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RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 6:59:37 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

Thanks ladies!

i have seen a Dom be so absusive that his sub was shaking, crying her eyes out. i became very upset and i was told by a friend that she enjoys this. The sad part being was that she was very fat and not attractive at all. Which he kept pointing out. He said so many awful things to her that like you said cannot be healthy for anyone.

Good news for her though. i found out that they had broken up about three months later. i was happy to hear that. i am sure though that there is more to that story, but for me that would of been enough.


When I gave you my first reply, it was in response to your first post, asking if someone can help you understand why it would be a turn on.

Please understand in no way did I say the first example I provided was 'bad' for everyone, only for those who don't understand the humiliation dynamic (okay, the you don't deserve to live was overkill even for me).

Try to think of it like this: Some people LOVE needles stuck in there arms. I HATE needles. Does that mean that the person who loves them is in need of help or rescue or has something wrong with them? NO! It means, they have a very different reaction than I do to a sensation.

Humiliation is as much a sensation as is being flogged, or jumping out of an airplane. There is an adrenaline rush associated with it that some simply find divine. When someone calls you a name you dislike, you have an immediate feeling of either anger, hatred, sadness, whatever. Some people enjoy that emotional rollercoaster, to them it is a thrill ride. Healthy people generally tend to process this type of humiliation much like an amusement ride...its thrilling, scary, exciting, makes ya wanna puke sometimes, puts butterflies in your stomach...for the DURATION of the ride. Once the ride is over, those feelings are generally left behind and not taken to heart.

Sure some people may process it deeper, some may use it as method of self improvement. However, until you ask that particular person how they process the humiliation, you cannot assume they dislike it, even if it is the most vile thing you ever heard spoken. You must accept that you process things differently than they do, much like me with needles.

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(in reply to ForeverOwned)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 7:02:58 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		When people think of sadism, they often think of the physical, forgetting that there are also mental and emotional sadism.  And these can run deep, sharp, and as painful as any physical sensation you can dream up.  It  does not follow that these things are bad, just different.  It is a different way of delivering and experiencing a sensation.  I do not see the big deal about verbal humiliation, within the context of a relationship where this sort of thing is used and expected.  shrug.

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(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)
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RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 7:03:27 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned
You quoted me, but you didn't read what i said. I said that i was sure there was more to it than that.


So you are telepathic enough to know why they split but you can't psychically tune in to why some people enjoy humiliation (not my thing, btw). I hate to see threads like these. Someone presents themselves as just wanting to know when all they want to do is slam someone else.


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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 7:27:04 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

For those of you who are into humiliation by the way of being called horrible names and being put down by your partner, may i ask why and how that is a turn on?

i have looked at it from all sides that i know of and i come up empty. So, if someone would like to share with me how they feel i would appreciate it.

In the past my Owner has said things like "Come here you little slut." but, it's in a playful sexy manner. If he were to call me fat, ugly, stupid or anything in that vein i would be so wounded that  i don't think i would never be the same again. thanks.


Some people enjoy the harder stuff..It's just the way things are.

I've had females that enjoyed it because they wanted to be humbled. For some it was a way to shed societies ideas of how women are suppose to be..They wanted to push against the ideas of what was socially known as good and they wanted just to feel smaller in some way.

Some just simply like to be degraded..To feel worthless and small..To feel dirty or useless in some way.

One told me she liked to hear the truth with no whitewashing. She was fat and hated that everyone tip-toed around that as if it was bad to be it.

For me? Hell, I'm a sadist and there isn't much in the way of suffering that I don't enjoy. As long as it's my idea of healthy expression..I'm good.

If it's not your cup-o-tea then I would imagine it might be hard to wrap your head around it, unless you really try that is. Truth is, you don't have to understand it for it to happen and people to enjoy it.




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(in reply to ForeverOwned)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 7:41:27 AM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
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quote:

I enjoy being extremely humiliated by my owner. (The 'by my owner' being the important qualifier here.)
I enjoy being put down to the point of not just crying, but sobbing hysterically; being so embarrassed that is wish I could crawl into the floor. I enjoy being made to feel like I am absolutely filth, and worthless, and disgusting.

As to why I enjoy it.
In terms of physicality, it sense blood rushing through my veins and makes me feel alive. It also makes me extremely horny and gets my clit throbbing hard enough to physically see it pulsing.
In terms of emotional state, I enjoy being humiliated by him like that because it makes evident to me that he knows not only the good of me, but also the bad, and is acutely aware of the bad in me and yet STILL wants me after reminding me of the worse in myself, I feel extremely validated by him. For me to get in this dynamic with him, I first needed to know that he really cares about me, which is evident by the fact that he continues to keep me.

At the end of being humiliated by him, the feeling that sticks is that he KNOWS me.
ALL of me, the best and also the worse of me.
And that after all is said and done, and he explored the most horrible sides of me... he still wants me. He wants all of me.

So in a way, after being humiliated by him, I feel extremely cared for, validated and self confident in an odd and humble sort of way.


As a person trying to wrap my head around others enjoyment of this, myself, and not dismiss others experiences,  i really appreciate this post.  Thank you.



< Message edited by petmonkey -- 1/31/2010 8:09:03 AM >

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RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 7:43:19 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i think that you said the most perfect thing. It was profound and i believe right on the money. Thanks so much.

It's not the turn on most people are made to believe it is. It's just a way to feel.


As others above me have said, how on earth do you assume that something is "not the turn on most people are made to believe it is?"  One of the things I hate the most is when people project their judgements of kinks on others.

You started off the thread that way. Instead of asking what verbal humiliation is like for people and how does it make them feel, you used your own passive-aggressive posting style to subtly put down others. Then you back pedal and say, oh the guy was a horrible person. None of us knows the story so why should we believe you?

There are many people, men and women who love nothing more than to be called pigs, worthless, filthy, worm, disgusting whatever word du jour and they fucking love it.

There are many people, men and women who love nothing more than to be called cunt, slut, cum receptable, anal whore, bitch, etc. and they fucking love it.

Then there are people, men and women who just to be called snookums, babycakes, schmoopy, etc. and they fucking love it.

Whatever you like to be called, humiliated with or done to you, exists within your own personal dynamic and is no one else's business, unless of course, one of  your kinks is exhibitionism and oversharing.

Oh, and as ishy wrote, it is fucking hot sometimes. And you don't need to have low self esteem to enjoy it. I am confident as hell and I love being called a slut, etc. If I didn't like something, I would tell whomever was saying it to me to stop and find another word among our entire lexicon to substitute.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/31/2010 7:49:26 AM >

(in reply to ForeverOwned)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 7:47:01 AM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		Stupid is a hard limit for me.  Peace, adios, I'm out.  Fat and ugly are pretty close too.  But none of these are for the reasons that might first come to mind; I'm more apt to laugh at someone who calls me one of those than cry about it. Basically, I know I am none of these things.  Anyone who is going to state otherwise is, in my opinion proving themselves to be extremely ignorant and stupid themselves, and someone not worthy of my respect. Someone not worthy of my respect certainly isn't a worthy Dominant for me.  So we're dead in the water.

Whatever gets you off, hey, great, but there's no way in hell any dom who wants to be with me will fling those words around. I am always upfront about it in the beginning, and have no problem kicking someone to the curb who can't respect that, even in the heat of the moment.  

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(in reply to ForeverOwned)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 7:47:44 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
The morning ritual applied by my Dominants over time has reduced my resolve and garnered compliance.

"chia* chia* bo bia*, bonana fanna fo fia*, fee fy mo mia*, chia*.

Oh the humanity.

chia* (the pet)


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(in reply to ForeverOwned)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 7:49:00 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It's humbling and puts me in my place...reminds me of what I am to him..his slave to be used in whatever way he wishes.

He can and he does. It's about the power he holds.


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 7:57:31 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Then there are people, men and women who just to be called snookums, babycakes, schmoopy, etc. and they fucking love it.


Lies, lies, all of it lies! I refuse to believe that these people exist.

Someone being nice to you isn't the turn-on everyone is made to believe it is. It's just a way to be brainwashed into feeling good about yourself.




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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 7:58:40 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

When people think of sadism, they often think of the physical, forgetting that there are also mental and emotional sadism.


Wonderful point there Katy.

OP is it more understandable to you that someone can enjoy being told to sit still while cum drips off their face? To be told to crawl and bark like a dog? To be ordered to bend over and be hit? How is that more or less degrading than being verbally humiliated?

Also if we are using low self esteem as an example what about all the things that could be positive indicators of such things the need to be owned? The need to be controlled? Could that in itself not be another sign that someone is lacking self confidence to be alone?

If anything I think ForeverOwned you are are totally transferring your own issues onto this topic, so it would upset you if someone called you fat or ugly (those are the ones you keep using yeah?) why is that you think? Is it because you have image issues?

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RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 8:02:32 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Then there are people, men and women who just to be called snookums, babycakes, schmoopy, etc. and they fucking love it.


Lies, lies, all of it lies! I refuse to believe that these people exist.

Someone being nice to you isn't the turn-on everyone is made to believe it is. It's just a way to be brainwashed into feeling good about yourself.





How true. I would rather be grabbed by hair, dragged into the room, thrown down, clothes ripped off, slapped in the face and called a filthy, cock loving whore, before having my brains fucked out six ways from Sunday than have someone say, hi sweetie pie, what would you like to do today.

I am weird that way.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/31/2010 8:04:15 AM >

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RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 8:08:03 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I would rather be grabbed by hair, dragged into the room, thrown down, clothes ripped off, slapped in the face and called a filthy, cock loving whore, before having my brains fucked out six ways from Sunday than have someone say, hi sweetie pie, what would you like to do today.

I am weird that way.


Or maybe just wired that way-I think that's the problem with this thread; everyone's reactions and motivations are different-it's not possible to make sweeping statements about why people practise humiliation...


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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 8:09:09 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, exactly. I always say I am wired this way and I don't need to analyze why, I just enjoy it.

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 8:13:47 AM   
EbonyWood


Posts: 2044
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Yes, exactly. I always say I am wired this way and I don't need to analyze why, I just enjoy it.


I find qualifying everything I want to do to a slut to be self humiliating, which I'm not into.

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 8:15:17 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I need you to qualify that further, in order for me to judge your kink....

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 8:23:13 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

...I would rather be grabbed by hair, dragged into the room, thrown down, clothes ripped off, slapped in the face and called a filthy, cock loving whore...

I always did like you. Now I know why.


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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 8:31:49 AM   
ishyB


Posts: 555
Joined: 9/2/2008
Status: offline 		I was thinking more about this question and an other hing thing came to mind that might help to further explain it to those really trying to understand why some people like to be humiliated.

All cases in which he humiliates me are build this way: he makes me view myself in the way I could fear others might see me (pointing out a 'bad' side of me) and then, after the humiliation reassure me (sometimes explicitly, sometimes just by acting normal and continue our caring relationship as before) that even though this 'bad' side of me exists, he still cares about me.

For me personally, I only enjoy it/it only works if the humiliation is about things that are either true, or if it's about something that I don't like about myself.
Like for instance, though I usually don't mind identifying as a slut (and am rather proud to be one) my Owner can play into the fact that society considers it "bad" for a woman to be a slut and use that general perception to degrade my by forcing me to view myself the way some other people would.
Usually I don't give a shit about what those other people would think, but when being humiliated, he can make me feel bad about something like that.

On the other hand, trying to humiliated me with things that I flat out know to be not true, like calling me stupid, fat or ugly doesn't work to humiliate me, because I know I'm none of those things. If he would walk that path, he would just irritate me, because he obviously had the wrong perception of me.
At the same time though, he could single things out about my appearance and comment on those to humiliate me, like my stretch marks for instance.
I usually don't mind having stretch marks, but I know that some people think stretch marks look ugly, so he again could make me view myself through the eyes of others and make me feel ashamed of something I usually don't feel ashamed about. Telling me that I'm ugly in general wouldn't work though, because I know that I'm not (or at least, I think I know that) so he couldn't mirror the perception I fear others might have of me that way to make me feel ashamed about it.

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Someone's gotta go
and I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I wanted to move on
So I'm already gone

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RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 8:34:28 AM   
EbonyDesires


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/31/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

For those of you who are into humiliation by the way of being called horrible names and being put down by your partner, may i ask why and how that is a turn on?

i have looked at it from all sides that i know of and i come up empty. So, if someone would like to share with me how they feel i would appreciate it.

In the past my Owner has said things like "Come here you little slut." but, it's in a playful sexy manner. If he were to call me fat, ugly, stupid or anything in that vein i would be so wounded that  i don't think i would never be the same again. thanks.


Sometime I feel not good enough. I need to feel above her and I do what I can to make myself feel better if that includes humiliating her so be it. But folks use it for their sex life too. It makes the other person being humiliated feel important because they see the humiliator thinking about them and shyt like that. You got to be in a LTR for it to be done safely and effetively.

Out.

(in reply to ForeverOwned)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 8:34:51 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

...I would rather be grabbed by hair, dragged into the room, thrown down, clothes ripped off, slapped in the face and called a filthy, cock loving whore...

I always did like you. Now I know why.



I like you too RS!!! xxx

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 60
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