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RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 8:39:40 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Actually if you look at my posts i don't passify women who post here whining how mean their dom was to them and looking for people to castrate the guy despite her own behavior. So you really might want to reread my posts. it seems MOST people especially a lot of the women turn things around in a situation wherein a WOMAN CLEARLY STATES she fucked up and somehow make anything and everything wrong was the guys fault lol its utterly amazing at how many women love allowing the woman to be the victim even when she does the wrong thing.

As i said, it seems many simply enjoy trying to castrate men on this board no matter what, if a Man is part of the issue a woman is having he will somehow be at fault. Its utterly amazing to me.

angel



It doesn't amaze me...anymore. But I've been watching with close interest this tendency in contemporary feminine culture grow and (I hate to use this word for something so ugly) "blossom" over the last couple of decades (well, maybe a bit longer than that ;) ). It's fed a lot by popular culture. Those television shows, for instance, where the man is so frequently painted either as a evil moral-less wretch or a bumbling idiot with the sense of a very stupid dog, useful only for female amusement, are particularly odious.

You make a good point and I have observed it too, here and in many other places: if it was done by a woman it's Ok, even cool, because she is a frail well-meaning angel with with emotional issues or other weaknesses that totally excuse the bad behavior or even elevate it to something high and noble. If the same thing is done by a man, however, he's terribly evil, there's no excuse, he should have known better than... etc. This angelicizing of women and their motives was originally a very conscious and deliberate part of the feminist movement's agenda. It started with the whole "female as vicitm" concept. Once that was fairly well accepted, the groundwork was laid for further deification: the woman as suffering saint who puts up with the evil beastly man myth. To me, the real politik of all of this is the very basic "I have the pussy so I have the power" attitude that is so prevelent among women these days. "You want to fuck me? Then admit I shit gold while you shit ordinary poop...and while you're at it, kiss my golden ass."

What our mainstream culture does with gender roles (while they might weaken a female dominant's credibility in some ways) is a serious issue for submissive women. If we bring these "woman as delicate innocent flower" attitudes and expectations into bdsm relationships, where something very different is expected by ourselves and by our partners, it can cause confusion and disrupt the establishment of the power exchange that both parties claim to want. The way it often plays itself out in maledom/femsub relationships is in the sphere of responsibility: he's in charge, so he's totally responsible for thinking of everything, making sure he is perfectly clear in all communications andorders, does not assume anything about her, accounts for all possible problems and contingencies. And then, only then, if she doesn't obey, is she in the wrong. Otherwise it's all his fault. That attitude doesn't give enough credit to the idea that submissive women can be responsible, they can act like adults at times (even if they want to be children), they can do hard things when necessary.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 9:12:49 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Wow, just wow. To me, deceit, dishonesty, sneaking and shattering of a person's trust isn't a situation for humor or playing. I actually admire you on some morbid level in this lol cause to me all three of those are very serious concepts and ones i don't take lightly when they occur with someone i thought i could trust and have trust in. I wish i could be so carefree with such things.

angel


You see it as deceit, dishonesty, sneaking and shattering of a person's trust... like we suppose the op's Dom... because maybe just maybe he is indeed just playing some lousy perverted trust game with her...
i see it as curiousity and yes she was a bit out of line... He caught her and so had very much the upper hand... he should have let it come down on her deserving butt... which for me would have rescued the whole situation... a deserved arse smacking if ever there was one
 
Original: SweetNika
ranja,

Let me give you an example.

I have a male friend who comes over and we tend to hang out in my room alot (only room that is offlimits to UMs). I often leave him alone while I finish getting ready to go out or to deal with my UM. He has known me for almost 8 mths and we have a very open friendship. However, until the other day he never knew the wood trunk at the end of my bed wa s filled with lingirie and toys. Why? Because he respect my space enough not to look or rummage through my drawers. I garantee if he had I would have tossed him out on his ass and not spoken to him for awhile too. That time would not be sulking it would have given me time to reflect on his actions and lack of respect for MY personal space and how "I" wanted to proceed. It would have been a time for him to reevaluate his actions and reasons for them.

To me it is better to eer on the side of caution where respect and privacy are the subject. If your that curious ask, not take it upon yourself to invade someone elses space.

The trust issue is yours not mine... if i would invite friends into private rooms they may open the boxes aswell, i would have no issue
 
As i said i have been subjected... (let myself be subjected) to intense scruteny, jealousy interrogation, snooping you name it... it lead nowhere, i could not make him laugh and he constantly distrusted me... i have no secret boxes... he did though.... trust is only something we have in ourselves
 
My Husband recently fitted the house with cctv and now He has established an internet connection so if He wishes and sometimes He does, He can follow my coming and goings from His work place... He never asked for my permission to spy on me... He will not text me to say that He is going to... i can make a big song and dance about the lack of trust He has in me that He should feel the need to spy on me.... the truth is i have nothing to hide and think actually it is quite sexy He can see me... and it is amazing how this would have totally not worked like this with the jealous guy... it would have only made his jealousy and paranoia worse while my Husband is my Master and just makes me laugh...

< Message edited by ranja -- 9/4/2009 9:19:37 AM >

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 9:40:31 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		ranja, IF someone was my HUSBAND -- yeah i doubt this would remotely BE an issue. There is a HUGE difference between HUSBAND and a newly established relationship of 2 months, where they don't LIVE together either.

Until such time a person is READY and WILLING to share with another, privacy should be respected even if you are sitting in a room and they aren't. If she had done it right in FRONT of him, i would say the same thing you are because she wasn't then SNEAKING AROUND or being DECEITFUL in thinking HE WON'T FIND OUT.

As a slave, i had NO expectation of privacy from my Master. However, he had any privacy from me he wished and it was NOT my entitlement to decide i was entitled to whatever he wished to keep from me. Your husband also TOLD you about the CCTV which means you are aware that at any time he can and may observe you... same with you living with your husband, he understands that at any time you may choose to look through his things as someone living in the same house there is sorta an understanding that expectation of privacy may be reduced due to proximity and necessity, This woman was not married to the Man, was not living with him, and she did not indicate to him at all that when she was in his home his expectation of privacy was no longer. YOU have that warning with the knowledge of the CCTV, your HUSBAND has the warning because you SHARE his home.

ALso, to me, there is a difference between a SUB or more importantly a slave not having an expectation of privacy than the DOM or Master not due to a slave feeling she is entitled. SOmehow, i think your husband may and would take issue IF you decided to set up a CCTV at his work and didn't TELL Him and spied on him without his knowledge it could and may happen.

That is what i think you are missing -- you keep talking as a slave who has KNOWLEDGE that her privacy may be invaded. This guy seems from what the OP says had NO expectation his privacy was going to be invaded by a woman who doesn't live with him, doesn't know very well etc.

I am completely lost as to how you are NOW saying this guy set her up. amazing. Out of the OPs mouth, she chose to sneak around while he was in the shower and look through his stuff, she chose not to come clean and tell him, in fact she didn't think he would KNOW, and somehow you have made it into it that its HIM playing trust games because he decided to take a shower while she was there.

All i know is, if i am a guest in a home, being left on my own for whatever reason especially if i AGREE to be left alone (which i presume the OP was okay with since she stayed and waited instead of coming back later) it doesn't give me license to invade, sneak around, and riffle through people's things.

ranja, as i stated before, i envy you your ability to see deceit, distrust and dishonesty as something to be so carefree about. I wish i could be.

angel

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 10:02:28 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		i just wonder what the hell was going through her head. and what she was hoping to find in the time span it would take for him to shower. i wonder if this was premeditated or merely something she did when opportunity struck. i wonder if she ever considered the consequences of getting caught. i wonder why the fear of such didn't make her stop or reconsider what she was thinking. i wonder why she didn't elect to do something else instead that would have been met with pleasure. i wonder if in hindsight what she saw was worth everything that has followed. i wonder if she's learned anything at all.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 10:05:01 AM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		Honor isn't about living with our choices but living with the consequences of our choices. - This quote just came to mind as I thought and reread this thread.

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 10:46:04 AM   
sweetgirlserves


Posts: 373
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline 		My opinion is... I agree that the girl did the wrong thing in snooping.   I agree it is up to the dom to determine whether or not this is acceptable behavior.   I disagree with the dom being a drama-queen (for lack of a better term) and making it a 'two week without speaking to you, etc etc event).   Personally, i quickly lose respect for men who like to make a lot of unnecessary drama in their life.   I personally prefer men who are able to rule their life (and mine) by eliminating as much unneeded drama as possible.    

~sgs

< Message edited by sweetgirlserves -- 9/4/2009 10:47:17 AM >

_____________________________

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~Maya Angelou

(in reply to SweetNika)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 11:04:29 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

It doesn't amaze me...anymore. But I've been watching with close interest this tendency in contemporary feminine culture grow and (I hate to use this word for something so ugly) "blossom" over the last couple of decades (well, maybe a bit longer than that ;) ). It's fed a lot by popular culture. Those television shows, for instance, where the man is so frequently painted either as a evil moral-less wretch or a bumbling idiot with the sense of a very stupid dog, useful only for female amusement, are particularly odious.

You make a good point and I have observed it too, here and in many other places: if it was done by a woman it's Ok, even cool, because she is a frail well-meaning angel with with emotional issues or other weaknesses that totally excuse the bad behavior or even elevate it to something high and noble. If the same thing is done by a man, however, he's terribly evil, there's no excuse, he should have known better than... etc. This angelicizing of women and their motives was originally a very conscious and deliberate part of the feminist movement's agenda. It started with the whole "female as vicitm" concept. Once that was fairly well accepted, the groundwork was laid for further deification: the woman as suffering saint who puts up with the evil beastly man myth. To me, the real politik of all of this is the very basic "I have the pussy so I have the power" attitude that is so prevelent among women these days. "You want to fuck me? Then admit I shit gold while you shit ordinary poop...and while you're at it, kiss my golden ass."

What our mainstream culture does with gender roles (while they might weaken a female dominant's credibility in some ways) is a serious issue for submissive women. If we bring these "woman as delicate innocent flower" attitudes and expectations into bdsm relationships, where something very different is expected by ourselves and by our partners, it can cause confusion and disrupt the establishment of the power exchange that both parties claim to want. The way it often plays itself out in maledom/femsub relationships is in the sphere of responsibility: he's in charge, so he's totally responsible for thinking of everything, making sure he is perfectly clear in all communications andorders, does not assume anything about her, accounts for all possible problems and contingencies. And then, only then, if she doesn't obey, is she in the wrong. Otherwise it's all his fault. That attitude doesn't give enough credit to the idea that submissive women can be responsible, they can act like adults at times (even if they want to be children), they can do hard things when necessary.

50 points.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 11:08:58 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		chuckles ya had to use an angel as an analogy. Geesh.

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 11:38:19 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

That is what i think you are missing -- you keep talking as a slave who has KNOWLEDGE that her privacy may be invaded. This guy seems from what the OP says had NO expectation his privacy was going to be invaded by a woman who doesn't live with him, doesn't know very well etc.

I am completely lost as to how you are NOW saying this guy set her up. amazing. Out of the OPs mouth, she chose to sneak around while he was in the shower and look through his stuff, she chose not to come clean and tell him, in fact she didn't think he would KNOW, and somehow you have made it into it that its HIM playing trust games because he decided to take a shower while she was there.

ranja, as i stated before, i envy you your ability to see deceit, distrust and dishonesty as something to be so carefree about. I wish i could be.

angel


i am not missing anything
i am no slave i am a submissive wife
and absolutely everybody should have the knowledge that their privacy might be invaded even if there is no spouse or cctv... as the op proved there are enough snooping individuals about that might invade your privacy and then there is the government...beware....

A long time ago i worked as a live in maid for a very wealthy couple and i was reprimanded because i had not cleaned inside the drawers...
i was too lowly a servant to bother about privacy with for them... while i thought i was being very proper they just did not think i did my job properly... some people really do not think about privacy the same as other people do...

I am not NOW saying he set her up... i said it was a possibility  from the start... see, it would be just something my snooping jealous ex would have been capable of... put some bait out and see if i would take it... and then i would of course never hear the end of it and he would have all the reason in the world not to trust me and have me jump through hoops to prove that i really could be trusted.... to no avail...
How did the guy know eh? was he spying on her too? and if so why?
and we still do not even know how serious her 'snooping' was... did she open drawers or was there a letter on his desk?

angel, i do not believe that you wish to have the ability to be carefree about deceit distrust and dishonesty and if you really do, well just work on it girl
and i do not have that ability either, i simply do not see her 'crime' as serious as you do...
there is info missing for me to be as down on her as you are


(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 10:51:05 PM   
sensualvisions


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		I thank each of You for writing and giving me much to consider.
I have my guard up, due to being hurt deeply in the past. Trust is a very difficult thing. I had looked through personal items of his to confirm the truth of what he had told me so far. This in my mind was what I needed to do. I do not justify my actions. Anyways
My Daddy and I spoke and met on Wednesday. He came to see me, used me and then left.
I have not spoken to him since. This whole situation is complex and confusing. He spoke to me about what I did and still holds the broken trust and the future punishment over my head. He told me the punishment now depends on how well I did on Wednesday. I do not know what I should do now-have considered just walking away from Him- I do love him still and when he was leaving he told me "I love You and I hate You, Time will determine Your fate". What's a sub to do?
I feel much doubt and uncertainty perhaps I am merely a toy for Him.
Not sure I want to wait and see.  Thanks to You All.
I am still seeking.

Blessed Be.

sv

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 10:56:24 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		i sincerely wish you the best in all of this and hope the outcome is one you can learn and grow from. being punished is never pleasant and it is something that always impacts me negatively. i can only hope time and communication will allow things to sort themselves out between the two of you. when that doesn't happen it leaves one person with questions that remain unanswered. which only makes a little more work for the one that follows.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to sensualvisions)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/4/2009 10:56:49 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sensualvisions

I do love him still and when he was leaving he told me "I love You and I hate You, Time will determine Your fate". What's a sub to do?
I feel much doubt and uncertainty perhaps I am merely a toy for Him.
Not sure I want to wait and see.  Thanks to You All.
I am still seeking.

Blessed Be.

sv



Go back to basics. Sit down over coffee and start talking. Why you didn't trust what he was saying, what you need in order to trust him, what he needs in order to trust you.

What I wouldn't do is allow someone who says he hates me to use me and hurt me. Because it will be too easy for him to lose control in order to have revenge.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sensualvisions)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/5/2009 12:28:05 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sensualvisions

"You must be punished for the lack of trust you created, you accept this?
I am curious, what do YOU feel is appropriate punishment for you after shattering my trust?"

My Daddy Dom Master asked me this today and I am truly conflicted. I do not know what to tell him. We just began this relationship two months ago so all is very new. I was doing rather well until I did a very stupid thing-
I looked through some of his personal things while he was in the shower and of course he found out.
I did not realize how he would feel or think he'd even know. Well I humiliated him and shattered his trust over this, and more then anything want to correct my error and mend U/us. It has been nearly  two weeks since we have seen or talked to each other until today.  I am seeking advice please. How/What should I do to regain his trust and rebuild our relationship?

Thank You in advance.
~sv


I got into this thread kind of late, but if He is a Daddy Dom, why not give you a good talking to and a VERY red ass for it?  I haven't actually misbehaved at all other than too much teasing, but when I do that, He's given me a talking to & a red ass for it.  If you don't think that is enough, then how about making Him welcome to snoop through all YOUR things at sometime convenient to Him without your knowing it or being "prepared for it," and then just tell you at some later date that He did?  

quote:

ORIGINAL: Carmeldelight

hell you are suppose to snoop into his things...that is the first thing mothers teach their daughter is to check his shit out. if he is that much upset about the matter...well that is a cause for you to rethink this matter and ask your self what does this man have to hide!!!!!?????


Wow, your mom and mine are totally different.  My mother taught me that being sneaky and underhanded is dishonest and wrong.  How would you like it if someone did that to YOU?

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

As A wise man once stated: "Let the punishment fit the crime!"


That's why I'm thinking maybe that her Dom should do that to her.  When she finds out just how scheiss-y that feels, maybe she'll understand then.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to sensualvisions)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/5/2009 1:57:07 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		Oh sensualvisions it sounds so sad for you and i am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time so soon in your relationship... even if it is sort of self induced

I am a bit confused about his comment on 'depending how well you did on Wednesday' what did you have to do? was there a test?... did you have a good time together... or is this naf episode continuing?

I am still sceptical about his attitude, sure you were in the wrong...but he is not being good either...

Did you say sorry to him? did you cry about it? did you get on your knees and ask for forgiveness... these are all things that might work for him and you if you want to rescue the situation... don't throw love away... but don't stay with a wanker either

I wrote this earlier maybe it might cheer you up

Things a guest might do while waiting for the host:
 
Sit on the settee for a while
Best read a book… no book available… magazine rack next to settee
Not much interest in skin care for men or financial times really
Text a boyfriend to tell him you are having a boring time at your parent’s house and you miss him…it is not cheating as you have not discussed exclusivity yet…
Make yourself a cup of tea, opening the hot water tap on full blast to fill the kettle
Shout sorry in response to the screams from the bathroom
What now... ah, watch some telly… remote on table… press some buttons… oh oh settings screwed up… best turn that off again….
Stretch legs and wander about the place looking at pictures and or artefacts, accidentally drop a statue of a footballer…head came off… stick it back on with a bit of chewing gum and put it back
Spot papers on desk… best not look at them in case they are private
Look out of the window and pick nose
Wipe bogey on curtains
Decide to snort some coke with clean nose, just for leisure mind, no addiction…
All livened up get the brilliant idea that the settee would suit better in the other corner… energetically start rearranging the furniture including hifi equipment
Phone old friend on holiday in Australia long distance and on his phone to tell her about your very interesting evening so far
As you look at his newly arranged living room you notice dirt shows up quite badly… get cleaning… also paves the way for any future snooping…
Borrow his car (briefly wonder if you should ask him, but decide not to disturb him while he is relaxing in the shower) and nip out to get some flowers to spruce the place up even more (have a spare of his house key cut while you’re out)
Then misplace his car keys between the cushions of the settee just for a laugh
 
Well… at least she has not looked at any of my private stuff he thinks as he is spying on her through a hole in the wall
 

(in reply to sensualvisions)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/5/2009 4:51:35 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		I agree with DESfip, go back to basics. I fully agree he has a right to be utterly pissed off but he needs to make a decision either work through it and decide to keep you but maybe return to the beginning, or let you go.

It could be he needs to understand why you did what you did, but more so i really think you need to understand what you did with regard to him and what he thinks. You violated a very strong concept of trust and you did so with dishonesty and malice intent of attempting to prove he was lying. If you are seeking the truth behind someone's back in all actuality you are looking for proof they lied.

As i said, this may not be able to be something he can get over, but he needs to decide that before continuing a semblance of your relationship. While i know some men will milk punishment for everything they can, its not something i personally believe in. BUt i do understand he will have you walking a very tight line for a while.

In the end, you can't have a relationship without trust. BOTH of you need to determine if you are capable of giving each other trust and allow it to grow.

Also, since trust is a concept about all of this, should you really be telling people how all of this is playing out on a public discussion board? To me, if someone has broken my trust and i then realize they have posted about it and allowing people to determine what i have done was right or wrong etc without knowing my side of it, i would probably end the relationship completely as no longer worth my time.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 9/5/2009 4:55:39 AM >

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/5/2009 5:11:07 AM   
sensualvisions


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		Oh ranga my dear thank you for that delightful post. I laughed so hard over that.
Goodness knows I needed that.
How amusing and Clever!
Also barelynangel thank You for making a much valid point-
why write on here and ask others- to quote you
"Also, since trust is a concept about all of this, should you really be telling people how all of this is playing out on a public discussion board? To me, if someone has broken my trust and i then realize they have posted about it and allowing people to determine what i have done was right or wrong etc without knowing my side of it, i would probably end the relationship completely as no longer worth my time."

My original post was asking advice on Punishment ideas, I really was not seeking anyone to determine my guilt, I already knew/know I am in the wrong- . Daddy even joked that I should know how to snoop better and cover my tracks and he knows I am sorry. Now after all this discussion I am lead to the point where I am now at trying to figure out if this relationship can be salvaged and repaired.  Is He really the ideal Daddy Dom for me.
Thank You all for your words and thoughts.  I have really had my eyes opened and have lots to consider.


Blessed Be
~sv

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/5/2009 6:02:46 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		SV in all honesty, it seems that you fully believe you are the injured party. Your posts concentrate on HIS actions since finding out and both posts are very negative in that in the first he ignored you, in the second he coldly came over and used you and left and when he did he said he loved you and hated you. Then you mention oh he has joked about it in a very casual way.

And then you ask the question, is he the ideal daddy dom for me.

In this situation, if i truly was remorseful and understood how i screwed up and violated a trust, my question would be, can i be the slave he is seeking and wants if i cant get past my trust issues.

Yes, i know in relationships you have to do what is best for you --- however, based on your posts, i just can't get past the feeling you feel as if yo are the injured party here and don't believe he is being fair or he overreacted.

Based upon experience, until you actually understand why he got so upset and seriously feel remorse, not about going through his stuff and your actions but the violation and dishonesty etc, it will be near impossible to salvage this because it will always come back to haunt you and him and the relationship.

I do wish you luck in this, broken trust is one of the hardest things to fix. It will take a lot of work on both of your parts.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 9/5/2009 6:03:54 AM >

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to sensualvisions)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/5/2009 7:57:38 AM   
happylittlepet


Posts: 289
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sensualvisions

He spoke to me about what I did and still holds the broken trust and the future punishment over my head. He told me the punishment now depends on how well I did on Wednesday. I do not know what I should do now-have considered just walking away from Him- I do love him still and when he was leaving he told me "I love You and I hate You, Time will determine Your fate". What's a sub to do?
I feel much doubt and uncertainty perhaps I am merely a toy for Him.
Not sure I want to wait and see.  Thanks to You All.
I am still seeking.



To me it seems there is no trust left on the side of the Dom. If he can't let this go, how long will he drag this out? If there is no forgiveness you will always have to prove yourself to him. He now makes his love conditional, even adds that he hates you, I know that I couldn't live like that, I would indeed feel like a toy, but not in a good way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Go back to basics. Sit down over coffee and start talking. Why you didn't trust what he was saying, what you need in order to trust him, what he needs in order to trust you.
 
I would expect this initiative from the Dom if he thinks this can be repaired. The incident happened 6 weeks into the relationship, then 2 weeks of no communication. I am not sure if he is willing and able to help the sub with the trust issues, if so why the 2 weeks of silence? Is his anger over this that deep? Two months is too short to have developed a strong foundation for the relationship. Therefore I agree with the following:

What I wouldn't do is allow someone who says he hates me to use me and hurt me. Because it will be too easy for him to lose control in order to have revenge.





_____________________________

There are no rules, there is only compassion.

Simple religion:
There is no need for temples,
No need for complicated philosophies
My brain and my heart are my temples
My philosophy is kindness (DL)

'There's a fire burning in my heart'

(in reply to sensualvisions)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/5/2009 8:33:43 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sensualvisions

My original post was asking advice on Punishment ideas, I really was not seeking anyone to determine my guilt, I already knew/know I am in the wrong- . Daddy even joked that I should know how to snoop better and cover my tracks and he knows I am sorry. Now after all this discussion I am lead to the point where I am now at trying to figure out if this relationship can be salvaged and repaired.  Is He really the ideal Daddy Dom for me.
Thank You all for your words and thoughts.  I have really had my eyes opened and have lots to consider.

Blessed Be
~sv


if your eyes had been opened you wouldn't be posting here because you really don't get the point of the silence, or at least what you should have taken from it. i was tempted to explain before but i hoped that you would sit down, be quiet, and figure it out on your own instead of seeking input. but since you haven't here goes.

isolation is meant to hurt. meant to make you stop and seriously see what you have done. nothing can make a submissive more reflective and cognizant of him than going without. your constant focus on him, him, him, is mind numbing. this isn't about him anymore but truly about YOU. why are you here seeking our ideas for something you've done? the two weeks of silence should have allowed you to create a host of them on your own. which can only come about when regret and acceptance have taken root. it is about modifying your behavior, not fixing the situation. because the very thing that led you to do this will cause you to do something similar once again unless you address that deficiency.

you have an opportunity to learn and maybe grow a tad from all of this. whether it means you're beside him or starting anew with a different dominant. the journey of submission is one that we each take back to our true selves. that means ripping away all the bs and getting to the heart of the matter. so take the time and figure out what's really lurking beneath the surface that led you on this crazy ride in the first place. it was never about him, it was about something else that his presence merely triggered.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to sensualvisions)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Seeking Advice for Punishment - 9/5/2009 11:01:20 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Fastreply, not having read the thread:

You were afraid to ask him about himself, or whatever it was that you thought you could find out by looking through his things- or didn't trust that you'd get a truthful answer even if you'd had the courage to ask.

Then he responded with "nearly two weeks" of noncommunication. And now the pot is calling the kettle black.

Noncommunication is a form of communication.
 
The message that each of you is sending the other loud and clear, is that neither of you trusts the other, enough to make proper attempts at communication. Listen to this message that you are fairly screaming at one another in your silence. 

I could never serve a dom who would cut off communication like that. Its a dead-end. But if you want to, hey- whatever floats your boat. Prepare to always be in the wrong, never get an apology from him (because he's always right) and get a lot more of his sulking, pouty, manipulative, passive aggressive jerking around in the future. Because if you kiss his ass now, it will only get worse.

I'd run like hell, if it were me.


_____________________________

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(in reply to sensualvisions)
Profile   Post #: 80
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