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I finally grasped the idea that my only control in the situation was whether or not I came back. After a year or so, I started morphing into my real self. I have always been dominant in every aspect of my life, so it finally took hold here.

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Two (or more) adults get together with the understanding that when they are together, the dominant one has his/her way and the submissive one complies. Well, the submissive one not only complies, he/she focuses on the dominant's desires. One of the primary satisfactions of the real D/s submissive is the realization that he/she has been used for the dominant's pleasure, even if that "use" was very difficult, even painful

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I dont agree with this at all and I don't care if I am the only one here who doesnt agree with this. A D/s relationship is NOT "all about me". A true master will do what is best for his sub and for the relationship. Most vanilla sex is all about him. That is why so many vanilla women are dissatisfied. A D/s relationship is still a "relationship".

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I disagree with your premise about D/s. I basically reject the notion that the sub is "used" for the Dominant's pleasure. If the dominant is not concerned with the sub's pleasure, if it is all about him, then IMHO, he is no dominant, he or she is just another selfish dominant. That does not meet my definition of a relationship. As I said, others may disagree and I dont care.

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CP - Apologies for taking your thread off topic with this. It has been so far an interesting thread to read even though it took me a while to get where you were going with it ;-)

- LA

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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CP - Apologies for taking your thread off topic with this. It has been so far an interesting thread to read even though it took me a while to get where you were going with it ;-)

- LA

LA

chuckles,

The older I get the more opaque my thoughts become.

CP

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ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I'm a Canadian...

Yeah, but we try not to hold that against you.  Eh? 

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LIFESTYLERS
Lifestylers (about 95% of the collarme participants) care a lot about role-playing, rules, costumes, "proper" Dom/Domme behavior, munches, safewords, etc. They have lots of fun with their "play" but they are mainly looking for some sort of kinky sex in a bdsm wrapper. Most of what happens is based on activities, not relationships. This is quite alright.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

LIFESTYLERS
Lifestylers (about 95% of the collarme participants) care a lot about role-playing, rules, costumes, "proper" Dom/Domme behavior, munches, safewords, etc. They have lots of fun with their "play" but they are mainly looking for some sort of kinky sex in a bdsm wrapper. Most of what happens is based on activities, not relationships. This is quite alright.

SethSir,

I do believe that your percentages are way off in the above. While thr 95$ figure may emcompass some of the items, it is by far wrong on some important ones. Within the high percentages are those folks that could care less about rules etcand other constrictions as they roam the halls of the D/s corridor.

CP

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I agree.."online Lifestylers" might think a lot about how they are percived (validation sluts) but most people who have done this in real life for long enough realize that this inhibits thier own freedoms of choice. The creative ones don't need a "kinky pta" to tell them how to live-they find the concept laughable.

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Would you like a little paint thinner then? ;-)

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I have been on the journey of Dominance and submission for many years. I have tasted so much of it and and found nothing but frustration.
To call someone like me a kinky vanilla is ludicrous because up until 2 years ago I had no understanding of the depth this world could take me into and I doubt many that read this will be able to get their heads around what I am saying here. I believed wrongly that a slave or a submissive or a dominant must be seen to be so, that they must be a 'dominant' or a 'submissive/slave' for any of this to possibly work! I believed there had to be rules because I didn't understand about plain old inspiration from two partners that can work in such wonderful harmony in such a subtle way. I have learnt that subtlety is so much more powerful than trying to show authority or servitude.
Only this lifestyle could of brought me to such depths of this. I had to do the whole thing first and then I had to find a partner that could understand how this could work without a whole load of trumped up D/s in it.

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ORIGINAL: subexploring

Sex is certainly at the heart of why people enter an explicit BDSM scene, whether that's a web site like this one or local munches. The truth is that if I wanted only to "serve" and there was nothing sexual about it then I would have ample options among vanilla women and no need to seek the rarity of a self-consciously dominant woman. I have been with many conventional women and every single one of them wanted me to serve their needs in some way (sometimes by topping them in the bedroom, in fact). If I were simply a selfless knight whose only desire was to make women happy, then I could do so outside of any BDSM scene. The reason I'm here has to do with my own needs, which include sexual submission and also the desire to have the woman self-consciously take a leadership role in the relationship. (I find that most vanilla women prefer to get their needs met without taking the leadership role).

quote:

Sex is certainly at the heart of why people enter an explicit BDSM scene, whether that's a web site like this one or local munches. The truth is that if I wanted only to "serve" and there was nothing sexual about it then I would have ample options among vanilla women and no need to seek the rarity of a self-consciously dominant woman. I have been with many conventional women and every single one of them wanted me to serve their needs in some way (sometimes by topping them in the bedroom, in fact). If I were simply a selfless knight whose only desire was to make women happy, then I could do so outside of any BDSM scene. The reason I'm here has to do with my own needs, which include sexual submission and also the desire to have the woman self-consciously take a leadership role in the relationship. (I find that most vanilla women prefer to get their needs met without taking the leadership role).