I would love some serious insight on my limbo

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I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/20/2010 8:27:26 PM

MyOtherProfile2

Posts: 9
Joined: 1/20/2010
Status: offline

I created this profile specifically to make this thread and protect the anonymity of the other party involved. On my other profile I am active on the site and on the boards. I'm hoping some intelligent, D/s experienced people can offer some insight.

My D/s relationship appears to be dying and I'm not entirely sure why. I'll start out by telling you about the relationship. It is my first

We met here a few months ago. After exchanging a lot of fun and flirty messages and discovering an alarming amount of things/kinks in common we decided to meet. We had a fantastic first "date" (that lasted three days). Things went so well we continued to spend the weekends together. The more we talked we found out we were perfect for each other, or at least as close to perfect as one gets. We both have very extensive lists of kinks/fantasies and our lists are nearly identical (some kinks being quite rare). We both discovered we had very similar goals in life and specifically wanted to get into the same industry. I'm telling you if I was asked to write on paper all of the things THE perfect woman/sub would posses she either had them all or was willing (and eager even) to make the necessary changes to have/be them. Most of the changes I wanted to make on her were changes she wanted to make for herself before meeting me. From what I could tell I was pretty close to her ideal match as well. It was UNCANNY

I think these similarities made us rush into this relationship very fast emotionally. She wanted to be heavily controlled and I wanted to exercise a lot of control so I did, giving her tasks and things to report back to me on. Most of these things were things she was doing anyway (diet, fitness, etc) but I was just requiring her to report and kept a watchful eye for the occasional laziness/cheating that we all do for things like that. After a few weeks of this it proved counterproductive and she had a very hard time adjusting to the control. I decided that it was too much too soon so I backed off giving her fewer things to accomplish while we were apart. I decided perhaps it was best to build the emotional bond first before flexing my dominant muscles. After all, submission is earned through things like trust, affection, intimacy, etc. So that became my focus

Things seemed better after this and we settled into a happy D/s relationship. Our weekends were fantastic (albeit a little too vanilla for both our tastes). We shared tons of laughs, intimate moments, and an intense closeness was growing between us. I met her family and friends, she met my friends. We bought tons of Christmas gifts for each other and I swear she had constant smile and/or look of adoration for me nearly every moment we spent together. However, when she went home she felt some sort of separation anxiety and would disobey the simplest of requests and post blogs/comments about difficulties she was experiencing with offering her submission. We would talk it out and as the new weekend approached she would be more positive and those worries and fears would turn into feelings of excitement and anticipation for the coming weekend (she wrote those blogs/comments too). Though I was the first person to tell all my friends never rush into a relationship emotionally I was doing just that because everything was so perfect. She called me her owner, I called her my (insert random degrading term of endearment here).

The other side of everything was our life goals. One of her darkest kinks is to actually start escorting. She had done it for a month or so before but quit because her partner (another escort she shared an incall apartment with) was INSANE. Other than her partner she had nothing but positive things to say about it and REALLY wanted to do it again. She also wanted to become and adult actress/model. I have always wanted to get into talent management (specifically adult) so it seemed our professional lives were meant to be together as well. At first I planned on this coming to fruition down the road but she kept telling me she wanted to "work" so I said fine, Let's DO IT! I scheduled a photo shoot, researched all I could about the business and local market, talked to some acquaintances who also escort, hammered out an availability schedule and list of dos and don'ts and created profiles for her on escorting websites. I published her add and began communicating with potential clients. It was going off without a hitch.

Then she texted me and told me to wait as she wanted to think about it. I gave her some time and when I finally got back in touch with her (not an easy task) she said she no longer to do it. I was angry at first because this was something she seemed gung ho on from the beginning and I had invested A LOT of time and some money into it. I suspected nothing more than cold feet. I regretfully mentioned this kink of hers was a part of my attraction to her. We decided to sleep on it. The next morning she didn't send her daily "good morning" text which I required of her (at this point it was one of the only things I required her to do when we were apart). This angered me further. She finally texted good morning at 2PM to which I replied "it isn't morning" and I didn't talk to her for the rest of the day. While we're apart the only way I can punish her is with a temporary emotional disconnect.

When I decided to end the punishment I couldn't get back in touch with her. I noticed on her Fetlife account she had removed most of the information pertaining to me and her devotion to me. She had written a blog wrought with anger and resentment though the language did not specify one singular subject. I still couldn't get in touch with her. She wouldn't answer her phone or texts. Later the next day she removed any trace of me in her profile and still wouldn't respond to my calls and messages.

She finally responded with her reasons for not wanting to escort and they seemed like pretty damn good reasons. I never for one second wanted to pressure her into this. I responded back saying I agreed and that that was only a small part of what we had and that there is no reason the rest can't continue to flourish. She said to give her time but I still can't help but feel like this is coming to an end. I was falling in love with her.

Part of me thinks this might be a test and that I should be my natural dominant self and seize her, set her straight and remind her everything is fine and that if she follows me I will lead us to happiness and fulfillment. After all, that is what above all other things continually drew her to me. But the other half thinks this is serious and more than a test and knows that anytime someone asks for space the absolute LAST thing one should do is push, D/s, vanilla or otherwise. I can't stand the feeling of uncertainty and the loss of control. We had seen each other less than 12 hours before this began. She smiled at me and told me she'd miss me as I went off to work. The previous night we had had what was my most intense pain scene (I'm new to the sado/masochist thing, she's fairly experienced) and apparently I have a lot to learn but she said she was looking forward to my growth and education in that department. She left a lot of her things at my place. With all that I can't believe this was something that had been brewing but at the same time who decides to walk away from an intense relationship like this on a whim?

If nobody reads or responds to this ridiculously long post I don't blame you. At least it did me some good just to write it out.

What say you?