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Fear - 7/18/2009 3:25:11 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Submissive-types: Do you fear your dominant, at least to a degree? If so, why?
 
Dominant-sorts: Do you think your submissive has any fear of you? Should they?
 
Mental, physical, fear in any form, should fear play a part in D/s?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots
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RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 3:27:22 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

Mental, physical, fear in any form, should fear play a part in D/s?
Perhaps it is for some, but for me fear means there is a lack of trust.

I would never submit to someone i did not trust.


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
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GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

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RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 3:30:53 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I have no need nor desire for fear in any relationship.  Fear has no place in a relationship based on trust, respect, caring, love.

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RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 3:34:23 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		What about the fear of displeasing the dominant?
 
And does the dominant build that, or use that?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 3:36:47 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		This is Darcy

The only fear we have and should have in our relationship, is the fear of not being with each other.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 3:37:49 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

What about the fear of displeasing the dominant?
 
And does the dominant build that, or use that?
oh sure...go ahead and make it complicated

Fear is not the term i would use. I worry that things i do might not go over well (the 300.00 speeding ticket is a good example) but there is no fear.



< Message edited by sirsholly -- 7/18/2009 3:38:14 PM >

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 3:48:31 PM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline 		I prefer the term "healthy respect" over fear.
Fear is an instinctual emotion, and one I appreciate.  However, if the source of fear was my dom, that would be a big, big problem.  A symptom of something lethal to the relationship.
j

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 3:56:16 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Hmmm... I'd have to think about this, because, in all honesty, I play with the whole fear factor all the time. Because some of my fetishes (needles, scalpels, blood, fire) are things that evoke a sort of visceral fear, I'm aware that fear can be a big part of what I do, and it has its own flavor... metallic, sharp... and it's own scent... which I have to admit that I find quite pleasant.

I also think that, at times, my servants have been afraid of displeasing me. I'm not an easy person to please, and while I rarely let go my temper, I am Sicilian and Irish, and it is possible to, as my mother said, "get my Irish up". I am slow to anger, but in all honesty, I've seen that look in some of my servants' eyes when another servant or (more likely) someone outside the house is just moving in on my very last nerve... that look that says "Oh, sh*t... you REALLY don't want to go there with her!" So yes, I think that there is that anxiousness about being displeasing, or about just plain pissing me off. The thing is, everyone =knows= the boundaries. I'm not quiet about them, and I give plenty of opportunity to back off and mollify me... so when someone just keeps poking, and poking, then I am, eventually, going to end it once and for all on =my= terms, and yes, I think that can be a little scary for some folks.

I admit, too, that I was afraid, to some extent, of the disciplinary figures in my own life. Teachers, trainers, parents -- I think I have been fortunate that all of them have had that capacity to really capture my attention, at least in part because I was afraid of doing something that would set them off, and, at the same time, especially as I became an adult, there were plenty of situations where I would do my own 'poking', at least in part to incite their anger to see whether I could stand up to it, and it elicited a bit of adrenalin in me, as some of my own fears came to the surface... after all, the way I saw it at the time, there was always the chance that I could -lose- this encounter, and end up paying for it in numerous ways -- then again, if I succeeded in standing up to the rage... nothing could stand in my way ever again, and I would have one less thing to fear, and now, I recognize that I intentionally elicit at least a small measure of fear, I think, and I don't necessarily think that is a bad thing, at least for the relationships that I choose to be in.

Dame Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 7/18/2009 3:58:05 PM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to sirsholly)
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RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 3:56:33 PM   
dragonchild


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/16/2008
Status: offline 		What if one's fear was not of their Dominant/ Master but of other people that are in the house?

(in reply to janiebelle)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 4:03:03 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		No. I don't, and I wouldn't be with someone I feared even a little bit, because I don't believe you should fear the one you're with or have reason to fear them..  I'm not about to say if it should or shouldn't for other people but for me hell no.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Submissive-types: Do you fear your dominant, at least to a degree? If so, why?
 
Dominant-sorts: Do you think your submissive has any fear of you? Should they?
 
Mental, physical, fear in any form, should fear play a part in D/s?

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 4:05:09 PM   
naughtysubK


Posts: 62
Joined: 5/2/2004
Status: offline 		yes,  there is fear to a certain extent.  I always know there will be pain,  but there is a certain degree of fear when I don't know exactly what he is going to do or how difficult it will be for me. 

I don't equate fear with distrust.  The fear is in knowing that he will most likely hurt me physically when we are together.  Sometimes a lot,  sometimes not so much.  But I trust him enough to know he does not wat to really harm me

(in reply to dragonchild)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 4:07:45 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		yes, i fear my Master. i fear his displeasure, i fear his temper, but even more than that  i fear his perverted urges and desires that drive him to sometimes take great risks and push me to the brink.

the fear i have towards my Master is only proper and is a good and healthy part of our relationship. i could never respect a Master i did not fear.



(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 4:10:59 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

What about the fear of displeasing the dominant?
 
And does the dominant build that, or use that?


Fear has no place in your example.  Substitute the word "disappointment" for fear in your example and we might have something to discuss. 

As for the second part of your example, I am not into silly games.  He does not use my disappointment.  He does not treat me as a mindless child.  We work together to figure out a way to keep it from happening again. 

I'm sorry to disappoint you but submissives are not experimental animals like Pavlov's dogs.  They are living, breathing, thinking, intelligent people.  A dominant will realize this and treat a submissive accordingly. 

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RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 4:11:39 PM   
ishyB


Posts: 555
Joined: 9/2/2008
Status: offline 		Greetings,

I definatly have some fear for Master.

I fear displeasing him and his wrath when he is displeased.
I fear what know he is capable of with doing to me, or making me do, both in pysical as well as in mental aspects.

I don't have issues with trusting him though, because I know that as long as I please him, he will take care of me in every possible way I might need.
I wish you well,

ishy

_____________________________

I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
and I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I wanted to move on
So I'm already gone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoJFn_RIdkg

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 4:15:27 PM   
NyDaddysGirl


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Submissive-types: Do you fear your dominant, at least to a degree? If so, why?
 
Dominant-sorts: Do you think your submissive has any fear of you? Should they?
 
Mental, physical, fear in any form, should fear play a part in D/s?


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

What about the fear of displeasing the dominant?
 
And does the dominant build that, or use that?


No, I don't fear my Daddy Dom.  I do fear doing something (or not doing something I should) that would cause Him to be disappointed in me, so the fear is really of my own actions (or inactions) negatively impacting Him.

As for fear in any form playing a part in D/s, I could easily conceive of scenes where fear would play a role for the sake of the scene.  I can't conceive of fear playing a part in any other context within a D/s relationship.  I couldn't respect someone I feared.

_____________________________

I have no fear of falling, I just hate hitting the ground ~ Badlees

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 4:20:50 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

What about the fear of displeasing the dominant?
 
And does the dominant build that, or use that?


Fear has no place in your example.  Substitute the word "disappointment" for fear in your example and we might have something to discuss. 

As for the second part of your example, I am not into silly games.  He does not use my disappointment.  He does not treat me as a mindless child.  We work together to figure out a way to keep it from happening again. 

I'm sorry to disappoint you but submissives are not experimental animals like Pavlov's dogs.  They are living, breathing, thinking, intelligent people.  A dominant will realize this and treat a submissive accordingly. 



Few people have the capability to disappoint me, so no worries there.
 
And for some, I think "fear" is the proper word to use, if nothing else, fear of disappointing the dominant.
 
There are no wrong answers here, just saying.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 4:22:40 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		For those who have spoken so adamantly against fear in their dynamics, have you ever had a respected teacher, parent, mentor, coach, or sensei that you feared?

I have, and the same people I feared were people whom I would have trusted my very LIFE with (and did). I don't understand what fear has to do with trust, but perhaps that's only been because I've had numerous situations in my life where both went hand-in-hand, so to me, they could never be completely dichotomous.

Oh... and if you were to ask my offspring, who are now adults, you would, I am sure, hear that they have, at times, been afraid of me, and yet I have it on decent authority (from their friends, teachers, and associates) that I am a pretty doggone good parent in their eyes... so I'm curious how the people who believe that a person could never trust someone that they feared can explain that.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to NyDaddysGirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 4:40:28 PM   
sblady


Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		As others have stated, the only thing I fear is disappointing Him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Mental, physical, fear in any form, should fear play a part in D/s?


This wouldn't play a part in any of my relationships. If this were ever to occur, I would remove myself from that environment. I had enough of that nonsense growing up.

< Message edited by sblady -- 7/18/2009 4:41:14 PM >

_____________________________

Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. Dalai Lama





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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 4:52:43 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
Dominant-sorts: Do you think your submissive has any fear of you? Should they?


This question comes up from time to time in the forums and it always plays out exactly the same way each time.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Fear - 7/18/2009 4:59:17 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah, not much original in the world, it seems.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 20
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