Andalusite
Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
Where people (perhaps mostly geared towards s-type) can share the oddest, seemingly most mundanbe things that have unexpectedly given them such an internal twist-turn that they retorted in ways they later realize were unbecoming. Psychologically, I'd be curious to find out what sorts of situations qualify these instances.
Admittedly, though, the skeptic in me might have a tinge of curiosity for how often these situations were more personally-enforced, intentionally distastes rather than genuine psychological obstacles...but there's not way to actually (easily) tell the difference.
Hmm, I have a couple of triggers that some people might consider to be odd or mundane, but were linked to specific bad experiences. So far, I've been able to articulate the problem fairly well, usually in advance. Once or twice, someone I'd just started dating pushed my buttons in a negative way badly enough that I was non-verbal or not able to explain things very well briefly, but I was usually able to get my head together within 10-15 minutes.
I have some soft limits which are linked to emotional involvement and commitment. I may want to do them, and enjoy them a great deal under the right circumstances, but if he wanted me to do them casually with someone else, it would be a dealbreaker for me.
There are some things I just dislike, and I mostly will try to do them for someone if I am submissive (or slave) to him. For example, I reacted submissively toward one man who wanted me to be his submissive, but on terms I couldn't cope with. He wanted me to eat BBQed eel and seaweed, and I'm *very* picky. I choked down a few bites of each, even though he only requested, rather than ordered it. Some foods I probably couldn't even manage that much with (like escargot or oysters), even though some people love both. I'm not sure if it's a psychological issue, per se, but I tend to barf, or nearly so, if I eat things with certain textures. If my Master ordered me to try it anyway, I would attempt it, but I probably would complain a bit. Fortunately, he has a similar reaction to a couple of foods, so is understanding about it. I'm not really frightened of insects or snakes, but it would be incredibly difficult for me to touch one (ladybugs, butterflies, some caterpillars, and bees are ok, though). I don't think it's likely to come up, and I haven't listed it as a hard limit, but I might have some initial resistance, or even be startled enough to phrase it poorly if it came up suddenly.
Sunnyfey, in my relationship, my Master has not given me an ultimatum that "choosing" not to do something is automatic cause for a breakup. I wouldn't make that choice lightly, and I feel driven to do his bidding, even when it is very difficult for me. In my previous 3 year relationship as a submissive, I frequently did things I hated, or that hurt beyond what I thought I could take, or in a couple of cases pushed myself to the point where it might have been damaging (he noticed my reaction, and backed off, but I didn't safe out since I wanted to please him, and thought I could take it). There are some differences in the ways I interact with my Master compared to my previous Dominant, but that's probably more related to *them* being different than the relationship labels we chose. I would not identify as a slave unless I were able to genuinely and wholeheartedly comply with my Master's expectations of a slave, compared to a submissive. We discussed it in depth before I made a commitment to him. I also let him know the specific areas in which I was likely to have some difficulties, and I've already been able to submit to him in some of those areas. He's been very supportive and encouraging with me, rather than pushing me to do things he knows I will struggle with, until he has laid the groundwork to move into those areas.
< Message edited by Andalusite -- 9/24/2009 7:56:11 PM >
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RE: A slaves refusal - 
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If I blurted out something like "Eww, gross!" or "I'll probably throw up on you if you make me eat an oyster!" he'd probably chuckle, ruffle or yank my hair, and either tell me he wants to try my best, or back off and let me eat something else. Or, he might order me to work toward it over the course of a couple of weeks, desensitising myself (ie. starting with a cooked one, and just licking it rather than actually needing to swallow it, then taking a tiny bite, etc.). 
I don't think what I do undermines your relationship, or Jeff's or LadyPact's, or M/s dynamics in general. Would you really give me that kind of power over your life and relationship, when we've never even met? 
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