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ORIGINAL: perfectflaw00

great post

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Hello, CP. I am no longer searching, but when I was, I encountered way too many men claiming to be "dominant" who seemed only interested in sexual dominance, and in treating me like my only prospective function would be to provide sexual service. the conversation or chat would focus on sex; I remember one "dominant" whom I had never even spoken with on the phone, asking me to write a sexual fantasy about "Us". I can only speak for myself but these approaches left me feeling empty and disrespected. I recall asking another man what drew him to this lifestyle and he told me right out there that he wanted to get a blow job whenever he wanted one. That was his stated reason.

Makes ya wonder

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ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet

I have certainly read enough here to know that there is no one right answer for any topic.  What I shared is what works for me and what I would consider someone else to consider if they were looking for an answer for themselves.  What we are and what we opine are based on the information we gain from personal experience and the ideas of others.  Thus, the reason for me reading this thread was to see what others had to say and if/how that would update my ideas.  I offered what I did as another point of view.

I apologize for writing in a way that was rude or offending.

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Thank you for being mature enough to write this. My first reaction to your initial post was "Wow. i guess the great Oz has spoken". You came off as very authoritarian. As though your opinion were handed down to you on stone tablets or something. Then you attacked someone who hadn't been hostile towards you as far as i could see. Then you labeled the board as a whole. Not exactly the best way to make a good first impression.

i look forward to reading your future posts. Hopefully, they will be presented as your opinion based on your experience, rather than as authoritarian dogma.

BTW, glad to have you here.

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are folks coming into the path with sex as a first consideration? Or are many new path walkers slipping in under a false flag?.................. What say you

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ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

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ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet

I have certainly read enough here to know that there is no one right answer for any topic.  What I shared is what works for me and what I would consider someone else to consider if they were looking for an answer for themselves.  What we are and what we opine are based on the information we gain from personal experience and the ideas of others.  Thus, the reason for me reading this thread was to see what others had to say and if/how that would update my ideas.  I offered what I did as another point of view.

I apologize for writing in a way that was rude or offending.

Thank you for being mature enough to write this.  My first reaction to your initial post was "Wow.  i guess the great Oz has spoken".  You came off as very authoritarian.  As though your opinion were handed down to you on stone tablets or something. Then you attacked someone who hadn't been hostile towards you as far as i could see.  Then you labeled the board as a whole.  Not exactly the best way to make a good first impression.

i look forward to reading your future posts.  Hopefully, they will be presented as your opinion based on your experience, rather than as authoritarian dogma.

BTW, glad to have you here. 

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I didn't really come out an attack anyone, I saw a post that I thought petty and immature posted to a thread that I felt had a valid topic and I called them on it.  If that is something offensive then you will probably be offended by me in the future as well.  When something needs to be said to someone, anyone, I will rarely hold back.

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ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet

In my opinion a D/s relationship should work outside the bedroom as well.  In fact I will state that a proper and healthy D/s relationship can happen exclusive of the bedroom but not necessarily vice versa.  Bedroom only relationships are going to be expansions of a normally vanilla relationship without building the level of trust and exploration that a true submissive needs and desires.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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I didn't really come out an attack anyone, I saw a post that I thought petty and immature posted to a thread that I felt had a valid topic and I called them on it.  If that is something offensive then you will probably be offended by me in the future as well.  When something needs to be said to someone, anyone, I will rarely hold back.

The problem was that it was not petty nor was it immature. You perceived it that way. My initial retort to you was a slight jab to say loosen up buddy.

If you insist on going on with this, go ahead, seriously. I'm sure you'll do very well here.

- LA

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ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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I didn't really come out an attack anyone, I saw a post that I thought petty and immature posted to a thread that I felt had a valid topic and I called them on it.  If that is something offensive then you will probably be offended by me in the future as well.  When something needs to be said to someone, anyone, I will rarely hold back.

The problem was that it was not petty nor was it immature. You perceived it that way. My initial retort to you was a slight jab to say loosen up buddy.

If you insist on going on with this, go ahead, seriously. I'm sure you'll do very well here.

- LA

I beg to differ...worrying about who gets to be called "LA" is petty and immature regardless of who is interpreting it.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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I didn't really come out an attack anyone, I saw a post that I thought petty and immature posted to a thread that I felt had a valid topic and I called them on it.  If that is something offensive then you will probably be offended by me in the future as well.  When something needs to be said to someone, anyone, I will rarely hold back.

The problem was that it was not petty nor was it immature. You perceived it that way. My initial retort to you was a slight jab to say loosen up buddy.

If you insist on going on with this, go ahead, seriously. I'm sure you'll do very well here.

- LA

I beg to differ...worrying about who gets to be called "LA" is petty and immature regardless of who is interpreting it.

You can beg all you want ;-)

This is my last post to you on this topic as this derailment had gone far enough. The OP remarked that he though LA was someone else. I simply made a cute joke saying I was the original (I felt I could do it because a lot of posters know me and know I don't take myself so seriously) and I said that to be confused with the other LA was an honour because I found her smart.

There was nothing immature about it. It was a cute little segue-way in a larger post. The person who I wrote this too actually came back to me with a cute response: http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=3115880. See? If he got the jist of my post, why are you getting all up in arms about it?

So again, I'm willing to hit the reset button with you as you are new and don't understand the dynamics, but please, chill out! I come here to discuss with friends, not justify myself to some self-appointed board police.

CP - Apologies for taking your thread off topic with this. It has been so far an interesting thread to read even though it took me a while to get where you were going with it ;-)

- LA

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CP - Apologies for taking your thread off topic with this. It has been so far an interesting thread to read even though it took me a while to get where you were going with it ;-)

- LA

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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CP - Apologies for taking your thread off topic with this. It has been so far an interesting thread to read even though it took me a while to get where you were going with it ;-)

- LA

LA,

My threads normally get to the 100 mark; but I do prefer it without a pissing match
Laughs, now the Health Care Bill passed, so if your a Dem, be happy!

CP

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I'm agreement with what most folks have already said. There is a plethora of dynamics and no two are the same.

Sex, to me, is more than copulation. Sex is an energy. I think adult pairings (or more) have that sexual energy and its a matter of how that energy is directed that establishes the dynamics. As pointed out, there a lot of folks who are into the bedroom aspects of D/s and that doesn't make a 'false flag' it makes it a different flag. I know several people who engage in Sadism/masochism without any power exchange in the least and no bumping uglies ever. Would that be a false flag?

Sometimes in these discussions people get marginalized and that, in my opinion, is wrong. People are not "just kinky vanilla" or "just a service submissive" or "just a bedroom Dominant".

In the example you provided, the Dominant clearly wanted the woman to be something she was not. There was nothing wrong with her. There is nothing wrong with him. They just didn't share the same vision of relationship. Having a shared relationship goal makes relationships work. A 'bedroom Dominant' would be perfectly happy to have a bedroom submissive and that is not false, that can be a beautiful relationship.

_____________________________

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I'm a Canadian...

Lifestylers (about 95% of the collarme participants) care a lot about role-playing, rules, costumes, "proper" Dom/Domme behavior, munches, safewords, etc.  They have lots of fun with their "play" but they are mainly looking for some sort of kinky sex in a bdsm wrapper.  Most of what happens is based on activities, not relationships.  This is quite alright.

Actual D/s proponents care much less about what is "proper" and cares more about what simply gets to the dominance and submission.  Two (or more) adults get together with the understanding that when they are together, the dominant one has his/her way and the submissive one complies.  Well, the submissive one not only complies, he/she focuses on the dominant's desires.    One of the primary satisfactions of the real D/s submissive is the realization that he/she has been used for the dominant's pleasure, even if that "use" was very difficult, even painful.  Also, a Dom/Domme might use his/her sub for something the "rules for proper behavior" might prohibit.  For example, a Dom may like some particular types of pain he learned to crave when he was a sub many long years ago,.. so he trains his sub to make that happen again for him -- he is using his sub for his own pleasure.  Anyway, the emphasis for the actual D/s folks is the D/s, not the trappings of D/s or bdsm.

I would also suspect there are fewer folks in the real D/s category that are in it for a thinly disguised effort at kinky sex.  For me, the sex is just a way to manifest the control and domination,.... a means to an end, not the final objective.  The totality of the relationship is more important than the various aspects of the relationship.  Forced sex (or affectionate sex,.. or sexual abuse,.. or humiliating sex) is just one of those aspects.