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RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:20:57 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

It's not the turn on most people are made to believe it is. It's just a way to feel.

I wasn't intending to contribute to this thread, because humiliation is not my cup of tea and I don't have any particular insight into it, but you previously admitted that neither do you.

So how on earth do you feel justified in making such a sweepingly judgemental statement?

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(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 21

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:22:03 AM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

Leave marmite out of this, its lovely stuff

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 22

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:24:50 AM

KMsAngel

Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

sick puppy.

oops. did i do a name calling?

frazzle, that was NON-consensual, making me call you a name!

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20 fluffy points!

flightless cherub

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Post #: 23

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:26:45 AM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
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I will forgive you Angel, just this once

(in reply to KMsAngel)

Post #: 24

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:29:03 AM

KMsAngel

Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
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thank you frazzle.

it's still horrid stuff

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flightless cherub

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Post #: 25

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:29:32 AM

ForeverOwned

Posts: 269
Joined: 2/5/2008
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i was responding to what a poster said. i agree with her. There is always an underlying meaning to everything.

For instance a operson is not 100 pounds overweight, because they love pie. An alcholic doesn't drink lose his family, his career, etc, just because he likes the way it taste.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 26

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:30:18 AM

naughtysubK

Posts: 62
Joined: 5/2/2004
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for me, it actually is a turn on. I am not sure why I feel like I am forced to defend what my Dom and I do behind closed doors, but the judgement here of what turns me on is a little offensive.

I would not tolerate being talked to like that as we go about our daily lives. when we are alone, it's different. I wish I could describe adequately exactly why it does anything for me, but you seem to have already made up your mind that this is wrong and my Dom must be a horrible person and there must be something wrong with me to actually enjoy verbal humiliation.

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 27

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:31:42 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

It's not the turn on most people are made to believe it is. It's just a way to feel.

So how on earth do you feel justified in making such a sweepingly judgemental statement?

Well said VC. I am not a big user of the term YKIO but it is something that needs to be said here. I have known beautiful confident women who want to be completely debased, it is what they enjoy so this notion that all people into verbal humiliation are people oozing low self esteem is totally ignorant and rather offensive. Who are you to say what people should or shouldn't feel?

P.s Sorry Frazzle I stick by my assessment

< Message edited by LillyoftheVally -- 1/31/2010 5:32:48 AM >

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Nah I am not happy to see you either

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Post #: 28

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:36:02 AM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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Is marmite anything like veggiemite?

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 29

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:36:37 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Is marmite anything like veggiemite?

Yup very similar and just as gross

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 30

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:40:01 AM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

For those of you who are into humiliation by the way of being called horrible names and being put down by your partner, may i ask why and how that is a turn on?

i have looked at it from all sides that i know of and i come up empty. So, if someone would like to share with me how they feel i would appreciate it.

In the past my Owner has said things like "Come here you little slut." but, it's in a playful sexy manner. If he were to call me fat, ugly, stupid or anything in that vein i would be so wounded that i don't think i would never be the same again. thanks.

I - like you - can't see the point in humiliating and a Dom who gets off on that would not work out with me.
However, whilst I don't understand why some people enjoy it I simply digest it the same way how some people go off on receiving pain, or being bound or gagged or all of it or whatever...

Two of my previous friends could so not get it either why I was looking for a partner on here and that is fine...they didn't get it that it has nothing to do with being abusive and that it can be great with the right person

and that's how I take it with humiliation....they did not get it what I do enjoy on Dominant Partners...fair enough...but I am also fine with it that I don't get it what people enjoy on humiliation...my C-Dom sometimes does it and enforced me in the past to say certain things about myself and I hated it every single time and every time we meet again I hope he won't go into that direction again...however, he is only a regular casual Dom and this part of him does not last long, so fine...I put up with it...but in a Ltr...that would be a big NONONO for many reasons.

And I have to agree with LillyoftheVally I don't understand why some people like marmite either...

it does not smell great and every time I have to check at work if I need to put it onto their shopping list I end up with sticky fingers

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 1/31/2010 5:42:54 AM >

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The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

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(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 31

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:41:03 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

I threw some vegemite into the ocean one time.... came back the next day, and there were dead fish everywhere.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 32

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:43:49 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i was responding to what a poster said. i agree with her. There is always an underlying meaning to everything.

I'm sorry, but I just don't think this is true.

It could be escapism; it could be the contrast between the dom's attitude during a scene and their attitude afterwards-something which delineates that this is a scene and is therefore totally different to the rest of normal life, or something to signify that the gloves are now officially off; it could be the contrast between the dom's words (you're fat, ugly, a slut etc.) and their actions ('I know! but you still fancy the pants off me so who gives?!').

Don't assume that because you consider this person unattractive her dom did; and don't assume that a sub's 'unattractiveness' is the only reason they could possibly like being humiliated.

quote:

For instance a operson is not 100 pounds overweight, because they love pie. An alcholic doesn't drink lose his family, his career, etc, just because he likes the way it taste.

I'm not entirely sure I see the connection between being overweight/alcoholic, and liking it when someone who cares about you calls you names....

edited to add: you may have been responding to another poster, but what you wrote was a statement completely free of qualifiers or conditionals, proclaiming what other people's motives are for doing something you have freely admitted that you don't understand. That's what I'm objecting to.

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 1/31/2010 5:50:02 AM >

_____________________________

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Post #: 33

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:49:40 AM

derangedmaniac

Posts: 72
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline

I remember a friend of mine wanted to try to be a Dom for a bit and he kept calling me names, but I ketp laughing because of the way he said it. He was clearly uncomfortable doing it, so I was like "so why are you doing it?" Seems like he thought that it's the standard, the ideal to name-call your slave/sub.. he didn't get that each Dom is different and unique. It's interesting to note that, and I thought of him through this thread.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 34

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:49:46 AM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

I had a slave for many years who could not get aroused unless our sessions were very heavy with name calling and extremely derogatory statements. Things like "You are a worthless male, I should have you castrated." or "No wonder your a virgin, no women in her right mind would see anything in you." were not uncommon. They excited him, he asked for them and I gave them to him. He also wanted to be cuckolded, and then told how worthless he was as a male and how he compared to the other men I would have at the time.

Some people enjoy the rush of emotion and body reactions that happen when you are humiliated severely. It is no different then enjoying the endorphins of pain, really, its just setting yourself up to get a reaction you know will happen in response to certain triggers. They like the way they feel when things are said and their body reacts a certain way. Now, mind you this is strictly the ones who ACTUALLY want the humiliation. If someone doesnt want it, or cant enjoy it than the same thing that tuns one person on can have very serious negative effects on someone else. You have to know your submissive.

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Post #: 35

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 5:49:52 AM

petmonkey

Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

.

< Message edited by petmonkey -- 1/31/2010 5:50:44 AM >

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Be excellent to each other.

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Post #: 36

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 6:07:25 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

That's good if you group everything into one, but there is a big difference in saying "You're my little butterball." in a sweet and cute way. then screaming at someone in anger" You dirty filthy fat slob! You shouldn't be allowed to live."

You didn't actually mention being *screamed at in anger*, initially.........so that isn't really in the same game.

Being humiliated by design, isn't the same as being cut to the core by someone who's angry and whose intent is just to hurt you for ONLY their own satisfaction/relief, with NO regard for the outcome.

That isn't what you began the thread about. You were talking about it in a specific bdsm context.

"i have seen a Dom be so absusive that his sub was shaking, crying her eyes out. i became very upset and i was told by a friend that she enjoys this. The sad part being was that she was very fat and not attractive at all. Which he kept pointing out. He said so many awful things to her that like you said cannot be healthy for anyone."

There are things about most of us that wouldn't *turn us on* if used for humiliation purposes, depending on HOW it's used and WHY. Sometimes, it's not yours to reason why.........sometimes you simply have to accept that you don't understand when it comes to what other people find enjoyment in.

agirl

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 37

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 6:12:08 AM

DomPhilosopher

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/30/2010
Status: offline

First proper post here, so bear with me ;)

I've always found humiliation an easy thing to understand (does that sound smart-arse already? lol) If you think of the emotions as something that can be hurt and bruised just like your flesh, then maybe it's easier to think about. It's easy for us kinkophiles to accept that there will be scars and welts from whipping, piercing and such. Some enjoy that greatly.

Others can't stand the physical pain, or don't want the obvious marks that give it away, so the mental/emotional side of things is an another option. This isn't the reason that everyone who likes it enjoys it, of course. But there can be shock in the first words and then an acceptance (within role) of the fact that they will be seen this way until performance improves. I agree that there is a danger of emotional damage to those who are already emotionally damaged. But I have had the personal pleasure of enjoying the company of a few who have enjoyed being brought to tears. It's a difficult sub-space to coach back from, but it's always an option if the trust is secure!

The observant may have noticed that this entire blurb is a rewording of the original reply - it's exactly like Marmite

(in reply to petmonkey)

Post #: 38

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 6:23:11 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i think that you said the most perfect thing. It was profound and i believe right on the money. Thanks so much.

It's not the turn on most people are made to believe it is. It's just a way to feel.

You have an idea of what YOU think *humiliation* is , in a bdsm context, for *everyone* based on witnessing one public instance? And yet happily state that you don't understand it.

People that *enjoy* it or experiment with their thoughts and feelings with their dom, can be hugely confident, are secure and like themselves and still want to *feel* it.

You really seem to be looking for justification for it being a *bad thing* ....... which it clearly isn't for lots of people.

agirl

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 39

RE: Humiliation by name calling - 1/31/2010 6:57:29 AM

ishyB

Posts: 555
Joined: 9/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

For those of you who are into humiliation by the way of being called horrible names and being put down by your partner, may i ask why and how that is a turn on?

I enjoy being extremely humiliated by my owner. (The 'by my owner' being the important qualifier here.)
I enjoy being put down to the point of not just crying, but sobbing hysterically; being so embarrassed that is wish I could crawl into the floor. I enjoy being made to feel like I am absolutely filth, and worthless, and disgusting.

As to why I enjoy it.
In terms of physicality, it sense blood rushing through my veins and makes me feel alive. It also makes me extremely horny and gets my clit throbbing hard enough to physically see it pulsing.
In terms of emotional state, I enjoy being humiliated by him like that because it makes evident to me that he knows not only the good of me, but also the bad, and is acutely aware of the bad in me and yet STILL wants me after reminding me of the worse in myself, I feel extremely validated by him. For me to get in this dynamic with him, I first needed to know that he really cares about me, which is evident by the fact that he continues to keep me.

At the end of being humiliated by him, the feeling that sticks is that he KNOWS me.
ALL of me, the best and also the worse of me.
And that after all is said and done, and he explored the most horrible sides of me... he still wants me. He wants all of me.

So in a way, after being humiliated by him, I feel extremely cared for, validated and self confident in an odd and humble sort of way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned
In the past my Owner has said things like "Come here you little slut." but, it's in a playful sexy manner. If he were to call me fat, ugly, stupid or anything in that vein i would be so wounded that i don't think i would never be the same again. thanks.

While I don't mind being called a slut in a playful setting (and he does that a lot too) it has no real effect on me either way. I wouldn't respond much different to it then I would to him calling me a woman, or a slave, or any other term I self identify with.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

Good news for her though. i found out that they had broken up about three months later. i was happy to hear that. i am sure though that there is more to that story, but for me that would of been enough.

You really should be more careful with the way you phrase things. If you were happy they broke up because of reasons that run deeper then the scene you witnessed, then why the need to make it sound like that was the most important reason for her to break up with him?
It's not because you can't understand humiliation that it isn't an important, enjoyable factor in other people's relationships.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

It's not the turn on most people are made to believe it is. It's just a way to feel.

I can assure you that it IS the turn on most people are made to belief it is.
It has nothing to do with having 'a way to feel'.
If I were you, I would refrain from making psycho analysis of behavior you indicated you don't understand at all.

This statement would be like me saying: "masochists don't really like pain, they just make themselves endure it because they can't handle their own emotions, and are only using it as a substitute for genuine feelings, like cutters use a knife."

I am an extremely confident person and very comfortable in my own skin in daily life. Like I said, I enjoy being taken out of that headspace on purpose, not because I belief it to be true, but because it makes me feel accepted for the whole me. In the end, it makes me feel safe, cared for and wanted.
Seeing that there is no greater turn on to me then feeling like he wants to own the whole me, and humiliation makes me feel like that, it IS a huge turn on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i was responding to what a poster said. i agree with her. There is always an underlying meaning to everything.

For instance a operson is not 100 pounds overweight, because they love pie. An alcholic doesn't drink lose his family, his career, etc, just because he likes the way it taste.

See above, especially my comment about masochists and cutters.
Please stop placing negative meaning onto behavior you yourself admit you don't understand.
Frankly, it's insultive, and not in a good way.

< Message edited by ishyB -- 1/31/2010 7:03:11 AM >

_____________________________

I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
and I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I wanted to move on
So I'm already gone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoJFn_RIdkg

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 40

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