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RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 1:50:54 AM   
MyOtherProfile2


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I want to thank everyone for helping me grow and learn through this. I was finally able to get through to her and we spoke for a little bit. As it turns out she tends to go on emotional retreats without telling anyone. It's just something she does. Part of our deal for her to talk to me is that the content not be too heavy so I didn't approach the subjects of what happened and why. She simply reassured me she is still mine and I told her that if she needs to retreat sometimes that that is fine but she must let me know where she's going, why she's going there and when she's coming back. I stressed that we had implemented a very destructive pattern of miscommunication and that we must build up a new method and understanding of the ways in which we communicate and otherwise all we would be building is a ticking time bomb, not a relationship. She agreed whole heartedly. She said I had done nothing wrong. I told her I disagreed and that I had us focused on the wrong things. We were focused more on learning about what the other person is and not who they are. She expressed fear that she's not the girl I want or need. I responding by telling her there is only one way to find out and I intend to know for sure either way. I will discover her depths and know them intimately.

She said she needs a week, give or take, and I said that's fine. In a week I will summon her back and we'll sit down and discuss the best way to proceed from here. I was able to make her laugh and laughter always heals.

Again, thanks to everyone. Most of you helped to one degree or another.

NZ, Whip, Stella, LadyPact, C&R, Julia and Elisa, you're insight especially helped. While I post on the boards a few times a week, I'm probably not active enough for you to recognize my main profile name so don't rack your brains trying to figure it out. I'm not THAT regular here. I tend to post in Fetlife groups a lot more, maybe that will change.

I have a feeling I'll be making a thread about appropriate methods of punishment in the near future (under my real profile name). Watch for it ;)

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 2:57:52 AM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MyOtherProfile2
I have a feeling I'll be making a thread about appropriate methods of punishment in the near future (under my real profile name). Watch for it ;)


Please tell me you're joking about the punishment thread???


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RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 3:31:34 AM   
DontLookBack


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/14/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I wonder what this sub's response would have been when she approached her desire to be prostituted out if you would have said, "Hell no!  I wouldn't dig it and you are better  than that."


and there's the test....I think you hit it right on the head, the only thing about it would be the response when she approached with it, perhaps the answer she was looking for was more like "Hell no! you are a whore but you are MY whore, I will decide who you fuck, when you fuck, or if you fuck at all, not some escort agency" 

why is she pulling back? probably a mixture of reasons, she could be questioning if she was the attraction or if it was the money she would bring in, she could be afraid that now that this kink is off the table she's not as attractive to you, she probably feels like she failed you (worst mind space for her ever) because you responded with anger initially, or maybe she just wanted you to be her knight in shining armour, protect her from the world and protect her from herself, and you failed even if she never knew it was a test as it played out. Whatever her reasons she has things to work out, if I were you I would leave her to it, I would simply say to her I don't know where you stand right now, and I dont think you even know where you stand, when you figure it out I am here if you want to discuss it, if I can help unmuddy the waters for you, I am here for that also, the door is unlocked, I leave it to you to walk through it or not. Then I would let her be.

(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 6:48:24 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MyOtherProfile2


Part of our deal for her to talk to me is that the content not be too heavy so I didn't approach the subjects of what happened and why.

I have a feeling I'll be making a thread about appropriate methods of punishment in the near future (under my real profile name). Watch for it ;)



I am hoping that the part I bolded is one of the things you are both going to change.
It doesn't matter whose decision that was but you can't have any kind of truly meaningful relationship if you aren't willing or able to talk about the "heavy" things.

As for punishment, it is my observation that in the more successful relationships here, punishment is a rare occurance.

Is it possible that she does not follow through on your requests because being your weekend submissive is really what she desires?
As for the tasks themselves, perhaps the 2 of you need to discuss willingness.

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(in reply to MyOtherProfile2)
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RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 7:14:13 AM   
Hawkwindblues


Posts: 183
Joined: 6/26/2009
From: Berlin, Germany
Status: offline 		MOP2,

i am happy to read that you found a way to communicate again.

Stay in control.

HWK

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RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 7:39:30 AM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MyOtherProfile2

As it turns out she tends to go on emotional retreats without telling anyone. It's just something she does.



First, I'm glad you are feeling better about the situation and I wish you luck.

BUT . . . the bit I excerpted above is still setting off alarm sirens in my head. Going on emotional retreats without telling anyone indicates to me that she is emotionally unstable and selfish (not telling anyone always causes worry--if she has done this before, she KNOWS this--in other words, she's manipulating you). "It's just something she does" is a lame excuse for bad behavior.

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RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 7:56:38 AM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		I'm glad you found some resolution to your difficulty. communication is not always as easy as it should be, and sometimes I find myself doing a similar emotional retreat.  What I don't understand though, is if that's all it is, she felt the need to take all mention of you off her profiles.  That has nothing to do with retreat really, IMO. Though I do retreat and regroup, 24 hours, sometimes longer, I never change my profile to remove my Master, or my statement that I am His.  Just curious, as I noted that in your ongoing posts, and while resolution is good, I'm not sure where this fits in..

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(in reply to lucylucy)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 9:35:05 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

I suppose it's functionally useful, in lieu of substance, to use as derogatory a word to describe what they engaged in because neither of you are capable of dissociating your own repulsion at a multi-person scenario...but the illogic is so poorly disguised, you may as well just openly state how your distaste for the OP only stems from the fact that you wouldn't have anything to do with sharing someone you're with.

Attempting to bolster this ridiculous bias with psychology seems to work on the surface except for anyone who's well aware of the overabundance of flaws in the methodology behind so many of the 'prostitution -> child trauma' studies. Sure, it's as widely (and incorrectly) believed now as repressed memories once were or the concept of homosexuality being a sexual disorder, but it's not accurate on any general scale so trying to paint over this specific issue with an intellectually limp yet broad brush does nothing for your arguments.


I don't think the majority of viewers here are really interested in how you would feel if you were the OP just as they aren't interested in how I would react if I placed myself into the role of being intellectually short-sighted and more concerned with how important my projected monogamy is to me rather than actually discussing what a person has started a thread about.

Back in Real-PersonLand, though, we have a situation with a woman who may or may not have plenty of issues to deal with and an OP who has to weigh those potential possibilities in future decisions...and their situation is best addressed without flimsy armchair psycholotherapy and moral indignation justified because it's so popular that you can presume it's "right".



This is real person land?  You think anyone considers you to be a real person? 

First off Mr. illogical this is not a thread about "sharing"....But maybe when you were a kid and your parents wanted to impress upon you the virtue of sharing they tricked you out.

Job well done. Mr & Mrs Zero.

Now back to real life. ....The dude with the querries hopped right on board supporting his subs desire to be prostituted out.

I suggested that this was the wrong course of action to take.

Whether I was right or wrong doesn't negate the fact that apparently the dude has been kicked to the curb.

Maybe the bitch was crazy?....Sure sounds like it.

Maybe he was a complete douche for ever getting involved with her in the first place?...A distinct possibility.

Maybe if he would have chose a different path in lieu of pushing her towards the wondeful life of cracked out whoredom they might still be together raising welts.

The guy came out her asking for advice.  So now I am supposed to pretend that I am in his shoes?...I Got it.....

Okay, so I am now dating some bi polar nutbag that previously was an escort and still has a strong desire to get funded for fuck.  I don't really have too much going on in "my career." So I have reached the miraculous conclusion that this is a primo opportunity to expand my horizons into the flesh trade at her expense.

That about sums it up, right?

It's sad but somewhere along the way it is apparent that I  have experienced some sort of serious oxygen deprivation or some other serious brain tramau that the op failed to mention in our post.

Why were we ever attracted to her in the first place...Oh God!!! Was I burned in a fire?  have I sunk to the level that I  now must bang the refuse of society?  

More importantly!!! When did we become such a bad judge of character that we couldn't identify that our interests in whoring her out exceeded those of her own?

What happened to me?  I suck balls!

Mr. Zero no one gives a shit about you or me.  You don't get it.


< Message edited by domiguy -- 1/22/2010 9:36:32 AM >

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RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 9:39:40 AM   
juliaoceania


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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

have I sunk to the level that I now must bang the refuse of society?


Wow.... just very saddening... oh well....

I spent the last semester of my life with the "refuse of society"... kinda tore my heart out... and it was quite humbling too.


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(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 9:41:49 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Just because you help or give aid to people like prostitutes, drug abusers, addicts or the mentally ill doesn't mean that they make suitable dating partners.

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Profile   Post #: 90
RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 9:45:54 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Just because you help or give aid to people like prostitutes, drug abusers, addicts or the mentally ill doesn't mean that they make suitable dating partners.


It doesn't make them suitable dating partners.... but there have been many women who gave up that life and went on to do miraculous work... and I know some of them too. I had a hard semester, and even broke down in tears in a class because spending time with people who have nothing is not the most uplifting activity.. and perhaps I ain't being so rational on this thread because of my recent experiences.



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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

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Profile   Post #: 91
RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 9:53:05 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah, but that isn't what this is about....We, the op and I, didn't try and help out our hookering harlotte, we tried to push her deeper into they abyss and climb on her back for a ride.

Now I know that Mr Zero and apparently you think that I am off base.  But when lil' subsusie says that she is really serious about hoin' herself out cuz she has already done it before. The first thing out of my mouth is not, "that's nifty, lets get lavaliered."

Fuck no. I run and get tested....By the way I tested positive for "Total Hotness."

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RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 10:01:18 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Fuck no. I run and get tested....By the way I tested positive for "Total Hotness."


I want to see those test results


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 10:24:34 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Fuck no. I run and get tested....By the way I tested positive for "Total Hotness."


I want to see those test results



I've seen him, he is totaly hot!. If only I had a love of the cock, he would be MINE!

Jeffwey

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Profile   Post #: 94
RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 10:27:13 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Jeffff if you ever try and push me into prostitution and try to capitalize on it as well we shall no longer be hopped bonded.

I thought you cared about me.

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Profile   Post #: 95
RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 10:32:56 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Fuck no. I run and get tested....By the way I tested positive for "Total Hotness."


I want to see those test results



I've seen him, he is totaly hot!. If only I had a love of the cock, he would be MINE!

Jeffwey


So he has the "Jefff Seal Of Approval"... and what are the standards that men have to meet in order to get this seal....so I can better determine if the benchmarks are applicable to my standards?


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 10:36:12 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		He has a splendid head of hair, a sunny countenance, a love of the hop and a beautiful soul.

I think I'm wet!


Jeff

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(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 10:37:00 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

He has a splendid head of hair, a sunny countenance, a love of the hop and a beautiful soul.

I think I'm wet!


Jeff


Too freakin' funny


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Profile   Post #: 98
RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 10:38:53 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

He has a splendid head of hair, a sunny countenance, a love of the hop and a beautiful soul.

I think I'm wet!


Jeff


Ward,

After all these years, I find THIS out?!?!?

June

edited to add.........When I get to the windy city to meet you two goobers, I swear I will be seriously disappointed when I see your lover. I am so used to the Tupac picture, that is what I will look for.


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 1/22/2010 10:41:08 AM >

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: I would love some serious insight on my limbo - 1/22/2010 10:39:49 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		June, I will not whore him out..... but I will share him.

Ward

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Profile   Post #: 100
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