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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/3/2009 10:31:48 AM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

I am flabbergasted by what some people are saying, since when does someone have a RIGHT to go through their Dom's stuff while he was not in the room and the person thinking he would never find out. To me, if there was nothing WRONG with going through his STUFF why not do it when he is right in front of her? This kind of thread shows me how many women will do anything to make the MAN the bad guy in issues caused in the relationship. For many it seems like a desperate need on these boards - to turn things around and somehow make the Man the bad guy or the one hiding something etc.

They have only been in a relationship for TWO months, something tells me they don't LIVE together and she decided to snoop through his stuff while he wasn't around. Yet, i can guarantee the same people whinging making this HIS fault lol cause he got irritated and pissed off she snuck around behind his back and then tried to keep it a secret from him, would say he had no right to go through HER stuff if the situation was reversed and she was his sub and he decided to riffle through her stuff when she wasn't around.

I think what he did was perfectly fine and it sorta fits the crime so to speak. He ignored her. She rifled through his stuff looking to know or find out something, she was curious and was looking for information. Instead for two weeks he withheld everything from her, information, stuff about him, things about him etc. Maybe next time, you will let HIM decide what he wants you to know about him or not attempt to take his privacy away from him and out of HIS control.

To me the OP's actions were a deliberate attempt to invade his privacy in a very untrusting way. Instead of being forthright and honest, she snuck around and tried to hide things. For people saying hey look at what HE did -- how about looking at what SHE did. I think what he did was very imgenius, she snuck around, didn't trust him and attempt to invade his privacy without his permission, so he took away all of her ability to know him and regarding him and of him for two weeks. Maybe next time she will learn to ASK or inquire instead of snoop and be sneaky.

OP, how do you fix this -- 1 is to realize what the fuck you did wrong and admit your own negative and deceitful ways. 2. Understand that you have violated his trust and his belief you will be upfront and honest with him. 3. There is no way to FIX what you did, you can only move on from here and perhaps in the future you won't be deceitful and dishonest, sneaky and attempt to invade his privacy and/or his space without his permission to do so. Instead of thinking he has IGNORED you for two weeks, perhaps take that lesson and start to see how much you value his choice to SHARE what he chooses to with you and as time goes on value what he adds to that as he shares more and more with you. In the future, make sure you respect his choices to share with you, you feel privileged that he has choosen to share with you what he does, and feel happy as his trust becomes more where he offers more of himself and his life and such to you.

You are NOT entitled to it, so see it as am offering from him when he shares himself with you. Respect when he chooses not to share with you, or if there is something you would LIKE to know -- allow the CHOICE to share it with you to be HIS, not yours in a sneaky underhanded way by ASKING or inquiring, instead of snooping when he isn't looking.

Yes i know some people will get their knickers in a twist over how dare i imply a sub or slave isn't entitled to things from him about himself etc. But sometimes, people go at their own pace --- especially Doms or Masters of subs and the sub isn't entitled to demand or decide when he shares things with her and/or slaves -- as to what they allow the slave to know OF them. Even outside of the M/s D/s concept, Men many times go at their own pace as to what they will share and WHEN. ITs not that they have something to hide, its just how they allow people in.

angel

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/3/2009 10:32:56 AM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

How about he punches you dead in the goddamn face?

Ok, try this on for an alternate idea:

You bring him everything you own, and strip yourself naked, and show him every minute and embarrasing and intimate detail of your life, without reservation, and hold back not even the most infintile, or embarrassing, or horrible, or shameful detail of your soul ?

And then give him a very apologetic blowjob?

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/3/2009 10:38:20 AM

fyreredsub

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The last girl that tried something like this with Master was let go.

What he chooses to share with his girls is up to Him.i serve as a slave and a slave is only entitled to what her Master grants her.

Perhaps asking would have been the right thing to do.Master and i have had situations arise where i have offered up to him the information or a way for him to check whenever,whatever. This was not necessary .

Then we had a situation recently when my gut went off bigtime about somethings. so i simply asked him if i may ask a question. He answered. it was not what i wished to hear but if i wished to stay serving him knew i had better put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

A punishment is to correct a behavior that is not pleasing.

if you wish to continue to serve this man then beg for one...and one that will teach you not to do it again.(search your heart, you'll come up with one.Perhaps something that is humiliating to you)

if you feel that you were well within your rights and justified to snoop amongst his things then leave him.

taking a punishment and thinking you dont deserve it, will only lead to more trouble.

good luck

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/3/2009 10:46:08 AM

Aylee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Different people have different views about what is private and what isn't.

To me, if it is in a closed drawer or cupboard, then there should be a reason for getting into it.

quote:

My inlaws barely talked to each other about intimate things, forget about telling my ex what was his father's illness and diagnosis. In my family, you walk out from the doctor's office and are getting calls from the whole family. Different views on privacy.

With my family it really depends on the reason for see the doctor. And even then it is at the discretion of the individual on just how much is told.

quote:

I wouldn't open drawers looking for a diary but if someone left it open on the desk, of course I would read that page. I would assume they wanted me to know in order to open the discussion or just didn't care if I knew.

My eyes tend to start reading any written word it comes across, no matter what it is. I am not going to make the effort to open someone's journal or diary, but if it was in fact left open, yep I would probably read what was on the page as well.

quote:

As far as her being punished for doing wrong, that addresses the overt action but not the underlying reasons. So she may not again root through his stuff but she still won't trust him. Hardly the basis of a good relationship.

This is where I am confused. Was she looking for something specific (a pair of scissors?), was she bored, or did she think that he had hidden love letters?

quote:

And that's why the emphasis on his part as well. Because putting a band aid over a staph infection only masks the problem, it doesn't fix it.

I think that they need to sit down and discuss what each of them considers acceptable when it comes to anothers things. Does his trust feel violated or is he merely annoyed that his stuff is not in the order he left it? Does she plan to do the same thing again? Is she just so insanely curious about him and he has not been giving her enough information so she went looking? Or did she just need a pen and paper to jot down a note about something?

What all was really going on with each of them and between them?

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/3/2009 10:55:04 AM

stella41b

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Different people have different views about what is private and what isn't.

Exactly. Too bad that not everybody is intelligent enough to work that one out.

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/3/2009 12:15:58 PM

Sunnyfey

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Personally, I'd hand him a sheet of paper with all my screen names and passwords on it, then any keys to diary ect. Then write out an essay and a list of 50 reason why what you did was wrong, then ask for a physical punishment of some sort, one that you and he BOTH know you don't like. And don't skimp on it either. After that I'd hand him my collar and ask that he return it to me when he felt, I had earned it back again.

Emotionally, even thinking of doing something like this to someone I cared about would fuck with me for a long time. What you did was WRONG. Period.

Now go clean your mess up.

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/3/2009 12:17:19 PM

SexyCarrot

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sensualvisions

I am curious, what do YOU feel is appropriate punishment...

Run a carrot peeler up and down your ass... oooooooooooh baby, that's what dreams are made of!!!

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/3/2009 1:17:04 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Different people have different views about what is private and what isn't.

Exactly. Too bad that not everybody is intelligent enough to work that one out.

quote:

Exactly. Too bad that not everybody is intelligent enough to work that one out.

thats a fucking cop out...too bad SOME people are not intelligent enough to work that one out

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/3/2009 2:27:31 PM

beargonewild

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sensualvisions

"You must be punished for the lack of trust you created, you accept this?
I am curious, what do YOU feel is appropriate punishment for you after shattering my trust?"

My Daddy Dom Master asked me this today and I am truly conflicted. I do not know what to tell him. We just began this relationship two months ago so all is very new. I was doing rather well until I did a very stupid thing-
I looked through some of his personal things while he was in the shower and of course he found out.
I did not realize how he would feel or think he'd even know. Well I humiliated him and shattered his trust over this, and more then anything want to correct my error and mend U/us. It has been nearly two weeks since we have seen or talked to each other until today. I am seeking advice please. How/What should I do to regain his trust and rebuild our relationship?

Thank You in advance.
~sv

Okay, you looked at some of his stuff while he showered and once he found out he reacted on a sense of feeling his privacy was invaded...correct? Seems to me that there is a lack of communication regarding what he will allow you to look at and what he doesn't concerning his stuff; whtehr it's personal letters, papers or even old bills. So people have a deep sense of privacy and others don't and I see this as an area which hadn't been discussed as you wrote you've only been seeing him for two months. Maybe he over rected or maybe he didn't....it is stil an issue which the rules and parameters need to be set out so you don't do something like that in the future.

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/3/2009 2:29:15 PM

stella41b

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

Exactly. Too bad that not everybody is intelligent enough to work that one out.

thats a fucking cop out...too bad SOME people are not intelligent enough to work that one out

DesFTP made a statement of fact with which I was agreeing. I merely added a general statement with reference to the subject covered in the OP.

I'm sorry you think this lack of intelligence applies to you or that you feel it merits some sort of argument, but I'm quite clear that I came to this thread to express an opinion and not get involved in an argument.

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/3/2009 5:51:12 PM

kiwisub12

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When i moved in with my Sir, he told me that he had no secrets from me - and i could look at anything i wanted to.
Have i? No - and i wouldn't want to.

To me, just because two people have a relationship doesn't mean that personal boundaries go out the window. There will always be things that are hidden, that are none of the others business, or are just not relevent to the relationship as it exists. Will that change? Sure, as the relationship matures, the boundaries will change and chances are, more will be exposed to the other.

Would i trust the OP again? No - she has shown herself to be sneaky and untrustworthy, and i wouldn't give her another chance. She sounds like a politician caught with her hand in the till - desperately trying to rationalize her actions, and apologise for getting caught.

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 2:07:17 AM

ranja

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Like some others i am aswell very intrigued as to why you started snooping...
-Did he stay especially long in the shower and you got bored?
-Did he set you up to see if you would... were there things laying around or did you go into cupboards and drawers?
Were you just curious about your great new love or did something feel not quite right?

What were you supposed to do instead?... Why were you visiting him and he was in the shower? were you supposed to do something at all?... why were you not with him in the shower, washing his back or something...

I think he set you up... and now he has a bad sense of humor and makes you sweat
Most women are naturally curious and a when a man has secrets he should make sure they are safe and it is ok to take a shower and have a naturally curious woman about the place... and then when he caught you he should have given you a good spanking like DarkSteven said.

And i think slaves who do not look into their Masters private things either do not keep the house properly, are lazy, have no natural curiosity or prefer not to have their image of Him shattered.

I totally understand why a Mafia Dom would not have his wife see his latest hitman bills...and i suppose he would not keep them anywhere where she could find them.

edited for adding ideas for punishment:
As he perhaps has no interest in spanking you otherwise he would have done that allready.... maybe tell him he might ground you or deny your pocket money for a month?

I think if neither of you can see the humor in this episode the relationship is doomed...

< Message edited by ranja -- 9/4/2009 2:21:27 AM >

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 2:17:08 AM

MistressDevito

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From a woman's point of view.

I see red flags.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sensualvisions

"You must be punished for the lack of trust you created, you accept this?

Sure, we all agree on this one.

I am curious, what do YOU feel is appropriate punishment for you after shattering my trust?"

He cannot figure out the punishment, and you are a new sub? I think he may be a new Dom.

My Daddy Dom Master asked me this today and I am truly conflicted. I do not know what to tell him. We just began this relationship two months ago so all is very new. I was doing rather well until I did a very stupid thing-
I looked through some of his personal things while he was in the shower and of course he found out.

My slave and I copy each other on every email just so we won't feel violated. Trust is a two way streak. Why did he get so upset that you looked at it?

I did not realize how he would feel or think he'd even know. Well I humiliated him and shattered his trust over this, and more then anything want to correct my error and mend U/us. It has been nearly two weeks since we have seen or talked to each other until today. I am seeking advice please. How/What should I do to regain his trust and rebuild our relationship?

After reading all of the other comments, and how mature dom's would have handled this situation, do you wish to regain his trust again?

Although you are a submissive, you still have the right to protect yourself. If you feel he is hiding something from you, you have the right to check it out, or ask him. That is simple relationship courtsey.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

Thank You in advance.
~sv

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 2:26:04 AM

Sunnyfey

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja
*snip*

I think it smells fishy...i think the man set you up and has a bad sense of humor

And i think all these slaves who do not look into their Masters private things either do not keep the house properly, are lazy, have no natural curiosity or prefer not to have their image of Him shattered.

I totally understand why a Mafia Dom would not have his wife see his latest hitman bills...and i suppose he would not keep them anywhere where she could find them.

Wow, so because he got mad at her SNOOPING in his private things, He was setting her up and he has a bad sense of humor? And subs who DONT snoop in Masters things are lazy, and bad housekeepers? Or a living in fantasy worlds and don't want to shatter a perfect image of Master?

I am NOT a lazy person, I keep house very well actually, and am living in the real world. Snooping is snooping. Don't try and put a pretty face on it by saying "oh its just a woman's natural curiosity". Bullshit, just acres of bullshit right there.

Master and I have a transparent relationship, we don't ever keep secrets from each other.I actually find it pretty sick and disturbing a lot of people on here are posting about how HE was wrong. The only person who did anything wrong in this is HER. She deliberately did something to break his trust. She is at fault.

Plain and simple SHE did something wrong, she broke his trust, she was wrong.

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 2:29:34 AM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Too bad that not everybody is intelligent enough to work that one out.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

.too bad SOME people are not intelligent enough to work that one out.

Wait...I'm confused. These are both relatively synonymous variations of the same point.

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 2:31:06 AM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

Plain and simple SHE did something wrong, she broke his trust, she was wrong.

*pet*

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 2:37:44 AM

ranja

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

Wow, so because he got mad at her SNOOPING in his private things, He was setting her up and he has a bad sense of humor? And subs who DONT snoop in Masters things are lazy, and bad housekeepers? Or a living in fantasy worlds and don't want to shatter a perfect image of Master?

I am NOT a lazy person, I keep house very well actually, and am living in the real world. Snooping is snooping. Don't try and put a pretty face on it by saying "oh its just a woman's natural curiosity". Bullshit, just acres of bullshit right there.

Master and I have a transparent relationship, we don't ever keep secrets from each other.I actually find it pretty sick and disturbing a lot of people on here are posting about how HE was wrong. The only person who did anything wrong in this is HER. She deliberately did something to break his trust. She is at fault.

Plain and simple SHE did something wrong, she broke his trust, she was wrong.

Or have no natural curiousity !

are you feeling particularly attacked or something? As you and your man are transparant you need not have any curiousity at all and he would never think you were snooping... you would just be dusting his desk...

SNOOPING is not a mortal crime... unless the bloke has dirty secrets he was afraid she might see and in that case good for her for trying to find out... other than that he should have seen her for what she is; a curious woman... spank her and have a laugh about it... there is drama enough in the world about way more serious things than snooping.

I still think he set her up... why was she in his house with nothing to do and him in the shower?

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 2:47:20 AM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

Or have no natural curiousity !

are you feeling particularly attacked or something? As you and your man are transparant you need not have any curiousity at all and he would never think you were snooping... you would just be dusting his desk...

Have you discussed with your Dom that you consider curiosity as such a natural and innocent human trait that you treat it as an alibi to rummage through any of his effects at your whim?

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

SNOOPING is not a mortal crime...

Fortunately, other people do not need to defer to you to determine what is and isn't offensive in their dynamics. The OP has clearly stated her D-type found it a shattering of trust. She also expressed direct interest in staying with him since the very point of the thread was to figure out how she should go about making it up to him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

unless the bloke has dirty secrets he was afraid she might see and in that case good for her for trying to find out...

Only someone so jaded by the paranoia of previous deception would convince themselves that the end justifies the means when it comes to commiting an act that is indicative of mistrust in order to discover another act of mistrust.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

other than that he should have seen her for what she is; a curious woman... spank her and have a laugh about it... there is drama enough in the world about way more serious things than snooping.

Having trouble remembering that she didn't come into this thread asking for your omniscient appraisal of what is and what isn't "serious" but rather how she could deal with the mistake she made?

Assuming she still genuinely cares about her relationship, what is more "serious" is that your dismissive, ambivalent advice is directing her to a result that would permanently end it for her. Way to go!

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

I still think he set her up... why was she in his house with nothing to do and him in the shower?

And crop circles are alien communications. Do you keep this degree of paranoia in your personal relationships too or do you reserve it just for other people?

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 9/4/2009 2:49:33 AM >

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 2:57:48 AM

Sunnyfey

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Snooping, first lets go into the text book definition of snooping.

–verb (used without object) 1. to prowl or pry; go about in a sneaking, prying way. –noun 2. an act or instance of snooping. 3. a person who snoops. 4. a private detective.

So by definition.....

Its untrustworthy.

What are D/s and M/s dynamics and relationships in general based on most of the time? Love and Trust. For the simple fact shes snooping, shes not only insulting him and their relationship dynamic, shes also insulting herself by acting like a child. The fact she has submitted to a man she obviously dose not trust enough to not snoop through his things, just goes to show you how much she values herself, much less the relationship.

And I'm not even going to go into why saying that women who don't snoop are in some way bad or not good slaves is wrong. And the curiosity thing? Non-sequitur. Curiosity = something innocent, Snooping = deceitful and wrong.

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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 3:23:28 AM

ranja

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ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Have you discussed with your Dom that you consider curiosity as such a natural and innocent human trait that you treat it as an alibi to rummage through any of his effects at your whim?

He knows me inside and out, i am his wife... i have no reason to snoop, i dust...

Fortunately, other people do not need to defer to you to determine what is and isn't offensive in their dynamics. The OP has clearly stated her D-type found it a shattering of trust. She also expressed direct interest in staying with him since the very point of the thread was to figure out how she should go about making it up to him.

She asked for opinions... so mine is valid
He has left her alone for two weeks now with no contact... and she is to determine her own punishment... over snooping while he was washing his willie, some Dom

Only someone so jaded by the paranoia of previous deception would convince themselves that the end justifies the means when it comes to commiting an act that is indicative of mistrust in order to discover another act of mistrust.

I am of the opinion that if you dig deep enough into peoples private affairs with indeed a slightly paranoia type of mind that you will always find something inciminating... so for myself i prefer to just dust lighly and not go digging deep with suspicions unless there would be a reasonable incentive for a deep clean...
I have been subjected to a paranoia jealous type of inspection that lasted about 3 years and it is indeed awful, i would not wish it on any body.... there is a difference between natural curiousity and paranoia... maybe the op suffers paranoia and the Dom was right to freak out, i don't know, but i assume it was all quite innocent and the Dom has let it be blown out of proportion, maybe indeed because of a negative previous experience... in that case he is jaded, not me

Having trouble remembering that she didn't come into this thread asking for your omniscient appraisal of what is and what isn't "serious" but rather how she could deal with the mistake she made?

Why even ask this question? i am entitled to my opinion and i did give her punishments ideas

Assuming she still genuinely cares about her relationship, what is more "serious" is that your dismissive, ambivalent advice is directing her to a result that would permanently end it for her. Way to go!

I did not advise her to end her relationship, and even if i did, i am sure she will make her own decision... i do think without humor there is not much point though... but that is indeed because i like to laugh myself...other people might prefer drama

And crop circles are alien communications. Do you keep this degree of paranoia in your personal relationships too or do you reserve it just for other people?

But you can not answer the question either NihilusZero... why was she? I think it is a question worth asking... would you allow a woman you have only known for two months and who might be naturally curious roaming around in your abode while you are having a lenghty shower? Would you not give her some task or want her to wash your back?

I hope you appreciate my effort to answer you because i still can not get this quoting thing right and had to fiddle with colours which was indeed some effort

(in reply to NihilusZero)

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Post #: 40