.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 91

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 11:33:43 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Greetings

Ok Ladies and Gents, this tread leave me with a rather high WTF factor. Seriously is how others choose to have relations to others a thing it is necessary to argue over, to make personal attacks over? Case is, if you do not think a online relationship has any value for you, do not get involved with it, but what do it matter if someone else have such a relationship. Fact of the matter here is, can you trust, and I mean totally trust someone you have never looked into the eyes of? If no, then online is not for you, and the only thing online BDSM might hold for you are some fun and games. If your answer yes to that question, then you are more trusting than me, but then by all means go ahead. However do please be careful, for in the anonymous world of the internet it is very easy to get burned.

I think it is wrong to say online relationships can never work, can never be real and meaningful. Some people have had online only relationships with others for years, then met them and lived happily ever after, all was who they said their was, all was well. Good for them. I however think it is important to go into such a relationship with the knowledge that such happy endings are rare. That there is a real and good change that the wonderful, sensitive and charming Master Hosè from Spain is in reality plumber Bob from the suburbs in Texas with a wife and six kids getting his kicks of having a relationship with a charming sub online and living out the D/s fantasies his wife will not do with him.

Also even if people is who they say they are it is hard to judge how serious they are about the relationship unless you can look into their eyes in my opinion. However that do not mean that there are not such relationships which are very real and very meaningful. All through history people have falling in love with or gotten together with people who live far away and the only means of communication have been letters, there are proof of that, those letters often still exist, and the internet is just a more effective way to communicate long distance than letters, and there are like I said success stories, both in D/s and in vanilla of long distance, online relationships ending well. And I think it is very wrong to paint all with the same brush and say that it can never work. However those in such relationships should know that odds are against them.

I wish you all well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 92

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 11:36:50 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwinds

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK

If you're not 'playing online' then what are you doing? Because you're not playing in real life are you? I appreciate where you're coming from but I have to admit (and I'm sorry) I can't take online/long-distance people seriously. It just doesn't make any sense and I can't see how it can be fulfilling at all. I need all senses to be fulfilled not just hearing promises and seeing stuff on a screen. But, each to their own I guess. Just wish online only people would use some kind of disclaimer when posting on forums so that the real life players know that they've never felt what it's like to submit and that their relationship is almost entirely in their head.

See that is where you have zero knowledge in, the entirely in their head business. It would be stupid of me to put you down because you might not be able to have the mental processing to handle a ldr. Not everyone can. I am more of a mental person then physical, which I happen to prefer anyways. What you don't understand doesn't mean it is not real. It just simply means you have not experience it or don't have the capacity to live it. This does not make it good or bad, it is just what is at this moment.

By all means have a go at putting me down but my understanding of the OP was that she hadn't 'met' her master because of the comment someone had made about her not wearing her 'Master's' collar. Perhaps some people have problems discerning the difference between having met someone and then being separated and having to conduct a ldr between never having met someone and carrying on a ldr? THere is a difference! Think about it!

Yes there is...but you never bothered to designate that in your first post. Your comments were directed at LDRs and online people involved in them. As I noted in my first post to you, I met all three of my long-distance submissives in person...funny, I didn't note much difference between the way they acted before they met me and the way they acted afterwards. Of course, that may be because of the time I spent getting to know about ALL of them...family, work, hopes, dreams, fears...and continued asking about those things in addition to carrying on conversations related to D/s and BDSM.
Your post above also seems to indicate that BDSM is a physical thing...no argument there but near as I can tell from the many threads on here, this is not just a BDSM forum but a D/s forum...the dynamic that exists outside of the BDSM and sex play.

Perhaps its because I carried on a LDR that included getting engaged while I was in the service...perhaps its because I carried on a LDR while I was in chiropractic college...perhaps its because of those that I learned to deal in the realm of the mind and the soul and the heart as well as the physical that I can maintain a LDR though it takes time, work, an understanding of the other person's physical wants and needs as well as being O.K., if need be, with that other person getting those needs satisfied under guidelines that work for both parties involved in the LDR.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 7/11/2009 11:42:13 AM >

(in reply to KaityK)

Post #: 93

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 11:40:11 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Humans are tactile creatures. We tend to create bias in that direction. Humans are also comparative creatures...and there is no shortage of folks ready to say what is and isn't "real" (usually hypocritically, as everyone has delusions they entertain).

The big mistake people who denounce ldr relationships make? They measure what a "fantasy" is on irrelevant facets (geography, amount of senses catered to, how unpopular their kinks are, how few people could enjoy their dynamic, etc.). What actually qualifies as a fantasy is a disproportion between what someone thinks something is and what it actually is...and humans can get duped that way whether they are 3 feet from each other or 3000 miles from each other.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 94

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 11:44:30 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

However do please be careful, for in the anonymous world of the internet it is very easy to get burned.

It's easy to get burned in life.

The only thing the internet does is expose you to a wider gamut of demographics (consequently making the amount of con-wo/men seem greater because the total amount of people you're meeting is more plentiful).

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
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(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 95

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 11:49:33 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Of course, that may be because of the time I spent getting to know about ALL of them...family, work, hopes, dreams, fears...and continued asking about those things in addition to carrying on conversations related to D/s and BDSM.

Blasphemy!! You can't "know" someone without being able to touch their ear lobes and/or smell their pheromones!
Communication is so last century's fantasy, dude. But, give me a nice big palmful of someone's armpit and I'll tell you their life story.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
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(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 96

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 11:53:59 AM

bbwcdsub

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/27/2009
Status: offline

Good topic, i have to admit not reading all the posts, looks like many were just back and forth defending one's own position.
What works for one does not for another, there is a lot more to D/s than the physical. A good imagination is the best thing a person can have, combine it with good communication skills and you can overcome any distance.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 97

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 11:58:25 AM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KateyCaine
It makes me sad and somewhat appalled that some people within our own community judge a book by its cover, so to speak.

People involved in d/s tend to be much more judgmental about their own than the vanillas are. I'm as guilty of that as anyone else, I suppose. I would probably turn my nose up at the real time submission practiced by some of the folks who would judge you for your long distance relationship. They would probably judge me because I would expect too much of them. As long as it is meaningful to you, be satisfied with that and don't sweat it.

(in reply to KateyCaine)

Post #: 98

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 11:59:40 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwcdsub

Good topic, i have to admit not reading all the posts, looks like many were just back and forth defending one's own position.
What works for one does not for another, there is a lot more to D/s than the physical. A good imagination is the best thing a person can have, combine it with good communication skills and you can overcome any distance.

Welcome to the boards

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to bbwcdsub)

Post #: 99

RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/11/2009 12:05:04 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

It strikes me that another big issue here is the word "know". Lots of folks don't really mean the word "know" when they say it. They're not talking about actually having a great wealth of information about someone that you'd accumulate through deep conversations and emotional sharing. They mean certain coincidental events that match up perfectly.

Like, someone saying "he knows me so well" because, when she's emotionally traumatized she needs someone to hold her tightly, rock her back and forth and hum softly in her ear...and he just happens to be the sort of person who naturally reacts to their partner being severely emotionall hurt by doing just that. Enough of these small moments and the word "know" starts getting thrown around quite easily. People want to feel that they "are known" by someone or "know" someone.

This is both a reason why one type of relationship isn't necessarily any more "real" than the next (based on the parameters being discussed) and also a reason why physically near relationships have a more preferable bias (because it increases the amount of different ways these moments can happen).

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 7/11/2009 12:07:55 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
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(in reply to bbwcdsub)

Post #: 100

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