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I often wonder this too. I wonder if women identifying as 'submissive' are saying that they like to be done a certain way in the bedroom. Is this submission if you're getting your way in the bedroom? Does the submission stops there? For some I would say so, and others no. Are there as many women who want to actually do any sort of "serving"? Serve via their labor? I often wonder about the women in Daddy relationships, are they serving or are they just being taken care of by someone who makes better decisions for their lives? The same for the opposite sex. I'm happy this thread is here and I'm interested in learning.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Hey pepper,

nice to hear from you..........still rollin rollin with Gary Sir?

CP

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ETA: What Lockit said. There are tons of guys coming in here that are really just vanilla and horny, who think they can get easy sex here. If thats what you're complaining about CP, I'm right there with you. I say we hunt them all down and brand them.
And yeah, there's nothing about sucking cock that is inherently submissive. If I want to suck my slaveboy's cock, he will submit to it, goddamn it! Resistance is futile.

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This may sound like it's coming from left field here; but in understanding what 'submissive' is and what it means, I think we get a better picture of where a sub/slave is in development or their preferred criteria for submission. This is just a theory of mine at this point.

I think we can generally agree that submission is love. There isn't anyone who feels love unless they have submitted to it. Love is always a state of giving, or accepting, never a state of taking or fighting back. Love is a state of surrender. Even a D submits to providing what is needed, submitting to taking over and managing any range of criteria. So even in control a D in that moment prior to control submits or realizes that he/she loves to D or be a Dominant, loves to be facilitator of that sub's depth of submission/love for what they are doing. I think submission is the physical, real world manifestation of love. So, when one submits to something he/she is generally saying they love it.

Taking this into account you can reasonably assume that someone who only submits in the bdrm, loves sex and or kink or is in love with it. Are they in love with their partner? When we extrapolate this theory, we find that someone who totally submits has one of two scenarios for being that way. (i) they are someone who is full of love for every aspect giving, even though they may have some boundaries regarding who they apply it to. (ii) they are someone who is full of love for their partner, even though they may have some boundaries in it's expression.

Taking it further. I think it is quite likely that someone can love their work, their family, etc and hence not surrender that part of their life to a partner because they have already surrendered or submitted to their work or that part of their lives. They love it! It's part of who they need/want to be. Weekenders love it on weekends... etc .

The other aspect is the one of boundaries. Fear, mistrust, pain, etc and in submission it is likely one's need to get past those boundaries and find love or surrender to trust, fearlessness, pain and what have you.

So, a bdrm only sub is bound (loves something else ) in some way once they leave the bedroom. Until they become aware of something else to submit to or some 'one' else they would or might love more, one pretty much has to accept/submit/love who and what that person is or move on. I don't understand the need for constantly frustrating one's self over "why won't they do this or that in this or that situation." Love them, accept them, or move on, because you obviously are not in a relationship where you can truly and fully express who and what you love/accept.

If communication doesn't alter the situation ( and communication about one's boundaries is an extremely important part of partnering I think) then you're kidding yourself that thing will just change on their own. I spend a lot of time reading profiles and asking questions, just because I would prefer someone, who before hand already has the tendency toward the submissions that suit my needs. There's less frustration that way.

Ya ...just a theory I have.

Anyway in the OP you said it clearly, "she worships cock" , which in my book doesn't equate to only your friend's cock.

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Alright... I must be having a total blonde moment as I have absolutely no idea what I'm not addressing.

- LA

LA,

Ok I will come at it from another angle. Can BDSM exist without D/s?

CP

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

So the consideration is this; are folks coming into the path with sex as a first consideration?

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im not sure i can separate submission from sex. i am as sexually driven as the next person and i happen to also be submissive. sex doesnt have to be kinky for me to be submissive.

i would imagine that for many people the two are inextricably linked to start with too, but it is far more highly charged. if their fantasies (and most fantasies are sexual) have been linked to submissive acts or Dominant acts then the realisation that they can fulfill those (sexual) fantasies of submission and Dominance are going to be of a peeked sexual orientation.

its not until youve been around the track a few times that you settle into what you are and realise that not everything to do with submission and Dominance is sexual, not all youre fantasies get you wet in reality, not all acts of submission or Dominance always result in sex.

i think its where the 'frenzy' thing comes into it a bit. highly sexually charged initial explorations driven by fantasy.

initially its hugely sexual and inextricably linked to their submissive or Dominant motivations. over time it remains inextricably linked because we are still sexual sentient beings and we are still submissive and Dominant.

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I can only respond based on my experience. I came in and out of the rain for the kinky sex and ended up staying for the lifestyle. The lifestyle has given me a way to express what I once could not put into words. Be good to yourself this week.

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We are still together and still living full time in the motor home. When I hitch a ride I plan on staying on until the end of the road. It's been over 4 years now. Which means I've known you for close to 7 years now. How time flies!!!

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Good to see you CP.

Sex is a very powerful thing for all parties involved. I think it can make people think they are submissive and/or Dominant. Being a cock worshipper doesn't make one submissive, just as being the one with the cock being worshipped doesn't make one a Dom.

Lots of good comments have been made. I agree with LadyPact ... "kinky" sex is what draws a lot of folks. But in my opinion, kinky sex is not what makes a D/s relationship.

Sounds to me as though she is doing the controlling ...with his cock. Sounds as though they are not giving each other what is wanted or desired.... except sexually

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ORIGINAL: MsMillgrove

in reply to Lockit:

I have the mail also to prove it, and it's tiresome. Lots of CM males claim to be submissive when in fact they are looking for Only kinky sex. That's their definition of being submissive.."bedroom only". That doesn't match my definition. I think the reason it's so common here is that there is no way to register without defining yourself in d/s terms. You can't be a "kinkster" or a "fetishist" There's no choice of "bottom" or "top". I've always felt this is horribly unfair to everyone in here, that the signals get crossed so often in trying to determine--why are you here and what are you really looking for.

I asked a couple male "subs" why they came to CM, if their only interest was an occasional sex game, why did they "talk the talk" if they had no real intention of following through and the answer was: Yes, I probably could find the right woman on Match.com but... it's not free. Here, it's free to email!

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Huh?