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Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 3:16:33 AM

ForeverOwned

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For those of you who are into humiliation by the way of being called horrible names and being put down by your partner, may i ask why and how that is a turn on?

i have looked at it from all sides that i know of and i come up empty. So, if someone would like to share with me how they feel i would appreciate it.

In the past my Owner has said things like "Come here you little slut." but, it's in a playful sexy manner. If he were to call me fat, ugly, stupid or anything in that vein i would be so wounded that i don't think i would never be the same again. thanks.

Post #: 1

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 3:36:11 AM

naughtysubK

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if it doesn't do anything for you, and it aparently does not, I don't know if I can figure out how to explain why it works for me.

I will say that I asked him for verbal humiliation. It wasn't something he just started doing. And I know in my heart that they are just words and he really cares for me.

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 2

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 3:45:15 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
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From: Portland Metro, Oregon
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I think most people would have issue with being called a fat cow (okay, some may enjoy it). Keep in mind, you thought being called a little slut was playful and it didn't seem to hurt you emotionally because you knew it was playful and he didn't really view you as a slut, or loose woman who would fuck anyone and everyone. Many women, would find that being called a slut, playfully or not, very hurtful to their egos. So, if you can accept that term (which some view as horrible) as a fun thing, can't you see how others could view different words as a fun thing? It's the same principle, only different words.

Now, if it stopped being fun, and started being abusive, then most would probably feel hurt, and indeed rightfully so. How do you know when it is abusive instead of fun? Well, that really is a personal call, but essentially, if it seems those words are being used in a way that is meant to cut your soul instead of a way that is meant to be fun, it probably isn't healthy. It doesn't matter one bit what the word is, what matters is how you process the word and in what context the word is being used.

YOU STUPID FAT SLUT, YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT WHO SHOULDN'T LIVE!!! Probably not gonna make ya feel good about yourself.

Come here My little slut, bring your worthless ass over to me so I can make it rosy! Well, that might be another story entirely.

YMMV

EFT

< Message edited by Domin8tingUrDrmz -- 1/31/2010 3:48:02 AM >

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(in reply to ForeverOwned)

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RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 3:58:46 AM

ForeverOwned

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Thanks ladies!

i have seen a Dom be so absusive that his sub was shaking, crying her eyes out. i became very upset and i was told by a friend that she enjoys this. The sad part being was that she was very fat and not attractive at all. Which he kept pointing out. He said so many awful things to her that like you said cannot be healthy for anyone.

Good news for her though. i found out that they had broken up about three months later. i was happy to hear that. i am sure though that there is more to that story, but for me that would of been enough.

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

Post #: 4

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 4:06:23 AM

ResidentSadist

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You sniveling, worthless little cunt . . . what makes you think you deserve to know?

:)

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RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 4:15:25 AM

PrimalConsonance

Posts: 463
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From: Southern New Jersey
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You really can't know what works for others in a relationship. What would be unhealthy for you might be edifying for another. I am sure that if some of my more vanilla friends were to witness what Master and I do together, they would think I was out of my mind and want to get me help.

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 6

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 4:24:16 AM

ForeverOwned

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All i'm asking is what a person gets from it. What is it about verbal humiliation that turns them on. More of personal name calling like fat cow, stupid worthless, no good, etc.

For example: i can say that one of the things that that turns me on about being in leather cuffs is the feel of the leather. i like the way it feels against my skin, how warm and snug it is, etc.

(in reply to PrimalConsonance)

Post #: 7

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 4:26:20 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

Good news for her though. i found out that they had broken up about three months later. i was happy to hear that. i am sure though that there is more to that story, but for me that would of been enough.

Why were you happy to hear that? You saw one scene that bothered you a lot, and heard that she liked it. You're assuming that the man was no good for her based on the fact that humiliation is a huge turnoff for you.

It's possible that other things led to the breakup. It's possible that he did it and she is heartbroken.

Who knows? But I hope both of them find someone shortly.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 8

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 4:30:13 AM

ForeverOwned

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You quoted me, but you didn't read what i said. I said that i was sure there was more to it than that.

< Message edited by ForeverOwned -- 1/31/2010 4:32:37 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 4:41:04 AM

Level

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I'm sure he did read what you said, as did I, but I came up with the same question; you give the impression that just because you don't "get it", meant that she needed to be away from him, whether she enjoyed it or not.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 10

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 4:47:28 AM

ForeverOwned

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She needed to be away from him, because he was not a good person in all walks of life. which we all found out later, and it was him who told everyone she liked it. It wasn't true. At the time they had no reason to disbief him. i tried not to give too much info incase the person might be on here.

Others on here had no problem answering my question without turning it into something it was never meant to be. i would like this thread to stay on track if it is possible.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 11

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 4:47:51 AM

LillyoftheVally

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I don't get why some people like marmite, I don't get how anyone can think Keanu is a good actor.

In seriousness though, you make a good point sometimes things we do can be very unhealthy and we may not even realise it, sometimes bdsm attracts people who should stay away, but something that would damage one may empower another., but the problem is you as an outside observer often won't have a clue which is which especially if you are trying to 'get it' yourself There are many things that I enjoy in a bdsm context that I hate outside of that, verbal insults to an extent is one. You say at the start that your owner called you a slut but it was ok because .... well there are many people who would HATE to be called a slut regardless of how it was said, how can you honestly not take that and use it to explain how others feel? Not everything is going to work for you, thats just life.

< Message edited by LillyoftheVally -- 1/31/2010 4:49:08 AM >

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RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 4:54:06 AM

ForeverOwned

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That's good if you group everything into one, but there is a big difference in saying "You're my little butterball." in a sweet and cute way. then screaming at someone in anger" You dirty filthy fat slob! You shouldn't be allowed to live."

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 13

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 4:59:43 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

That's good if you group everything into one, but there is a big difference in saying "You're my little butterball." in a sweet and cute way. then screaming at someone in anger" You dirty filthy fat slob! You shouldn't be allowed to live."

I have no idea what you mean to be honest, seeing as I spoke about context in my post. Your argument doesn't make sense because what you are saying is there is a difference between calling someone a slut in anger and calling them a slut in a sexual way, I agree there is, just as there is a difference in being patronising as part of your relationship style to being patronising to undermine someone you dont like therefore there is a difference between calling someone a fat slob to turn them on and calling them a fat slob because you want to hurt them.

You have decided it is ok to be turned on when someone calls you a slut in a good way because you like it, but it is not ok for someone to like being called anything you don't like

< Message edited by LillyoftheVally -- 1/31/2010 5:01:01 AM >

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 14

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 4:59:48 AM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

She needed to be away from him, because he was not a good person in all walks of life. which we all found out later, and it was him who told everyone she liked it. It wasn't true. At the time they had no reason to disbief him. i tried not to give too much info incase the person might be on here.

Others on here had no problem answering my question without turning it into something it was never meant to be. i would like this thread to stay on track if it is possible.

Threads go where they go.

As lilly said, take how being called a "slut" made you feel, and substitute that for the other. Not that hard.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 15

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:06:32 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

She needed to be away from him, because he was not a good person in all walks of life. which we all found out later, and it was him who told everyone she liked it. It wasn't true. At the time they had no reason to disbief him. i tried not to give too much info incase the person might be on here.

Others on here had no problem answering my question without turning it into something it was never meant to be. i would like this thread to stay on track if it is possible.

Ah. That changes everything.

I don't post based on the facts. I post based on what is presented to me here. If you don't tell me the entire story, I don't get the whole picture.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

I don't get how anyone can think Keanu is a good actor.

You honestly didn't even need the word "good" in there.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 16

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:06:54 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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its interesting. like a guy/sub wrote to me on the other side, all about his very small penis, he was very self derroagotory about it and wanted someone else to be.

what you describe up there about this slave having her physical appearance attacked so that she was shaking and sobbing.

i wonder if its (no offense to anyone and im not suggesting its in all cases) but, if its a case of self loathing, they hate the fact that theyre fat, have a small penis and the only way that they feel 'out' about it, assuming everyone else thinks poorly of them too, is to be berrated. its a way of talking about it, dealing with it.

maybe having someone else berrating them for something they cant help is a way of exorcising their own sadness. or its what they figure everyone is thinking and so by submitting to their 'loathing' its cathartic for them.

thats all ive got.

the scene you describe OP i would find incredibly hard to witness too. its sad too, because its just self perpetuating the self hatred rather than actually helping the person to come to terms with themselves. the sad thing is she probably went off to find a similar dynamic for herself, but hopefully not.

im kinda with the OP on this. ok it might be a kink and she might get off on it, but surely it would be better to try and help her to feel good about herself and not just keep digging her deeper into her hole of self despair.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 17

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:11:20 AM

naughtysubK

Posts: 62
Joined: 5/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

That's good if you group everything into one, but there is a big difference in saying "You're my little butterball." in a sweet and cute way. then screaming at someone in anger" You dirty filthy fat slob! You shouldn't be allowed to live."

What sounds like screaming in anger to you, may just soud stern to the actual sub who is being yelled at. Just because you couldn't stand to be talked to in that manner does not make it 'wrong' for everyone

for the record, though, he has never said I don't deserve to live or that I shouldn't be allowed to live. If he ever does, it would lead to a conversation. There are things that won't do it for me either.

< Message edited by naughtysubK -- 1/31/2010 5:12:41 AM >

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 18

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:17:20 AM

EbonyWood

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

She needed to be away from him, because he was not a good person in all walks of life. which we all found out later, and it was him who told everyone she liked it. It wasn't true. At the time they had no reason to disbief him.

Seems at the time, nobody asked her if she liked it, but came out after the fact?

Why wasn't she asked at the time, as you state you witnessed it?

I think this is a projection of your morals and standards onto someone elses kink. Dress it up as enquiry if you want.

BTW you also described her to us here as 'very fat and not attractive at all'. If she read those words, would she feel humiliated? Just a thought.

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 19

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:18:20 AM

ForeverOwned

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Joined: 2/5/2008
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i think that you said the most perfect thing. It was profound and i believe right on the money. Thanks so much.

It's not the turn on most people are made to believe it is. It's just a way to feel.

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 20

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