quote:

I say people come to this with a plethora of motivations and along the way their motivations and desires may change or evolve.

There is no one right way to do this thing we call BDSM.

LA,

Damn, there is an example, LA always were the call letters for Lucky Albatross!! That being said were is the D/s formula for your stated BDSM?

CP

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

quote:

I think that most people are drawn into this world because of their love of kinky sex, whether they prefer to be dominant or submissive in their sex lives. Love of sex and love of submissive sex don't necessarily have anything at all to do with how a person behaves or feels outside of the bedroom. For many, the bedroom is the only place they have any desire to have a power exchange. It's not bad, it's not wrong, it's just the way they are. Others, after finding out that people really do have that exchange outside of the bedroom, realize that is what they want or need. I think that when most people hear "bdsm" the first thing they think of is sex. I think back to a phrase I heard over and over which states "D/s is the way we live, bdsm is the way we play." Yet bdsm is what most of the world hears about, not D/s. So it's only natural that kinky sex is what draws people to a place where they are then informed that there is, or can be, much more.

So to answer your question, based on the emails and communications I have had over the years, I think sex is the first consideration of the majority of those who find this path. For some that changes and for some, it remains their first and only consideration. For those of us who want more than that, it's our choice to choose some really good kinky sex with someone or to continue looking for someone who is more compatible overall.

quote:

She sounds like your common or garden variety "do me" submissive. Seems a little more common among male/subs but that's likely 'cause there's more of them.

If this "new Dominant" wants more than a bedroom submissive, he'll need to find someone who's focused on more than her own selfish desires.

Focus.

quote:

I think a good number of folks are drawn to kink because of sex. The mass media has promoted BDSM as the 'new black' of more exciting sex for some time now. It's a great commercial gimmick that entices folks to believe that there is a more exciting way to engage in sex. They've used it before with other things that were considered taboo and it's worked in various other ways. After all, who doesn't want to be having better sex? LOL.

So, yes, I do think we have an influx of people who get started in this based on a sexual desire. For some, the sexual is as far as they are going to go with it. For others, they are going to find that there's a whole world of this that goes beyond a little slap and tickle in the bedroom. It's actually pretty cool when you think about the possibilities.

quote:

CP, "kinky vanilla" is an oxymoron. Since this woman *doesn't* claim to be submissive, and he just thinks she ought to be because she enjoys doing certain sexual things, I think he is the one who is out of line in his expectations. I've run into that attitude from a couple of people I've played with casually, before I learned to screen them better, and it's extremely awkward when someone blathers about how "submissive" I am when I was just bottoming! It's pretty much as if he were going on about how many orgasms I'd had, when I didn't come at all. Unless I've specifically agreed to a D/s or M/s relationship, they don't have authority to control me. I don't pick fights, and I'm not at all difficult to be with, and am pretty compliant most of the time, but expecting authority that I haven't given over would get me seriously annoyed.

quote:

I really don't know for sure, but I would think many come into this for the sex. In my case, i came into to explore my submissive nature, and discovered a bonus...kink. Still though, I am more about exploring my submissive nature first.
I also do believe that as a rule, I do things backwards compare to most people..shrugs:)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

I really don't know for sure, but I would think many come into this for the sex. In my case, i came into to explore my submissive nature, and discovered a bonus...kink. Still though, I am more about exploring my submissive nature first.
I also do believe that as a rule, I do things backwards compare to most people..shrugs:)

wisdom,

May the force be with you and Dark Steven! Thanks for your input.

CP

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

I say people come to this with a plethora of motivations and along the way their motivations and desires may change or evolve.

There is no one right way to do this thing we call BDSM.

LA,

Damn, there is an example, LA always were the call letters for Lucky Albatross!! That being said were is the D/s formula for your stated BDSM?

CP

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

So, yes, I do think we have an influx of people who get started in this based on a sexual desire.  For some, the sexual is as far as they are going to go with it.  For others, they are going to find that there's a whole world of this that goes beyond a little slap and tickle in the bedroom.  It's actually pretty cool when you think about the possibilities.