quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbyPF
thank you! And I'm glad you didn't mistake it for snarky because you know we on the doormat side of things get a little flippy when we think we offended someone ;)
~s

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub



i was taught from my childhood not to be too much trouble, and when my brothers and sisters and i became too much trouble to my dad. i do not say that because of some childhood misguided perception of fault, but rather from his own statement when he left that he had given us kids 17 years of his life (my older brother was 17) and that was all he was going to give us. Since that time, i have gone out of my way, worked like crazy to never be too much work to be with, born loads that i was dying to share, but there was no one to share it with.

So though i do want to give up being the strong one all the time, i am also afraid that i would be asking too much to do so.


heartfelt

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub



i was taught from my childhood not to be too much trouble, and when my brothers and sisters and i became too much trouble to my dad. i do not say that because of some childhood misguided perception of fault, but rather from his own statement when he left that he had given us kids 17 years of his life (my older brother was 17) and that was all he was going to give us. Since that time, i have gone out of my way, worked like crazy to never be too much work to be with, born loads that i was dying to share, but there was no one to share it with.

So though i do want to give up being the strong one all the time, i am also afraid that i would be asking too much to do so.


heartfelt

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbyPF
thank you! And I'm glad you didn't mistake it for snarky because you know we on the doormat side of things get a little flippy when we think we offended someone ;)
~s

Just a matter of picking you up and flipping you right side up. :-) Would have done it sooner, but I was a little distracted knifing the hot air out blow up dolls.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub



i was taught from my childhood not to be too much trouble, and when my brothers and sisters and i became too much trouble to my dad. i do not say that because of some childhood misguided perception of fault, but rather from his own statement when he left that he had given us kids 17 years of his life (my older brother was 17) and that was all he was going to give us. Since that time, i have gone out of my way, worked like crazy to never be too much work to be with, born loads that i was dying to share, but there was no one to share it with.

So though i do want to give up being the strong one all the time, i am also afraid that i would be asking too much to do so.


heartfelt

this pinged in my brain a bit. with me it was my mother. we were all just too much trouble after my dad left. i remember her responding to a friend who said she'd love to have a daughter like me (she had no kids) and my mother responded 'id sooner have the money she costs me' - i was standing right next to her at the time. i spent my childhood from 11 years old (after my dad left) trying to please. i worked a paper round and later in a supermarket to keep my pony, i hoovered, cleaned - all to please her, nothing worked. i grew up feeling i was a burden to her, never a joy and each relationship i went into as an adult after that was spent trying to please and never be too much trouble.

i still hate the idea of being a burden or a problem or 'trouble' to anyone. id sooner break my own back carrying a heavy case than ask anyone else to carry it for me. nothing much has changed there at all. but i dont see my submission as a burden so long as i bring pleasure and/or rewards to my partner.

in the new relationship im in now i wrote to him and said 'so long as you can find value in having me then im happy' or words to that effect. it is an issue, but it doesnt have to be overwhelming. if i ever feel that im being too much like hard work or a burden ill pipe up and say so. truthfully, if nothing else that is the single most certain way to crush me and lose me. but its down to me too, to make sure that im not.

but that is, i get the feeling, the crux of youre anxieties here. to make youreself so very easy, amenable and willing in order to avoid that burdensomeness you dread you are then hit full square by the fear of being too easy, amenable and willing. so youre caught in the middle.

there is a middle path and im sure one day youll find it. xx

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub



i was taught from my childhood not to be too much trouble, and when my brothers and sisters and i became too much trouble to my dad. i do not say that because of some childhood misguided perception of fault, but rather from his own statement when he left that he had given us kids 17 years of his life (my older brother was 17) and that was all he was going to give us. Since that time, i have gone out of my way, worked like crazy to never be too much work to be with, born loads that i was dying to share, but there was no one to share it with.

So though i do want to give up being the strong one all the time, i am also afraid that i would be asking too much to do so.


heartfelt

this pinged in my brain a bit. with me it was my mother. we were all just too much trouble after my dad left. i remember her responding to a friend who said she'd love to have a daughter like me (she had no kids) and my mother responded 'id sooner have the money she costs me' - i was standing right next to her at the time. i spent my childhood from 11 years old (after my dad left) trying to please. i worked a paper round and later in a supermarket to keep my pony, i hoovered, cleaned - all to please her, nothing worked. i grew up feeling i was a burden to her, never a joy and each relationship i went into as an adult after that was spent trying to please and never be too much trouble.

i still hate the idea of being a burden or a problem or 'trouble' to anyone. id sooner break my own back carrying a heavy case than ask anyone else to carry it for me. nothing much has changed there at all. but i dont see my submission as a burden so long as i bring pleasure and/or rewards to my partner.

in the new relationship im in now i wrote to him and said 'so long as you can find value in having me then im happy' or words to that effect. it is an issue, but it doesnt have to be overwhelming. if i ever feel that im being too much like hard work or a burden ill pipe up and say so. truthfully, if nothing else that is the single most certain way to crush me and lose me. but its down to me too, to make sure that im not.

but that is, i get the feeling, the crux of youre anxieties here. to make youreself so very easy, amenable and willing in order to avoid that burdensomeness you dread you are then hit full square by the fear of being too easy, amenable and willing. so youre caught in the middle.

there is a middle path and im sure one day youll find it. xx

That is at the heart of t. i worry about being too much work, yes because of issues in my past, so i carry loads and don't say when i am struggling with someone. And i also fear giving too much. Can you see the problem there (grinning).

heartfelt

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

Not all of us suffer from abuse, neglect, mental illness and/or unreconciled or untreated traumas. i had an amazingly wonderful and well-supported childhood in a stable family, and no major traumas in my life.

i've just always known i'm "this way" - from very, very young. Maybe that could be considered a "mental illness," i don't know - for me i see myself as very happy and well-adjusted.

But also i don't have much "fear" about being a slave. Perhaps that's a determining, or telling, factor? i don't know. Different thread.

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

Not all of us suffer from abuse, neglect, mental illness and/or unreconciled or untreated traumas. i had an amazingly wonderful and well-supported childhood in a stable family, and no major traumas in my life.

i've just always known i'm "this way" - from very, very young. Maybe that could be considered a "mental illness," i don't know - for me i see myself as very happy and well-adjusted.

But also i don't have much "fear" about being a slave. It's fulfilling for me. Perhaps that's a determining, or telling, factor? i don't know. Different thread.


Edited to fix something.

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I have always wondered how much of this stems from, abuse, neglect, mental illness and/or unreconciled or untreated traumas from one's past.

Seems an incredibly prevalent theme.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
What The Man says when I don't share problems with him because he's under a lot of stress is that I don't understand that when I turn to him for help it makes him stronger. He gets to turn his attention away from something he isn't presently getting any headway with and he gets energized by dealing with my problems. Solving stuff for me gives him the shot in the arm he needs to deal with his own stuff again. And sometimes being able to put your issues on the shelf for a while until you can take a fresh look is the best thing you can do. By turning to him for help, I give him the opportunity to take a fresh look at his problem, something he can't do while in the middle of it. A win/win situation. And in return I can relax enough to take a good hard look at his situation and offer my viewpoint and suggestions and this is the basis of brainstorming, different people offering up various ideas one of which often contains the kernel of the solution.

We make each other stronger.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbyPF

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

Not all of us suffer from abuse, neglect, mental illness and/or unreconciled or untreated traumas. i had an amazingly wonderful and well-supported childhood in a stable family, and no major traumas in my life.

i've just always known i'm "this way" - from very, very young. Maybe that could be considered a "mental illness," i don't know - for me i see myself as very happy and well-adjusted.

But also i don't have much "fear" about being a slave. It's fulfilling for me. Perhaps that's a determining, or telling, factor? i don't know. Different thread.


Edited to fix something.

I agree with you Raven... I hear alot about past abuses etc, but I don't have those in my closet. There are things that caused me heartache of course, but in the regular that's part of life kind of way. Being a slave is the only way I am entirely fulfilled, the only way I really feel like I'm doing what I was made to do, being entirely me. My fear came from the understanding of how far I could go and how easily I could go there because it was just sooo natural for me. I had to be concerned with making sure I was going there with someone who wouldn't take it all and then toss me aside, someone who knew what to do with it (talk about another thread... how about men who think they want a slave, but once they have one don't know what to do with her?) and treasured it.~s

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxxmaster858

Don't be afraid of what you are, be afraid of what others want you to be.