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ORIGINAL: LadyPact



If you want a response from her, you have to inspire her. The things that turn you on (massaging her, etc) don't necessarily turn her on. What about intelligent conversation? Making her laugh to relieve stress? Listening to her? Obeying Her orders? Actual submission that has nothing to do with your dick?

Unless you were/are exceptionally hot physically, I'd have no sexual interest in you whatsoever if I was not mentally engaged in the power play.

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ORIGINAL: sincityprincess

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact



If you want a response from her, you have to inspire her. The things that turn you on (massaging her, etc) don't necessarily turn her on. What about intelligent conversation? Making her laugh to relieve stress? Listening to her? Obeying Her orders? Actual submission that has nothing to do with your dick?

Unless you were/are exceptionally hot physically, I'd have no sexual interest in you whatsoever if I was not mentally engaged in the power play.

If you have had Dom experiences in your past, maybe you should try (carefully) seeing if she is secretly wishing you would just take control of her? Try with some benign things at first...gently tug her hair, grab her wrists, lightly give that bum you love a spank...that kind of stuff. If she starts to breathe heavy & arch her back like a kitty, you've found your ace in the hole and you can take it to the next level.

If she kicks you in the nuts than she doesn't like it.

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ORIGINAL: defeated

I 'm actively trying to encourage my Wife's sexual dominance, and hope to find others to discuss this with.

As in many marriages, my Wife calls the shots about the frequency of sex in our bedroom. Most of the time She only wants to have sex with me three or four times a month. We're both very busy with our own separate businesses, our kids, our farm, sport and hobby commitments which often leave her tired, irritable and far from 'in the mood' at the end of the day.

We've been married over 5 years and the lack of sexual contact didn't previously worry me much even though I have a very high sex drive because I was using porn and masturbating frequently. I'm into D/S and BDSM porn and prior to marriage, have had much real time experience in this area (mostly as a dominant). Over time however, I noticed a need to find more and more extreme porn, until eventually I couldn't find anything extreme enough on the net for my tastes, and became bored and desensitised to it. But still I needed sexual thoughts and contact and even considered going outside my marriage to get it, but couldn't bring myself to do it in the end because I really love my Wife. So it was then I started to explore and experiment with ways to have more sexual contact with my Wife.

I've now managed to do this with some success by encouraging Her sexual dominance and control in the bedroom. So the following are some examples of things that are becoming frequent in our bedroom which deprive me, fulfill her sexually or just pleasurably and that I am increasingly craving to do for Her to achieve some kind of sexual contact for myself.

1. Waking Her with rubs and an orgasm. Around the time She is normally waking up, I have taken to gently rubbing my Wife's back and bum, while She slowly wakes up. I know She enjoys this but She normally doesn't even acknowledge that I'm doing it unless I stop and then She sleepily says "Where did the rubbing go?". She NEVER reciprocates this, and I often move the rubbing down to Her clitoris, and work it for 5-10 minutes until She orgasms. She NEVER thanks me, acknowledges me or reciprocates this.

2. Hours of full body massage. When the kids are asleep or away, I like to give my Wife a full massage. The thing about this is that She doesn't let me massage Her front, so I have to be creative enough to keep a massage going on Her neck, back, arse, legs and feet for periods of up to two hours. I lay a towel out on our bed, and She lies front down and naked. Sometimes She rests with her eyes closed but lately has taken to reading. Either way She doesn't like to interact with me, and it's very unusual that we speak while I massage unless it's Her telling me that I'm doing it wrong. I rub oil all over Her to start and simply start rubbing and kneading at the shoulders and work my way slowly down the body repeatedly over time. I absolutely ADORE my Wife's bum, and find it hard to take my eyes off it while I work. Her behavior during massages is becoming more dominant. Yesterday afternoon with the kid's at the in-laws, I was massaging Her for several hours while She read and ate chocolate. Half way through Her mobile phone rang and it was a girlfriend of Hers. She talked to her with good natured happy humour, joking and giggling while I worked. My Wife has just turned 30 and Her friend is in her 20's and HOT. I was massaging Wife's feet at the time, and made the mistake of believing I had finished with Her left foot (after maybe 10 minutes working on it) and She reminded me that I hadn't by tapping my head with Her foot and then gesturing with Her foot for attention while She continued to chat on the phone. I returned my attention to the foot and all was well. This drives me wild because I have a massive foot fetish. After what seemed like forever, She announced that we were going to dress and go out to the in-laws, and that She was going to shower. Needless to say my balls felt like they weighed about two tonne at this stage and my Wife eyed my aching cock which by now was purple, coated in clear sticky juice and rock hard. She suggested that if I cleaned the bed up quickly I'd have time to masturbate alone while She showered, and with that She went into our ensuite and closed the door behind Her. When I touched myself I came in less than 10 seconds.

3. I've started to offer her oral sex. I expect and receive nothing in return from Her.

I'm interested in chatting with others who find, have found, or want to find themselves in similar situations, and open a topic for suggestions and tips for other submissive bedroom type husbands

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ORIGINAL: defeated

Alrighty, it's time all my cards were laid out for everyone to see. I'm a loud, brutish, physically strong, intelligent, confident successful Alpha type male. I'm not boasting, I'm just telling you how it is. My wife is attractive and younger, and I suspect she may have been originally attracted to me because of some sort of similarity with her Dad, who is so similar to me in every way (except physically) that people still tlak about it constantly after eight years. Her Dad rules his house with an iron fist, but still has an obvious respect and affinity for his wife. I'm the same.

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ORIGINAL: defeated
I've had two live in slaves in the past, and my wife knew this when we got together. She's always been curious, she initially wanted me to top her but I just couldn't seem to get into it, because it didn't feel right. I've got to admit that I never was in love with any of my slaves, although I cared for them and their welfare. I couldn't get my Dom dynamic to work with the girl I loved - don't know why, I just couldn't.

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ORIGINAL: defeated

I'm just trying to get a bit of kink back in my life, while trying to do something nice for her. I know someone is bound to tell me to hold her down and fuck the living christ out of her. Although it's the obvious answer I'm just not sure she'll go for it anymore.

Help?

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ORIGINAL: Acer49

There is no substitution for real conversation.

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ORIGINAL: sincityprincess

Well, you only have a few choices. Either give it a try, start going to a pro-domme to live out your submissive kinkiness on the side (there's someone who will let you worship them and not give you sex in return, 99% of Pro-Domme's don't f***...then you wouldn't have to worry about "soiling" your wife) or give it up and settle into the complacency of having a nice marriage, with a nice companion, who will share a nice little life with you.

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ORIGINAL: sincityprincess

Madonna/whore complex. Plain as day. You have had slaves but didn't love them. You love your wife and therefore cannot treat her as a slave. If this is hard-wiring than simply adding kinky sex to your marriage isn't going to do the trick. Sounds like you have some soul searching to do...you need to figure out what you want so you can both be happy.

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ORIGINAL: defeated

I've spent so much money on pro-dommes over the years they should have a statue of me out the front of my preferred whip house. It's odd, but I've grown bored of this too.

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ORIGINAL: defeated

We've been married over 5 years and the lack of sexual contact didn't previously worry me much even though I have a very high sex drive because I was using porn and masturbating frequently. I'm into D/S and BDSM porn and prior to marriage, have had much real time experience in this area (mostly as a dominant). Over time however, I noticed a need to find more and more extreme porn, until eventually I couldn't find anything extreme enough on the net for my tastes, and became bored and desensitised to it. But still I needed sexual thoughts and contact and even considered going outside my marriage to get it, but couldn't bring myself to do it in the end because I really love my Wife. So it was then I started to explore and experiment with ways to have more sexual contact with my Wife.

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ORIGINAL: califsue

I think it is time for an honest conversation with her about needs/wants/desires--not just hers but for both. With small children at home she could indeed be tired, not interested or any number of things could have happened that have reduced her desire for sex. Maybe some reading material to share with her about Female lead relationships would be a good starting point as a way of communicating honestly. Maybe she would be willing to have another female serve you to get your sexual appetitie served. Without open communication with your wife, no matter what we say or think in the end won't matter. As well, since you stated you had two slaves in the past, maybe she thinks you want to be the Dominant and take the lead.

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ORIGINAL: defeated

Thanks for your reply. We've had many honest talks about this in the past. The first of these was before we were officially together, and the latest of these a few months back. She did properly Domme me once back before we had kids. She took a kinky girlfriend shopping with her in the city and bought herself a full Mistress outfit and crop in secret. On my birthday, we were away for the weekend at a resort, and she sent me naked to the bathroom and ordered me to wait while she dressed. When I came out she was wearing the outfit complete with black patent leather strappy high heels (which she normally wears out anyway). She was about 24 then and (as she still is today) absolutely stunning. My god was I turned on. We had a full session, she tied me, collared me, clamped me and used me for sex. She dommed me again a few times later, and each time she did, she ended the session by making me massage her in the way pretty much described above, including rubbing her pussy to get her off. On those occassions she sent me away to masturbate in our lounge room while she relaxed in bed. There was no real event that ended these sessions, they just seemed to die out over time. She's a capable Dom and she knows what to do.

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ORIGINAL: sincityprincess

It seems more like topping & bottoming...normal marriage but with kinky sex.

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ORIGINAL: defeated

I don't really think the relationship is at a stage that needs counselling, in that neither of us think there's a problem. I've suggested hiring someone to do housework, but she won't have it. The thought of someone else cleaning her own house makes her feel guilty. This isn't a guilt I share, and I had a once a week hired cleaner when I was a bachelor. She get's plenty of help with childcare from both our mothers, who care for our kids at least half of every weekday as we both run seperate and busy businesses.

Not sure if she'd let me masturbate in front of / for her. I think she'd think that's a bit silly, although I must admit I've never broached it. We used to watch porn together (lesbian BDSM) before kids, and used to each masturbate while relaxing in bed watching it. Our self action was mostly under the covers though.

I think she is enjoying what we're doing now, so all I'm looking to do is up the frequency, and I was looking for ideas or hints from other people that might have similar situations or experiences.

Thanks Andalusite!